Failed Situationship, Would Appreciate Help.

[brave onyx]

I've been talking to this guy for the past 3 weeks, I enjoyed his company a lot. We both live far away from eachother and the chances of us meeting are very low. There were certain things about him I didn't like, one of which was the fact that I felt like he valued me more for the way I looked rather than me as a person.
But the fact that he was taking the initiative to make plans with me, hanging out with me, making the effort to text me every day made me feel so happy and valued.
Yesterday he confessed his feelings to me, that he liked me. I told him this wouldn't work out as we'd rarely get to see eachother, and I haven't had the best experiences with long distance reltionships.
We decided to take a 1 week break before talking to eachother again.
I'm sad, I'm sadder than I thought I would be. My dms feel so lonely and empty now. He made me feel valued, I don't know if I should've compromised or not, I don't know if I made the right decision or not.
The only reason I started using discord was to talk to him
But I'm really upset. I decided not to compromise, as physical and emotional intimacy matter a lot to me and with all the advice online saying that you "shouldn't settle for less" or you're stopping good things from coming your way.

He asked me what I thought the future holds for us. I couldn't answer that.
I don't know if I liked him or not. But I valued our time together, I felt valued and happy. I felt cared for. I felt needed.
I'd appreciate any advice or words of comfort, I am in dire need of them.

[brave onyx]

oh..

[frosty dove]

Hey it sounds like you’re in a pretty difficult situation

It sounds like to me you would have accepted if you guys were able to meet consistently?

[true schooner]

Erm

Lowkey a simple question

Do you like it, or do you not like him

If you like him then just go for it

Otherwise don’t

Although it sounds like you guys will never meet, and honestly it mostly sounds like you like him because he’s the only opportunity you have

Talk with people irl during your break and see if that goes anywhere

Honestly I really don’t recommend online dominated relationships

I haven’t been in one but just conceptually they suck and are inherently less valuable than a real life relationship

[brave onyx]

Yeah that's right..

[frosty dove]

Honestly boogies advice is pretty good already

I can imagine how hard it is for you though

[brave onyx]

I agree with this, I too feel like I might like him because he's the only opportunity i have. At that time, I had a strong gut feeling that it wouldnt work out, but after seeing his response to it kinda made me change my mind. But how do I deal with my feelings?

[brave onyx]

Thank you for acknowledging it...

As someone who's felt lonely for the majority of my life, it's hard not to accept love

[frosty dove]

You should treat this as how you would recover from a breakup I feel

You guys did well by deciding a break

And if you decide to not pursue the relationship I recommend continuing no contact

For feelings-wise you should try to do some stuff to distract yourself

[brave onyx]

Yeah you're right..

[frosty dove]

hobbies, hanging out with friends/family

Etc

[brave onyx]

It's weird. Even though i didnt feel like it would work out, I feel sad

I knew it wouldnt

why do i feel this way

[frosty dove]

Its normal

You were getting attached even if you knew it wasn’t possible

It’s hard not to be attached if you’re attracted

[brave onyx]

that's true..

seeing someone put in that much effort into me, esp after how my last relationship was

i suppose it made me feel attached to him

[frosty dove]

Yeah it’s okay

I mean it was mutual at the end of the day

[brave onyx]

He says he wants to stay in touch with me

[brave onyx]

Yeah true

[frosty dove]

Uhm that’s up to you

If you feel like you can still be friends without hurting why not

But make sure you’re 100% confident

Or you might end up hurting yourself more

[brave onyx]

I will keep that in mind, thank you so much

I also wanted to ask,

How do I stop feeling lonely?

[brave onyx]

It's not like I don't have friends, but I always feel like there's something missing within me

It makes me long for a romantic connection

[frosty dove]

Uhm honestly I’m not sure either

You’ll have to dig deep into yourself to find out

Why do you want a romantic connection

I mean it is normal to want a partner at times

[brave onyx]

yeah.. Mostly becaue it'd make me feel valued and lovable

[frosty dove]

But if you’re feeling constantly like that that’s another thing

[brave onyx]

And cared for. Just to have someone to go back to at the end of the day, and to be able to rely on someone

[brave onyx]

Oh-

Yeah that's true

I'm sorry if i'm giving you a hard time. But I'm really grateful that you're helping me with this

[frosty dove]

No don’t worry it’s my pleasure

[brave onyx]

Thank you :)

[frosty dove]

One advice I can give is to make sure you care for yourself first

[brave onyx]

As in?

