#The trauma is backing back, I can't deal with it

76 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

delicate quiver
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I live in a toxic family and I can't deal with it anymore, its triggering a lot of stress and anxiety attacks. I need someone to talk to and share how I feel 😦

quaint night
delicate quiver
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Well just like any other Asian family, my parents are strict. Ever since childhood they have tried their best to control me and every single small thing I do

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From what I wear, What I do, how I spent my time, Whom I talk to, when i sleep everything - they're too controlling

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As a child I thought well they just want the best for me, trying to protect me

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But now I am an adult, I should get to make my own decisions, but I'm still not allowed to

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And No, I don't want the freedom to go out every night this that nothing like that... just a lil peace is all I want

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Plus they are so harsh with their words too

quaint night
delicate quiver
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Well seems like it

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I mean even if they want the best for me, atleast change the way you to talk to me

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ALL THOSE HARSH WORDS still haunts me

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I was in a depression 1-2 years ( i told em about it- they simply just shrugged it off)

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They didn't care that their chikd is hurting and asking for help

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Oh here's another crazy rule set by my dad- No crying in this house, no expressing emotions WTH

quaint night
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That sounds crazy yeah...How have you been dealing with it?

delicate quiver
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At first when i realised how toxic this is- i went to my elder sibling turns out he also went through the same, and deecided to maintain distance

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But me on the other hand, I decided to get this family together...and I tried my best after 4 years of efforts I could see a ray of hope

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But my parents ruined it again

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I just don't know what to do

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I even confronted them- saying how toxic they are being, as usual they didn't give a shit

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and blamed it all on me instead

quaint night
delicate quiver
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Sort of, he has limited his conversations, barely gets out of the room to avoid talking. But he seems more happy nowadays unlike before

quaint night
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Hmm but then, what was the ray of hope you saw and how was it ruined?

delicate quiver
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I-I could see everyone getting along often, having family dinner without any fights or nagging. Simply enjoying the time together, spending more time

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And well it was ruined again by my Dads words- " YOU are the reason for all the fights that happen in our home"

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And it just broke me, how can a parent say something like that to their child

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but then again I remembered this is not the first time, they've said harsh words before, infact even worse

quaint night
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Yeah that's very harsh indeed...
It's quite the achievement that you were able to bring your family together though. How did you manage to do it?

delicate quiver
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honestly even idk, I was going through a break up at that time (one of the reason for depression) and when got over I- I decided I wanna fix me and my life

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I had the strength to do it, after multiple attempts and no results I kept going

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I thought now I finally here but...

quaint night
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Is it at least better on the whole now than four years ago?

delicate quiver
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Yeah its much better

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except for the fact my dad hasn't talked to me for the past week cuz he's mad at me...as I called his behavior toxic

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Its not all bad

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In this course of 4 years we all did share happy joyful moments

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But idk man

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sometimes I feel, maybe I don't have it that bad...they're others out there who has it worse than me

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but i-i don't know what to do anymore

quaint night
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Well I guess things can't move forward without first reconciling with your dad somehow

delicate quiver
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but the thing is I don't want to anymore... I'm the youngest of the family struggling here to fix things, but if this is how I'm getting treated over n over again

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I don't want to shoulder this responsibility anymore!

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I mean I love them, I really love my dad....but this time he really struck a cord in me

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I'm done being treated like a doormat, on which everyone just steps and leaves

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Statements like - " You disappoint me" "You're not worth it" " You are a mistake" " I wish I never had you"

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It still haunts me every single day

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They just say those words and be it, they forget it

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but what about me, I still remember how they treated me

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Emotional abuse exists and they can't understand that

quaint night
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I don't think you have to shoulder the responsibility of fixing the family as a whole, but at the very least you need to maintain a minimum level of closeness to each member of your family to not have things get worse or more tense than they already are.

delicate quiver
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Yeah you right

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I have the best relation with my brother

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I'm thinking to keep my distance with my parents tho- just talking the bare minimum

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Do you think I should talk back and stand up for myself or just quietly listen to their nagging?

quaint night
# delicate quiver Do you think I should talk back and stand up for myself or just quietly listen ...

Nope :') Please don't talk back, it almost never ends well.
Talking back can work if you're perceived as an equal to whoever you're talking back to. But your parents are never going to perceive you as an equal (and neither should you). They have a higher authority and so they're not going to accept it.
It hurts to sit quietly and listen, but that hurts less than when things escalate due to talking back.

delicate quiver
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That is true and I do agree with it

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But I- I had so much anger in me which I had supressed but after last week's incident I can't hold it in anymore

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All I want is to make my parent aware of their behavior and make em realise how wrong they are

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I've tried sitting down with them trying to have a proper conversation and communicate

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But they don't wanna listen

quaint night
delicate quiver
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Yeah I will try my best to control my anger

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Do you think I'm weak?

quaint night
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Nope, I was actually impressed you managed to fix things after four years and make them better than before (on average at least). No many people can pull that off.

delicate quiver
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Thank you!🥹

quaint night
delicate quiver
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Ik, i wished he could take a step first towards reconciling but that's never gonna happen

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so i'll do the honours like always

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Currently I'm in 1st year of clg and I still live with my parents...I'm planning to move out after clg do you think that'll help

quaint night
delicate quiver
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Yesssss I have considered all the factors, I'm confident i can pull through that

quaint night
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Good to know :)

delicate quiver
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Thank you so muc, I feel so much better just venting out and 1st time being able to share my part of story and being understood. I've always been the therapist to all my friends, today I got to share my feelings, without being misjudged.

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Thanks for actively listening, I appreciate it