next panther
Over the last year since I graduated, I’ve had the occasional day where I was really bored and low energy. kind of empty or numb sometimes, too. They started getting a bit more frequent over the last couple months and I think I’ve realized that it was actually depression. Either the episodes have worsened or I’ve gotten worse about handling them, because over the last month the number of days I’ve spent mostly in bed has gone way up, and before that, they almost never happened unless I was sleeping a lot.
And I’ve also started feeling less empty and more passively sad. Not necessarily about anything in particular, just in general. It’s just been particularly bad the past couple days because I haven’t really had any success in my dating life. The last person I was talking to told me Wednesday night that she wasn’t interested in anything romantic, and I’ve been feeling lonely and sad since. It’s not quite like a breakup because I’m not sad about her specifically, it’s just that I’m not currently talking to anyone and it feels like it could be a while before I meet someone I’m genuinely excited to talk to again. I’m not feeling hopeless or anything; I’m actually pretty optimistic about things in the long term.
I spent most of yesterday and almost all of today except for lunch in bed, and I just don’t feel like doing anything. I guess I’m just not used to it being this bad; usually I’d be fine in the mornings and after I finish my daily tasks I’d start feeling worse. But the past couple days I more or less woke up like this. I’ve been just crying lightly into my blanket off and on since yesterday.
cobalt nest