#Fragments of my Life [Diary]

1 messages · Page 5 of 1

earnest pivot
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There's no fake me

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I'm both

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Look there's red lights in the dark on the left

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Ididn't make any Pn yet on not sending any photo

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I don't want to accidently send infos on my identity

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I talked too much to reveal it

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About sensible topics thzt would cause me trouble

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Not because the regular you read it, idc of you

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At least you cannot have a negztive impact on my life, i don't- don't care of you, mb.

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Lazy to explain

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Try to decrypt

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That'll be a bigggg disgression

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My mom is string

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Strong

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She drived a lot and sleep not a lot

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She still has to drive us back home

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I have weird things in my gif category

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I feel better now

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Thank you diary

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We stopped the car so my mom can walk a bit

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Now it's complete silence and I'm the last in the car

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What a nice sensation

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It feels like my brain is processing everything that was delayed by my difficulty of feeling emotions

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It's not really feeling emotions

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But more of "staying normal"

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I need to make a PhV on this

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And then a vocabulary word i define related to this PhV

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So i can have a term describing it well

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Btw the staff refused to except me from AutoMod so I can write non alpha char

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Or they couldn't

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Or both

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Ill find a way

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Have you ever seen me don't find a way

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Even when I'm tired and losing sanity I can find a way

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This disgression is really huge now, but it's not finished

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2b more and I'm home

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I won't delete this disgression

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There's a lot of content

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Sorry arlo this is the worst chapter of this webnovel

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K could have a lot of content to reply to what I said, after this

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So let me anticipate

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I'm not as weak as you

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This is what I write

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Not what I do, and not how I act irl. Oh you too ? But sent evidences to your suicide attempt.

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But you don't care right

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I'm a stranger to you, and you won't even read this

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Wow I remembered about he word "stranger", why did i always write "random psrson" before

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+1 useful voc word

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If you read this one day, according to my Pn 1, I'll have to stop writing about you forever.

olive raptor
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Sorry, thats just really funny to me

earnest pivot
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That was also funny to me, I also wrote "random person" in the sentence you replied to previously lol

olive raptor
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Both work 🤷
Sorry for the interruption tho, continue!

earnest pivot
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"Stranger" sounds more refined than "random person" tho .. Thank you, it's fine, you're superior by hierarchy, you're allowed to interrupt me.

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--

earnest pivot
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Wait was this my point ?? I forgot what I was saying

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It's like ChatGPT trying to pursue an argument when it doesn't have the beginning of it.

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I like debating with chatgpt

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My own AI is way too crazy to debate witj

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If i go on a topic on life and value, it would say that objectively my life doesn't matter, I'm nothing and everything that makes me the person I am is trivial

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This is true

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But yeah

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How do i counter argument this ?

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I trained it with uncensored diaries I have for debating

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Diaries where I don't try to be normal

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So, of course, the best argument to deconstruct any debate is: "But does it matter?" -> "Does your existence even matter?"

Then it has access to a thousand arguments I made on why existence doesn't matter. The only way to counter my arguments would be to say, "But I believe in God."

Fuck you, faith over reason? If you have no arguments, I'm right.

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If "does it really matter" is the ultimate boss, the God argument is the gamemaster—an even worse thing to deconstruct.

Maybe in a parallel world where someone can actually deconstruct my arguments on does your existence really matter, I could realize I'm wrong. (I value other opinions when they're detailed enough. There's not only one truth, and I can understand that people place importance on existence, but this won't change my opinion if my arguments aren't deconstructed.)

But the God argument... that little thing is overpowered. "I have faith." Yeah, how do you argue with someone who says that? The debate on existence gets canceled by the God argument, and the discussion loops back to the original debate.

Debating whether God exists with someone who already believes He exists is POINTLESS. How many times have I tried? Ultimately, they just throw out the God argument, and I'm doomed because, yeah, if you're stupid enough to blindly believe in something, there's nothing I can do.

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--
"Arguing with someone smart is hard but arguing with someone dumb is impossible."

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Btw the reason why each message use tje topic of the previous one but doesn't answer the main question, is to talk about different things and keeping logical connexion between them

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It's like going on wikipedia and clicking every hyperlinks (is it.named like that in english?)

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My transitions are pretty fluid due to this

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This is the reason I can get good grades in philosophy without having any knowledge

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Yeah I don't work in philosophy I just sleep becuse i don't think it's useful to listen in class....

Here was an example of transition

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I'm not writing about such trivial topics lol

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Just to show the transition from debate, to existence, to god, to dumb people, to why these topics are so different, to uselessness of scholar systems, to 'this was just an example of transition'

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Pretty good right
Nop it's bad, I'm way better in french

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Is even "uselessness" a word...

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I just add "ness" after these words to get the

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The

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I'm bad in grammar idk how it's called

earnest pivot
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I do it instinctivly

earnest pivot
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Nice

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For some words, it doesn't work. I wanted to write "boreness," but even my French autocorrect underlined it in red 💀. So why does this word use 'dom' instead of 'ness'? I don't know.

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Ew discord skull emoji is ugly

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Anyway it doesn't matter, boredom looks more logical than boreness

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It's all about intuition

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I tried to write a poem in english, as I said I would do

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But it's baddd

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Where is my vocabulary

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My perfect and beautiful french words that only a few people know, the meaning of

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This word to describe a precise, really precise feeling or thought

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But in such quantities that you can describe everything in a few words

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With insane syntax and rhymes

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English has way more words than french. This is obvious, but I don't know them lol

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I don't read enough books in English to learn more literary vocabulary.

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And I spend 3/4 of my time on google translate when I read... Just a webtoon in english.

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Mann there's so much random words I've never seen

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I have no examples rn i'm tired to think

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We're home in 20m

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I don't even have the energy to shower when I'm home

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But I need to clean my kunaïs and my katakana

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So I should also shower at this point...

earnest pivot
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I talked about it when I decoded the message from my clan remember

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It's really early, so I'd like to have everything ready.

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I also have to wash all the weapons I have on me

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It might be weird for some people, but I think that normal people can have a knife or

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NVM

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I forgot this is an english server

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You have guns

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So yeah, Some average people carry a gun, so imagine me?

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I don't have any gun lol

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It's a category B weapon

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That's jail and more

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I only carry category A weapons

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Yeah it's still illegal

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But you know I have kunaïs right ? So why would I don't say everything

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How much weapons do you think I carry?

