A journal off my life season 2

[quartz condor]

maybe tell em

[jovial nest]

And I'm getting to a point where its just making me mad instead of making me invalid

[jovial nest]

I have but he always makes excuses and I'm getting fed up

I get that I also have it but saying that 'being ||suicidal|| is a normal teenage thing' is stupid

Those are the things I've been hearing since I got a psychologist

[quartz condor]

uh-

[jovial nest]

Stupid automod

10 year old me got 'do you have plans to ||off yourself|| ? No? Okey then you arent ||suicidal||'

YES GOT IT

[jovial nest]

Yeah that's what I'm saying...

Cuz he also had it so it was normal

Its making me crazy and there will be a point where a snap

[quartz condor]

well uhh

i went to the doctor today

[jovial nest]

Kay

[quartz condor]

very bas ilness

lots of coughs

and i almost tore a muscle yesterday turns out

and i have sleep deprivation

😎

[jovial nest]

👍

[quartz condor]

wow

[jovial nest]

Yep

[quartz condor]

. . .

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest

sophie

wanna know smt

[jovial nest]

Depends

[quartz condor]

on what

[jovial nest]

The topic

[quartz condor]

its uh

medical

[jovial nest]

What kind of

[quartz condor]

physical

after we stopped talking i had to go to the hospital

[jovial nest]

Duh😭

[jovial nest]

Damn

[quartz condor]

yeah turns out i almost dislocated my ribs

[jovial nest]

Damn

[quartz condor]

and i was severely dehydrated

[jovial nest]

Nice

[fair helm]

"Nice" 😭

[jovial nest]

I'm sorry but what tf am I supose to say to that😭🙏

[quartz condor]

yeah

doin a 16 hr milsim on the last day of a holiday...

[fair helm]

I dont know but probably not nice.

[quartz condor]

big no no

[fair helm]

"My grandma died"
"Nice"

[jovial nest]

That's litarly not even what happend. Don't come here and say anything if you dint know the context🤷🏼‍♀️

[fair helm]

Just thought it was funny

[jovial nest]

Oh jees, maybe try to drink as much as you can before that day?

[jovial nest]

Sorry it felt like you where attacking me eith the last message😭
Not feeling to great atm so I'm getting a bit too mad too fast😅

[fair helm]

Dont worry, it happens.

[quartz condor]

i mean i got into a couple firefights and forgot

[jovial nest]

Damn

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest

how

are

you

on

this

specific

date

and

time

?

[jovial nest]

I'm alr wbu?

[quartz condor]

im alr, thx, sry for going away i had to sleep.

[jovial nest]

Thats alr

[jovial nest]

I'm feeling so burned out. I spend hours studying for math and I was so confident I just got a 36% back and I just feel like a failure. I can do it right even when I understand it

I'm just praying that by some miracle my other grades turn out better but I'm doubting it

And I feel like I can't talk about it cuz all il get back is a 'well you can't do more then your best' but my best is getting a 70% and I didn't get that so I clearly didn't do well enough

I just hate this all

I will have to redo this year with people younger then me and who I don't know

Or il go to another school and hop to a exam year

Idk what the hell I'm going to do. All I know is that I'm sick of it

I'm just so tired I can only go to school after that everything feels too heavy. Even just getting ready feels like a chore

My parents are only adding to it saying 'clean your room before Friday or else' like I'm sorry but I'm struggling with myself I fear that my room isn't my biggest thing on my mind

But if I'd say that I'd just get 'well everyone has a lot on their mind don't try to act like you can't so anything now'

They won't even try to understand my brain a little bit cuz jts never good enough. I'm never bad enough in their eyes

[quartz condor]

aww

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest

how

are

you

on

this

particular

day

?

[jovial nest]

Not great wbu?

[quartz condor]

im decimated

[jovial nest]

Doesn't sound great

[quartz condor]

well had to wake up at 4am due to air raid/strike alarm 😎

[jovial nest]

Damn

All good tho?

[quartz condor]

yuh

[jovial nest]

Good to hear

[quartz condor]

wbu?

[jovial nest]

Like I said not great

[quartz condor]

yeah but whats bothering ya if i may ask?

[jovial nest]

Just tired ig

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest hi.

[jovial nest]

hey

[quartz condor]

hru?

[jovial nest]

im good, what about you?

[quartz condor]

shit.

how the tables have turned.

so, whats on your mind?

[jovial nest]

the pain from my legs

and my gf

and me trying to mod a situation that i cant mod

[quartz condor]

hm, maybe i can help.

[jovial nest]

nah im already in contact with manager

[quartz condor]

oh, alright.

