- | The Therapy Center | Page 1

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 6:02 PM

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This is weird indeed. Ive always told myself I'm okay and I dont need any help. Yk like I was feeling "what's there to help. I'm perfectly fine"

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It took me a long time to admit I'm not fine

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I was always confused why I didn't feel fine though

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My life seems to be amazing, my childhood wasn't bad, I haven't gone through anything traumatizing

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Okay amazing might be a bit much

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I think I feel like a poser in a way?

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All of my friends has had way more harder lives and is going through some seriously tough stuff

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And me? Im not even sure why I feel the ways I do

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My friends are here telling me how their parents would fight all the time or abuse them and I'm here crying because who knows why

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I always have this weird void feeling

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A strange emptiness

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Do you get that scary feeling where you start to lose intrest in a lot of things that use to make you happy?

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I'm scared

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I just don't seem to feel so happy about a lot of stuff

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I just want to hide in my room and cry all day and never see anyone ever again

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But I also really don't want to

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I really really don't want to get that bad

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I already did sh and I hated myself for it I didn't feel like myself

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I'm hoping I'm not becoming depressed or something

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I have no reason so I'm so confused

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I wish I can just be normal again

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I wish I can be happier again

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I feel bad bc my gf goes through worse and if I'm going through this weird thing I won't be able to help her

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And she tries so hard to make me happy like do for her

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I don't want her to know how I feel though I don't want her to feel like she's not doing enough and I don't want to burden her with my empty problems while she's having major problems herself

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I would say I'm having a panic attack but I absolutely hate using that word

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I never liked using words like panic attack, anxiety, or like mentally ill on myself

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Maybe it's because I've shielded myself for so long that when people would say"do you think your having a panic attack" or "it might be your anxiety" I shut it down IMMEDEATLY

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Ig I just don't like to admit I have problems

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I mean I am now but my brain is telling myself this was a bad idea and I should keep shut

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I feel like I can talk for ever about my problems it keeps building up and up and it's getting overwhelming

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This was definitely a bad idea

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No no this was a good idea this is healthy for me to write out how I feel

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Lilz weird journal

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Lilz weird journal (venting n stuff)

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Okay anyways

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I would write more but I kinda lost the motivation to do anything rn

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I just want to sleep so I'll probably write more when I feel better or I'll write tmr

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Well I wanted to sleep but my thoughts are racing too much

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The main thing is how I'm a bad person

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Is it really a bad thing when I'm lying to protect my loved ones?

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Everyone, epically my gf, asks if I'm okay everyday

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And everyday, I say the 2 words that seem to sting

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"I'm okay"

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But I'm not

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Some days I am but a lot of days I'm really not

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I just dont want to burden anyone with my problems if you can even call them problems

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I DONT FULLY KNOW WHAT IS MAKING ME FEEL THE WAY I AM

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It sucks because I always have to know what happens and why

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I hate writing my emotions because anytime I release them I feel numb

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Is it a good thing? Does that mean I'm healing? I want to heal I want to be better

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Idk I don't know a lot of stuff

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It's from shielding myself from bad stuff my whole life and also compressing them

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It came back to bite me in the ass and it won't stop biting and it's basically beating me up

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Whatever anyways I'm done for now since I have stuff to do (too much crap to do I'm so burnt out but I have to so i dont disappoint my parents)

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Goodbye for now

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 8:58 PM

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gosh me and my gf were on call playing minecraft and she leaves quickly and i hear her sister is crying and her mom is yelling and her brothers are having a fit and im worried for her

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i feel so bad she has a crappy family with a mom that barely cares for her and her brothers it sucks

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she forgot to mute herself while on call rn and i hear so mcuh yelling and ik stuff liek this maeks her cry and super stressed

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i hope i can help her when she gets back

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at least make her feel better

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i feel like playing minecraft made it worse

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idk its my fualt i wanted to play with her

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 9:30 PM

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I SUCK AT HELPING MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BETTER

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geeeezzzzzzz why cant i help people i want to help but for some reason i cant

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:16 PM

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Ive been ranting so much today it's crazy i didnt realize how badly I needed to write out my emotions

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My gf is okay now ig but man idk I feel stuck

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Sometimes when she has her problems I don't feel well but I don't want to tell her she can't control her problems

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It's not her fault

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It's mine

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I can't handle this stuff

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Maybe she deserves someone better than me

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Ig I have a lot to say

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It's crazy I've been looking through this server and seeing how a couple people actually cares and listens and wants to help