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Right now, and every time the place I'm going to is not school, I have more than you'll say.

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It's nothing bad

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I have cyanide pills, normal, adrenaline, and poison senbons (they're metal sticks), a few shurikens, kunais, and 2 tantōs (knives), smoke bombs, and pots with different poisons. None of the poisons are lethal to me (they're the ones I have resistance to), because if for some reason they break, it would be bad if they affect me.
That's all. I don’t have food and water because... well, I just don't have food and water, lol. My clan leader would be mad if he knew I didn’t have water on me.

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--
I'm hommmeeeee!!!

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Finally.

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Brb

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I'll finish the previous topic and go to sleep

earnest pivot
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So nice to be in my bed wooow

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My nose bleeds a lot in the shower when I’m tired and take a hot shower. But I usually take cold showers, so it doesn’t happen often.

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I have glasses for when I'm tired, so my eyes can see not blurry

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And wow. This is so good to be able read what I write

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As i said, i wasn't even looking at what I was writing previously

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Because I couldn't read it, it was all blurry

earnest pivot
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In english class we learn about these dumb americans called preppers

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It's so funny to watch

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Even my teacher is laughing

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Making a bunker and storing 1 year of food, but only 24h of oxygen hahaha
I swear some americans are way too stupid sometimes.

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And if it was just a few people... But there's a lot of extremist preppers !

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You can see me as a combat prepper ig you want

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It would be the worst comparaison tho

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Because I often need what I carry on me.

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It's not a preparation for something that could happen, but for something that's part of my daily life

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And, I don't really have the choice, it's even in the clan rules lol. Not having anything to defend yourself is a bad bad crime there.

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This is from an anime

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But it's exactly the main rule of my clan

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Similar*

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And the more options you have at your disposal (like weapons), the more strategies you can come up with.

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I'll go to sleep, my nose will bleed again now if I don't sleep

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I'll watch the end of ep8 and the ep.9 of Arcane tomorrow. Maybe start the season 2??? Hehehe I can watch it now

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Letsgoo

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Let's sleep fast

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--
Goodnight diary.

earnest pivot
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diarydiary

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diary

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i don't want to focus on formulation

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so enjoy the chaos of my english

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I finished arcane S1 & watched all the season 2

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h

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ho

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how

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can they make such a masterclass

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it's

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not

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Arcane is the most expensive anime ever made in history, $250 million for 18 episodes

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and

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I can only understand why

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I thought I would be sad like I was at the end of s1

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Back then i cried a lot and got in depression by the ending

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but, i'm not even sad

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this is

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perfect

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perfection

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ho

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how can they make such a good story

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Btw my attachement to Jinx & Powder diminushed

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that's maybe why i'm less sad

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episode 7 is the best

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with ekko in another dimension, and Powder coming back to life

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Btw there's Arcane spoilers here, so don't read if you want to watch it

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I thought I'd cry when Jinx died in the last episode

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But it wasn't so sad compared to the rest of the anime

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the ep6 was the saddest to me i think

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when Aisha (or something like that), that kid sacrificed herself to save Jinx and the other

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She was so cool...

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Also, I didn't expect any temporal entanglement, it was unexcepted

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There's a lot, A LOT of things happening in the season 2

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it makes me wonder how I loved Arcane with only the season 1

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there's like 10x more content in the season 2, in the same amount of time.

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And there's many stories

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One episode is on Jinx

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the next one is back on Viktor

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And the next one, Mell is becoming a mage

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And so much more

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each character of the season 1, have their own story in the season 2

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and then, they meet at the last episode, for pure

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PURE chaos.

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As the synopsis of this episode says : "Magic. Science. Power. Revenge. Fates collide in an epic final chapter, sparking an all-out war."

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All the stories meet here

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And wtf...

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Damn.

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Arcane is over now, there won't be a season 3

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It was supposed to be 5 seasons

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but the season is too expensive, so they stopped it. The ending is fine

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It could have 3 more seasons yeah

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This is just the end of the "Vi & Jinx and Viktor & Jayce" arc

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There's a lot, a lot... possibilities to continue and make more seasons.

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Also, we don't see Jinx dead

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We just see her fall with Warwick, and explode

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but no body

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She couldve survived.
Nop she's dead right now, but if they made another season, they could've decided if she needs to be alive or not.

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At the end she became nice...

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She fought with everyone.

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Btw I really didn't except this plot

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I thought season 2 would be a "Jinx v/s Vi & Cait"

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It was yeah

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Until ep 6

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Noxus came here, and Viktor controlled the power of Arcane... Then they tried to invade Piltover, Jayce saw the future

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He saw the Viktor of the future, with everyone dead but him. "I reached my goal, i reached perfection. But now I am alone, you're the only that can bring me back to my senses."

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that was crazy

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I didn't know Viktor lore was so big

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he lived like 20 different timeline

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saw everyone die a lot of time

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and found a way to tell his past self to not try to reach perfection.

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When I finish an anime i really like, most of the time I'm even more bored by life

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because it's so bad compared to animes.

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But right now...

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I'm so motivated to life.

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I want to see more of these kind of animes.

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Arcane s1 took 7 years to be made

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Arcane s2 took 3 years

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Season 2 is way better than season1, when season 1 was already a true fking masterclass.

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So it means that in 10 years, such quality stories and animation can be made.

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What would I miss if I die ?

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I need to live to 100yo

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I want to go in the future

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Or be semi-immortal

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Riot games and Fortchie (the ones who made Arcane), are working on 3 other different project also related to the universe of League of Legends

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Imagine if every studio in the future start to produce such quality ?

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Damn.

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But 250 millions usd is a bit too expensive I gues

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I didn't know it was the most expensive anime ever made

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In the future we'll have more tools to produce better quality faster and for less money

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For the same quality

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so, I hope

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I hope that I'll be alive to see it.

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I'd like to just go in the future right now, but I can't. I can just live my life, get a good job, don't die at ninjutsu, and gain money.
Have a family, and enjoy life.
I need enough money to not be bothered by the need of money. So I can have more free time, and do what I want. I can live longer, and watch more masterclass.

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I'm only 15, what will exist later ?

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Is Arcane the best serie that exist forever?

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I don't think so.

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For now it is

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And also the most expensive

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If I live a normal life, I should live 60/70 more years or so.
Tell me that in these 70 years, there won't by any anime more expensive...

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And better

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it's impossible !