[jovial nest]

yeah but thanks tho

[quartz condor]

np

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest hru

[jovial nest]

not too great wbu?

[quartz condor]

empty

lol

whats bothering ya?

[jovial nest]

a lot rn but its alr

[quartz condor]

i'd be willing to hear if ya want

[jovial nest]

its nothing too bad dw

[jovial nest]

dutch music is lowkey popping

(its flemish but its fine)

im tired

but cant sleep

#toomuchenergy

i lowkey just love music

i have the urge to just dance

lately ive been laying on the floor

cuz i love the hard surface

[jovial nest]

roxy dekker

bomb

its 1 am

i should sleep

but i wont

[pine wind]

You're British

[jovial nest]

nah for brits its 2 am rn

or 12

i think 2

[pine wind]

What are you

[jovial nest]

im dutch haha

[pine wind]

I see

Yesterday was eventful

[jovial nest]

tell me about it

[pine wind]

Yesterday was my birthday

[jovial nest]

ohh happy late b-day!

[pine wind]

What happened to you yesterday

[jovial nest]

uhmmm

i had a hockey game i had to coach my team (we won 6-19), and had my own game (we nearly left cuz the referee and opoments where so rude, we played 1-1)

[pine wind]

Sounds exciting

[jovial nest]

it wass, i was a lil pissed the whole day tho😭

[pine wind]

I was never athletic in hs

[pine wind]

Y

Because of the game

[jovial nest]

yeahh haha

[pine wind]

At least you won

[jovial nest]

we won 1 game of the team i coach yeah haha

[pine wind]

The second was a draw

I'd call the whole situation a win

[jovial nest]

true

[jovial nest]

nah we shouldve tripped a few people that last game (we did)

[pine wind]

That's so silly

But at least you had fun

[jovial nest]

frr

[pliant dragon]

...

[jovial nest]

😔

[pliant dragon]

[jovial nest]

Whoopsies

[pliant dragon]

😭

[jovial nest]

😔

[pine wind]

Emoji journal

[jovial nest]

Always

[pine wind]

Eh?

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest

[jovial nest]

Yes?

[quartz condor]

hai

[jovial nest]

Hey

[quartz condor]

hru

[jovial nest]

I'm alr wbu

[quartz condor]

meh

[jovial nest]

Sorry to hear

[quartz condor]

nah its fine

ty tho

[jovial nest]

Oh alr

[jovial nest]

today i got whistled at by some old dude

great.

i was already uncomfertable on my bike, cuz i was in my hockey atire (a very short skirt which rises up on my bike) yes theyre shorts undernead but its just uncomfy. so then some random guy whisteling at me made me feel discusted

idk why guys thinks women like to be catcalled etc

cuz trust me, no women likes it

[pliant dragon]

EEEW?

[jovial nest]

I will be getting extra lessons for this year

They believe that I can make it

I'm just scared cuz sometimes school alone is hard but idk maybe this will be better

It's just for 3-4 months

Just 3-4 months to work extra hard to pass this year ugh

[pliant dragon]

you can do this soph!!

[jovial nest]

its crazy, i had already given up but the school still believes in me. rn im just thinking ''little you would be prouder if you push through'' and it sucks cuz it all feels like i failed, but yeah i will feel more defeated when i fail and dont try this all

[pliant dragon]

never give up girl

[jovial nest]

i feel like giving up

oh well

[pliant dragon]

Well Soph, I know things might be tough, but remember how strong you are. Every day is a new chance to show yourself that you can overcome anything. Don’t give up. You have more strength in you than you realize. Even the smallest steps lead to big things. I believe in you, you’ve got this! Stay strong, you’re amazing!❤️

[jovial nest]

❤️

[pliant dragon]

Just believe in yourself, im very sure you can do this❤️

[jovial nest]

we will see

[pliant dragon]

Im keeping my fingers crossed for you

[jovial nest]

It feels like no one gets me

Not even I get me

It sucks, cuz people will try ti help but it doesn't and mentally I just get mad. But idk why

And it sucks I wish I knew me better

[jovial nest]

Bear

[pliant dragon]

@jovial nest

heyy

how are

you

feelling

todaay

soph

o<

[jovial nest]

Hello

I

Feel

Okey

Thanks

For

Asking

What

About

You?

@pliant dragon

[pliant dragon]

Hi

hi

hi

I

feel

good

just

tired

thank

you

for

asking

me

about that

[jovial nest]

loosing the spark again

it sucks, i guess its cuz of the whole school happening im trying my best rn. i notice myself getting snappy and annoyed quick asf tho

[pliant dragon]

The fact that you’re trying shows how much you care. Everyone has rough patches, don’t be too hard on yourself. If you need to talk or just let it all out, I’m here for you.