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Maybe it's not having anyone to talk to or not a lot of people caring when I was younger that I've grown to learn my problem isn't anyone else's

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Even when people like my gf cares

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I still feel like I should just stay quiet

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It's not her problem

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She says she wants to help but

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Idk

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Is it weird that I say I don't really want help

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I think I've mentioned this already

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I have pretty bad memory

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But a little piece inside of me tells me it's not worth it and I shpud keeo my mouth shut and keep smiling

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It's what I do best anyway

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:33 PM

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round vessel But a little piece inside of me tells me it's not worth it and I shpud keeo my m...

should keep

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Im evil

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I'll leave 😭

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:34 PM

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Bruh if you just gonna come in here and correct me 💀

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Don't even say anything 💀

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:34 PM

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round vessel Don't even say anything 💀

😭

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:34 PM

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I mean idc that much it's kinda funny

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Still

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If you ain't gonna help tho don't say anything

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:35 PM

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round vessel If you ain't gonna help tho don't say anything

Im sorry

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:35 PM

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It's okay just don't do it again bc it's rude especially when it's something sensitive

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Like what I'm talking bout basically

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:35 PM

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round vessel It's okay just don't do it again bc it's rude especially when it's something sen...

But that's why its funny 😭

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:35 PM

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It's not though 😭 it's rude 😭

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:36 PM

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Its funny and rude 😭

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:36 PM

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Think of it as your family died and I walked up to you and corrected you for something you said

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Same energy

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:36 PM

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...

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My father died a 2 months ago

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:/

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:37 PM

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😭 bruh I'm sorry

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:37 PM

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Im joking 😭🙏🙏

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:37 PM

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NAW DONT PLAY 😭

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:38 PM

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Hahah

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That's what usually helps from my experience

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Jokes

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:38 PM

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you lucky I ain't sensitive and won't report you or sum

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Jokes usually does help but not for everyone

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Everyone's experience is different

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:38 PM

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round vessel Jokes usually does help but not for everyone

You can't be sad in a room full of happy people

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From my experience

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:39 PM

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pulsar swift You can't be sad in a room full of happy people

You can be sad but from my experience it's basically fake it till you make it

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Anyways move on bro lemme be depressed here

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:40 PM

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Well that doesn't really work does it

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:40 PM

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Well no

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:40 PM

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Trying to get better we say

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Idk how to word myself

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But im not helping so gday to you mam

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:41 PM

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Real same problem

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G'day to you too sir or ma am idk but good day

pulsar swift Nov 23, 2024, 10:42 PM

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round vessel G'day to you too sir or ma am idk but good day

opel

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 10:42 PM

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And don't go around correcting people's stuff

round vessel Nov 23, 2024, 11:37 PM

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Disappointed 💔 it said it was gonna rain but it didn't 😔

round vessel Nov 24, 2024, 2:46 AM

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I can't stop crying I can't stop crying I don't know why I'm not even sad

round vessel Nov 24, 2024, 4:17 AM

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Numb feeling it's strange

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The people around me feel like they don't even exist

round vessel Nov 24, 2024, 7:13 AM

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Well I got through the day

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It's 1:13 so it's time for me to sleep

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Goodnight all

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May I and everyone else open their eyes to a new fresh day and hopefully have a good night as well as a day 🙏🏽

round vessel Nov 24, 2024, 4:49 PM

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It's funny to wake up and feel unreal

round vessel Nov 24, 2024, 5:52 PM

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I've learned to not read other people's problems

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Not because I'm selfish or anything

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I don't think I'm selfisj

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But it makes me feel like I'm worth nothing and people have it harder than me

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I know it's not true

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Everyone feeling matter

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Ig I just feel bad that other people have it harder than I do

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That's a good thing right?

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Im... What's the word

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Compassionate

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I guess

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I'm not being rude by saying I don't wanna know others people's problems

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Well it does seem rude

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It just makes me feel like a worse person

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Oh no I am a bad person huh

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I'm so selfish

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 12:47 AM

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The urges

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The urges are strong but I'm not listening

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I won't I won't

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I learned that I don't fear death

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Well I do

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It's a strange thing

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I don't wanna die but if I do come across a situation where i die i wouldn't fight it id just get it over with

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Another strange thing is I technically am scared of getting killed

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Well ig not getting killed more specifically going through the pain

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Like I have slight paranoia and I'm scared there's people out there who wants to come get me and torture me and kill me

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I'm scared that people out there are going to kill all my loved ones

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My gf has told me I should get checked

