#Fragments of my Life [Diary]
1 messages · Page 5 of 1
I'm both
Look there's red lights in the dark on the left
Ididn't make any Pn yet on not sending any photo
I don't want to accidently send infos on my identity
I talked too much to reveal it
About sensible topics thzt would cause me trouble
Not because the regular you read it, idc of you
At least you cannot have a negztive impact on my life, i don't- don't care of you, mb.
Lazy to explain
Try to decrypt
That'll be a bigggg disgression
My mom is string
Strong
She drived a lot and sleep not a lot
She still has to drive us back home
I have weird things in my gif category
I feel better now
Thank you diary
We stopped the car so my mom can walk a bit
Now it's complete silence and I'm the last in the car
What a nice sensation
It feels like my brain is processing everything that was delayed by my difficulty of feeling emotions
It's not really feeling emotions
But more of "staying normal"
I need to make a PhV on this
And then a vocabulary word i define related to this PhV
So i can have a term describing it well
Btw the staff refused to except me from AutoMod so I can write non alpha char
Or they couldn't
Or both
Ill find a way
Have you ever seen me don't find a way
Even when I'm tired and losing sanity I can find a way
This disgression is really huge now, but it's not finished
2b more and I'm home
I won't delete this disgression
There's a lot of content
Sorry arlo this is the worst chapter of this webnovel
K could have a lot of content to reply to what I said, after this
So let me anticipate
I'm not as weak as you
This is what I write
Not what I do, and not how I act irl. Oh you too ? But sent evidences to your suicide attempt.
But you don't care right
I'm a stranger to you, and you won't even read this
Wow I remembered about he word "stranger", why did i always write "random psrson" before
+1 useful voc word
If you read this one day, according to my Pn 1, I'll have to stop writing about you forever.
Sorry, thats just really funny to me
That was also funny to me, I also wrote "random person" in the sentence you replied to previously lol
Both work 🤷
Sorry for the interruption tho, continue!
"Stranger" sounds more refined than "random person" tho .. Thank you, it's fine, you're superior by hierarchy, you're allowed to interrupt me.
--
So don't read it
Wait was this my point ?? I forgot what I was saying
It's like ChatGPT trying to pursue an argument when it doesn't have the beginning of it.
I like debating with chatgpt
My own AI is way too crazy to debate witj
If i go on a topic on life and value, it would say that objectively my life doesn't matter, I'm nothing and everything that makes me the person I am is trivial
This is true
But yeah
How do i counter argument this ?
I trained it with uncensored diaries I have for debating
Diaries where I don't try to be normal
So, of course, the best argument to deconstruct any debate is: "But does it matter?" -> "Does your existence even matter?"
Then it has access to a thousand arguments I made on why existence doesn't matter. The only way to counter my arguments would be to say, "But I believe in God."
Fuck you, faith over reason? If you have no arguments, I'm right.
If "does it really matter" is the ultimate boss, the God argument is the gamemaster—an even worse thing to deconstruct.
Maybe in a parallel world where someone can actually deconstruct my arguments on does your existence really matter, I could realize I'm wrong. (I value other opinions when they're detailed enough. There's not only one truth, and I can understand that people place importance on existence, but this won't change my opinion if my arguments aren't deconstructed.)
But the God argument... that little thing is overpowered. "I have faith." Yeah, how do you argue with someone who says that? The debate on existence gets canceled by the God argument, and the discussion loops back to the original debate.
Debating whether God exists with someone who already believes He exists is POINTLESS. How many times have I tried? Ultimately, they just throw out the God argument, and I'm doomed because, yeah, if you're stupid enough to blindly believe in something, there's nothing I can do.
--
"Arguing with someone smart is hard but arguing with someone dumb is impossible."
Btw the reason why each message use tje topic of the previous one but doesn't answer the main question, is to talk about different things and keeping logical connexion between them
It's like going on wikipedia and clicking every hyperlinks (is it.named like that in english?)
My transitions are pretty fluid due to this
This is the reason I can get good grades in philosophy without having any knowledge
Yeah I don't work in philosophy I just sleep becuse i don't think it's useful to listen in class....
Here was an example of transition
I'm not writing about such trivial topics lol
Just to show the transition from debate, to existence, to god, to dumb people, to why these topics are so different, to uselessness of scholar systems, to 'this was just an example of transition'
Pretty good right
Nop it's bad, I'm way better in french
Is even "uselessness" a word...
I just add "ness" after these words to get the
The
I'm bad in grammar idk how it's called
I'm good at it, but not to name what word is what in a sentence
I do it instinctivly
Yeah it exists
Nice
For some words, it doesn't work. I wanted to write "boreness," but even my French autocorrect underlined it in red 💀. So why does this word use 'dom' instead of 'ness'? I don't know.
Ew discord skull emoji is ugly
Anyway it doesn't matter, boredom looks more logical than boreness
It's all about intuition
I tried to write a poem in english, as I said I would do
But it's baddd
Where is my vocabulary
My perfect and beautiful french words that only a few people know, the meaning of
This word to describe a precise, really precise feeling or thought
But in such quantities that you can describe everything in a few words
With insane syntax and rhymes
English has way more words than french. This is obvious, but I don't know them lol
I don't read enough books in English to learn more literary vocabulary.