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest

how

are

you

on

quite

this

particular

moment

of

time

?

[jovial nest]

Could be better wbu

[quartz condor]

im pretty good

whats bothering ya?

if i may ask ofc

[jovial nest]

I'm having loads of stress for school rn

[jovial nest]

thinking about going to school for The Royal Military Police, mostly as a filler for the year id have till i can go to police school itself

might also just do normal militairy training

idk but trying to look up the info is exausting cuz nothing awnsers it all

[pliant dragon]

ask chat gpt about it

[jovial nest]

wont be all too relevant, and might give wrong info

id rather look up at the goverment site

but they cant seem to just dump al info in one place

''are you 18 year old'' NO IM NOT THATS WHY I WANT TO DO THIS PLEASE BRO

it just seems like the universe wants me to take a year break

i dont mind my parents do tho

like i get the 18+ but please i just want to do my job

[pliant dragon]

oh you are right

[jovial nest]

i can learn the job withou a ||gun|| the first year

[pliant dragon]

[pliant dragon]

maybe you should take break🙏

[jovial nest]

nah bro i just learnt that i need to stay at the nivea im curently in otherwise i litarly cant even do my dream job

this will add to my stress

so its either pass this year or redo it

[pliant dragon]

NO

WAIT

WAIT

[pliant dragon]

you should pass this year

[jovial nest]

gotta love my life

[jovial nest]

i know

my math teacher said that if i improve my grades that she will ingnore the previous ones i got

(basically making me already passing the year by 50% more suceed rate)

i love her bro

[pliant dragon]

YAYAYYAYAYAYAYA

[pliant dragon]

you can do this soph I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you allll the timeeee

[jovial nest]

yes now i gotta imporve that and geograpics

or sum like that

(biggest flex is that im at 70% with english rn my grammer just doesnt show it)

[pliant dragon]

HAHAHAH

[pliant dragon]

YOU ATE THATTT

I remember my result from final tests in primary school..😭

[jovial nest]

NO CUZ THIS I NEVER STUDY FOR ENGLISH SO I COULDNT TELL YOU HAHAHAHA

I JUST GO BASED OF FEELING

[pliant dragon]

HAHAHAHAHA

[jovial nest]

same girl, those sucked 2 years later i became self thaught fluent

thought

thuat

....

[pliant dragon]

girl i got 75% from english 62% from polish

and…

12% from math

AND YOU KNOW WHAT IS FUNNY?

I am in the best school in the Polish educational system.

😭😭😭😭

[pliant dragon]

I have english since kindergarten

😭

[jovial nest]

same here

but never enough to be good fluent

so i teached myself in covid

[pliant dragon]

true, I can't speak very fluently but I can be understood

[jovial nest]

i got 74% on english 57% on dutch and 36% on math this test week😔

[pliant dragon]

YOU ATE THAT

[pliant dragon]

girl i got 12% from math

i hate my eighth grade exam

girl this 12% is killing me

I had it 2 years ago

idc rn

[jovial nest]

i got a 12% once (10% was ganted)

[pliant dragon]

you ate that like me🤪

[jovial nest]

frrr

real

[quartz condor]

i can help u

but i mostly only know stuff abt the idf

[jovial nest]

It's mostly about what kind of school do I need. What age do I need to be and what kind of things can I study in the military (and ofc how long it takes)

[quartz condor]

i mean ion think u need a too specific school unless you join intelligence, tech and some sf departments

NOT SURE, this is what ik from my nation

age is 18 i think?

check the laws in your nation

[jovial nest]

There are studies for inbetween

And there are many factors in the military

So I'd like to know which ones cuz I'd like to do that before I go to police school

[quartz condor]

check with your local city hall or military recruitment office

or js call em up

[jovial nest]

Yeah I'd prefer to not call tho

[quartz condor]

why not?

[jovial nest]

So il just spend a few nights trying to find awnsers:)

[jovial nest]

I hate calling

[quartz condor]

im sure theyll be supportive, they probs get calls from people that have the same fear or anxiety as you all the time

but no rush!

[quartz condor]

well im here if u need (:

[jovial nest]

But calling when I can just look it up😔💔

[quartz condor]

false info

[jovial nest]

Like calling anxiety is real😔

[jovial nest]

Nah, our goverment has sites about it

[quartz condor]

ik i used to have the same thing

[jovial nest]

Rip💔

[quartz condor]

i js started content creation and it disappeared

[jovial nest]

Damn I could never

Way to shy to do that😭

[quartz condor]

u get used to it eventually

[jovial nest]

Fair

[quartz condor]

but then i got into a big fight with my friend

which turned to become a full on conflict in my friend group

and had semi if not full criminal actions at times

[jovial nest]

How-

[quartz condor]

dont ask questions and u wont hear lies

[jovial nest]

I don't want lies😔

[quartz condor]

than dont

ask

questions

.