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My paranoia isn't thaaaat bad

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Before I went to highschool I lived in a ghetto city where we learned how to keep our eyes peeled

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I witnessed a couple stuff and heard a lot of stories

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It may have effected how I am now

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I witness an attempted kidnapping and almost found myself in a middle of a couple gang fights

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My school went on lockdown a couple times bc criminals would run through our school with knives and guns

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We also had a lot of fights in school

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Some of them got brutal

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Fires were always set in the city

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Bombs would go off

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I would always hear gunshots and loud cars

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But I survived and moved out of the city

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This city is better but I'm still scared

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I feel like I'm still in danger I guess

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That's why I trust no one

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I don't mess with anybody

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I'm super scared of walking home

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 1:05 AM

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round vessel I witness an attempted kidnapping and almost found myself in a middle of a coupl...

One day while walking home I saw these 2 kids walking across the street from me. They were just walking and talking and then I hear a car pull up. I looked behind and he started dead at me. I was like "is he going to kidnap me? No that won't happen" he turns to the 2 kids and starts choking one of them and the other kid starts yelling. I remember the guy looking back at me. With his brown eyes and dirty face and his red hat. Then I remember running home as fast as I can not even looking back, afraid he was chasing me bc of what I saw. I ran to my family crying but they pushed me away and said it was probably nothing. I felt scared and alone. I was calling my mom but she wasn't picking up till a couple mins later. She picked me up and tried to calm me down but later on got kind of mad that I kept feeling scared. That was probably one of the worst days of my life. I was so scared and crying non stop and I couldn't sleep.

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Oh wow retalking about it was a bad idea

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I'm going to take a break and try to distract myself now I can't handle remembering it rn

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 2:13 AM

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Thinking more I feel like this was a bad idea

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I feel like someone is going to use this information against me

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I don't want that to happen

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I feel like I endangered my life somehow

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Maybe it's the paranoia

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Maybe it's the fear of my loved ones possibly seeing this

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Idk

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I'm going to delete this soon

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I don't trust anyone anymore

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This was a bad idea

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I'm going to get turned against on

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Like I always have

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I'll write more later today just to get stuff out of my system but I'll delete this post the next morning

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Maybe someone will read this and want to comment

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I do kinda wanna let someone come on in and read and give feedback

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But if no one does it's okay

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I didn't fully expect someone to read all uh over 200 messgaes

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So

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Yeah

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long vent journal (soon to be deleted)

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 7:29 AM

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I made it through the day once again

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I'm quietly hoping I don't wake up

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I'm so tired

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I just want to sleep forever with no worries

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I want everything to finally stand still and stop spinning

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Passing by so fast

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While I'm getting dizzy and tripping over my own feet

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I want everything to be okay

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I want everything to calm down

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I want to be free of all of my problems

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I don't want to be a burden anymore

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I promised myself and my gf I won't do anything to myself

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I won't tonight

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I may be going insane and a big liar

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But I won't lie about this

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I won't break my promise

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Ah what a funny world we live in with so many problems and very little help

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This place sucks

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I literally can't wait till it's my time

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But I won't force it

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I will never get to that point I swore to myself, my gf, my family, to god, everyone and everything

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Well.. I don't fully believe in God but a tiny sliver in me wants just something small to believe in

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Something out there that will hear my cries and save me

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Yet I still want to remain silent

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It's weird I'm weird

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I want help yet I also dont

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I feel undeserving of help I feel like there are other people that need more help than me so why bother with me

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Again ik it's bad to compare with other people but for some reason it's really hard for me to be like "why do my problems matter when there are people like my friends that have it worse than me"

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Everyday when I hear my friends problems I feel like a trash selfish faker and i don't deserve the tears that roll down my face

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I don't deserve to be heard or cared for

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I'm going to write out how my day went and then go to bed and cry

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Today was okay I guess. I woke up feeling not like myself as always and feeling like stuck in a dream but I've always felt like that since 7th grade so nothing new. I had a splitting headache all day where most times I couldn't even lift my head up and I almost fainted a couple times. Normal. I had a lot of problems breathing but I pushed it aside. I went out with my parents for dinner it was pretty nice. I was rushing to finish my art homework but thankfully I finished it 🙏🏽 I'm super stressed about my coding project coming up though I haven't gotten anything done and it's due in 3 days I feel so useless im trying i really am but im not getting anything done WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I did my typical spiraling and my daily self hate and staring at the razor that sits on my dresser while the voices tell me to just do it but I ignore her because I want to pretend to be happy and well for my family and gf. Her voices have been strong for a while and I've seen her form a couple times. It seems she's haunting me... She's following me wherever I go I can't escape her... Anyways. Id rate this day a 5/10. Things that made me happy today? I managed to finish my art. I ignored her voices. Even if they were a bit louder this time. I had a good dinner with my parents. I got my gf Christmas gifts. I have an amazing plan for Christmas. Ig that's all