And I spend 3/4 of my time on google translate when I read... Just a webtoon in english.
Mann there's so much random words I've never seen
I have no examples rn i'm tired to think
We're home in 20m
I don't even have the energy to shower when I'm home
But I need to clean my kunaïs and my katakana
So I should also shower at this point...
Tomorrow I need to see my gakusei for the first time
I talked about it when I decoded the message from my clan remember
It's really early, so I'd like to have everything ready.
I also have to wash all the weapons I have on me
It might be weird for some people, but I think that normal people can have a knife or
NVM
I forgot this is an english server
You have guns
So yeah, Some average people carry a gun, so imagine me?
I don't have any gun lol
It's a category B weapon
That's jail and more
I only carry category A weapons
Yeah it's still illegal
But you know I have kunaïs right ? So why would I don't say everything
How much weapons do you think I carry?
Right now, and every time the place I'm going to is not school, I have more than you'll say.
It's nothing bad
I have cyanide pills, normal, adrenaline, and poison senbons (they're metal sticks), a few shurikens, kunais, and 2 tantōs (knives), smoke bombs, and pots with different poisons. None of the poisons are lethal to me (they're the ones I have resistance to), because if for some reason they break, it would be bad if they affect me.
That's all. I don’t have food and water because... well, I just don't have food and water, lol. My clan leader would be mad if he knew I didn’t have water on me.
--
I'm hommmeeeee!!!
Finally.
Brb
I'll finish the previous topic and go to sleep
So nice to be in my bed wooow
My nose bleeds a lot in the shower when I’m tired and take a hot shower. But I usually take cold showers, so it doesn’t happen often.
I have glasses for when I'm tired, so my eyes can see not blurry
And wow. This is so good to be able read what I write
As i said, i wasn't even looking at what I was writing previously
Because I couldn't read it, it was all blurry
The reason why I have so much on me is because I could get called at any moment by my leader or someone, and.. yeah just to be ready
In english class we learn about these dumb americans called preppers
It's so funny to watch
Even my teacher is laughing
Making a bunker and storing 1 year of food, but only 24h of oxygen hahaha
I swear some americans are way too stupid sometimes.
And if it was just a few people... But there's a lot of extremist preppers !
You can see me as a combat prepper ig you want
It would be the worst comparaison tho
Because I often need what I carry on me.
It's not a preparation for something that could happen, but for something that's part of my daily life
And, I don't really have the choice, it's even in the clan rules lol. Not having anything to defend yourself is a bad bad crime there.
This is from an anime
But it's exactly the main rule of my clan
Similar*
And the more options you have at your disposal (like weapons), the more strategies you can come up with.
I'll go to sleep, my nose will bleed again now if I don't sleep
I'll watch the end of ep8 and the ep.9 of Arcane tomorrow. Maybe start the season 2??? Hehehe I can watch it now
Letsgoo
Let's sleep fast
--
Goodnight diary.
diarydiary
diary
i don't want to focus on formulation
so enjoy the chaos of my english
I finished arcane S1 & watched all the season 2
h
ho
how
can they make such a masterclass
it's
not
Arcane is the most expensive anime ever made in history, $250 million for 18 episodes
and
I can only understand why
I thought I would be sad like I was at the end of s1
Back then i cried a lot and got in depression by the ending
but, i'm not even sad
this is
perfect
perfection
ho
how can they make such a good story
Btw my attachement to Jinx & Powder diminushed
that's maybe why i'm less sad
episode 7 is the best
with ekko in another dimension, and Powder coming back to life
Btw there's Arcane spoilers here, so don't read if you want to watch it
I thought I'd cry when Jinx died in the last episode
But it wasn't so sad compared to the rest of the anime
the ep6 was the saddest to me i think
when Aisha (or something like that), that kid sacrificed herself to save Jinx and the other
She was so cool...
Also, I didn't expect any temporal entanglement, it was unexcepted
There's a lot, A LOT of things happening in the season 2
it makes me wonder how I loved Arcane with only the season 1
there's like 10x more content in the season 2, in the same amount of time.
And there's many stories
One episode is on Jinx
the next one is back on Viktor
And the next one, Mell is becoming a mage
And so much more
each character of the season 1, have their own story in the season 2
and then, they meet at the last episode, for pure
PURE chaos.
As the synopsis of this episode says : "Magic. Science. Power. Revenge. Fates collide in an epic final chapter, sparking an all-out war."
All the stories meet here
And wtf...
Damn.
Arcane is over now, there won't be a season 3
It was supposed to be 5 seasons
but the season is too expensive, so they stopped it. The ending is fine
It could have 3 more seasons yeah
This is just the end of the "Vi & Jinx and Viktor & Jayce" arc
There's a lot, a lot... possibilities to continue and make more seasons.
Also, we don't see Jinx dead
We just see her fall with Warwick, and explode
but no body
She couldve survived.
Nop she's dead right now, but if they made another season, they could've decided if she needs to be alive or not.
At the end she became nice...
She fought with everyone.
