need tips to be a secure not jealous person to higher the chances of gettin back together with my ex

[meager nova]

so 2 months ago i broke up with my very lovely long distance girlfriend 2 months, i broke a boundary and i take full responsiblities for it, she seems to have completely given up on us which is hard to take since we were together for 2 years and never imagined breaking up, im giving her all the space she needs and all the time she needs, im respecting her decisions and everythin shes doin, she loves and cares abt me me drastically less and got so unattached as well which breaks my heart, i miss makin her happy and secure and cozy and i miss my sweet girl so much, i recently talked to her abt what shed want in her next relationship and she said this, "i dont wanna stop doing what i like or bind myself to any rules, put myself in a box to my partners liking juse bec they feel jealous or insecure, i want a relationship where both of us can be 100% secure in each other" and that she also doesnt wanna be "babysitting her partner", so i wanna work hard on myself to be secure and let her have her freedom while being together, i did ask her before if there is a chance of us gettin back together but she said its 0% but im still not willing to give up on us and im willing to give it my everythin for a last chance, i just wanna hear people's opinions and ideas and get some advices

[signal tree]

What "boundary" did you break?

[meager nova]

I got on the hub and watched a video lol

[signal tree]

And what does that have to do with "putting her in a box" or "being insecure"?

[meager nova]

I was jealous and "insecure" abt our relationship

She said that she believed we could work it out

But the broken boundary was a push and the rest added up

[signal tree]

What did you do that showed you were "jealous" or "insecure"?

Are you sure you're using these terms correctly?

[meager nova]

I'd ask to see dms, and I would ask her to ask me before she does something with people

Insecure to the point of controlling a bit ig

She said it herself she doesn't wanna be babysitting

Like I just didn't trust her 100%

And tbf some stuff that broke my trust happened In the relationship and it's not our first time breaking up, but she is SERIOUS this time

[signal tree]

What kind of stuff?

[meager nova]

When we were inlove she'd always give some of her friends same amount of attention and treat them the same way and wouldn't make me feel special at all and lied to me about stuff

[signal tree]

Yeah well, these are valid reasons to lose trust.
It's also a problem of long distance more than you being "insecure". You can't 100% trust anyone online, especially if they've lied before, so that's normal. You just didn't act on this loss of trust correctly.
Calling you "insecure" is a common manipulation tactic to make you feel bad about something that was actually their fault.

[meager nova]

Welll she made up for it after I forgave her and everything was good for a while till my dumbass did what I did and I wanna fix stuff now, I wanna change as a person and it might be for her but it's also for future me and I just want advices on how to be more "secure"

I love her so much it's making my head hurt

She would be so jealous. Even more than me but I reassured her gently and updated her on everything and helped her through it, but now it's hard that I have to do it alone without any of these options

And now she doesn't care? Ig and wouldn't need much attention, codependency she called it

Like dependant on herself only

It'd be easier to think she doesn't wanna be someone's and be someone's someone, she wants to be herself with someone?

[signal tree]

You're already "secure" enough, so there's no need to be more "secure". She's the one who has work to do, because how are you going to live with someone who doesn't make you feel special at all and lies to you?
You're just blinded by love at the moment and craving the sweet attention so much that it's making you less able to make the right decision.

[meager nova]

I considered cutting her off and go no contact, but I wanna give it one last chance and give it my all before Doin that

Do u think i should tho?

[signal tree]

You've already given several chances in the many breakups you've had before. It's not wise to bet so much on the possibility that someone will change because most of the time they won't change.
And she's clearly shown that in her message to you saying she "doesn't want to stop doing what I like or bind myself to any rules...etc", which is a passive aggressive way of telling you that "it's all your fault and I'm not going to change".

[meager nova]

Ye she also said "stop trying to convince me to change" when I was literally only trying to know what she's looking for in her next relationship, like I wasn't talkin about me only abt her future but ig she meant me when she said "babysitting" and what not

Like she's literally dodging accountability

Idk if it's even worth it atp

[signal tree]

Yeah it's not worth it. You should preserve what remains of your dignity tbh.

[meager nova]

What do u think I should do? we're friends at most

[signal tree]

Nothing. Go on with your life and live it as if she was never in it.

[meager nova]

It's hard to do when I'm inlove with the memories we made and could've made and when she's still in my life

[signal tree]

Yeah well, the best decisions are usually the hardest unfortunately.

It will be even harder if you squander your dignity for something that's not worth it.

[meager nova]

I'm just gonna try 1 last time I don't wanna give up on us yet but I'm not gonna throw my dignity away for it