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Alright goodnight to all and I pray for all to have a good or a better day and that one day the light will shine and they will find the happiness they deserve

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 4:55 PM

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Woke up to a new day

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My throat hurts I better not be fricking sick

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Um I put more thought and I might keep the journal up just a little longer

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Not to long though

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Well

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I guess till I feel like I'm not safe anymore

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 7:14 PM

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I'm so relieved that my big project got moved to next week

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I was so close to breaking down

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I think I did a good thing

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For once I helped someone

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It felt... Nice

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I hope for that dude to have a good life

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I can live knowing that my experiences has finally helped someone and that my life isn't just a useless joke

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:51 PM

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Ive had a problem of pulling my hair for a while

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Idk I just always liked the feeling of the small sting and seeing the strand of hair in my hand and continuing till it turns into a hair ball and my head stings

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:53 PM

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Ur journal is growing so much

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Good job

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:53 PM

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Ah yes well I have more problems than I thought 😅

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I guess it's a healthy thing to write it all out?

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:53 PM

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251 messages is quite impressive

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:53 PM

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Only because I don't usually like to write one long message

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I send constant short messages

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But thanks for dropping by Helen PeepoHeart

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:55 PM

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I know how it feels to be lonely

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I just don't wanna leave people lonely

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It's just that you typed so many messages and nobody talks to you

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:56 PM

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Yeah i don't really mind it

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I don't expect people to read all 200 of my stuff

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:56 PM

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Its nice having people to hear you out

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:56 PM

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It is yeah

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:56 PM

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But I just got into smth so graphic and gross

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I have nobody to talk to

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:57 PM

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Wanna have a little chat here ?

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I got nothing to do

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:57 PM

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I guess sure why not

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:57 PM

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And it'll be good so I can stop pulling my hair

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:57 PM

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So I was scrolling on my feed

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And It was about gore

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Curiosity kills the cat

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So I found the vid on google

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And like what the hell

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:58 PM

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Oof yeah I couldn't do stuff like that I'm super sensitive to gore and blood

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:58 PM

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Did I just see

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It was so gorey and graphic

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:58 PM

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Usually if I accidentally come across that stuff I watch cute and happy things to take my mind off

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:58 PM

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Literally so much blood

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And there was infant beaten up to death

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Which is burned into my mind

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Which makes me puke and cry

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:59 PM

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Oh geez what is wrong with people

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:59 PM

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It's 4am I can't sleep

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Im going insane

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:59 PM

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I suggest watching something calming

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:59 PM

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I just wish that infant was just knocked out not dead pls.

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 8:59 PM

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round vessel I suggest watching something calming

I did but it's not making me forget what I just saw

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 8:59 PM

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It's sad indeed but it happens and all we can wish for is that the person behind it will burn

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:00 PM

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full flicker I did but it's not making me forget what I just saw

Do you have anything you find calming to do ?

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That can take your mind off it

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:00 PM

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Literally the baby was playing on the street and some idiot just went up to them and started hitting them

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:00 PM

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Oh geez that's terrible

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:00 PM

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I just wish I could help

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:01 PM

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I get it It's hard to watch things like that and feel helpless

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:01 PM

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Exactly, it's so hard to watch

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:01 PM

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The best thing you can do is make sure you report it

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One report might seem like a small step but it'll help let the police know

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:01 PM

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Oh do u mind if I tell you what else happened or is that too much info

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:02 PM

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If your gonna get into more description onto the video prob not since I'm sensitive to stuff like that

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:02 PM

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Yeah okay

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:02 PM

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Sry yeah

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:02 PM

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The parts I as gonna say are rlly rlly gross

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I wanna gouge my eyes to not see

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Unsee

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:03 PM

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Ita scary to know there's people like that out there

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:03 PM

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Knowing that I also have a baby sister

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It just makes me paranoid

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:03 PM

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full flicker I wanna gouge my eyes to not see

I've had a crazy amount of moments like that but I've learned ways like trying to distract myself the best way possible and also just interacting with people

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:04 PM

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Also knowing this crap is common among foreign countries just hurts my heart

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:04 PM

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round vessel I've had a crazy amount of moments like that but I've learned ways like trying t...