Btw I really didn't except this plot
I thought season 2 would be a "Jinx v/s Vi & Cait"
It was yeah
Until ep 6
Noxus came here, and Viktor controlled the power of Arcane... Then they tried to invade Piltover, Jayce saw the future
He saw the Viktor of the future, with everyone dead but him. "I reached my goal, i reached perfection. But now I am alone, you're the only that can bring me back to my senses."
that was crazy
I didn't know Viktor lore was so big
he lived like 20 different timeline
saw everyone die a lot of time
and found a way to tell his past self to not try to reach perfection.
When I finish an anime i really like, most of the time I'm even more bored by life
because it's so bad compared to animes.
But right now...
I'm so motivated to life.
I want to see more of these kind of animes.
Arcane s1 took 7 years to be made
Arcane s2 took 3 years
Season 2 is way better than season1, when season 1 was already a true fking masterclass.
So it means that in 10 years, such quality stories and animation can be made.
What would I miss if I die ?
I need to live to 100yo
I want to go in the future
Or be semi-immortal
Riot games and Fortchie (the ones who made Arcane), are working on 3 other different project also related to the universe of League of Legends
Imagine if every studio in the future start to produce such quality ?
Damn.
But 250 millions usd is a bit too expensive I gues
I didn't know it was the most expensive anime ever made
In the future we'll have more tools to produce better quality faster and for less money
For the same quality
so, I hope
I hope that I'll be alive to see it.
I'd like to just go in the future right now, but I can't. I can just live my life, get a good job, don't die at ninjutsu, and gain money.
Have a family, and enjoy life.
I need enough money to not be bothered by the need of money. So I can have more free time, and do what I want. I can live longer, and watch more masterclass.
I'm only 15, what will exist later ?
Is Arcane the best serie that exist forever?
I don't think so.
For now it is
And also the most expensive
If I live a normal life, I should live 60/70 more years or so.
Tell me that in these 70 years, there won't by any anime more expensive...
And better
it's impossible !
the technology this world has, will also increase
Maybe later we'll be able to "experience" animes
not watching it, but living it !
Imagine, you buy a little disk, you plug it into your machine, and then you can "live" the series. It's like you're in the character. Everything happens like in an anime and you have no control over it. But you see it as you're seeing these messages right now, and you feel the wind, the pain, the love that a character is experiencing. Imagine!!
Humanity has made so much process in the last 50 years
It's not impossible.
Mhh, it's impossible.
It's probably for the next 150/200 years. Sad
I won't be alive to see that.
Why is our life expectancy so short?
I still don't fear death, don't get it wrong
If I die, I won't feel the need to watch anime anymore lol
so death is not scary
I have these desires because I'm alive
I already made a PhV on the future.
and the possibilities
but it's truly amazing.
I'd like to be semi-immortal
I also made a PhV on immortality
I don't want to be immortal, as I prooved it here, being immortal is a curse.
The ultimate curse
But I want to be semi-immortal... Being able to die by at least 1 way.
If i'm almost immortal but there's at least 1 way to kill me, I could die, so it's not a curse anymore.
It could be a really really hard condition, if it doesn't cost me more than a few million years to realize it, I could do it
for example if the condition to die is "count to 1000 trillion"; it would be really really hard, but I'd accept it.
It would take me millions of years but
I just have to count for all my existence, even when I want to live
If I accepted this condition like right now
I'd start to count already
Because yeah in the present it's so cool
but later I'll regret not starting to count earlier
I could stop 1 trillion away from the number I have to count to
So when I really really want to die, I have enough time to know if it's the good decision, while counting up the last trillion.
Please if for some reason you can accept to be immortal one day (this won't happen), and there's no way for you to die, don't accept it...
It would be worth for 10000 trillions years maybe, but we talk about infinity of time rn.
Mb I'm just rewriting my PhV 4
--
I have a lot to say on my new gakusei but after watching this much of Arcane my mind is burned
I can't talk about an anime and then about my ninjutsu clan
I mean... That's what I always do
But i need to sleep to process what I've seen from Arcane
I'll watch more anime until I go to sleep
Lol is it a good idea
watching more anime after finishing the best anime ever made ?
I'll find them bad
And I don't like watching animes during vacation I'm losing my time
it's fine, I won't watch anymore anime for all the vacations
just today.
I didn't even learn more japanese...
But I learned 30s of idol - yoasobi on piano ... it's fine.
Cya diary.
Ok it doesn't work
I just can't focus
I'm thinking of Arcane, and since it's japanese here and I need to write the subtitles, I can't understand if i'm not at least a bit focused lol
aaaah
I'll have to rewatch Arcane anyway
I watched everything with french voices. I'm french and they're super well made so it's fine
but I also want the original version
And watching all the season 2 in a day is too much.
It's like learning 200 new kanjis a day
ofc you'll forget them
To enjoy a serie you need to watch 2/3 ep, sleep, watch 2/3 ep, sleep, ...
I enjoyed it
but didn't take the time to appreciate details
no i mean
i did
But it went too fast
Each episode goes from an universe to another
from Vi and Jinx conflict to Jayce and Viktor playing with magic, time, and universe
And then episode 7, Ekko in another universe where he kisses Jinx before she became JINX
So, Powder
If you just watch the 9 episodes like that... Your mind can't process everything
Even for me.
