How to deal with a brother who is a total jerk.

[crystal escarp]

I’m F17, he’s M19 and normally at his age, people would have moved out and that would make things so much easier because I could just not see him, not know about his business and simply cut ties with him. But I’m asian so there’s a high chance we would be together our entire lives and everyone just get into each other’s business. Next year I would study abroad though and I can’t wait, but I have this long ass 1 year left and I need advice on how to survive it. Here are the problems:

He’s always pretending to be the good kid, the kid that all the parents like on the outside but he always lie, is just so fake, and I, the person that know the real him, hates it.

He destroy my confidence from the small age: No one hangs out with me and talk to me because he has all of the attention. Because of his facade that he’s liked so much but underneath he’s terrible

He treats women like crap: sleeps with a lot of girls, use women for their body, never have 1 stable gf, change gfs constantly, just lie a lot

He steals my parents money: he is neveer loyal to 1 girl but he has the audacity to STEAL OUR PARENT’s MONEY, buy all of these luxurious gifts for them. I love doing surprise birthdays, write letters for him and dmy family members because I love them to death. But NOT ONCE have I seen him doing anything like that to me, or my family.

He wastes or parent’s money when sending him to expensive schools: This dude, he’s so carefree, so fun, no stress, because he neveer gives a single thought about which school he needs to apply to. He just choose the most expensive one that is so easy to get in as long as you get money. And me, i need to work my ass off to study to escape this home and always want to save my parents money because they already have him as a financial burden.
I just want advice on how to deal with him and live my life happy. (Btw my room is straight next to him and need to see his FACE everyday ughh)

i have posted in venting but it’s hard to reply there

@distant crow hi, it’s kinda hard to ignore him tho because his room is right next to my room, we eat dinner with each other. He always acts so nonchalant and acts like everything is fine and when I try to ignore him and dont tapk to him, my parents would tel that I’m being disresctful and that Im destroying the mood of the family. They know his wrongdoings but they say it’s a different thing for me to not to talk to him. Bruh

@distant heath you asked about how my parents treat him, he is the first child so he gets anything, they treat me equally too but because he doesnt care if he’s wasting my parents money, he keeps asking for more. And my parents love to move on from things just to be seen as a “normal family” and to have peaceful family moments

[potent stirrup]

Just TRY, emphasis on TRY not to react much or give him the satisfaction in anything. Don't even lash out, say anything. Most of the time he will stop after a while. I have a cousin I wish I could just strangle(joke) but that's what I do. Then she just goes finds someone else to trouble.

There is not really much you can do to change others

so just adapt yourself 🤷‍♂️

[crystal escarp]

And should I try to continue warn my parents about his actions and try to help him

[crystal escarp]

oh yea about to ask this lol

[potent stirrup]

did it work earlier?

[crystal escarp]

Because as a family, it’s so hard not to care about his business and his life

[potent stirrup]

I understand dude. But in the end you and your mental health matters too right?

[crystal escarp]

I succeed in not talking to him but I just get so emotional because I know his life is doomed and my parents would say that I’m being disresctful if i dont talk to him

[crystal escarp]

like this

[crystal escarp]

Yes, you’re right

[potent stirrup]

Yeah then nothing you can do about him. You can yourself try and step up to be better to your parents, make them happy and all if you want.

but don't go out of your way for it

just small things yk? like doing chores, compliments etc

[crystal escarp]

That’s exactly my approach, i try to be the good kid, compensate for all his wrong doings but sometimes it does feel like too much and unfair because he’s doing none of that

[potent stirrup]

Then as I said, just do the small things. I mean if you are 16-17 like it says. You gotta prioritize yourself because right now, you are the most important person in your life.

Be good, and just don't let him get to you. It's tough but trying matters.

[crystal escarp]

Thank you for your advice, it means a lot. Being an asian we prioritize family and community a lot, we dont want to be seen as selfish, so being able to put our mental health first is something i really need to constantly remind myself.

[potent stirrup]

I myself am an Indian, I understand the family part. But you can indulge more into improving yourself. Maybe prepare for when you go study abroad, do courses related to it, reach out to other people, etc.

and dw, I know what I'm talking about. (I'm the average younger sibling to a prodigy)

[crystal escarp]

Sending all the care for you too. Like my brother is not so much of a prodigy but being a younger sibling there is always somewhat of a shadow from the older sibling

[potent stirrup]

Happens, but the best thing we can do is learn from their mistakes

And atb to your future endeavours. Congrats on studying abroad 🎉

[crystal escarp]

true, my mom says that they yells at my brother so much but only I absorb those things, lessons and not my brother lol