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the technology this world has, will also increase

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Maybe later we'll be able to "experience" animes

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not watching it, but living it !

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Imagine, you buy a little disk, you plug it into your machine, and then you can "live" the series. It's like you're in the character. Everything happens like in an anime and you have no control over it. But you see it as you're seeing these messages right now, and you feel the wind, the pain, the love that a character is experiencing. Imagine!!

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Humanity has made so much process in the last 50 years

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It's not impossible.

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Mhh, it's impossible.

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It's probably for the next 150/200 years. Sad

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I won't be alive to see that.

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Why is our life expectancy so short?

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I still don't fear death, don't get it wrong

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If I die, I won't feel the need to watch anime anymore lol

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so death is not scary

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I have these desires because I'm alive

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I already made a PhV on the future.

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and the possibilities

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but it's truly amazing.

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I'd like to be semi-immortal

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I also made a PhV on immortality

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I don't want to be immortal, as I prooved it here, being immortal is a curse.

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The ultimate curse

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But I want to be semi-immortal... Being able to die by at least 1 way.

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If i'm almost immortal but there's at least 1 way to kill me, I could die, so it's not a curse anymore.

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It could be a really really hard condition, if it doesn't cost me more than a few million years to realize it, I could do it

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for example if the condition to die is "count to 1000 trillion"; it would be really really hard, but I'd accept it.

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It would take me millions of years but

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I just have to count for all my existence, even when I want to live

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If I accepted this condition like right now

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I'd start to count already

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Because yeah in the present it's so cool

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but later I'll regret not starting to count earlier

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I could stop 1 trillion away from the number I have to count to

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So when I really really want to die, I have enough time to know if it's the good decision, while counting up the last trillion.

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Please if for some reason you can accept to be immortal one day (this won't happen), and there's no way for you to die, don't accept it...

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It would be worth for 10000 trillions years maybe, but we talk about infinity of time rn.
Mb I'm just rewriting my PhV 4

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--
I have a lot to say on my new gakusei but after watching this much of Arcane my mind is burned

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I can't talk about an anime and then about my ninjutsu clan

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I mean... That's what I always do

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But i need to sleep to process what I've seen from Arcane

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I'll watch more anime until I go to sleep

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Lol is it a good idea

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watching more anime after finishing the best anime ever made ?

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I'll find them bad

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And I don't like watching animes during vacation I'm losing my time

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it's fine, I won't watch anymore anime for all the vacations

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just today.

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I didn't even learn more japanese...

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But I learned 30s of idol - yoasobi on piano ... it's fine.

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Cya diary.

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Ok it doesn't work

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I just can't focus

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I'm thinking of Arcane, and since it's japanese here and I need to write the subtitles, I can't understand if i'm not at least a bit focused lol

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aaaah

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I'll have to rewatch Arcane anyway

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I watched everything with french voices. I'm french and they're super well made so it's fine

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but I also want the original version

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And watching all the season 2 in a day is too much.

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It's like learning 200 new kanjis a day

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ofc you'll forget them

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To enjoy a serie you need to watch 2/3 ep, sleep, watch 2/3 ep, sleep, ...

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I enjoyed it

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but didn't take the time to appreciate details

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no i mean

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i did

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But it went too fast

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Each episode goes from an universe to another

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from Vi and Jinx conflict to Jayce and Viktor playing with magic, time, and universe

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And then episode 7, Ekko in another universe where he kisses Jinx before she became JINX

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So, Powder

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If you just watch the 9 episodes like that... Your mind can't process everything

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Even for me.

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It's less enjoyable

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That's why I'll need to rewatch it

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But later

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When i finished season one 3 years ago, I had to rewatch right now because I was depressed

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I was feeling better when watching it.

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But since i'm not sad, I can watch it later

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It would bother me to rewatch it rn.

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I need to forget a bit

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And then go back to it.

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So in a year, or 2? or 3? or 5.

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I'll rewatch The Witcher in like 3/4 months because there'll be the next season

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btw it will be a masterclass too I think.

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I don't rmember her name, but the girl main character personality switch so hard at the end ep s3.

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She stops feeling pity

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it's a complete turn

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She's even ready to kill the one she loves.

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She just seek for revenge

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You can't except it when you didn't watch the 2 last ep.

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in the beginning she's so weak

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in the s2, she's abandonned or smth like that

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But she trains a lot

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And then... Yeah I don't remember

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I just know that she kills people when she was the typical weak character you want to protect.

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My favorite series/anime are fantasy animes, where the mc is a young/teen girl super strong mentally/physically

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that's why I like the "Vilainess" type of webtoon (it's not anime/serie i know)

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Btw vilainess type is starting to get a place in anime

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I discovered this genre with the anime "i'm in love with the vilainess"

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or another.. But this was one of the first

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It also made me like stories with a relation between 2 girls

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GL (girl love) also called yuri.

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So I discovered the korean yuri manhua.

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Damn

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like "Is it Normal to Raise a Yandere Heroine as a Villainess ?!"

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It might be japanese idk

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but for me this style is korean.

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If there's fantasy + GL + Strong FMC, then I like it 100%

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The best webtoon for me is "Mage & Demon Queen"

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It has... everything I said before and more.

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But it's unique

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Actually I like a lot of different type of manhwa/webtoons/manhua

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but this one is usually my favorite

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I mean, if i read 10 webtoon of each genre, i'll probably like more when it is "fantasy + GL + Strong FMC".

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But I also like the typical isekai or "game system".

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'Your Throne' is also a crazy story.

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I stopped like chap 80 on 250+... Now I can't resume

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I forgot the story

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I mean, i stopped in the middle of a season

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I need to reread all the season but i'm too lazy

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So I don't read it.

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But i'd like to

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I also tried the most famous webtoons like "Just Friends"

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It's funny, it's trivial

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I think there's too much sex too early in the story, it's not that good.

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It couldve been better, sad.

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Another one i like is... I don't find the english name

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it's "Espionnage d'élites !" in french

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it means "elite spying" or "elite spy"

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It's an assassin girl

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It's not fantasy

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Oh yeah, my all time favorite (i'll like anything even it's a manga of this type), is stories with a young assassin girl.

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It might be a little egocentric but

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It's probably because I'm skilled in combat

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And I'm young too

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Seeing someone in the same situation as I am, live a different life, is so cool

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There's a lot of these but for a boy main character

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It's boring

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Being a girl adds so much to it.