It's less enjoyable
That's why I'll need to rewatch it
But later
When i finished season one 3 years ago, I had to rewatch right now because I was depressed
I was feeling better when watching it.
But since i'm not sad, I can watch it later
It would bother me to rewatch it rn.
I need to forget a bit
And then go back to it.
So in a year, or 2? or 3? or 5.
I'll rewatch The Witcher in like 3/4 months because there'll be the next season
btw it will be a masterclass too I think.
I don't rmember her name, but the girl main character personality switch so hard at the end ep s3.
She stops feeling pity
it's a complete turn
She's even ready to kill the one she loves.
She just seek for revenge
You can't except it when you didn't watch the 2 last ep.
in the beginning she's so weak
in the s2, she's abandonned or smth like that
But she trains a lot
And then... Yeah I don't remember
I just know that she kills people when she was the typical weak character you want to protect.
My favorite series/anime are fantasy animes, where the mc is a young/teen girl super strong mentally/physically
that's why I like the "Vilainess" type of webtoon (it's not anime/serie i know)
Btw vilainess type is starting to get a place in anime
I discovered this genre with the anime "i'm in love with the vilainess"
or another.. But this was one of the first
It also made me like stories with a relation between 2 girls
GL (girl love) also called yuri.
So I discovered the korean yuri manhua.
Damn
like "Is it Normal to Raise a Yandere Heroine as a Villainess ?!"
It might be japanese idk
but for me this style is korean.
If there's fantasy + GL + Strong FMC, then I like it 100%
The best webtoon for me is "Mage & Demon Queen"
It has... everything I said before and more.
But it's unique
Actually I like a lot of different type of manhwa/webtoons/manhua
but this one is usually my favorite
I mean, if i read 10 webtoon of each genre, i'll probably like more when it is "fantasy + GL + Strong FMC".
But I also like the typical isekai or "game system".
'Your Throne' is also a crazy story.
I stopped like chap 80 on 250+... Now I can't resume
I forgot the story
I mean, i stopped in the middle of a season
I need to reread all the season but i'm too lazy
So I don't read it.
But i'd like to
I also tried the most famous webtoons like "Just Friends"
It's funny, it's trivial
I think there's too much sex too early in the story, it's not that good.
It couldve been better, sad.
Another one i like is... I don't find the english name
it's "Espionnage d'élites !" in french
it means "elite spying" or "elite spy"
It's an assassin girl
It's not fantasy
Oh yeah, my all time favorite (i'll like anything even it's a manga of this type), is stories with a young assassin girl.
It might be a little egocentric but
It's probably because I'm skilled in combat
And I'm young too
Seeing someone in the same situation as I am, live a different life, is so cool
There's a lot of these but for a boy main character
It's boring
Being a girl adds so much to it.
First, they underestimate you even more
And destroying someone that thinks you have no chance against them...
Super good feeling.
I'll go play piano probably
or watch anime if my brain can actually focus on reading subtitles
cya diary.
This day was really tiring
With my new ninjutsu gakusei... Aah i need to talk about that later
It's crazy.
And Arcane... Yeah watching 7 hours straight of this masterclass is hard lol
It's not hard, i'm just tired.
- with yesterday day...
--
Goodnight diary.
she didnt die
her name is vi or violet
ok so he didnt kiss jinx he kissed powder and she will not become jinx because vi is already dead
and the event that made him to become jinx was when vi left him
mostly jinx grabbed a ledge
or as people are speculating that jinx goes into the ventilation tunnel bcz jinx can move really fast bcz of the shimmer the doc gave it to her to save her life
I know all of that
I was talking about Isha
the friend of Jinx
yeah but since there won't be a next season, she's dead and we will never know
Guys
why I say guys
diary*
Let's restart this
Hello diary.
I can't eat anything since yesterday
I thought that for some reason Arcane s2 had no effect on me
And yeah, I'm not crying and giga depressed like with the s1 3years ago
But I can't do anything except learning the ost on piano
I woke up 3h ago and been learning one
The second popular ost in the season 2 (if we don't count Enemy since it was in season1), is "Ma meilleure ennemie", a french song inside Arcane... Perfect
It can't escape my head
same for "Sucker", I'll learn it later
So, I learned 2mins or so on piano, in only 2 hours 30, it's pretty good.
No one cares of the piano version, just look at this masterclass. (the clip behind is a mix of all clips from season1 or 2 with Ekko and Jinx/Powder)
I can't send in 4k since I don't have nitro and the video is way too heavy lol
My future self reading this, If you don't feel what I feel from listening and watching this; I hate you
The saddest clip of this video is Jinx trying to suicide herself
and Ekko saving her multiple times by going back in time
its a masterpiece
yesss i agree
it's so perfect for powder and ekko
that specific scene, that dance aaaa
Yeaah
the song makes me glad i learnt a bit of french
It's a perfect continuation for "What could have been" (the music of the season 1 ending with the rocket)
a lot of its meaning is lost in english translations
This is what it could have been..
Yup it's different...
But the translation is pretty easy and accurate to make I think
aight you continue. im out~
Here's the piano version
I'll learn this arr. and then make one myself, I need to make it 100x more beautiful. This deserve my time
It's way too easy
I need Animenz to make a composition of it;...
