Rejected reconnection | The Therapy Center | Page 1

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:01 PM

#

Meet up with her

#

You never know what can rekindle a fire

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:06 PM

#

limber stag You never know what can rekindle a fire

but I already asked and she declined

#

plus I will have to wait around a month and a half to meet up as she is somewhere else

#

dont know if i can wait that long on unlikely hope

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:08 PM

#

Then don’t

#

If you find someone new go with them

#

If you don’t then meet up and see where it goes

#

If it’s meant to be it’ll be

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:09 PM

#

I haven't been able to move on, I dont know why

#

i really expected us to work again but times have changed

#

it's really affecting me to the point where I can't eat well

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:10 PM

#

It’s been 3 months you said?

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:10 PM

#

yeah, but if im being honest NC was broken by both of us at times

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:11 PM

#

The term no contact is a misnomer

#

It implies there’s still a relationship

#

There isn’t

#

You broke up, it’s done

#

That period of the relationship is in the dirt

#

The “no contact” phase is literally just recovery

#

Breaking no contact doesn’t mean anything in terms of the past relationship, it’s more so just what jt is

#

Two people talking

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:12 PM

#

it's just really hard especially because she offers to help as a friend

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:12 PM

#

Yeah that shit is dumb

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:12 PM

#

but i told her i can't talk to her anymore a few days ago

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:12 PM

#

She’s the last person that can help you

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:13 PM

#

so im alone but i dont really have anyone to talk to

#

i did book a therapist appointment so i guess ill just have to wait till then

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:13 PM

#

If it’s bad enough for you to need therapy then go for it

#

But there isn’t really a fix to the issue

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:13 PM

#

im not gonna lie even though im just 19 i could have and wished that it didnt end this way

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:13 PM

#

Ik how you feel

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:14 PM

#

thought there would have been more but it just ended so abruptly

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:14 PM

#

Trust me brother I do

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:14 PM

#

thanks

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:14 PM

#

It gets worse before it gets better

#

You’re still fresh

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:14 PM

#

i just feel like she moved on way quickly than i did

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:14 PM

#

I got dumped 6 months ago and I still think about her

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:14 PM

#

regal lynx i just feel like she moved on way quickly than i did

She probably did but that isn’t your issue

#

You shouldn’t take comfort in another persons pain

#

How fast she moved on is irrelevant

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:15 PM

#

you're right

#

but yk the feeling of sadness/madness because she moved on quicklier than you?

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:15 PM

#

Yes I do

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:15 PM

#

it kind of gives the thought that she didnt really care that much in the first place

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:16 PM

#

I cussed my ex out because my friend found her on a dating site 3 weeks after we broke up

#

I regret it dearly

#

Because it’s not indicative that they didn’t care in the first place

#

I mean it could be

#

But in my case it was indicative that my absence was something she felt she could only fill with someone else

#

She couldn’t handle it alone so she immediately tried to find someone else to fill my spot

#

It’s like a placebo

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:17 PM

#

that makes sense

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:17 PM

#

Again tho the reasoning is irrelevant for you

#

It’s not gonna help you get over her or not

#

You had a great experience with her and that’s all that matters

#

It’s a tough pill to swallow but the relationship you remember is dead

#

It’ll never come back

#

Now, you can get back together with her but odds are it won’t be the same

#

When you rekindle a relationship with an ex, you aren’t picking up where you left off, you’re rebuilding broken pieces with a stranger that you already know is compatible

#

I’ll give you a metaphor

#

If your relationship was you and her building a bridge

#

Your breakup isn’t you guys abandoning the project

#

It’s you demolishing your progress

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:19 PM

#

I see

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:19 PM

#

Getting back with her means you restart the project

#

Except you know how to work with her

#

You know the most efficient way of building the bridge with her as a partner

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:20 PM

#

yeah

#

honestly im still in the stage of half of me wants to move on and half of me doesnt

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:20 PM

#

Ik

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:20 PM

#

probably because this was a couple days ago

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:20 PM

#

I can’t tell you anything surreal or so profound that it will pull you out of it

#

You’re gonna feel like shit for a while

#

It gets worse before it gets better

#

It’s been 6 months, I’ve gone out with 3 girls and I’m currently dating one and I still think about my ex

#

I can’t speak for you or every guy

#

But im never going to get over her completely

#

I’m just gonna be able to live with her absence and manage my feelings around it

#

Overtime the feelings dull and grey out but they never completely fade

#

You just learn to live with what’s left

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:23 PM

#

yeah

#

thats gonna be difficult

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:23 PM

#

Trust me it’s easier than it sounds

#

Sorts

#

We’re pretty resilient

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:23 PM

#

i need to give up the hope that we might connect again

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:23 PM

#

You could learn to live and overcome a lot of things

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:23 PM

#

regal lynx i need to give up the hope that we might connect again

Yes

#

The sooner you come to the conclusion that if it’s meant to be it’d be the better

#

All you can do, is see her when the time comes, see what happens, and if nothing does happen then nothing happens

#

No matter how badly you want it to happen she also needs to want it to happen

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:24 PM

#

Yeah it could be good closure

#

the problem is

#

I need to work on myself for myself before

#

or else I'm going to have my heart shattered again when we meet up and things dont sort out

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:25 PM

#

Erm

#

There is no training you can do to avoid heartbreak

#

Unless you live your entire life swatting away any deep connection you will be heartbroken

