Don’t understand why someone would act like this

[boreal relic]

I was dating a girl for a little over a month recently, she would come over to my apartment almost every night, and we went on a ton of fun dates together. But throughout our relationship, she would constantly try to argue with me about random things, get really mad at me for little things, and try to change everything about me. If I didn’t want to do what she wanted I got told that I wasn’t listening to her and didn’t care about our relationship. Eventually I couldn’t handle the way she was treating me anymore and we got in a huge argument about it. She refused to acknowledge that the way she was acting was completely unfair and blamed everything on me, and made up a ton of reasons why our relationship needed to end, and then wouldn’t let me respond to anything she said. I’m having a really hard time understanding why someone would act like this, because she’s not the only girl I’ve dated, and the whole situation confuses me a lot. I really miss her because I used to wake up next to her every day and still don’t get why any of it happened.

[amber knoll]

Well that’s complicated. I think you should try to talk to her and if u two can’t seem to compromised anything. I think it’s time to move on. Cause it’s a lost cause, if the person you love can’t seem to understand you, unless you can handle it?

[boreal relic]

yeah, it is kind of a lost cause at this point because she blames me for being upset over being treated poorly. I've never been with someone who expected so much out of me in a relationship. It's just really confusing to me, because I was giving her anything she wanted. And then she would find another thing to be mad at me for. It really made me feel like nothing I did would fix anything anyways.

[manic cargo]

Hey, I can tell it feels really awful to be in the position your in. It's really difficult to be in these types of relationships. Your so scared of this person leaving that your giving more and more and they want even more and more from you. This is as you know not a healthy relationship, as it seems like she is trying to change you fundamentally, which isn't love. I'm glad you took the route you did, and honestly it's not worth asking questions during this hard time because it would make you keep reflecting on this relationship in a bad way, ie try to identify what you could have done wrong over and over again, when you know in your own heart that you made every sacrifice you could have and gave her all you could. But, in the end she still left you.

We can't ask ourselves why others treat us like so and so. People are people and people don't operate logically at times. Our feelings and our treatment of people is determined on thier worth, and it seems like she doesn't deem you of any worth since she's trying to change who you are. Your still in love with the person she used to be, and not the person who she is now.

The feeling of not being able to be loved in the future may also catch up with you, as your still trying to grasp at straws and recover any feeling of love back to you, but it's not worth it to maintain contact and to go through this healing process. Rebounds are distractions to your healing and you must confront the pain head on, as it will wear off sooner rather than later if you get it done right now.

Wishing you the best.

[boreal relic]

Thank you, you're right about not dwelling on it because no matter what I would change about myself for her, she would find a new thing she didn't like about me. I started to really notice it when it became small things. ie one time I was cutting an onion for the food I was making (for us) and she didn't like that I wasn't dicing it the way she could. I explained to her that I have bigger fingers than her and I felt like I would definitely slice myself, and she took that as "me not listening to her" when I fully responded to everything she wanted from me. Another weird thing, she turned my lighter around in my toker poker (it holds a lighter and has a stick for clearing a cannabis pipe) and started telling me that it was never facing the right way. When I turned it around she noticed and acted like I wasn't listening to her, at that point I realized what she was getting mad over was pointless. It was facing the way everyone has it. Then honestly over time I couldn't act like those were reasonable things to be mad at me for, and I ran out of the energy to entertain what she wanted out of me. The entire relationship kind of made me feel like I wasn't even a person she loved the entire time, and it's really hard to cope with. I hope I'm able to meet a better person in the future for sure, but im not necessarily trying to grasp onto anything at all. That would make me feel like I'm just playing myself again. My trust is completely gone and im just hoping to spend my time around people who actually give a shit about who I am as a person going forward.

[dire dirge]

i was in similar situations

we broke up litteraly 3 days ago

i was obsessed over her and if she wanted to play games with her male friends she would get upset because i want reassurance and she thinks i was fighting her

Our every conversation led us to who's gonna win even if i didn't care even if i was right i just wanted to understand me but it was never happened in 6months

You thinking about everything good in realationship and you miss her like how i miss my ex

But that type of girls are so defensive and have big ego

did you maybe talk about her past?
My gf said that she was abused and getting cursed in previous realationship but i never did that and she curses me every time

I got no boundaries because i wanted to fix her but she didn't care

Cared one time and forget everything

So i think we have similar situation
She have big ego and defense every word you say she pick wrong side and argue wanting to win

Eventually she would leave and i think its the best for you

Maybe after no texting she will miss you but i won't blame you if u go back prob i will too

But i think the best thing to do it's to leave her forever

[manic cargo]

That's amazing that you've spent enough time reflecting and realized that she isn't worth the effort that your putting in. How have you been coping so far?

[boreal relic]

I mean honestly I’m just really disappointed about the whole situation and am hoping to meet a girl who actually cares about me next time. She talked a lot about being loyal and working on things instead of leaving and then would do that exact thing. So there’s not much I could do from my point of view. There was no talking through anything or reasoning with her eventually so I probably won’t ever hear from her again. I’ve been having a hard time with how she quit the relationship without letting me respond to all the stuff she was saying. And it messed with me a lot for her to start telling me that I was the one who would start arguments, and blame me for everything. I felt really unheard and that nothing I said was valued at all by her at the end. I’m just looking forward to hopefully meeting a nicer person in the future now, honestly. That’s all I really can do. I’m just extremely disappointed by self destructive partners.

[boreal relic]

Yeah for sure, she would have to try to be right about everything when it really didn’t matter at all, fight with me if we had differing opinions on a subject, it was really immature and made me feel like I couldn’t share any of my views of anything around her. We couldn’t talk about anything interesting because she would start getting angry about anything. I’m just hoping to meet a girl who’s a lot more emotionally stable in the future, because I swear that girls emotions change on a daily basis. It really sucked to never know what she was gonna do next or get angry about.