[jovial nest]

Damn alright

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest yo

how

are

you

during

this

particular

and

specific

time

?

[jovial nest]

Hey im alr wbu?

[quartz condor]

im alr, ty

i made a mc server with friends on saturday and im already stacked

[jovial nest]

Ohhh I get that

[quartz condor]

ya play?

[jovial nest]

Nope

Don't really get the fun😔

[quartz condor]

damn..

💔

[jovial nest]

Yeah😔

[quartz condor]

well i can tell u what i did if u wanna hear

[jovial nest]

Sure

[quartz condor]

sry for leavin

i was busy

[jovial nest]

Started working out today honestly felt nice

Doing those uhm situps? Ig

5x20

[quartz condor]

nice!!!

[jovial nest]

i hate the way you lie, even when you probably dont even notice that youre lying.

[jovial nest]

yess. hurted my abs bad tho

hoping to get some better ones for summer

[quartz condor]

huh

[jovial nest]

Just a vent

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest wanna read smt i wrote?

it's abt human psychology

and a speculation on what is it

[jovial nest]

sure

[quartz condor]

The very mortal realm of existence is.. beyond our comprehension, and as stated in poetry many times, the human Cranium has shown itself to be more than small electronic signals travelling via its space, it's more than that, it's a world, an imagination, a wonderland, but it's also a prison, a place of torment and torture, it is what you and your enviroment dictate it to be, you just require the passion, and dedication to dictate the good, and halt the bad.

[jovial nest]

its nice!

[quartz condor]

tyy

[jovial nest]

men are so wierd?

oh

rip automod

IDK HOW TO VENT NOW

okey so someone told me

that they would do not very nice things to me

in a sexual way

like thank you sire

sir

i just told someoen my dms are open

but thank you for telling me this

really apreciate it!

AUTOMOD IS GETTING ME OMG

i also got called a not very nice word

[jovial nest]

i forgot to do something for art

honestly idc il do it tomorrow hihi

[pliant dragon]

EXCUSE ME?

WTF

okay thats weird

[jovial nest]

Yes😭

[jovial nest]

Today I has some wierd ass scratches on my arm

I think I scartched myself too hard but it was so bad

[jovial nest]

feeling pretty shit rn

im tired and my body hurts (game day)

[jovial nest]

Finally finished heart stopper volume 5 today

[jovial nest]

it sucks that im working towards a future im not even sure of yet

im scared i wont pass the psygology test

[quartz condor]

you can do it

i believe in u!

[jovial nest]

i mean if id have to take it rn i wouldnt

so like idk we will see

[jovial nest]

Amazing that my dad gets mad at me when I 'didn't study good'

Like I did dad. I just get confused the way you ask me stuff

Back to studying ig

[jovial nest]

Just got the old Billie signature (Real signed by her) I'm so exited

[jovial nest]

i just got an email from a vinyl shop

tomorrow i can come pick up a record store day exlusive vinyl (oficially you can only buy it this saturday)

so im really exited for this ngl

[jovial nest]

ngl i always tell my gf to sleep and then i say il also sleep while i never do i just need some alone time especially at night tbh😭

not always

but most of the times

[pliant dragon]

excuse me

:c

[jovial nest]

thought you werent reading this anymore🤨

[pliant dragon]

I just click on it by mistake

[jovial nest]

I'm feeling sick as hell

It's probably hay alergies

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest sry for going away so long

im on so many medicines

so i had that

[jovial nest]

Damn whys that

[quartz condor]

medical issues and flyin to tanzania soon

like, on the 13'th

[jovial nest]

Oh sorry to hear that, but have fun:)

[quartz condor]

thankuuu

but this thread aint abt me so

how have you been?

[jovial nest]

Uhm well got sick today haha

Mostly hay alergies

[quartz condor]

oh damn

[jovial nest]

Yeahh

[quartz condor]

get better soon!!

[jovial nest]

Thanks!

Tomorrow another game day and il be referee so that's nice ig

[quartz condor]

btw.. i stopped smoking

[jovial nest]

Oehh that's amazing!

[quartz condor]

niceeee!!!

[jovial nest]

My quit smoking campaign worked🔥

[jovial nest]

I mean not that nice if il stay the condition I'm rn😭

[quartz condor]

oh

right

forgot, sorry

[jovial nest]

Nah don't worry all good haha

So how has it been with not smoking?

