#Retroactive Jealousy.

136 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

mint latch
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I have always been bothered from my girlfriends past, like really. I myself, shes my first one and I expect that I'm her first love, really. She have 2 boys before me and it really bothers me, it always irritates me everytime the subject pops out. I wanna fix this but I can't, do you have any opinions?

It's like "shes my first love but i'm not his", i really feel devastated that she have 2 boys before her, like I'm not special, because obviously the first one is going to be the most special one right? I can't get it off my head, really. She is kind to me, she said that I'm the first one she truly loved and the rest is just "for fun" and she regretted it, yet I still really hate it so much. I know the past cant be changed, so why am I so irritated by it?

We had argued a decent amount of times because of this, it's not that I don't want to fix this, it's that everytime I think of this my entire day's mood will be ruined, and that i'm going to be mad everytime something brings it up. I don't know how to deal with this, that she got exes and I don't, that I'm not her first one. This really bothers me for like 5 months now, but ya. Anyone have opinions?

haughty hollow
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Best you could do is accept it as a trade-off, or "settle" for someone who has a past, if you really can't find someone who is on the same level as you (i.e. without a past).

mint latch
haughty hollow
mint latch
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I'd assume were all kids as well, haha

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Maybe I'm just immature wdyt?

haughty hollow
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Also describing the exes as people she had "for fun" is quite concerning, because it doesn't indicate a very high commitment threshold.

mint latch
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For context were both 15, so yeah it definitely plays a part.

mint latch
haughty hollow
mint latch
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Is it something to consider?

haughty hollow
# mint latch Is it something to consider?

Not really, I'm just telling you to not hope too much for a fairy-tale kind of relationship, so you don't get disappointed if it didn't work out, especially at this age.

mint latch
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Do you think I need therapy to get over this?

haughty hollow
mint latch
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Or just let it be

mint latch
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I don't know how to cope with this anymore as well, have any suggestions?

haughty hollow
haughty hollow
mint latch
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Or like that you really hate it so much, so you just wanna talk about it and it instead irritates you more

haughty hollow
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The fact that "she's your first but you're not her first" is always going to remain, no matter how much you talk about it.

mint latch
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Not wrong, yet I still feel irritated. Is there any fix?

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Im sure you got more experience, maybe you can share something

lofty kraken
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See for me I’ve been the one with a past and my ex was a virgin. But it’s not all good tho. She hid something from me. I had asked her many times if she ever had any sexual encounters before and about 1 year later during sex she tells me she gave a guy a blow job. That pissed me off that she lied

mint latch
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And how do you cope up?

swift summit
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@mint latch I've been on the other side

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It's just something your gonna have to move past to be honest. Like it's rough and it's fair to be bothered when you're new to this sorta thing but if those dudes got nothing to do with the now then forget em brother.

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Obviously let her know it bugs you but don't bring it up all the time.

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If things escalate to a stage where you think other dudes got it for free but you're the only one paying its probably not wise to stick around. I could be completely wrong but this is just how I'm interpreting it so sorry if that offends.

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Also the fact her ex's were "for fun" is super sketchy (or she doesn't know how to word things)

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Just don't compare yourself to other people

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It's unhealthy

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Also two dudes is light numbers.

little parrot
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My girlfriend has had a past of relationships but I don't, she's my first, I know I'm the most special for her, it's never about being someone's first love, it's about providing them what their exes couldn't provide, if you do so, you'll be the most special

mint latch
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What do you think I should do?

mint latch
mint latch
mint latch
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I can think logically but it seems that my heart can't, it will always be led by emotions

little parrot
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You're the most special for her right now cuz she chose to stay with you

mint latch
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mhm

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not wrong

mint latch
little parrot
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I've never felt like you

mint latch
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Hm so is it more of my overthinking?

little parrot
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She's the most special for me, I'm the most special for her :)

mint latch
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Of course", it's the feeling of specialty yeah

swift summit
little parrot
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Haha

keen ice
swift summit
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I mean she hasn't done anything wrong. So it's all on him

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Two isn't a bad number

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Still in early brother trust 👌

mint latch
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she told me that these boys arent even technically called as boyfriends, its just the boys considered her as one

mint latch
mint latch
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theres a lot of things i can learn from this

keen ice
mint latch
keen ice
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that's fair

mint latch
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as i also have no pocket money to pay for them

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haha

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you cant get jobs in my area

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the only way you can get money here is by online casinos

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as a teen

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but do you think if i had the oppurtinity i should find one?

keen ice
mint latch
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uh

keen ice
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bc that's how being 15 works

mint latch
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i cant tel them i have one

mint latch
keen ice
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it's an expesive hobby

mint latch
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of course"

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ive had countless examples in my family to remind me

keen ice
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real job is a good idea thou
it won't finance therapy but having money and experiance is only a positive

mint latch
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oh yeah it makes snese

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i live in a third world country where finding jobs for teens is very hard also, secondly public transporation really sucks here

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i dont wanna drive so far everyday just for some low income job anyway

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im sorry if i went off topic

keen ice
# mint latch i cant tel them i have one

as in the girlfriend?
you don't have to tell them about them, just ask them for therapy bc you are having same issues or sth i dunno
you are at the age when parents expect issues xd

mint latch
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ive tried once to say that i feel like shit and they blamed it on me

keen ice
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if your parents won't finance it, then i would abandon the idea

keen ice
mint latch
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to be honest i dont want a girlfriend, i just need someone to care for me and listen me as well, and in the process i ended up falling for her more

mint latch
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sometimes ranting it just feels nc, dont have to comment though

keen ice
mint latch
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haha alright

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like everytime they always want it their way, they dont want me to have peace

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you know my room have 2 cameras

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and that i cant put anything (like my pc or piano) in there

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if i went in the room without like any purpose (maybe to chill) they can barge in and question me

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maybe in asian countries it normal but i dont quite appreciate it

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i deserve privacy right? ik im prob 15 my feelings arent rationalized yet, but i believe i deserve some privacy and appreciation

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16 is more accurate

keen ice
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oh, you have THAT kind of parents
how hard would leaving household he for you

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not rn but when you are 20 or sth

mint latch
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pretty hard

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yk for my university

keen ice
mint latch
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i aimed to go to china (because i just decently fluent in chinese and that i believe china is a suitable place) and they like abondoned the idea

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they wanted me to go to australia

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im all right other than the fact that they dont even consider my ambitions for china, they said that theyre afraid im going to leave them

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like my dad dont even want me to go out of country because hes afraid i wont come back

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for university

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btw

keen ice
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just be the nicest the most loving the bestest son ever and promise your won't leave you favorite loving parents like that

mint latch
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uh yes but they still wont consider china

keen ice
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they trust you enouth to let you leave for university and then, well, don't come back

mint latch
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but to be honest, i also feel bad

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theyre good ppl at heart

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my dad at least

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ive seen him cry after my mom said to him that im going to leave him when i grow older

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evnthough i didnnt

keen ice
mint latch
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my dad always supproted me

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he just said to never leave his side, he would alw listen to me

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its my mom that nevert

keen ice
mint latch
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yeah

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but in the end life is life ig. thank you for being here

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i think i wanna close this already

keen ice
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it's not fair for parents' mental issues to control kids's life