It'll go away eventually. Not fully but it wouldn't wind up in your mind often

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Also I'm sorry you have to feel scared now it's good to keep an eye on your baby sister

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:04 PM

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full flicker Also knowing this crap is common among foreign countries just hurts my heart

Yeah it's so stupid

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:04 PM

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I'm happy that only in my country stealing is the worst they can do

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Not all this

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:04 PM

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That's good so you are safe 🙏🏽

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My country there are some scary stuff that happens commonly but that's where we've learned to stay on our toes

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May I ask? What country you live in

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:05 PM

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I'm in Singapore

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But Im in Vietnam right now

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:05 PM

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Ah I've heard that's a beautiful place

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:05 PM

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Where things can get quite bad

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:05 PM

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Ohh vietnam

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Yeah my grandma is from there and half my family is there rn

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:06 PM

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I've heard lots of people saying if my sis is kidnapped

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They will harvest her

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And I didn't rlly care until I saw this vid

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:06 PM

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It's just best to keep her close and keep and eye on her

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Know your surroundings

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Especially in Vietnam my grandma told me that it's best to keep your belongings close

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:07 PM

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round vessel Especially in Vietnam my grandma told me that it's best to keep your belongings ...

Screw my belongings my life and my family's life is crucial

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I'd hate to see my mom cry

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If anything were to happen

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:08 PM

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True true that is always the most important

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For me I've always lived in constant fear of my live and my family and loved ones it's a pretty rough life to live but I've learned to recognize the security that is around and I've learned self defense stuff

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:09 PM

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round vessel For me I've always lived in constant fear of my live and my family and loved one...

Self defense is useless to me

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Because what if the people trying to hurt me has guns

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:10 PM

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Yeah I've thought of that

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I've always thought of that

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I live in a country full of guns

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:10 PM

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Guns are superior to fighting

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:10 PM

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It's a very scary thought and I almost never want to leave my house

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:10 PM

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So I don't bother

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:11 PM

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Honestly if my enemy has a gun and plans to use it on me I won't fight

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I know it'll be my end

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:11 PM

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I can't even dodge a bullet

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Let alone self defense

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:11 PM

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I can't even dodge a ball

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And I honestly suck at self defense

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:12 PM

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I lean taekwondo

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:12 PM

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The world is such a dangerous place

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:12 PM

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But it isn't helping me

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:12 PM

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I learned MMA and have only a yellow belt

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I haven't really leaned crap 💀

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:12 PM

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Man I don't wanna go for black belt

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:13 PM

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Black belt is not for me

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:13 PM

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The test for black belt is literally gonna involve fighting

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:13 PM

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The only fighting experience I had was when my friend decided to punch me and I punched her back

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:13 PM

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Ouch

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:14 PM

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Yeah well I should say ex friend

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We're not friends anymore thank gosh

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:14 PM

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Are you lesbian

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:14 PM

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Not really I'm bi

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I got a girlfriend

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:14 PM

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ohh

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Wow!!

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:14 PM

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Yeah heh almost 9 months

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:15 PM

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Congrats

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:15 PM

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Thx

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:15 PM

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Mine barely lasts

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:15 PM

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I get it I've been through a lot of short relationships

#

All because they've only gotten with me to hurt me

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:15 PM

#

We aren't fit for each other

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:15 PM

#

It takes time though

#

It all takes time to find the one

#

It takes patience to recognize true feelings

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:17 PM

#

Things fall apart

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:17 PM

#

Yeah the ones that aren't right tend to do that but I'm sure you'll find the right one PeepoLove

#

It's just best to keep your head up

#

My last relationship made me almost crumble and he tried to make sure I stayed down but I went far far away from him and took time for myself and finally found the one

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:19 PM

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Justice 4 u

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:19 PM

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Did ? Did you just change your pfp ?