Pleasee animenz
Wait, nw that i think about it, he didn't even arrange Enemy. Why?? Everyone know this song, or at least heard it, even if they didn't watch Arcane
So he won't do ma meilleure ennemie right...
It's incredible to play musics you like so much on instruments
I need to learn how to do violon properly
I need to buy one again tho
With what money 💀
Aaaah it's always a money problem
What a huge restriction for my skills progression
I'll do something else for a bit of time, then I'll go back on learning the song
I want to record it
So I can send it to S
She watches Arcane too !!!!!
She's insane
I love her
No
Not romantically
--
You know what, I'll work on my book again
But from scratch
So... Yeah i'll write another story lol
I'll just keep the name of the main character, I like it
I'll share everything on it here
It'll be a webnovel, something I can post on Wattpad
... Let me learn the rest of the song rn
I can't focus
Brb in a few hours
there is a next season
Arcane is over
Season 2 was so expensive that making a third season would make the producers bankrupt
Yeah exactly
Also, the main producer said that they managed to fit into 2 seasons everything they originally planned to develop over 5 seasons. That's also why there's so much diverse content in it.
There will be other series and movies in the League of Legends universe, and they'll probably be less expensive now that they have more experience. So yeah, Arcane is over, but the characters from it will probably appear later in the next series from this universe. And they didn't kill off any character that already exists in League, so of course Jinx is alive. But let's just say she's "dead" until they make the movie (I think the next one will be a movie, followed by a series set in another region, most likely Ionia or, alternatively, Noxus).
They have no reason to kill Jinx, it's way too stupid.
But for now, Jayce, Viktor, Heimerdinger, and Jinx are dead.
They can decide to bring them back and it will be 100% logical, because we have no confirmation they're dead, but they can decide to kill them too
For example, as a LoL player... I excepted Seraphine to be in the show since she's from Zaun and then moved away to be a popular singer (in the lore)
Also she can hear Hextech vibrations
So she could be born in the post-Arcane Zaun, where Zaun is independant and the relations with Piltover are good.
It could explain how she got a chance to move away, and then she could maybe hear Jayce and Viktor lost in the Arcane
I saw a theory too: Jinx escaped the explosion because we see a pink trail just before it, and that's exactly what happens when Jinx moves at light speed due to shimmer. Then, in the last scene of season 2, we see a dirigible heading out to sea (probably to Ionia).
In episode 1 of season 1, Powder said, "One day, I hope I can ride one of these." Of course, she’s in it… There’s like a 90% chance she took that dirigible and went to Ionia to find her "place in this world." She tried to take her own life and realized it wasn’t the right solution. She also says to Vi, "I’ll always be with you," twice when leaving. There’s a 90% chance she’s heading to Ionia, and it makes so much sense—there’s so much story to develop there. It could easily span 4 or 5 seasons in Ionia.
I can totally imagine the next story being set in Ionia. And in the last frames of season 1, we see Jinx saying, "Hi," just like she did in episode 4 of season 1, haha.
Btw, I’m just talking to myself now; I’m not replying to anyone anymore here.
Woow it feels so good to write on PC
LOOK how well my sentences are formulated
It's perfect aaah it's so perfect
Why do I like words so much
Btw idk if you realized, but now I put a majuscule to the "I" of "i"
Hum
It's not clear
because I was writing "i am"
now i write "I am"
It's nothing but...
When writing on my phone a lot two days ago and for three days, I was constantly deleting text to retype it with a capital letter.
I want to get better at english
It's so easier to write on a keyboard...
--
I don't know what to watch
I did my japanese study of the day, I played piano for like 6 hours, watched theories on Arcane
Finished an anime I like, "I'll become a vilainess who'll go down in history"
I did so much... and yet so little at the same time.
There's no serie like Arcane
And I was wrong, The Witcher is for like mid 2026
Finishing season 2 of Arcane didn't put me in a depressive state like the first season did. Yeah, it's cool, but I just don't feel like doing anything.
When I really have nothing to do (it's really rare), I play videogames
But I can't play LoL, it's reminding me of Arcane so I can't focus. And I just don't want to play Valorant or any game
It's annoying, most feelings take a few meditation sessions for the big ones to go away
But this one is deep
I also need to watch a lot of anime rn
I have crunchyroll subscription until 14 january
And since I also wait for the full season of a new anime/season to come out, there's a lot to watch rn
Arifureta s3, Most notorious talker, Do-over damsel, Nina: kingdom to star, healer banished, Spirit Chronicles S2, exploration hero
There will be Solo Leveling season 2 soon
The 4 january I think
It'll be cool
I'll wait until the 12 episodes are uploaded though
So, I'll watch it in 3 months
I can't stop singing Ma Meilleure Ennemie lol
It heard for like 9 hours today
It's just stuck in my head
I hum it in every possible tone
I asked someone to make a cover of it with me
They refused
This person always refuse to do anything with me
I even wrote to this person a really nice poem and good words for this person birthday
the answer "Thanks"
wtf...
Fuck you
My bad
Oh i inmagne your upset but some ppl have isues with thanking ppl at their birthday
I do
I try not to be too happy because it will look fake so i just say thanks
Its not on purpuse
Oh it wasnt?