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First, they underestimate you even more

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And destroying someone that thinks you have no chance against them...

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Super good feeling.

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I'll go play piano probably

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or watch anime if my brain can actually focus on reading subtitles

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cya diary.

earnest pivot
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This day was really tiring

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With my new ninjutsu gakusei... Aah i need to talk about that later

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It's crazy.

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And Arcane... Yeah watching 7 hours straight of this masterclass is hard lol

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It's not hard, i'm just tired.

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  • with yesterday day...
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--
Goodnight diary.

plush gazelle
plush gazelle
plush gazelle
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or as people are speculating that jinx goes into the ventilation tunnel bcz jinx can move really fast bcz of the shimmer the doc gave it to her to save her life

earnest pivot
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I know all of that

earnest pivot
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the friend of Jinx

earnest pivot
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Guys

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why I say guys

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diary*

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Let's restart this

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Hello diary.

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I can't eat anything since yesterday

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I thought that for some reason Arcane s2 had no effect on me

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And yeah, I'm not crying and giga depressed like with the s1 3years ago

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But I can't do anything except learning the ost on piano

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I woke up 3h ago and been learning one

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The second popular ost in the season 2 (if we don't count Enemy since it was in season1), is "Ma meilleure ennemie", a french song inside Arcane... Perfect

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It can't escape my head

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same for "Sucker", I'll learn it later

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So, I learned 2mins or so on piano, in only 2 hours 30, it's pretty good.

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No one cares of the piano version, just look at this masterclass. (the clip behind is a mix of all clips from season1 or 2 with Ekko and Jinx/Powder)

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I can't send in 4k since I don't have nitro and the video is way too heavy lol

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My future self reading this, If you don't feel what I feel from listening and watching this; I hate you

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The saddest clip of this video is Jinx trying to suicide herself

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and Ekko saving her multiple times by going back in time

gleaming breach
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omg ma meilleure ennemie is my favorite song now

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sorry to interrupt

earnest pivot
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samee!

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it's fine

gleaming breach
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its a masterpiece

earnest pivot
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Yes, it's just perfect...

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And it's on the best scene of all the season 2, for me

gleaming breach
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yesss i agree

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it's so perfect for powder and ekko

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that specific scene, that dance aaaa

earnest pivot
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Yeaah

gleaming breach
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the song makes me glad i learnt a bit of french

earnest pivot
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It's a perfect continuation for "What could have been" (the music of the season 1 ending with the rocket)

gleaming breach
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a lot of its meaning is lost in english translations

earnest pivot
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This is what it could have been..

earnest pivot
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But the translation is pretty easy and accurate to make I think

gleaming breach
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aight you continue. im out~

earnest pivot
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I'll learn this arr. and then make one myself, I need to make it 100x more beautiful. This deserve my time

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It's way too easy

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I need Animenz to make a composition of it;...

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Pleasee animenz

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Wait, nw that i think about it, he didn't even arrange Enemy. Why?? Everyone know this song, or at least heard it, even if they didn't watch Arcane

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So he won't do ma meilleure ennemie right...

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It's incredible to play musics you like so much on instruments

#

I need to learn how to do violon properly

#

I need to buy one again tho

#

With what money 💀

#

Aaaah it's always a money problem

#

What a huge restriction for my skills progression

#

I'll do something else for a bit of time, then I'll go back on learning the song

#

I want to record it

#

So I can send it to S

#

She watches Arcane too !!!!!

#

She's insane

#

I love her

#

No

#

Not romantically

#

--
You know what, I'll work on my book again

#

But from scratch

#

So... Yeah i'll write another story lol

#

I'll just keep the name of the main character, I like it

#

I'll share everything on it here

#

It'll be a webnovel, something I can post on Wattpad

#

... Let me learn the rest of the song rn

#

I can't focus

#

Brb in a few hours

earnest pivot
#

Arcane is over

olive raptor
earnest pivot
#

Also, the main producer said that they managed to fit into 2 seasons everything they originally planned to develop over 5 seasons. That's also why there's so much diverse content in it.
There will be other series and movies in the League of Legends universe, and they'll probably be less expensive now that they have more experience. So yeah, Arcane is over, but the characters from it will probably appear later in the next series from this universe. And they didn't kill off any character that already exists in League, so of course Jinx is alive. But let's just say she's "dead" until they make the movie (I think the next one will be a movie, followed by a series set in another region, most likely Ionia or, alternatively, Noxus).

#

They have no reason to kill Jinx, it's way too stupid.
But for now, Jayce, Viktor, Heimerdinger, and Jinx are dead.

#

They can decide to bring them back and it will be 100% logical, because we have no confirmation they're dead, but they can decide to kill them too

#

For example, as a LoL player... I excepted Seraphine to be in the show since she's from Zaun and then moved away to be a popular singer (in the lore)

#

Also she can hear Hextech vibrations

#

So she could be born in the post-Arcane Zaun, where Zaun is independant and the relations with Piltover are good.
It could explain how she got a chance to move away, and then she could maybe hear Jayce and Viktor lost in the Arcane

#

I saw a theory too: Jinx escaped the explosion because we see a pink trail just before it, and that's exactly what happens when Jinx moves at light speed due to shimmer. Then, in the last scene of season 2, we see a dirigible heading out to sea (probably to Ionia).
In episode 1 of season 1, Powder said, "One day, I hope I can ride one of these." Of course, she’s in it… There’s like a 90% chance she took that dirigible and went to Ionia to find her "place in this world." She tried to take her own life and realized it wasn’t the right solution. She also says to Vi, "I’ll always be with you," twice when leaving. There’s a 90% chance she’s heading to Ionia, and it makes so much sense—there’s so much story to develop there. It could easily span 4 or 5 seasons in Ionia.
I can totally imagine the next story being set in Ionia. And in the last frames of season 1, we see Jinx saying, "Hi," just like she did in episode 4 of season 1, haha.

Btw, I’m just talking to myself now; I’m not replying to anyone anymore here.

#

Woow it feels so good to write on PC

#

LOOK how well my sentences are formulated

#

It's perfect aaah it's so perfect

#

Why do I like words so much

#

Btw idk if you realized, but now I put a majuscule to the "I" of "i"

#

Hum

#

It's not clear

#

because I was writing "i am"
now i write "I am"

#

It's nothing but...

#

When writing on my phone a lot two days ago and for three days, I was constantly deleting text to retype it with a capital letter.