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:20 PM

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Yes I did

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:20 PM

#

Oh for a second I thought someone else came by

#

Oh well I gotta go now I have to help my family cook dinner

full flicker Nov 25, 2024, 9:21 PM

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No silly

#

Byee 💕

round vessel Nov 25, 2024, 9:21 PM

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But it was really nice talking to you PeepoHeart

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Thanks for having a conversation with me

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Byeee 💕 PeepoLove

round vessel Nov 26, 2024, 12:30 AM

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Im so so soooooo tired ughhhhhh

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I have too much work to do and so much to worry about

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I wish all my worries would disappear

round vessel Nov 26, 2024, 6:54 AM

#

Day summary: Well today was whatevers. I watched TV all day. I was picking my hair though. One bad habit I need to stop. I'm so stressed about all the work I have to do. Uhmm. I think my stress is slowly making me feel sick. Idk if that's possible tho. I haven't been feeling so well. It's okay though I'll find a way through I'll soldier through. I rate this day a 6/10

#

Anyways goodnight to everyone and good day and I hope for happiness to everyone

#

Errr I went to the restroom real quick before I go to bed and I looked at myself in the mirror and got super scared because the person who I saw looking back at me was not me at all

#

She was not me

#

Idk who she was but she was not me

#

I'm scared I feel like I'm going insane

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The room im in doesn't seem recognisable anymore

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I think... I just need sleep

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I promise I won't do anything to myself

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Im going to blast music to distract myself and drown the thoughts and voices away

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I'm so dizzy okay goodnight all

full flicker Nov 26, 2024, 4:46 PM

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Heyyy lilz

#

Hows it been

round vessel Nov 27, 2024, 1:47 AM

#

Heyy uh it's been whatever's

#

I'm super tired and I'm getting super stressed out

#

I'm gonna ramble for a bit

#

Is it stupid to say that emotions stress me out? Because whenever people or myself show a sign of sadness, stress, depression, anxiety, or whatever bad stuff, I get like a bad stress headache and I panick

#

Like what is wrong with me

#

😭🙏🏽

#

My gf currently talking about how shes slightly crying rn bc she felt like she angered her dad

#

Honestly like I feel like she can be a bit too emotional for me

#

Like not in a bad way

#

It's my fault I cant handle emotions

#

This is exactly why I don't deserve to be with her

#

I can't handle stupid feelings (not saying the feelings are stupid just that the way I feel against them is stupid)

#

I just idk I can't handle these bad feelings I never knew what to do or how to deal with them

#

I idk what's wrong with me

#

I wish I had an anger room so I can stop releasing my anger on myself and stop compressing how I feel to the people I love

#

I just don't wanna hurt anyone

round vessel Nov 27, 2024, 7:39 AM

#

Do I really deserve to put that "day 5"

#

I mean I do journal

#

But last night ||I cut myself||

#

That's not a healthy way to release my emotions

#

Things just got a bit out of hand and I wasn't exactly on the right mind last night

#

Now the scars are stinging and it feels like they're taunting me

#

I feel terrible I feel not like myself

#

Whatever I just have to keep it together till thanksgiving

#

Let's hope I make it

#

Goodnight all

round vessel Nov 27, 2024, 11:21 PM

#

Ughhhhhh my head hurts so bad it's unbearable

#

I'm so stressed out

#

long vent journal

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 12:28 AM

#

Oh man I didn't know I could post pics on here

#

Either ways I'm working on knitting a scarf and it kinda helps

#

It keeps me distracted

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:17 AM

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round vessel But last night ||I cut myself||

Don't cut yourself. Cut vegetables

#

Be healthy

#

Make a salad

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:18 AM

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pulsar swift Don't cut yourself. Cut vegetables

Honestly best words I've ever seen

#

Im gonna start using that

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:18 AM

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round vessel Honestly best words I've ever seen

But honestly why cut tho

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:18 AM

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Explanation is too long

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:18 AM

#

Im not trying to be rude or anything like that

#

But i js don't get it

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:19 AM

#

I assume your curious I get it

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:19 AM

#

Why cut

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:20 AM

#

Well the easy explanation is bc I get this weird uncomfy itchy feeling and like a "voice" in my head tells me it's the best way to make that uncomfortable feeling go away

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:20 AM

#

round vessel Well the easy explanation is bc I get this weird uncomfy itchy feeling and like ...

Schizophrenia?