[quartz condor]

regular ig?

i didnt smoke too much

[jovial nest]

That's great

[jovial nest]

People still struggle hard time

[quartz condor]

couldnt be me smh

[jovial nest]

Just you wait😭

[quartz condor]

nuh uhhh

[jovial nest]

Yah ahh

[quartz condor]

im gonna chill in tanzania

[jovial nest]

Lowkey ngl I've been thinking about smoking a lot lately which is kinda crazy

[quartz condor]

in a bungalo in the middle of a national park/reserve

[jovial nest]

Fair. I hope you'll survive it without any struggles

[quartz condor]

crazy

[jovial nest]

Cuz quiting is no joke

[jovial nest]

Yep, mostly urges for the yk motion of smoking no idea why

[quartz condor]

im not struggling rn so

gum is actually working

[jovial nest]

How long ago did you quit?

[jovial nest]

Ohh yeah that helps a lot

[quartz condor]

1 month?

dont remember

[jovial nest]

Also idk if yall have it. But here we have sticks that you can chew on

Maybe that could also work

[jovial nest]

Oh damn good for you

[quartz condor]

i used to chew on sticks

as a child

[jovial nest]

These are made to be chewed on😭🙏

I ate grass and leaves🎀

[quartz condor]

nah im good

ima stick to nature

[jovial nest]

I was a curious child

[quartz condor]

badam tssss

pun intended

[jovial nest]

They actually come from a plant, they're the roots of the plant but you can eat them!

[quartz condor]

ALSOOOO

[jovial nest]

HELP I JUST GOT IT

I realised that way too late

[quartz condor]

i got a logitech g29

[quartz condor]

lmao

[jovial nest]

No idea what that is but yeeey

[quartz condor]

a sim racer

its a wheel

and pedals

as a wise man once said (me)

"look it up cuhh"

[jovial nest]

OHHH

[jovial nest]

Why should I when you can tell me

[quartz condor]

cuz im a lazy bug

[jovial nest]

Too bad

My hair tie just fell.... (I'm on the verge of crying🔥)

I got it back🔥

[quartz condor]

couldnt be me

[jovial nest]

I'm just a girl

[quartz condor]

(i have short hair so thats why it couldnt be me)

[jovial nest]

You can still tie it up like a pretty princess 🎀

[quartz condor]

ni

no

no

no

no

im still a MAN

[jovial nest]

Yes

[jovial nest]

Who said you wouldn't be, you can still be a pretty princess and a manly man🔥

[quartz condor]

nahhh

[jovial nest]

Yah ah

[quartz condor]

https://tenor.com/view/profound-mental-intellegence-gif-6186611259144355868

[jovial nest]

I don't get it

[quartz condor]

in the original video

he said green

[jovial nest]

Huh

But now he said red

[quartz condor]

that was edited in

[jovial nest]

I still don't get it😔

[quartz condor]

omg in the original video

he showed.. well..

a lower amount of iq

and said green

WHEN IT WAS RED

[jovial nest]

Ohhh

But why this edit

OHH WAIT

I think I get it

[quartz condor]

They flipped it around

[jovial nest]

[jovial nest]

Huh

[quartz condor]

from idiot

to smart bot

boy

[jovial nest]

OHHH

[quartz condor]

im listening to a masculine white girl playlist

so calming

[jovial nest]

Help send the playlist over

I wanna see what I know

[quartz condor]

are you a white, girl

or a white girl

[jovial nest]

Uhm

confused in bad grammer

[quartz condor]

there is a difference

[jovial nest]

I am both

[quartz condor]

are you of female origin and of the part of the population with no melanin?

[quartz condor]

impossible

[jovial nest]

Melanin

The hell is that

[quartz condor]

gives u color

[jovial nest]

OH ITS PIGMENT

[quartz condor]

https://youtu.be/YvdQcljw6HE?si=CkKHNjXJEivZftOD

[jovial nest]

I was looking it up

[jovial nest]

Imagine using youtube

[quartz condor]

imagine being a-

[jovial nest]

A what🤨

[quartz condor]

im not gonna continue that

[jovial nest]

Nah say it

[quartz condor]

nah

[jovial nest]

Nah ah now you gotta say it

[quartz condor]

nah

[jovial nest]

Why not😭

[quartz condor]

ok fine

imagine being anti melanin

yk that sounded better in my head

[jovial nest]

Huh who said that?😭

[quartz condor]

mods, lock me up

[quartz condor]

i was trying to make it better

and only made it worde

worse

[jovial nest]

Waif did you want to say something else?