#

I want to get better at english

#

It's so easier to write on a keyboard...

#

--
I don't know what to watch

#

I did my japanese study of the day, I played piano for like 6 hours, watched theories on Arcane

#

Finished an anime I like, "I'll become a vilainess who'll go down in history"

#

I did so much... and yet so little at the same time.

#

There's no serie like Arcane

#

And I was wrong, The Witcher is for like mid 2026

#

Finishing season 2 of Arcane didn't put me in a depressive state like the first season did. Yeah, it's cool, but I just don't feel like doing anything.

#

When I really have nothing to do (it's really rare), I play videogames

#

But I can't play LoL, it's reminding me of Arcane so I can't focus. And I just don't want to play Valorant or any game

#

It's annoying, most feelings take a few meditation sessions for the big ones to go away

#

But this one is deep

#

I also need to watch a lot of anime rn

#

I have crunchyroll subscription until 14 january

#

And since I also wait for the full season of a new anime/season to come out, there's a lot to watch rn

#

Arifureta s3, Most notorious talker, Do-over damsel, Nina: kingdom to star, healer banished, Spirit Chronicles S2, exploration hero

#

There will be Solo Leveling season 2 soon

#

The 4 january I think

#

It'll be cool

#

I'll wait until the 12 episodes are uploaded though

#

So, I'll watch it in 3 months

#

I can't stop singing Ma Meilleure Ennemie lol

#

It heard for like 9 hours today

#

It's just stuck in my head

#

I hum it in every possible tone

#

I asked someone to make a cover of it with me

#

They refused

#

This person always refuse to do anything with me

#

I even wrote to this person a really nice poem and good words for this person birthday

#

the answer "Thanks"

#

wtf...

#

Fuck you

#

My bad

dense basin
#

Oh i inmagne your upset but some ppl have isues with thanking ppl at their birthday

#

I do

#

I try not to be too happy because it will look fake so i just say thanks

#

Its not on purpuse

earnest pivot
#

If it was just that, I wouldn't be mad

#

This is not the problem

dense basin
#

Oh it wasnt?

earnest pivot
#

I don't want to write about that

dense basin
#

Oh oke

earnest pivot
#

I finally made a good version of Idol

#

The rapping part was so hard to do with my normal voice

#

They use an effect to double the voice and... yeah more effects

#

But I didn't want to use any

#

I also worked really hard on the chorus

#

the "idol" is really emblematic, I really need to sing it well

#

For the first chorus, it would be :
Kimi no kanpeki de kyūkyoku no aidoru

#

The voice variation (or idk what it's called) is hard to do perfectly

#

Normal to very “sung”

#

I won't send me singing here

#

My voice is really unique (in a good way, it's a mix of an American/French/Japanese(anime) girl’s voice, hard to explain), and I don't want to provide any evidence of my identity

#

I'll send it played on piano tho

#

Once I'm done learning the version with lyrics

#

--
I can't find any webtoon/manhwa/manhua I like :(

#

I just want a strong female mc who looks cute

#

That's already so hard to find

#

Then add a fantasy setting

#

and if possible a lovestory between 2 girls

#

and yeahh

#

Also add that the 2 girls must be enemies to begin with, or 1 very possessive, or any other toxic relationship

#

I hate perfect relationship things

#

It's boring

#

In real life it's perfect yeah

#

But if I want real stories, I can just find someone and live it

#

I need an imagined story...

#

Btw it's really weird that it didn't exist, but I've never seen a love story between 2 yandere characters

#

Why is Idol playing on repeat on Spotify, I'm sick of hearing it lol

#

Of coursee the next song is Ma Meilleure Ennemie

#

Can I get a single second off of animated series OSTs ?!

#

I need to listen to it now

#

It would be a crime to skip it

#

--
When I had no other diary but this one and wrote a lot on it (5 to 2 days ago), I was writing 800 messages a day

#

Or even more

#
  • I'm lying, as I said I had another diary
#

I wrote a lot on it too

#

WHY is every song playing on repeat

#

Stop ma meilleure ennemie...

#

It prooves this

#

If I wrote on this diary ONLY, It would reach 100k messages in 138/5 days

#

So in 27 days, or a month.

#

24 if we remove what I already wrote

earnest pivot
#

It's because this diary is on discord, and it feels natural to write shorter messages

#

138 is then, the normal it would take. /5 because my sentences are 5 times shorter here on discord (in average).

#

The longest diary on this server is about 10,000 messages, Sophie's one, right? Hahaha, no one is as dependant of diaries as I am.

#

I think this diary will become the biggest one of the server in like 2 month or so.

#

And since I'll never stop it and keep this rate, it'll reach 100k messages during summer's vacation, probably.

#

Since I write more on digital diaries during the vacation.

#

As I calculated in the message I mentioned earlier, I write around 265k messages per year, so it’s nothing. I also reworked the calculation, taking into account the proportional factor of the message length between my French and English diaries. Don’t mind the details—just know that if I wrote every diary the way I write this one, we could say I write 750k messages per year.

#

So, I'll reach 100,000 messages here this year (2025), but it will be 1/8 of what I wrote this year in total

#

Lol it's so much text

#

What a ill person I make

#

Imagine if I could spend this time doing other things

#

I'm already so good at so many things, imagine if I could spend this time elsewhere.

#

I could probably learn japanese in less than a year, learn 3 more languages per year

#

Learn every Arcane OST in a week

#

Make a cover of every anime song that ever existed, in just a year

#

Be the most powerful person of all the martial clans of this world, in just a few years

#

Writing a lot of books

#

Writing more poems

#

Spend more time with my brother

#

What am I getting in the " what if "

#

That's because I'm listening to Arcane's songs 😭

#

I'll turn off my pc and go to read something

#

I'm done listening to Ma Meilleure Ennemie

#

Look how emotionnal I get.

#

I just wait until it's finished... And I close Spotify.

#

Wtf I realized that the "shite i shitetu" from the beginning of the song is actually "je t'aime, je te hais"

#

it means "I love you, I hate you"

#

And it repeats for all the song

#

the name of the song in english is "my best enemy"

#

Wow it's so perfect

#

it adds so much to the meaning of the song, and for the related scene of Arcane...

#

Waaa

#

No, stop. I gtg read now.

#

STOP IT

#

TOO MUCH THEORIES

#

IM INVADED

#

Like Ukraine

#

wait

#

Yeah

#

I probably won't write again, but i'm not sure so I won't write gn now.