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:20 AM

#

Honestly maybe but I never got tested so

#

Even if I did have it I probably have a mild case

#

There are a couple times I see this giant shadow creature

#

At this point I'm going crazy 😭

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:22 AM

#

round vessel There are a couple times I see this giant shadow creature

Nah g don't wory

#

That's js me

#

All jokes aside

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:22 AM

#

Aw man let me be bruh 😔

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:23 AM

#

I like staring at people while they sleep

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:23 AM

#

But uh yeah I should probably go get tested or whatever

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:23 AM

#

But as i said jokes aside

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:23 AM

#

pulsar swift I like staring at people while they sleep

I hope that's not true 💀

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:23 AM

#

round vessel I hope that's not true 💀

It is

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:23 AM

#

Well

#

I'm sure that's illegal in some ways

#

But you do you

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:24 AM

#

Trespassing ig

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:24 AM

#

Oh naw

#

Just go on twitch there's always girls sleeping you don't gotta break in places

#

Okay moving on 😭

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:25 AM

#

It's like watching the hub. It's not the same as doing it

#

But yeah imma go before i get banned

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:25 AM

#

I mean ig that's true

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:26 AM

#

pulsar swift But yeah imma go before i get banned

Yeah watch what you say 💀

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:26 AM

#

round vessel Yeah watch what you say 💀

I already got muted for a day

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:26 AM

#

I'm not surprised

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:26 AM

#

Said some "unfunny" rap jokes

#

¯_(ツ)_/¯

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:27 AM

#

Well in this server you have to watch what you say bc this is a place where people are open and sensitive

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:27 AM

#

I mean ig so but still

#

Being over sensitive js bc this is a vent server?

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:27 AM

#

This shouldn't be a place where people insult or make fun of or even have to feel uncomfortable so jus careful with your word's

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:28 AM

#

pulsar swift Being over sensitive js bc this is a vent server?

Not js bc that people can just be sensitive and come here for comfort

#

See the main reason I came on here was to find a place to ramble and like talk with people and hope to confirm and fix eachothers problems

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:29 AM

#

round vessel See the main reason I came on here was to find a place to ramble and like talk w...

Didn't ask

#

Im joking

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:29 AM

#

Bruh 😭

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:29 AM

#

I mean i guess so but it doesn't mean you should be over sensitive

#

Not saying that you are

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:30 AM

#

People are just like that sometimes

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:30 AM

#

But you get the point

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:30 AM

#

Ig but I can't blame people like that especially if they've been through something tough

#

Like I got a friend who's super sensitive but she's had a super rough life so

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:30 AM

#

round vessel Ig but I can't blame people like that especially if they've been through somethi...

Imo

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:31 AM

#

round vessel Like I got a friend who's super sensitive but she's had a super rough life so

Idk how to word myself

#

Since english is my 3rd language

#

But

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:31 AM

#

Oh really ?

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:31 AM

#

Yuh

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:31 AM

#

What's your first 2

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:31 AM

#

But

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:31 AM

#

round vessel What's your first 2

Latvian native

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:31 AM

#

That's honestly pretty cool like I've been tryna learn other languages

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:31 AM

#

Then small bit of Russian

#

Then english

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:32 AM

#

that's pretty cool

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:32 AM

#

But as i was saying

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:32 AM

#

round vessel Like I got a friend who's super sensitive but she's had a super rough life so

I find it annoying

#

Not like in

#

Ugh

#

Like when people only talk about past trauma and act supper sensitive

#

And can't take a joke

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:34 AM

#

I mean 😭 if they talk about trauma that's them having to go back and remember what they went through and how they felt and that makes them sensitive and makes themselves exposed and having to remember that pain would not put them in a joking mood

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:34 AM

#

round vessel Think of it as your family died and I walked up to you and corrected you for som...

Literally this example

#

Like someone you cared for died and then someone jokes about it

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:35 AM

#

round vessel Like someone you cared for died and then someone jokes about it

I didn't mean can't take a joke as of joking about the trauma but js in general

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:36 AM

#

round vessel I mean 😭 if they talk about trauma that's them having to go back and remember w...

But like. When they don't try to recover from the trauma and still keep talking and thinking about it

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:36 AM

#

People like that usually been through so much pain they don't want a joke to just dismiss how they feel

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:37 AM

#

pulsar swift But like. When they don't try to recover from the trauma and still keep talking ...

I mean talking about it is kinda a step into recovering

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:38 AM

#

Idk maybe it's js cultural difrence

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:38 AM

#

I mean maybe

#

People handle things differently

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:38 AM

#

For us here it's like not acceptable to be weak

#

Or lgbtq or rgb or wtv the fuc its called

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:39 AM

#

round vessel People handle things differently

Even if it wasn't cultural difference, a bunch of other stuff factor into it too like the brain can process things different, the way people grew up, religion, and also influences

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:39 AM

#

pulsar swift Or lgbtq or rgb or wtv the fuc its called

RGB is crazy

#

You talking to the wrong person then bro

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:39 AM

#

round vessel RGB is crazy

LGtv

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:39 AM

#

I part of RGB

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:40 AM

#

round vessel I part of RGB

Red or green?

