why do i keep avoiding love or romantic feelings in every aspect but crave it at the same time

[fervent harness]

fear of intimacy

[ebon yarrow]

Not necessarily fear

It could be a lot of other factors

[fervent harness]

in this context it is

read the title

supression of a romantic need

within a general context

is rooted in fear of a negative outcome

hence automatic avoidance

its a direct mechanism

[signal frigate]

Can relate

[ebon yarrow]

Yeah, fear is often at the core of the avoidance, but it's not the ONLY thing. There might be other factors stuffed in there too

But I totally get where you're coming from

[floral orbit]

avoidant attachment

i had the same issue

[spring turret]

i dont think it's avoidant attachment if you crave a romantic connection

despite being afraid

cuz i have the same problem, and talked it out w a friend. turns out i have an anxious attachment style

[fervent harness]

of course it is

avoidant doesnt make u aromantic facepalm

literally

[azure helm]

It is avoidant attachment

That’s how it works they crave for closeness but fears it at the same time

[swift garden]

fear of being hurt/rejected?

[spring turret]

Nono I'm sure it's not, trust me. Avoidant attachment style means you desire independence more than company. You could be in a relationship, but you desire independence above anything else. What they're experiencing is just the fear of being hurt/rejected like @swift garden says. Which is normal for anyone who has had a bad experience with love before.

[fervent quarry]

its a little confusing, me and my counsellor sometimes bring this topic up. I never really had a relationship with anyone real life or online, so i dont really know where this is coming from. Its like whenever i have a crush or someone has a crush on me i would automatically shut down and force myself to either stop feeling for them/make them stop liking me. I dont know if i even have a reason to do it but thinking about stuff like that just makes me either annoyed or pressured

although on the other hand I also crave relationships, I guess it could just be linked to jealousy or something? I dont really know

[fervent harness]

its alredy been discussed above

fear of being potentially hurt

[fervent harness]

you misunderstood the point again 💀

[spring turret]

Wdym?

[copper patio]

It could be that you think you'd regret actually dating the crush, and you think you would lose interest in them quickly. And maybe when you have a crush you never want to pursue it in case that happens. I'm no expert and you should continue to talk about this with your counsellor.

Maybe the craving part of it could be that the relationship in your head is with an interesting person that you can change whenever you want. So the person you crave is very unrealistic.

[swift garden]

this stuff is extremely difficult to overcome

[floral orbit]

fear of being loved

ur scared of being hurt

so u avoid iv as a whole but deep down u desire it

[ebon yarrow]

This makes sense

[fervent quarry]

yea that makes a lot of sense

[fervent quarry]

and this