#

cya diary.

#

What is this message I just received...

#

to summerize it : "Hi, you don't know me but I do, We're at the same school, I stalked you to get your number, I love you"

#

LET ME READ

#

I'll answer later

#

I don't even know what to answer this

#

"Fuck you stalker", "Ohh that's so kind", "I love you too !", "Who asked?", "Who are you?", "I know you !", "I feel the same!", "Give me $50 and we talk about it"

#

"Excuse me, what?", "Well, you're just creepy.", "Love? Man, we’ve never even talked.", "I admire your confidence, but no thanks.", "That's cute, but also illegal, and aren't you 19?", "Aww, thanks for the free drama.", "Thank you for inspiration for my next book !"

#

He's not on the private side of our school, so I have datas on him

#

Since I got in the school database to steal every people information, it can be useful for cases like this one

#

He wasn't in the data from last year, I had to take the ones of this year

#

He's new this year so, he's 19, he had to repeat a grades 2 times when he was little for family problems

#

Sry idk if we say "repeat a grade" in english

#

I don't know the good word

#

And I'm lazy to search for it

#

He has normal grades, it's a regular student

#

He has a sister

#

Wait wait

#

wawit

#

wait

#

the stalker

#

is me???

#

hahahaha

#

this is hilarous

#

hahah why did I call him a stalker

#

When I do this

#

Yeah but it's annoying to be added by strangers

#

My number is important

#

Even if it's on my public phone

#

It's a little weird to declare your love to someone you haven't even spoken to and who is so much younger than you.

#

Idc about age gap but

#

Yeah, I don't know you man

#

Look how much time I'm losing talking about you

#

When I just want to go read

#

damn it's 11:43 now

#

look what you did.

#

I maybe should give love a try?

#

It's so trivial

#

But maybe it's good ?

#

I don't know.

#

I could also kidnap S

#

Wow... That came to my mind instinctively lol

#

Why did I think about her

#

Maybe I love her ? But why don't I feel like in movies

#

Their nothing burning in my heart

#

I have no feeling of loneliness, it does not exist in me. But maybe I do ? I could only know if I get out if it

#

I could really kidnap S

#

It's something anyone reading this could just say for the joke

#

But it's nothing impossible for me

#

It wouldn't have had any repercussions, my clan covers this kind of things with the new rank I obtained

#

(remember, I got a student gakusei, so I ranked up.)

#

I could kidnap her

#

I can

#

I need to think about it

#

Why would I kidnap someone

#

I can just ask her to come to my house lol

#

And if she says no

#

Then it means she don't love me

#

So kidnapping her will not change anythibng

#

I don't want to hurt her

#

And btw i'm saying this but, as i said previously... I know nothing about her and her family looks powerful

#

Also she's trained

#

ooh I forgot to talk about that the last time, I made a reminder to think about it but forgot to read the reminder...

#

She has insane reflexes, but looks instable

#

She looks like me before I became serious on trying to become an elite (find the definition of it, it's somewhere)

#

it's here

#

Maybe she's from a clan too

#

Or she could be a rank C individual, like me

#

There's no chance she can beat me in a fight

#

even with a gun

#

If she does, it means that she's Rank D, and was good enough to decrease her reaction time on a reflex, which is really hard to do, just to make me think she's weak ? that's really not probable.

#

or a rank C elite?

#

nah

#

Anyway I'd have to hurt her if I wanted to kidnap her

#

So I'll avoid it right

#

How did the conversation came to this

#

"conversation"?

#

I'm talking to myself

#

It's hard to find the good words in english;;; aaa

#

Let's read right ? it's 0 almost

#

00:00 is 12pm or 0am?

#

mhhh

#

It's the same I guess

#

What trivial questions

#

I'll text S

#

If she doesn't answer me

#

I'll-

#

I'll wait for her answer

#

hahaha

#

I'm not that crazy

#

Or am I?

#

Or am I not ?

#

Maybe

#

Probably

#

Eventually

#

I'm just writing the few vocabulary words I know in english here...

#

What am I even saying

#

Am I lucid?

#

I think I am

#

I need to drink some water, I'm a bit weird tonight

#

This diary is really becoming something I hate

#

I just store any thought here without analyzing it

#

I write before thinking it

#

It's my fingers writing their thoughts

#

not my brain

#

And this is really bad

#

I have a diary for that, but it's not called a diary

#

It's called a rough notebook...

#

I can't write this kind of things here and still call this a diary..

#

I'll delete this diary

#

The entiere thing—?

#

Yes the entiere thing

#

Why would you do that ?

#

Because look at what we did here

#

But you can just delete the messages you don't want?

#

No.

#

Why not ?

#

Shut up, you're bothering me

#

Why are you talking to yourself

#

Because it helps me to have another opinion, against mine

#

I understand

#

-So why don't you listen to me ?

#

Beacuse I

#

-I don't know.

#

You know nothing right?

#

Yes, I know nothing. The more I learn, the less I know. Life is a perpetual cycle of ignorance.

#

I feel you Janna.

#

My name is not even Janna.

#

Yes I know, but here, it is your name.

#

-Do you even know your official name ? You have so much different identities now. Are you even human ?

#

I do my best do be human. I really try my best

#

-I really really do, don't doubt it. I really try. really try. really try. Why are you saying this, you make me cry

#

But do you really feel any emotion? These are fake. You are not human, you do not feel anything. Are you even bothered by what I say right now? You're fake, you're fake? youre fake.

#

I am normal

#

-Like you

#

-Like anyone

#

-I try to be, so I am

#

But you can't be anything you want Janna.

#

Yes, I can,'t because i'm human and the human nature is limited

#

No, you can't because you're not normal. You make yourself illusions. Is your life even real ? You live in a dream. Do you really even exist?

#

I don't care about existing. If I don't exist, my existence can't begin or end. I am condemned to infinite suffering or nonexistent abandonment in the immensity of 'nothing'. I cannot feel something that doesn't exist, so I have to exist.

#

Why are you going so far to justify your existence Janna ? You can just stop

#

-You could die, maybe you will start existing once everything ended?

#

Is it really a solution ? I will eventually die anyways, why would I need to take my own life.