#

The only thing you can do is hope you find the right gal before you get heartbroken too many times

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:26 PM

#

maybe i shouldn't meet with her at all

#

but thats another tough thing to realise

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:26 PM

#

Maybe you shouldn’t

#

Only you know what you feel

#

And only you’re gonna know what you will feel when it’s time to meet up with her

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:27 PM

#

well thankfully i have around a month and a half

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:27 PM

#

If you’re so desperate for her then I’d say go meet up with her, but if you’re entirely indifferent then at that point it’s a question of if there’s someone else or not and if you’d still be interested in her

#

I’m gonna get flak for this

#

But sometimes you need to make the mistake of pursuing something impossible and looking like an absolute buffoon for you realize that it’s over

#

The embarrassment of not even getting close to success despite how emotionally draining it is to reach out or pursue is often the wake up call people need to realize when a relationship with someone is impossible

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:29 PM

#

that makes sense

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:29 PM

#

So unless you just don’t care for her at all in a month and a half I’d still go meet with her

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:29 PM

#

i am really desperate at the moment but people change and I might change my mind

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:30 PM

#

For now just talk to other people

#

DO NOT SLEEP AROUND

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:30 PM

#

yeah I am trying

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:30 PM

#

get on dating sites

#

And just talk to other girls

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:30 PM

#

today wasn't a good day though i did sleep around

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:30 PM

#

Don’t meet up

#

Talk for a week or so and unmatch

#

Maybe you’ll find someone that you’re hesitant to unmatch with and you can explore that

#

Do the same at class or at the gym

#

Talk with girls platonically and maybe you’ll find someone that you really enjoy talking too

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:31 PM

#

true

#

it's just rn its winter break for university

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:31 PM

#

Yeah ik it’s the same for me

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:31 PM

#

so i don't really have friends at the moment here

#

but im thinking of going to therapy and also relearning the piano

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:31 PM

#

That’s good

#

I relearned the guitar lol

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:32 PM

#

thats nice

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:32 PM

#

And unless the therapy is free I wouldn’t do it

#

It doesn’t sound like you need it

#

You’re just going through what every guy goes through

#

Weaker men than you have gone through it and succeeded

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:32 PM

#

thankfully it is free so i will give it a try

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:32 PM

#

👍

#

Just don’t expect it to get better

#

Expect the worst and just focus on getting through each day in a healthy manner

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:33 PM

#

yeah that sounds good to me

#

living the days one by one

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:33 PM

#

If you don’t I’d start hitting the gym

#

Endorphins are very real

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:33 PM

#

oh i already do

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:33 PM

#

They’re the closest thing you get to dopamine without killing something else

#

Nice

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:33 PM

#

just been lazy recently cuz of this whole mess

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:34 PM

#

Yeah get consistent

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:34 PM

#

its just really unfortunate because a part of me will much rather just rot in bed

#

and never leave and sulk in depression

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:34 PM

#

Ik how you feel exactly lol

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:34 PM

#

regal lynx and never leave and sulk in depression

What I did is count to 30

#

And increase how fast I breath every 10 seconds

#

Usually pop out of bed even if I really don’t want to

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:35 PM

#

today i just went out for a walk when i was really depressed

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:35 PM

#

Walking is good too

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:35 PM

#

and talked with an old friend

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:35 PM

#

Late night walks are goated

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:36 PM

#

yeah they are nice

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:36 PM

#

Just don’t do drugs

#

I did and it’s a big regret

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:36 PM

#

yeah i cant its really illegal here

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:36 PM

#

It helps but ultimately pulls you down into a different hole

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:37 PM

#

yeah i will never

#

ugh life is hard

#

will there be any other ways to cope

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:39 PM

#

Two ways I guess

#

Depends on what type of person you are

#

You either desensitize yourself by constantly thinking about her

#

Or you distance yourself by not thinking about her and avoiding anything that reminds you of her within reason

#

If youre sensitive then the latter is probably best

#

If you’re more capable of disconnecting the former is more applicable

#

But the latter is the safest option if you don’t know

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:41 PM

#

ill just choose the latter

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:41 PM

#

Make sure it doesn’t impact your actual life

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:41 PM

#

i already unfollowed her on all social media

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:41 PM

#

Like avoid saying her name to your friends

#

Yeah that’s good

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:42 PM

#

bruh i was venting out to someone one day about it

#

and like i accidentally mentioned her as my girlfriend n that shit hurt

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:42 PM

#

Yeah

#

I didn’t stop referring to my ex as gf until a month after we broke up

#

Shit sucked

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:43 PM

#

yeah

#

ill just need to keep myself busy

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:43 PM

#

Yes

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:44 PM

#

i still lowkey hope it someow works ngl

#

i feel so pathetic for saying so

#

ive never been this low

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:45 PM

#

Yeah ik 😭

#

It sucks man

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:46 PM

#

yeah

#

i also feel like i have abandoment issues

#

i always need someone to rely on

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:47 PM

#

Sounds like I’m talking to a mirror 💀

#

It gets better eventually

#

I promise you

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:47 PM

#

ok

#

i am going out tmr with an old family friend so

#

i hope that helps a bit

#

better than staying home ig

limber stag Jan 9, 2025, 1:49 PM

#

Don’t coup yourself up

#

Always try to find an excuse to go out

#

Whether it’s work on homework at a cafe or just taking a walk

regal lynx Jan 9, 2025, 1:50 PM

#

alright

#Rejected reconnection