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:40 AM

#

All

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:40 AM

#

Why

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:40 AM

#

Bruh I'm gay

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:40 AM

#

Oh

#

Dang

#

Im sorry for your loss

#

Im joking

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:41 AM

#

Naw 💀 I'm gonna get my gay friends after you

#

All of my RGB friend's

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:41 AM

#

I only like the green ones

#

😭

#

Im joking but

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:41 AM

#

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN BRUH 😭

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:41 AM

#

I mean

#

In my culture

#

Atleaste a bit older culture all of that is unacceptable

#

I kinda don't care what way you go

#

As long it doesn't effect me

#

But like trans n shit

#

That is wrong imo

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:43 AM

#

See there I aint gonna say anything

#

I don't see a problem with them like I let people be who they wanna like IDC as long as they don't cause problems

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:44 AM

#

Nah i wanna know a American (Im guessing that ur american) Opinion

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:44 AM

#

I am sadly

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:44 AM

#

round vessel I am sadly

Sadly?

#

Yall make 14 dollars a hour

#

Be happy

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:44 AM

#

14? What a dream

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:44 AM

#

round vessel 14? What a dream

Minimal wage no?

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:45 AM

#

Most places yeah

#

Some goes a bit lower

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:45 AM

#

I make 4 euros a hour :/

#

But anyways

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:45 AM

#

At least your making money

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:46 AM

#

About the dlc's

#

Idk

#

If i talk more ill get banned

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:46 AM

#

Probably

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:47 AM

#

Wanted to talk about African Americans but that's a tale for a nother day

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:47 AM

#

Besides this was supposed to be my area to be depressed n stuff

#

Not the African Americans 😭 I hope you weren't gonna bring up what I think you were gonna bring up

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:48 AM

#

round vessel Besides this was supposed to be my area to be depressed n stuff

Less depression okay? Otherwise I'll smear mayonnaise on your walls

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:48 AM

#

pulsar swift Less depression okay? Otherwise I'll smear mayonnaise on your walls

Sounded better in my head

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:48 AM

#

That's crazy 🤯 I have less depression now

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:48 AM

#

pulsar swift Sounded better in my head

Reading it sounds sexual

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:48 AM

#

round vessel Not the African Americans 😭 I hope you weren't gonna bring up what I think you ...

Yup

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:48 AM

#

Idk how you got that 💀

pulsar swift Nov 28, 2024, 1:48 AM

#

round vessel Idk how you got that 💀

Splooge

#

Idek

#

It's bouta be 4 am

#

Goodbye

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 1:49 AM

#

Alright bye

#

Anyways to add to my journal

#

Uh idk I'll add later

neon shoal Nov 28, 2024, 2:55 AM

#

holy whack

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 6:08 AM

#

Where did bro come from 😭

round vessel Nov 28, 2024, 6:47 AM

#

Anyway to be depressing uh

#

Is It bad to say my gfs family stresses me out 💀

#

Like 😭

#

I wont get into all the detail bc thats her life

#

But jeez 💀

round vessel Nov 29, 2024, 7:17 AM

#

Gosh okay

#

Almost forgot to put stuff

#

I'll just put how my day went

#

So today Thanksgiving happy thankgivijg everyone. Uh it was okay ig only bad stuff is when I had a close panic attack but I'm okay bc I always end up fine it's all just me overreacting so it's nothing I'm okay

#

Food was yummy

#

I feel so weird 💀 like I'm watching myself though a screen in my brain

#

Idk Im probably just tired

#

Goodnight all

sullen thistle Nov 29, 2024, 11:38 AM

#

Woah

round vessel Nov 29, 2024, 6:33 PM

#

I dont get people that just come on just to act surprised 💀

#

Like 😭 you don't gotta type that here

sullen thistle Nov 29, 2024, 11:13 PM

#

Woah

pulsar swift Nov 30, 2024, 4:53 PM

#

Woah

round vessel Nov 30, 2024, 6:14 PM

#

Bruh 😭

pulsar swift Dec 1, 2024, 12:05 PM

#

Woah

full flicker Dec 2, 2024, 6:58 PM

#

round vessel I dont get people that just come on just to act surprised 💀

Probably because you have 100+ pages of text in this very journal

round vessel Dec 3, 2024, 4:59 AM

#

Ig

#

Anyways since I'm back in school I won't have time to journal anymore and I honestly don't wanna

#

I broke my build habits but what ever it's not like I ever stook on sowmthing

#

Anyways again uh

#

I'm deleting this

#

Yup

#-