[quartz condor]

idk what i wanted to say

i just had "a-" show up in my brain

@jovial nest sorry

[jovial nest]

a what?

[jovial nest]

youre just confusing me ngl

[quartz condor]

i had no idea what to say

i js wanted to smt

it turned out to not work

[quartz condor]

litteraly "a-" is all i thought

nothing after the "a"

[jovial nest]

oh

rip

[jovial nest]

its so hard to deal with people who have an ED, especially after my old friend

it makes me mad, not at them but mostly at the ED itself

it hurts to see it, and im scared to loose them.but i also cant help them which makes me just more mad

[jovial nest]

I'm scared, scared of more then I care to admit

[jovial nest]

hello

bye

[jovial nest]

NRW LYRICS

NRW LYRICS

NEW SONG

NEW SOFIA ISELLA SONG

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA

[jovial nest]

watching a fish doorbell rn its such a vibe

[jovial nest]

im so done

[rigid merlin]

What’s going on

[jovial nest]

Happy eater yall!

Omg the pope just died this morning

That's so sad

He died on Easter, one rose from the death the other went

[jovial nest]

breaking up hurts so much, especially when you still see the future with her

im just loosing feelings and it hurts but i dont want to keep her locked into the situation

im scared what if this isnt the right decision

maybe i shouldve just kept us together

what if i just messed up

baling my eyes out atm ngl

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest you good now?

[jovial nest]

Could be better, but I'm not a wreck

So that's a pluss

[quartz condor]

good.

[jovial nest]

Yeah

[quartz condor]

hey, uhh in not a relationship expert but im here if u need help

[jovial nest]

All good, but thanks:)

[quartz condor]

even better.

[jovial nest]

Wdym??

[quartz condor]

its better u dont need help

and are better now.

[jovial nest]

Idk what someone could help me with to be honest

[quartz condor]

i see

[jovial nest]

lowkey cant sleep

my head is too busy

[jovial nest]

Nobody gets me

I'm done for the season

I have to take a break because of my knees they're so damaged that they can't heal unless I stop for a while

Everyone is saying like 'atleast you can play later' like idc I need to play rn. I'm broken without it it's such a life line for me. It's one of the few moments I can truly just let everything go. It's a moment I need especially with all the shit going on

Nobody gets how much it will hurt me and my mental health

[jovial nest]

My mom got mad at me cuz 'I looked like a zombie'

Yeah the hell did you expect I'm sorry I'm such an inconvenience for you

[jovial nest]

'I find it really disturbing that people do that' - my dad talking about people who take meds daily

Like dad I'd gladly take pills🙏

[jovial nest]

im starting to miss us

the silly nickname i had

the silly nickname i gave her

the red hearts

the way i could give her compliments

i dont want to do any of that, im scared to mess it up

too scared to loose her whole

i also miss the little life updates

they where small but idk i miss it

it will take some adjustments but its better this way

[jovial nest]

life is wierd

it feels good but it also doesnt

ive been in worse times

[jovial nest]

''shes happier now'' im not, im really not everything hurts. i prefer to hide it for now untill its gone, it hopefully wont take too long

its wierd to wear a mask all the time, a mask you can never fully take off. even not infront of my parents

a girl i met imidiatly said ''i love you'' it feels strange ig

the sentece itself does feel wierd rn

im not ready to say it back to anyone

it was a sentence reserved for my girlfriend, same as the red heart

i didnt love people the way i loved her

its wierd to hear someone tell you that if they arent that person

anyways its curently 3 am i have to be up at 8

imma sleep

[jovial nest]

stupid kids in our neighbourhood thinking its a good idea to use the loudest cars in our streets like 30 times like bro the hell

anyways its now 5 am

[jovial nest]

Today was kings day

Nearly cried like 2 times but I didn't cry once🔥

[jovial nest]

Why are 'the mature' decisions always the hardest ones?

[quartz condor]

@jovial nest so uhh.. how are you now?

like.. today specificaly

[woven terrace]

hey got suspended of old account so i have this one my real one will come back later fyi

[woven terrace]

but today pretty great actually

why specifically today haha

ugh i gotta wait like 13 more days

i cant take this

i need my journa

for

journalling stuff

[rigid merlin]

Suspended for what?

