#My girlfriend came out at pan-gender

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

cold bay
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I’m 17m and my now partner just told me that they are pan-gender after 10 months on believing they were a female. I am by no means transphobic/homophobic or anything like that, but I am a straight man, as much as I love them, I don’t know if I still can now that they have told me this. They have a history of lying to me in the past which is have worked with her on, but she has repeatedly broken my trust. I guess I’m just trying to figure out if I would be wrong to not love her the same way, or if she’s wrong.

heavy remnant
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I mean

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She’s biologically a female

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She talks like one, sounds like one, looks like one

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Does it really matter what she calls herself

cold bay
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The thing is she’s been this way for years apparently, and has come out to her college roommates, but not me until now

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If this was something she just discovered recently it would be different

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But she deliberately held the truth from me

heavy remnant
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Maybe she was scared you wouldn’t accept her

cold bay
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Thats what she said to me, but its been close to a year

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Idk if I know her anymore

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And at the same time, I can’t be straight and still date her, and I have no clue what my parents would think if I told them

heavy remnant
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You can still be straight

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She’s still female in every since of the word except title

bright pagoda
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I mean, whenever I meet someone who is like this, I just accept it because well pronouns are silly, I don't need to tell people i'm a He/Him when I can say I am a male. her gender is still a female, so don't worry

cold bay
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It just kinda hurts that after all this time, I can’t call her my girlfriend anymore, nor can my eventual kids call her their mother, she doesn’t want to be a woman, which I’m attracted to

brittle vessel
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really matter what gender you call yourself in a relationship

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a person with the mentality of the opposite gender won't have the interest and feelings like a female would have for a male

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so yeah

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it does really matter

cold bay
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Yeah that’s what I’m feeling, like I feel that she’s manipulated me, showing a fake personality this whole time, only truly revealing herself now

heavy remnant
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She’s still female she just calls herself a funny name

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Also what even is a dude mentality lmao

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It’s not like she’s a whole different person all of a sudden, she just doesn’t want to be called a girl

brittle vessel
brittle vessel
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no hate the lgbt or anything but its preferences

heavy remnant
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Idgaf what she calls herself, unless she gets a buzz cut and starts taking testosterone she’s a female in my eyes

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She’s literally just calling herself something else

lofty sleet
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From what I hear, if the dude is uncomfortable with it then he should tell her that

heavy remnant
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Walks like a woman, talks like a woman, acts like a woman, she’s a woman

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Biologically a woman too I might add

lofty sleet
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Just be honest to her

brittle vessel
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I am talking about what you want

lofty sleet
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No one can tell you who you should date or not date

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Yeah

brittle vessel
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Yep

lofty sleet
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It’s your preferences

brittle vessel
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Yep

lofty sleet
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But the other guy has a point tho

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Look at it from his point too

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It’s just another perspective

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But again it’s up to you

brittle vessel
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He got a point, but at sm points I just don't see justice of her case

heavy remnant
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Personally I think the the guy is too hung up on her label

lofty sleet
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But this is how he feels

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Not saying you shouldn’t give your perspective

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He asked for it

heavy remnant
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Alg lmao

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I get what you’re saying 😭

lofty sleet
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Yeah, yall both give good points

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All I’m saying is for him to look at it and really think about it

brittle vessel
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see in a relationship most of the time there is no wrong or rights, both of the ppl want to be happy, this guy just did the same thing, he wants to be happy

lofty sleet
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Yup

brittle vessel
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Its totally a complex situation

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but 1 thing I felt that wasn't right was her lying

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about this

lofty sleet
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I mean idk their situation

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But yeah

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From what I hear

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I want open communication

heavy remnant
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I think she’s just uncomfortable with the possibility that he won’t accept her

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I think the fact that he’s hung up on the label slightly proves her right

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And warrants her worry

lofty sleet
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That’s valid, but ya shouldn’t withhold something like that to your partner

brittle vessel
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She isn't wrong, but he isn't wrong either

heavy remnant
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She needed time to muster up the courage to let him know

lofty sleet
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Relationship is built on trust

lofty sleet
heavy remnant
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It’s not like it’s changing the terms or dynamic of their relationship

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She’s still the same person

lofty sleet
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I agree

heavy remnant
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She’s just got some ridiculous idea that she’s not a woman 😭

lofty sleet
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Yeah idk what’s that about

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Ong idk what pangender even is tbh

brittle vessel
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lol

lofty sleet
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Not to invalidate her feelings

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Ofc

brittle vessel
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idk

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somebody slipped T in the drink maybe

lofty sleet
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lol

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Yeah who knows

brittle vessel
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At the end he himself has to make the decision on what he wants to do

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personally Id suggest is to not give up

heavy remnant
brittle vessel
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which is wrong, but it could be settled tbh

heavy remnant
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Then told him after she found out

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10 months if I remember idk

lofty sleet
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But fr tho, just talk it out with her

heavy remnant
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Yeah lowkey if you’re that bugged ab it then end it

lofty sleet
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Let her know your feelings

lofty sleet
brittle vessel
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As much as I hate couples rn, I d want them to talk things out ;-;

lofty sleet
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In my opinion, it isn’t too big of a deal. I can see why she withheld it from you. Meaning, she probably was just nervous about it and didn’t have the courage to tell you, which either means she doesn’t want to lose you or idk. Take it how you want it. The only way you will know if you ask her

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Again

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Don’t assume things

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It’s better just to ask

cold bay
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I appreciate all the feedback guys

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It’s been rough trying to figure out how to handle this

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Cause I really do love her

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But the idea of a longer term relationship, thinking about living together and possibly marrying one day, I don’t think I can marry someone who is sometimes a woman, sometimes a man, sometimes niether

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And again, I don’t hate her for this at all, i support anyone that identifies the same way, but I don’t know if it’s right for me

heavy remnant
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How old is she

lofty sleet
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Yeah

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Also yeah I understand what your saying

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Ultimately it is up to you

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One thing I think you absolutely have to do tho is tell her all this, be open about it. Don’t keep it a secret, it wont end well.

cold bay
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18

slender basin
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He's valid how he feels

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Even I wouldn't see my girl call her self she's a boy not a girl

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No hate to lgbtq

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It's plain stupidity

wary trellis
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Probably too late but I have a similar experience. Had a gf who told me she didn't want to be a girl anymore (fun fact: this was the reason I joined this server).
As a straight guy, I tried to somehow live with it, but it was constantly in the back of my mind and I always felt uncomfortable in the relationship. Even after reassuring me it was just a "phase", something still didn't feel right.
A year after that we broke up on good terms and he came out as trans.
Of course the outcome will be different for each person. For me, it made me realize that anything other than female (inside and outside) is a no for me in terms of dating.

slender basin
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And it's a big deal towards relationship

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Call me a boomer but this is all Bullshittery

wary trellis
slender basin
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she sees herself in different gender