I don't want to write about that
Oh oke
I finally made a good version of Idol
The rapping part was so hard to do with my normal voice
They use an effect to double the voice and... yeah more effects
But I didn't want to use any
I also worked really hard on the chorus
the "idol" is really emblematic, I really need to sing it well
For the first chorus, it would be :
Kimi no kanpeki de kyūkyoku no aidoru
The voice variation (or idk what it's called) is hard to do perfectly
Normal to very “sung”
I won't send me singing here
My voice is really unique (in a good way, it's a mix of an American/French/Japanese(anime) girl’s voice, hard to explain), and I don't want to provide any evidence of my identity
I'll send it played on piano tho
Once I'm done learning the version with lyrics
--
I can't find any webtoon/manhwa/manhua I like :(
I just want a strong female mc who looks cute
That's already so hard to find
Then add a fantasy setting
and if possible a lovestory between 2 girls
and yeahh
Also add that the 2 girls must be enemies to begin with, or 1 very possessive, or any other toxic relationship
I hate perfect relationship things
It's boring
In real life it's perfect yeah
But if I want real stories, I can just find someone and live it
I need an imagined story...
Btw it's really weird that it didn't exist, but I've never seen a love story between 2 yandere characters
Why is Idol playing on repeat on Spotify, I'm sick of hearing it lol
Of coursee the next song is Ma Meilleure Ennemie
Can I get a single second off of animated series OSTs ?!
I need to listen to it now
It would be a crime to skip it
--
When I had no other diary but this one and wrote a lot on it (5 to 2 days ago), I was writing 800 messages a day
Or even more
- I'm lying, as I said I had another diary
I wrote a lot on it too
WHY is every song playing on repeat
Stop ma meilleure ennemie...
It prooves this
If I wrote on this diary ONLY, It would reach 100k messages in 138/5 days
So in 27 days, or a month.
24 if we remove what I already wrote
138 because, if It was a french diary, I would write much much longer sentences. My messages in other diaries are wayy longer than the 1 sentence messages I post here.
It's because this diary is on discord, and it feels natural to write shorter messages
138 is then, the normal it would take. /5 because my sentences are 5 times shorter here on discord (in average).
The longest diary on this server is about 10,000 messages, Sophie's one, right? Hahaha, no one is as dependant of diaries as I am.
I think this diary will become the biggest one of the server in like 2 month or so.
And since I'll never stop it and keep this rate, it'll reach 100k messages during summer's vacation, probably.
Since I write more on digital diaries during the vacation.
As I calculated in the message I mentioned earlier, I write around 265k messages per year, so it’s nothing. I also reworked the calculation, taking into account the proportional factor of the message length between my French and English diaries. Don’t mind the details—just know that if I wrote every diary the way I write this one, we could say I write 750k messages per year.
So, I'll reach 100,000 messages here this year (2025), but it will be 1/8 of what I wrote this year in total
Lol it's so much text
What a ill person I make
Imagine if I could spend this time doing other things
I'm already so good at so many things, imagine if I could spend this time elsewhere.
I could probably learn japanese in less than a year, learn 3 more languages per year
Learn every Arcane OST in a week
Make a cover of every anime song that ever existed, in just a year
Be the most powerful person of all the martial clans of this world, in just a few years
Writing a lot of books
Writing more poems
Spend more time with my brother
What am I getting in the " what if "
That's because I'm listening to Arcane's songs 😭
I'll turn off my pc and go to read something
I'm done listening to Ma Meilleure Ennemie
Look how emotionnal I get.
I just wait until it's finished... And I close Spotify.
Wtf I realized that the "shite i shitetu" from the beginning of the song is actually "je t'aime, je te hais"
it means "I love you, I hate you"
And it repeats for all the song
the name of the song in english is "my best enemy"
Wow it's so perfect
it adds so much to the meaning of the song, and for the related scene of Arcane...
Waaa
No, stop. I gtg read now.
STOP IT
TOO MUCH THEORIES
IM INVADED
Like Ukraine
wait
Yeah
I probably won't write again, but i'm not sure so I won't write gn now.
cya diary.
What is this message I just received...
to summerize it : "Hi, you don't know me but I do, We're at the same school, I stalked you to get your number, I love you"
LET ME READ
I'll answer later
I don't even know what to answer this
"Fuck you stalker", "Ohh that's so kind", "I love you too !", "Who asked?", "Who are you?", "I know you !", "I feel the same!", "Give me $50 and we talk about it"
"Excuse me, what?", "Well, you're just creepy.", "Love? Man, we’ve never even talked.", "I admire your confidence, but no thanks.", "That's cute, but also illegal, and aren't you 19?", "Aww, thanks for the free drama.", "Thank you for inspiration for my next book !"
He's not on the private side of our school, so I have datas on him
Since I got in the school database to steal every people information, it can be useful for cases like this one
He wasn't in the data from last year, I had to take the ones of this year
He's new this year so, he's 19, he had to repeat a grades 2 times when he was little for family problems
Sry idk if we say "repeat a grade" in english
I don't know the good word
And I'm lazy to search for it
He has normal grades, it's a regular student
He has a sister
Wait wait
wawit
wait
the stalker
is me???
hahahaha
this is hilarous
hahah why did I call him a stalker
When I do this
Yeah but it's annoying to be added by strangers
My number is important
Even if it's on my public phone
It's a little weird to declare your love to someone you haven't even spoken to and who is so much younger than you.