[woven terrace]

being under 13 (im not)

[woven terrace]

tbh today i felt miserable

idk why its been alright ngl but idk today was hard

didnt really talk to people just sat in my room writing stuff for a fan project of billie concert and thats it

tomorow i will bake a cake with my sister and thats about it ig

btw i will be leaving daily updates (maybe maybe not) and then leave again untill i can get my account back on the server (should be around 12 more days ugh)

[unkempt shale]

HEYYY

I GOT IT

MELLOW GAVE IT OT ME

YAYAYAYAYAYAYA

BEST DAY NGL

(i legit just told you how shitty it was)

BUT I MISSED THE SERVER

IVE NEVER MISSED IT MORE IN MY WHOLE FREAKING LIFE OMG)

[unkempt shale]

curently 2 am

honestly sleep scedule had been shitty lately

sleep 3 am

waking up at 10

still 7 hours of sleep

so its fine ig

[unkempt shale]

I

JUST

GOT

UNRELEASED

SONGS

FROM

SOFIA

ISELLA

OMG

IM SO FREAKING EXITED

MY LAPTOP HAS SHITTY QUALITY THO SO CANT LISTEN RN

BUT OMG

[unkempt shale]

feeling shitty

like im out of it

so many exiting things to look forward to

but i just cant

sometimes i think about just disepering out of some lifes

not all

but maily online honestly

mainly

maybe its better that way

thinking about relapsing

cant find my stuff for it

shit

[pliant dragon]

I’m here for you. I know things might feel overwhelming right now, but you’re not alone. I care about you and I want you to be safe. Please try to talk to me instead of|| hurting yourself.|| We can get through this together. It might also help to talk to a psychologist or a trusted adult, asking for help is a strong and brave thing to do.

Please

[unkempt shale]

feeling like shit

amazinggg

[unkempt shale]

im tired

not tired enough tho

i will probably try to sleep tho

ngl my head has been so busy lately

[unkempt shale]

I hate mosquitos

Couldn't sleep till Like 3 am

Woke up at 8

[quartz condor]

@unkempt shale sorry for being unrelated but am i the only one who thinks that #anonymous-vent has become a little bit more deranged?

[unkempt shale]

Wdym

[quartz condor]

like stuff there has become a little weird.

[unkempt shale]

No idea haven't read it

[unkempt shale]

I'm at my friends rn

Sleepover

It's so fun ngl

[quartz condor]

fire

[unkempt shale]

Frfr

How are you?

[quartz condor]

good, good.

thinking..

[unkempt shale]

Doesn't sound too good

[unkempt shale]

About what

[quartz condor]

i dont lie

[quartz condor]

stuff

[unkempt shale]

Sure haha

[quartz condor]

like sleepovers

[unkempt shale]

Why

[quartz condor]

cuz u brought it up

duhh

[unkempt shale]

Fair, but like what way are you thinking about it

[quartz condor]

the punishment for falling asleep first

[unkempt shale]

HELP REAL

That's the worst😔

But I just had some energy drink

Rn were watching a horror movie

I ain't falling asleep

[quartz condor]

uhuh..

yeah what we would do is..

doomscroll

[unkempt shale]

What's that

[quartz condor]

and punch eachother sometimes

[unkempt shale]

We also do that dw

[quartz condor]

scrolling on tik tok forever

[quartz condor]

if u say so

[unkempt shale]

Oh real we also do that but I broke the cycle

[unkempt shale]

I will leave with some bruises dw🙏

[quartz condor]

👍

[unkempt shale]

You got any plans?

[quartz condor]

js a meeting.

[unkempt shale]

Work?

[quartz condor]

mehh

not really

[unkempt shale]

Oh haha

Well goodluck

[quartz condor]

thanku uuu

[quartz condor]

@unkempt shale attack..

[unkempt shale]

Attack?

[quartz condor]

if you do not know the meaning of the statement, you shall no knoe it now either.

[unkempt shale]

It's just random asf😭🙏

Just confused why you said it haha

[quartz condor]

as in the realm of commandments.. those who know, recieve... those who do not, ask.

[unkempt shale]

Okey😭

[quartz condor]

hows it goin..?

[unkempt shale]

Pretty goodd

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Yesss

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Yes yes

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr

[quartz condor]

good, good.

[unkempt shale]

Fr

Going to get my piercing may 22nd so exited but so scared

[pliant dragon]

YAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAA

[quartz condor]

@unkempt shale chromakoooopiaaaaa

[unkempt shale]

Huh

[quartz condor]

idk

i got bored

whatchuu doiingggg

[unkempt shale]

Nothing tbh wbu?

[quartz condor]

same 😔

gf went to sleep

[unkempt shale]

Huh didn't yall break up?

[quartz condor]

what

since when

[unkempt shale]

Uhm wait

Nvm

No idea who it was then

[unkempt shale]

Went to billie yesterday it was amazing

I'm missing it today I'm going to see FINNEAS tho very exited

Yesterday I also met my friend for the first time irl. It was amazing

[unkempt shale]

I have survived it

Damn

So sad cuz its the end of an era but also happy that it happend

I'm so exited for the new era tho

Honestly so glad that I could even do this

I might go to sofia isella too I asked my aunt if she could take me!