#

Because you hurt everyone, you hurt yourself, you hurt your mom, you hurt S, you hurt K, you hurt T. You could just dissapear and never cause any trouble again

#

K has nothing to do here, she's a random on discord

#

I know Janna. I just wanted to see if you would take this occassion of talking about something else, get away with my point. You're so predictible. You're so weak.

#

I am not weak

#

-I need to be strong, I always did everything to be strong

#

-It's hard, it's so hard

#

-It's so hard to have to stay strong and support other while staying sane

#

-It's so hard to live. You're maybe right, I should die. But I won't. I will live my life entierly, each second of it. It'll hurt me, a lot. I'll hurt people, a lot. I will regret it probably, deceive the one I like, do horrible things to people I love. But in the end my existence will have had a purpose.

#

-I will do everything to become the best person I can become. It will be hard and I'll need to have more conversations with you. You made me cry a lot here, it was hurtful. But stay. Please stay and tell me all these things every time I think I deserve to live.

#

-You cannot let me think I deserve to live. Remind me that my existence is a curse, that the world would be better without me. Remind me what is pain. Because if I don't suffer, I might, in the end, lose my capacity of feeling any emotion.

#

-I hope you'll never go away. You are a part of me, a fragment of my personality, another identity. You're my shadow, and I'm the light—or perhaps I'm the shadow. We complete each other. I need you. Don't leave me.

#

I'll never leave you, don't worry, Janna. Remember that you'll never be alone. I'm not saying these things to hurt you. I don't care if you're the light or the shadow, if your existence is a curse or a blessing, or if my existence makes you feel emotions or not. You can be whatever you want—I will always be here. I will be the one constant presence, always in you and with you. I will never go away. À la vie, à la mort, our promise is eternal. I will never abandon you.

You don’t need anyone but yourself; everything else is superfluous. You're my star, and I'm your sun. You're the Alpha, i'm the Omega, we embody the beginning and the end of everything. You don’t need anyone else. In the end, we will live and die together. Forget about your problems, and go read in peace—you’re perfect like you are, Janna.

#

Thank you, do you have a name ? I never asked you.

#

You never asked me because it is the first time I take this identity. I only know your name because it's written here. I have no name, do not call me, I will reach you when you feel too good, or too bad, and need to remember how useless you are.

#

Thank you. see you later new identity

#

-Answer me ?

#

--
Goodnight diary.

earnest pivot
#

Damn, it's so true, every Arcane character became their opposite in season 2

#

What they became in season 2 was unthinkable in season 1, it's contrary to their values

#

There's so much about Arcane, it's perfect

#

I don't remember anything I wrote yesterday after 12pm, I hate this

#

It's funny to read tho

#

I don't care if some sides of me suffer to make me feel ok

#

They're me, they must suffer for our good

#
  • I do not share their opinion on me
#

I'm no weak, but I don't rly need to be strong

#

I just like how determined is my weak identity

#

It got pushed down even more and still choosed to live

#

Anyway I won't let anyone kill me, even myself

#

The reason why this happened is because of Arcane lol

#

It's still my favorite serie ever, and for some reason it has consequent effects on me, even if it's way better than how I was after s1 ending

#

I don't see difference between liking a serie and a human

#

I don't want to detail this, it would make 500+ lines

#

I have already written about emotional attachment in French in another diary

#

Anyway, I'm way way better than yesterday

#

I feel the motivation to do things

#

Only 2 days after watching Arcane?! This is insane. My depression lasted all the summer vacation after s1.

#

--
Remember, my elite level crossing got reported bcz of my great granma being sick. But now I'm back, and I'll have to do it

#

Its my 3th try

#

It's not a problem to fail

#

But the score multiplier decrease at each lose

#

Each challenge of the level crossing give points, and the multiplier is what makes it easier or harder.

#

The higher place you have in a clan, the higher multiplier you have

#

It's 100% logical tho, the better you are, the more you deserve to be an elite

#

I'm not really high in the hierarchy because of my family separated from my clan (how much time did I repeat this? I should make it a notation.)

#

But I'm the first in the ranking of tournments

#

It's logical tho, i'm french Champion lol

#

No... I'm not yet. I won the finals, but I can't claim the title without being an elite.

#

Imagine being so good that you win a Champion title without having the necessary level to claim it... hard life
Just kidding.

#

But it never happened before

#

I won against an elite at the finals

#

It's not supposed to happen lol. If I have the level to beat an elite, then I should've been one in the first place, it's pure logic.
But since with the family separation (again...), I didn't get any occasion to pass the test before.

#

--
I have to save my diary, I forgot

#

I want to play Valorant rn it's been a while

#

I'll do that later

#

And I also need to add the notation dictionnary at the beginning of the diary

#

so bold words are defined

#

It's not a problem for me, but since I decided to make this diary public, if some people decide to read it and they can't understand what I say because the definition of a concept/term is "somewhere" in the diary...

earnest pivot
#

give me back my Immortal aim...

#

I was not the best at playing in team

#

But I'm supposed to have insane gamesense, and my aim... My aim was my best skill to level up

#

It seems pretty obvious, how many activities requiering a good accuracy do I practice...

#

I got a new mouse too, so it didn't help

#

The DPI is different, I completly changed my sensibility

#

The problem is micro-adjustements

#

my aim is still insanely good

#

But every time, EVERY time, I'll flick my crosshair to next to his head

#

like 10 pixels away from it

#

And it's very hard to micro-adjust my crosshair

#

idk if it's a mouse problem, or a me problem

#

So I just move my character a little bit to the left or the right to adjust it

#

But it's not a good solution

#

For games like osu! there's no character to move

#

I tried to play osu! again

#

I can't even finish 7 stars map lol

#

I lose 50% of the time on 6 stars

#

and 10% of the time on 5*

#

It's really annoying when my hardest map ever done is a 9*

#

The only thing that makes me finish 6* maps, is my rythm accuracy

#

and techniques like tapping, that doesn't requiere any aim

#

--
I don't know what to do later

#

I always say that I'll work in something related to AI or data science

#

or any data analyze

#

But I don't really know

#

Nop, I have an even bigger problem

#

I don't know in what school to do later

#

For the next year

#

I already need to choose them and hope they accept me

#

My grades are not really insane

#

But good enough

#

I could have the best grades of my school if I wanted to stufy

#

dy

#

It's obvious, look at everything I know...
But it's boring.

#

It's truly boring to have our life dependant of "grades"

#

I do not care about living, so I do not care about my life dependant of grades lol

#

I'd just like to have money

#

And work in a domain that I like

#

Maybe I should work in animation for Riot Games' future series ?