Idc about age gap but
Yeah, I don't know you man
Look how much time I'm losing talking about you
When I just want to go read
damn it's 11:43 now
look what you did.
I maybe should give love a try?
It's so trivial
But maybe it's good ?
I don't know.
I could also kidnap S
Wow... That came to my mind instinctively lol
Why did I think about her
Maybe I love her ? But why don't I feel like in movies
Their nothing burning in my heart
I have no feeling of loneliness, it does not exist in me. But maybe I do ? I could only know if I get out if it
I could really kidnap S
It's something anyone reading this could just say for the joke
But it's nothing impossible for me
It wouldn't have had any repercussions, my clan covers this kind of things with the new rank I obtained
(remember, I got a student gakusei, so I ranked up.)
I could kidnap her
I can
I need to think about it
Why would I kidnap someone
I can just ask her to come to my house lol
And if she says no
Then it means she don't love me
So kidnapping her will not change anythibng
I don't want to hurt her
And btw i'm saying this but, as i said previously... I know nothing about her and her family looks powerful
Also she's trained
ooh I forgot to talk about that the last time, I made a reminder to think about it but forgot to read the reminder...
She has insane reflexes, but looks instable
She looks like me before I became serious on trying to become an elite (find the definition of it, it's somewhere)
it's here
Maybe she's from a clan too
Or she could be a rank C individual, like me
There's no chance she can beat me in a fight
even with a gun
If she does, it means that she's Rank D, and was good enough to decrease her reaction time on a reflex, which is really hard to do, just to make me think she's weak ? that's really not probable.
or a rank C elite?
nah
Anyway I'd have to hurt her if I wanted to kidnap her
So I'll avoid it right
How did the conversation came to this
"conversation"?
I'm talking to myself
It's hard to find the good words in english;;; aaa
Let's read right ? it's 0 almost
00:00 is 12pm or 0am?
mhhh
It's the same I guess
What trivial questions
I'll text S
If she doesn't answer me
I'll-
I'll wait for her answer
hahaha
I'm not that crazy
Or am I?
Or am I not ?
Maybe
Probably
Eventually
I'm just writing the few vocabulary words I know in english here...
What am I even saying
Am I lucid?
I think I am
I need to drink some water, I'm a bit weird tonight
This diary is really becoming something I hate
I just store any thought here without analyzing it
I write before thinking it
It's my fingers writing their thoughts
not my brain
And this is really bad
I have a diary for that, but it's not called a diary
It's called a rough notebook...
I can't write this kind of things here and still call this a diary..
I'll delete this diary
The entiere thing—?
Yes the entiere thing
Why would you do that ?
Because look at what we did here
But you can just delete the messages you don't want?
No.
Why not ?
Shut up, you're bothering me
Why are you talking to yourself
Because it helps me to have another opinion, against mine
I understand
-So why don't you listen to me ?
Beacuse I
-I don't know.
You know nothing right?
Yes, I know nothing. The more I learn, the less I know. Life is a perpetual cycle of ignorance.
I feel you Janna.
My name is not even Janna.
Yes I know, but here, it is your name.
-Do you even know your official name ? You have so much different identities now. Are you even human ?
I do my best do be human. I really try my best
-I really really do, don't doubt it. I really try. really try. really try. Why are you saying this, you make me cry
But do you really feel any emotion? These are fake. You are not human, you do not feel anything. Are you even bothered by what I say right now? You're fake, you're fake? youre fake.
I am normal
-Like you
-Like anyone
-I try to be, so I am
But you can't be anything you want Janna.
Yes, I can,'t because i'm human and the human nature is limited
No, you can't because you're not normal. You make yourself illusions. Is your life even real ? You live in a dream. Do you really even exist?
I don't care about existing. If I don't exist, my existence can't begin or end. I am condemned to infinite suffering or nonexistent abandonment in the immensity of 'nothing'. I cannot feel something that doesn't exist, so I have to exist.
Why are you going so far to justify your existence Janna ? You can just stop
-You could die, maybe you will start existing once everything ended?
Is it really a solution ? I will eventually die anyways, why would I need to take my own life.
Because you hurt everyone, you hurt yourself, you hurt your mom, you hurt S, you hurt K, you hurt T. You could just dissapear and never cause any trouble again
K has nothing to do here, she's a random on discord
I know Janna. I just wanted to see if you would take this occassion of talking about something else, get away with my point. You're so predictible. You're so weak.
I am not weak
-I need to be strong, I always did everything to be strong
-It's hard, it's so hard
-It's so hard to have to stay strong and support other while staying sane
-It's so hard to live. You're maybe right, I should die. But I won't. I will live my life entierly, each second of it. It'll hurt me, a lot. I'll hurt people, a lot. I will regret it probably, deceive the one I like, do horrible things to people I love. But in the end my existence will have had a purpose.
-I will do everything to become the best person I can become. It will be hard and I'll need to have more conversations with you. You made me cry a lot here, it was hurtful. But stay. Please stay and tell me all these things every time I think I deserve to live.