Yk I think I'm healing. In ways I never expected

A year ago I would've been fully depressed. Now I'm just making new goals more exiting things. And honestly dealing with it all way better

[unkempt shale]

Made a Pledge at billie her concert

I have to eat one vegan meal a day

Honestly it isn't that bad

[unkempt shale]

i helped someone today

honestly made me feel amazing:)

at the billie concert i met a online friend

my mom said she saw a spark

im scared tho

cuz like what if its not?

my dad said i just havent felt real love

but like what is real love then?

but also like

i cant move on this fast thats crazy af

im honestly also just not healed enough yk

not over it ye

yet

but its nice to have someone who cares for you ig

confusing af tho

[unkempt shale]

Light will guide you home

[unkempt shale]

I'm tired

Feeling insecure about everything honestly. I can't really sport anymore which sucks

It doesn't help me with being less insecure to say the least

[unkempt shale]

Feeling down as hell today

[unkempt shale]

I'm seeing red, I'm seeing blood, I'm seeing visions

[unkempt shale]

i feel bad

sometimes i think about deleting this all

all socials

start fresh

not knowing anyone, maybe not even really talking to anyone

it would be for the better

i wont

i want to delete people from my journal tho

wish i could

honestly so done

so tired

tired of trying

[quartz condor]

thats ok

[unkempt shale]

doesnt feel oke

[quartz condor]

you dont have to feel complete

you dont have to be finnished

you just gotta.. do what you think is best for you.

[unkempt shale]

i dont know whats best tho

[quartz condor]

you will figure out.

[unkempt shale]

i feel like shit most of the times. i just get better at hiding it

[quartz condor]

maybe not now.

[unkempt shale]

tired of that awenser

[quartz condor]

maybe not later.

but some day

[quartz condor]

its true though.

[unkempt shale]

ive been trying to figure it out for the past 8 years

[quartz condor]

you wont always have it

[unkempt shale]

yeah figured that much ig

[quartz condor]

heck, you might not have the answer till you're old

[unkempt shale]

well if thats the case then i will infact not get to that old age

[quartz condor]

you cant keep judging yourself.

[unkempt shale]

what do you mean

[quartz condor]

you keep judging things you have, things you do, things you feel.

and that constantly puts you in a mood where you don't feel comfortable with yourself

[unkempt shale]

yeah you do that when youve felt the same things for a few years

its mostly reflections

its not that much judging, its me looking back at the things i do, maybe regretting it but also knowing why i did something. humans are made to judge and to reflect that how we are built. you can not not judge

[quartz condor]

yeah, you gotta judge but

[unkempt shale]

and i am comfortable with myself. i just also have moments were i feel like absolute shit. like most people

[quartz condor]

not that much

[unkempt shale]

ive always kinda done that

makes me work harder

honestly even when i felt amazing i still did it. it makes me want to improve yk

[quartz condor]

i gotta go sleep, its late and im sick.

hope i helped even a little bit.

[unkempt shale]

goodnight and get well soon

[quartz condor]

good night and get well soon to you too.

[unkempt shale]

just got nitro

random as hell

but lowkey cool

''i watched you change, now i dont know you i dont know you anymore''

[unkempt shale]

decided that i will buy me a little present this year, its more symbolic than ever tho.
ive wanted this vinyl since like 2023 but it was way too expensive.
honestly i didnt think i would make it till today last year. so its mostly a ''you made it'' present:) to make little me happy

[unkempt shale]

I kinda want to get 'no music on a death planet' tatood later

Ofcourse my mom decided to make pancakes the day I cant have them

That's stupid af

Like she never makes them

[unkempt shale]

Yess I'm very exited to buy it, I will probably buy it next weel

I definitely will!

[unkempt shale]

i need her here

just us hugging

i need her hugs

i miss them

i need her so bad

sings my girl while sobbing

[unkempt shale]

''but i see her in the back of my mind''

[unkempt shale]

i cried because of our distance (41 hours)

ugh i need her in my arms again

is this how love feels like?

its like i need her to funcion right now

its crazy omg

and so fast

but it also feels

so right?

[unkempt shale]

well

shit this

i asked her how she felt

she said she didnt know

that hurted

damn

didnt expect it to

i just told her that i also didnt know

she can see how i feel through text

kinda scary

its something i need tho

''if there is something please tell me'' girl im not about to tell you that i like you

like i hate feelings

i hate telling people about the,