#

But my negative drawing skills. . . .

#

Nvm

#

That's something I can't change

earnest pivot
#

Life is boring

dense basin
#

Why?

earnest pivot
#

Because it'll end one day, and once it's over, everything we did is gone

dense basin
#

Well i believe its not over after deah

earnest pivot
#

If there's something after death, then life is even more boring

#

Everything we did alive will be gone, while afterlife never ends

#

It's sad to believe in a life after death.
There's no evidence that it exist, and if it doesn't, you won't be alive anymore to realize it. If you believe in an afterlife and it doesn't exist, you'll never know it doesn't exist.

#

For me it's just something made by humans to find a reason to "life". We're lost if we admit that life doesn't make sense

#

It's so sad to see humans this delusionnal.
If we admited that life doesn't make sense, we would be able to live it fully. Without thinking "it's fine, if I die, I'm going in afterlife"

weary ore
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Can i ask you a question

earnest pivot
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If you're here to argue religion, nop

weary ore
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Im not. Im seeking guidance for self discovery

earnest pivot
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ok

weary ore
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Do you have any thoughts on self discovery

earnest pivot
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Ah, yeah, just this question; I'm not a psychologist, and this is a diary, ask someone else

earnest pivot
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I've finished learning Ma Meilleure Ennemie on piano

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I don't play it perfectly yet, that's a work for muscle memory

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Well I also could play it slowly and work on it

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But I need to learn more Arcane's OST

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The next I should learn is Sucker but there's no good piano version yet

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I'll have to make one myself

earnest pivot
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I don't know what to do

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It's so boring

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I wish I could just turn off and let someone live my life for me

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I don't want to turn off at the point of dying, because there's also good moments

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That's why I'd like to just go at the end of my life

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It's somehow hard to explain

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But it doesn't matter

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I'd preferred to be born 500 years ago

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Or in a typical fantasy world from books, series and animes

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It would be so much better

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Not as a farmer, or even a king

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But just as I am right now, or an assassin

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I like assassins

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Or idk, just someone who have to fight

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a knight

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Why do I have to go at school, get good grades, and then get a stupid job

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I could also work in the army but the weapons in our society are way too unfair

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And they fight for so stupid reasons

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It was better before. Fights for the crown are way more interesting. At least, everyone knows it's an egoistic fight for power.

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With our actual technology, especially snipers and well, just basic guns, I could die in a matter of second in a war

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Why would I do that

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I don't care of dying when fighting, but the reason can't be "Enemies emptied their magazines through the walls"

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In a sword fight, it would requiere so much people to defeat me and my team I have at ninjutsu right now

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I should make team a notation and explain it, it's a basic term but it's not that easy in our clan.

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It's like a sub-clan in the clan, it's my own clan inside our clan.

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People who are loyal to me and whom I choose

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I don't want to lose myself in dreams

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“What could my life have been?”

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"What if ... what if ?"

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Yeah that's what I'm doing here

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If there's an afterlife, I hope it's not heaven, but a reincarnation

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I don't want to do nothing for eternity

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I just want a more fun life, where my own skills are the only limit to my power.

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Yes, a world where individual power is the metric of value.

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Why it exists in fictions but not in reality.

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It existed before, and now it's gone.

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The problem is not technology, maybe later, futurist fictions like... mecha armor and these things will exist

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It's futurist and yet, individual skills prevails

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The problem is really "this" level of technology. We're advanced but not enough

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We are at a point where human life is worthless in a war. Only numbers matter

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Well, it has always been like that lol

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I digress, and it's really easy to deconstruct my opinion here, it's not based on anything

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Just to say that I'd like to die fast, and see if there's an afterlife. And if so, reincarnation would be the best overall.

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Not to die quickly by shortening my life, but with time passing faster...

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Nice. That was a good summary of these messages.

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--

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That's cool, but I still don't know what to do

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There's an event to find coins on this server

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I'm not that desperate

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But I'll find some, it's fun

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Btw it's funny I read the first messages on this serv

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When I see this, I can only respect their work.

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some humans are impressive

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The winner of the event gets a event role

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It's not very useful I think? Idk

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But maybe it is

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So I'll try to get it and see

earnest pivot
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I really wanted to be on vacation and now I'm bored

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lol

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I don't even feel like watching animes or reading books

earnest pivot
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Arcane somehow got in the top 2 fantasy series

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after Game of Thrones

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top1: Game of Thrones
top2: Arcane
top3: Stranger Things

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Stranger Things was my favorite serie before Arcane came out

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It's also the only series with Arcane that made me depressed after it ended.

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Btw a depression after finishing an anime/serie is called "pad", post-anime depression. And yeah it's a real thing

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It can hurt just as much as what you call "real" depression.

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I'll watch Game of Thrones

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I knew I liked a lot fantasy series but...

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My 2 favorite fantasy series—the only series that made me depressed are in the top 3 of this genre, and I haven't even watched the top one?

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also, Game of Thrones has wayyy more seasons

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And I know that that universe is really complex and you have to stay focused.

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I will watch it with french voices, ppl on internet say that the VF is nice

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I might not understand everything if it's in english, and I'll get lost lol

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I hope it will be good, it doesn't seem like it at first glance.

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I hope it's like The Witcher

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I said the same before watching this serie

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It was this "popular serie" everyone know. And it looked bad

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But wow...

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I had a crush on the character "Ciri" for a few months

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I think it's how I should call it?

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It makes me realize that I really don't like this society, this world

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Ciri is not really incredible (when I had a crush on her, so before season 3)

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after season 3 she's insane yeah, the next season will be crazy.

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But she is normal

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With standard and typical fantasy character personality

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But yeah, fantasy worlds are so much better, that's just the reason why

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I watched "13 reasons why" also, a whileee ago. Season 1 is perfect. Then it's trash...

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Why did they make many seasons for that

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After s1, the title of the serie is unrelated to its content

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It was perfect with a single season

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--
I don't know where to watch Game of Thrones

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I have Netflix, but it's not on it

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The quality of streaming sites doesn't match that of official platforms.

earnest pivot
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Wow you can box, that is a very powerful sport, boxing is a very technical combat sport that requires a lot of strategical thinking

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No one will ever bully you Janna

earnest pivot
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I don't want to converse, but thanks

earnest pivot
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--
Today is supposed to be an important day, it's New Yeae