[frosty dove]

Maybe you want someone to care for you, to love you, and to rely on because you alresdy arent doing that for yourself

At the end of the day, the person you can trust the most is yourself

And by caring for yourself, I mean things that benefit your future self

[brave onyx]

That is true. I procrastinate a lot, I'm irresponsible and inconsistent and awful with time management, atleast for now.
After my last relationship I fell into a rut, and doing what I loved became a chore

[frosty dove]

See, there you go

You’ve identified the problem and now you can address it

[brave onyx]

It's.. hard to undo so much that has gone wrong

I've tried, but i keep falling back

[frosty dove]

It’s okay to feel anxious about it

[brave onyx]

It's almost like my mind and body are against me

[frosty dove]

And also to fall behind as well

Don’t be too hard on yourself when you fall back

Keeping it consistent is what truly matters

[brave onyx]

I have important exams coming up soon..

[brave onyx]

Yes, you're right about that

[frosty dove]

Well why don’t you try working on that

It’s okay to feel anxious now, just take it one at a time and give yourself some breathing space

[brave onyx]

That's true I could. Easier said than done but I can try to. It feels awful when it doesnt go the way i planned it to

[brave onyx]

Thank you so much :)

Your words have put me at ease

[frosty dove]

Im glad I could help

So instead of imagining everything you need to work on and panicking, sometimes it’s just best to get started on one thing and just focus on that

[brave onyx]

To conclude, a relationship with him won't work out and I'll have to take care of myself and my needs to stop feeling lonely

[brave onyx]

Yes!!!

[frosty dove]

Yes

[brave onyx]

That's the best advice I've gotten

[frosty dove]

Also I’m proud for you for respecting your own boundaries

As in not going into a relationship knowing it wasn’t the best for you

A lot of people can’t do that

That shows that you already have some self respect which is very good

[brave onyx]

Thank you so much for acknowledging that

[frosty dove]

Just work on yourself a bit harder and I’m sure love will just come to your doorstep

[brave onyx]

My last relationship served as a lesson, it made me into the person I am today, I believe

[brave onyx]

:)

Thank you so much

Have a great day! Thank you for helping me

[frosty dove]

Yeah no problem

But also make sure to enjoy life

Dont try to be productive all the time, breaks are necessary for everyone

[brave onyx]

Yeah true, most of us forget to.

[brave onyx]

I'll keep that in mind

[frosty dove]

Alright I wish you luck

I believe in you and wish you the best

[brave onyx]

Me as well, I wish you the best. ^^

[frosty dove]

😉

[orchid moat]

Man this shit wholesome 🙏🏻🥹

good luck with both of y'all life

[brave onyx]

Thank you, good luck to you too ^^

[true schooner]

Can you elaborate on why you changed your mind

You don’t have to answer if you felt you received the advice you need

[brave onyx]

Yeah I feel like going over this again might bring me back to square one 😅
Thank you so much though!

@frosty dove @true schooner I just wanted to say that I took your advice. I've started focusing on my upcoming exam. I've prepared a chapter, although i was pretty distracted and uninterested i sat through it.
I feel proud of myself.

[brave onyx]

Nvm I think I might
He took the situation positively and reassured me. It also made me realise that I won't be receiving that kind of affection from him anymore.
Part of me wishes he hadn't confess, but the earlier the better because it wouldn't have worked out anyways.

I guess you could say I'm basically having withdrawal symptoms

I hate being forgotten

[frosty dove]

hey thats great you should be proud of yourself

not many people commit to what they say

[true schooner]

Sounds like you already got it figured out

[sour mural]

I was in a very very long distance relationship for over 3 years

[true schooner]

I don’t recommend it

[sour mural]

Why not?

[true schooner]

Difficult to maintain

Hard to feel a genuine connection

Especially for such a prolonged period of time

If you’re meeting up irl every once in a while that’s fine

But if it’s long distance consistently for 3 years then it’s not advisable

[sour mural]

Well I did have it

and It was amazing

[true schooner]

1 in a million

Requires extremely compatible people that don’t need any form of physical connection

Which is a large factor in relationships

[sour mural]

Yep