#I think i'm messing up my life

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

plain plaza
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I'm 19 and i'm in my second first year of college, i dropped out last year because i'm addicted to video games especially league, i didn't go to college for 2-3 months last year because of it

The thing is they gave me another chance and i told everyone and my parents that i won't fucking it up again but guess what i'm too fucking stupid and i'm fucking it up again, i was not attending class this semester for almost a month, a lot of shit has happened to me these past years and months and i think what's happening to me is just a build up of low self esteem and it's gone to the point were i just don't do dishes anymore and i rot in my room for days i don't know it just feels confortable and i'd rather be there than outside, outside is scary , my college has this policy were if you are absent more than 5 half days for one semester ur kicked out (i'm pretty screwed)

My mom is going through rough times right now and i've been keeping on telling her that everything is fine in college when it's not, but i don't want to Say it to her because she's really sad right now her husband broke up with her after 8 years and my grandmother(her mom) passed away 5 months ago, i'm scared i'll never get a job i want i'm scared i will be a loser for my life and i don't want to make my mom disapointed i'm asking for people to talk to and for advice on how to get out of this situation

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I'm also sad because i suck at the only thing i really put myself into which is league (i'm plat 1 struggling while having over 6k hours into the game) and i've never had a girlfriend ever and i just feels miserable and get kinda paranoid ( i feel like nobody wants to sit next to me in the bus every time because i'm ugly or something) i used to feel like i'm not ugly but rn i don't know anymore i feel like i have no hobbies no money and i'm falling college i just feel like a loser who doesn't deserve anything given to him everybody is so nice to me when in reality i'm just a fucking rotting worm who spends his days doing absolutely nothing

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I'm also having trouble sleeping thèse days every night i'm just going to bed later and later and it's so hard going to school with like 4-3 hours of sleep every nights

plain plaza
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Today i did not go to class again

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I just feel empty but for some reason it all goes away when i play league

vagrant rapids
plain plaza
cursive rover
cursive rover
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I am 17 no life direction but going for my AA degree

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I have grad at 16 which is A MISTAKE because I have no job, College is too fucking easy and the rest of the 6 days that I dont do school work it just makes me depressed feeling like I dont do shit with my life

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I do 5 CLASSES in one day and get 100% on all assignments

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and I feel like I am wasting my life away not doing anything for 6 days staight

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I am all online and my parents are helicopter parents and I cant leave my neighborhood to do anything

cursive rover
plain plaza
cursive rover
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Sometimes I dont log in to discord for like a day or two so dont get worried that I am ignoring you

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Its just I am trynna cut back on being chronically online

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I picked up fishing and being outside every day for 6+ hours when I dont do school work and my mental health has skyrocketed

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so try and do something in nature like go in the woods or fish or something

cursive rover
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Listen to like rock or heavy metal music it burns a lot of stuff very quickly

plain plaza
cursive rover
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For me I like papa roach, seether, foo fighters, puddle of mudd etc

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rn I am listening to foo fighters - the pretender rn xD but thats just cause I like the song

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exodus and deftones are also good

plain plaza
cursive rover
cursive rover
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That sounds so good

plain plaza
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yeah they are so good

cursive rover
plain plaza
plain plaza
cursive rover
# plain plaza yeah but i suck at it

I wheelied on a ebike yesterday going 35+ mph down a very busy road near me I had traffic build up and when I noticed cars behind me I pulled off I waved and someone yelled "That was very good" (When I started no cars were on the road for like 1,000+ feet so I was fine)

plain plaza
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that's dope what a nic eguy

cursive rover
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Imma charge it

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1 sec ill brb

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Ok im back

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Imma go for a bit