#I'm really scared to be in a new relationship (this is gonna be a mess, sorry, TRIGGER WARNING)

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

rich viper
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I have been talking to this person who i really admire, i look up to him. It's been nearly a year since I've started talking to him A LOT. He realized he has developed feelings for me, and decided to confess about 4 days ago now. It's actually his first time confessing to someone he likes. And it is not the first time I've dated/had a relationship with someone

And honestly, he's my type. And he's a very patient, communicative and caring guy, He's even very attentive towards me. Yet i don't feel like i feel as STRONGLY about him as he feels about me. I'd like to be in a relationship with him, but i'm really scared that i'd be a crappy partner, and that all i actually want is just to be in a relationship with the concept of SOMEONE LIKE him and not ACTUALLY him. I know how it feels like to be neglected and feelin like the relationship you're in is one sided. And i do NOT want him to have to feel that way.

Ever since my first relationship, i've had to try to find myself. Oh boy did i lose myself. Still tryna find myself, and he knows that. He was one of the few people that encouraged me to try new things.

I've talked to him about how scared i am to start a new relationship, just 2 days ago. He knows that i spiralled after gettin broken up with. So he wants me to be comfortable enough till' i'm able to be in a relationship. After that talk, i thought i've made a conclusion to date him. But the thought came back to me, and i feel unsure again.

I might have to do a remake of this post. I'm pretty sure i'm still missing somethings/convos that i've had with him. It's midnight here, and i'm pretty sure my head ain't FULLY clear yet.

If anyone does have any questions, i'd like to answer em if i can. Might not be at a timely manner though, sorry bout that.

pliant steeple
# rich viper I have been talking to this person who i really admire, i look up to him. It's b...

I know how you feel in this position, but please for god sake don't do the mistake that I did, I once used to be with this girl whom I really loved and cared for, but I was very insecure and scared that she will leave me that made her feel bad and suffocating, your new relationship shouldn't be affected by the past because its a new person, its a new personality and everything between you is a new bond

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and about you not having as strongly feeling as he does, rather than taking the perspective that you have less feelings for him than he does for you, see from the perspective becuz of your unsurities and unclarity you are pulling your feelings away

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let go of your past, don't try to find yourself, try to build another person out of the past mistakes, and love yourself for the flaws and the perfections inside you

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Ig that should be enough to make you understand

spare void
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Do you find yourself in him?

rich viper
rich viper
pliant steeple
rich viper
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Heck even sharin this to other people scares me

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I should prolly update on how it's goin tbh

rich viper
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At the end of the day, we won't be in a relationship. I genuinely just can't be in one atm. But the best part is, he understands, that i am absolutely not ready to be in a relationship at all. I hope he doesn't have lingering towards me.

I openly communicated to him how i feel about everything. And that was the first time that i have told anyone how i feel. I think i know why i want to be or try to be in a relationship with him. I realized that my ass was being selfish as hell, cause i did not want to lose someone who i was comfortable with again.

That first relationship i had honestly was just the first "partnership" i've lost. i have lost MANY friendships that i felt comfort in. For me, i've lost 2 friendships, hell probably even more. But i can sadly remember only 3 people that i'd consider my bestfriends. Actual bestfriends? Atleast for a while it had been actual best friends.

In most of them. I realize that either i let them talk about themselves more to me, or either that i talk about myself to them so much so that i neglect them. It's ONLY either one. Never BOTH included.

1st Bestfriend, I talk about myself more than they get to talk about themselves. I basically neglected them and left them at the worst time of their life.

2nd Bestfriend, I talk too much about THE FIRST relationship i had to them. So much so that i neglect how their life is going for them too

3rd Bestfriend (Which is a current one, not the same person as the one in my 2nd relationship though), I never reveal anything about myself to her. I don't trust her enough anymore cause she had told other people about how i felt when my 1st relationship was gone.

HELL YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T THINK I'VE MOVED ON
I WANT TO STOP BEING AN OBSESSIVE FREAK OVER MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP. FOR HECKS SAKE IT HAS BEEN 1 AND A HALF YEARS. MOST OF MY CONVOS WITH THEM ARE ALWAYS ABOUT THE GUY IN MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP. HOLY I GENUINELY COULDNT STOP TALKIN ABOUT HIM.

NOW THE GUY IN THIS 2ND RELATIONSHIP.

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HE CARES

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He accepts me for whatever the hell i am

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Even just today

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He is literally cryin for me

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With his consent, i told him about how i feel about everything

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I feel so bad that he has to be the person that i feel comfortable with the most

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He keeps sayin it's fine, that i need somebody that'll care about me, and i feel comfortable with. Comfortable enough to actually have an open communication

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In most of those relationships. i never actually have good communication

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Him genuinely being willing to communicate to me about how he, himself feels, is genuinely so great. I cannot express how much i want this guy to have a great life

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Hoooooly is he a keeper

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He keeps sayin that he is mentally stable, and he is absolutely sure about that. I've told him that i have doubts bout that statement, but he persists with that answer. And i frickin respect that. He is such a confident guy, he's genuinely great, i just wish he could've ended up with someone else rather than me

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Now, i have told him that. And that sweet bastard still would like to choose me, yet he is still willing to correspond to how i feel.

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Sorry for gushin stuff out of nowhere

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It was absolutely not hyperbole when i say it is gonna be a mess

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Man i bet this is gonna be annoying to keep up with

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Sorry bout that

rich viper
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But sadly my response to him is no. I don't think i'd be happy about being in a relationship that has an unequal amount of love. It definitely is unfair for him, but i don't feel great at all to be in a relationship where he would actually show love to me, without me showing much love to him.

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Another thing is

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oh boy i truly am s*icidal.

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i dont wanna share too much here either ngl

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Cause i am new

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And i absolutely have never done this before

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I just really

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REALLY needed to tell some other people about this

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fr tho he did cry at the end of the conversation, it just happened today. and JUST ended too

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It was through a vc btw

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We both went on a hangout today, with some other friends.

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Honestly glad i got to hangout with people who i consider my friends

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Well some of those are his friends too, iont know em much

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But they're chill as heck

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Ahhh i keep goin on tangents

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I'm really scared to be in a new relationship (this is gonna be a mess, sorry, TRIGGER WARNING)

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I might not talk too in-depth about being s*icidal here, iont think so

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But i have a feeling that could change

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so