-You cannot let me think I deserve to live. Remind me that my existence is a curse, that the world would be better without me. Remind me what is pain. Because if I don't suffer, I might, in the end, lose my capacity of feeling any emotion.
-I hope you'll never go away. You are a part of me, a fragment of my personality, another identity. You're my shadow, and I'm the light—or perhaps I'm the shadow. We complete each other. I need you. Don't leave me.
I'll never leave you, don't worry, Janna. Remember that you'll never be alone. I'm not saying these things to hurt you. I don't care if you're the light or the shadow, if your existence is a curse or a blessing, or if my existence makes you feel emotions or not. You can be whatever you want—I will always be here. I will be the one constant presence, always in you and with you. I will never go away. À la vie, à la mort, our promise is eternal. I will never abandon you.
You don’t need anyone but yourself; everything else is superfluous. You're my star, and I'm your sun. You're the Alpha, i'm the Omega, we embody the beginning and the end of everything. You don’t need anyone else. In the end, we will live and die together. Forget about your problems, and go read in peace—you’re perfect like you are, Janna.
Thank you, do you have a name ? I never asked you.
You never asked me because it is the first time I take this identity. I only know your name because it's written here. I have no name, do not call me, I will reach you when you feel too good, or too bad, and need to remember how useless you are.
Thank you. see you later new identity
-Answer me ?
--
Goodnight diary.
Damn, it's so true, every Arcane character became their opposite in season 2
What they became in season 2 was unthinkable in season 1, it's contrary to their values
There's so much about Arcane, it's perfect
I don't remember anything I wrote yesterday after 12pm, I hate this
It's funny to read tho
I don't care if some sides of me suffer to make me feel ok
They're me, they must suffer for our good
- I do not share their opinion on me
I'm no weak, but I don't rly need to be strong
I just like how determined is my weak identity
It got pushed down even more and still choosed to live
Anyway I won't let anyone kill me, even myself
The reason why this happened is because of Arcane lol
It's still my favorite serie ever, and for some reason it has consequent effects on me, even if it's way better than how I was after s1 ending
I don't see difference between liking a serie and a human
I don't want to detail this, it would make 500+ lines
I have already written about emotional attachment in French in another diary
Anyway, I'm way way better than yesterday
I feel the motivation to do things
Only 2 days after watching Arcane?! This is insane. My depression lasted all the summer vacation after s1.
--
Remember, my elite level crossing got reported bcz of my great granma being sick. But now I'm back, and I'll have to do it
Its my 3th try
It's not a problem to fail
But the score multiplier decrease at each lose
Each challenge of the level crossing give points, and the multiplier is what makes it easier or harder.
The higher place you have in a clan, the higher multiplier you have
It's 100% logical tho, the better you are, the more you deserve to be an elite
I'm not really high in the hierarchy because of my family separated from my clan (how much time did I repeat this? I should make it a notation.)
But I'm the first in the ranking of tournments
It's logical tho, i'm french Champion lol
No... I'm not yet. I won the finals, but I can't claim the title without being an elite.
Imagine being so good that you win a Champion title without having the necessary level to claim it... hard life
Just kidding.
But it never happened before
I won against an elite at the finals
It's not supposed to happen lol. If I have the level to beat an elite, then I should've been one in the first place, it's pure logic.
But since with the family separation (again...), I didn't get any occasion to pass the test before.
--
I have to save my diary, I forgot
I want to play Valorant rn it's been a while
I'll do that later
And I also need to add the notation dictionnary at the beginning of the diary
so bold words are defined
It's not a problem for me, but since I decided to make this diary public, if some people decide to read it and they can't understand what I say because the definition of a concept/term is "somewhere" in the diary...
I didn't play for a week and my level is back to silver...
give me back my Immortal aim...
I was not the best at playing in team
But I'm supposed to have insane gamesense, and my aim... My aim was my best skill to level up
It seems pretty obvious, how many activities requiering a good accuracy do I practice...
I got a new mouse too, so it didn't help
The DPI is different, I completly changed my sensibility
The problem is micro-adjustements
my aim is still insanely good
But every time, EVERY time, I'll flick my crosshair to next to his head
like 10 pixels away from it
And it's very hard to micro-adjust my crosshair
idk if it's a mouse problem, or a me problem
So I just move my character a little bit to the left or the right to adjust it
But it's not a good solution
For games like osu! there's no character to move
I tried to play osu! again
I can't even finish 7 stars map lol
I lose 50% of the time on 6 stars
and 10% of the time on 5*
It's really annoying when my hardest map ever done is a 9*
The only thing that makes me finish 6* maps, is my rythm accuracy
and techniques like tapping, that doesn't requiere any aim
--
I don't know what to do later
I always say that I'll work in something related to AI or data science
or any data analyze
But I don't really know
Nop, I have an even bigger problem
I don't know in what school to do later
For the next year
I already need to choose them and hope they accept me
My grades are not really insane
But good enough
I could have the best grades of my school if I wanted to stufy
dy
It's obvious, look at everything I know...
But it's boring.
It's truly boring to have our life dependant of "grades"
I do not care about living, so I do not care about my life dependant of grades lol
I'd just like to have money
And work in a domain that I like
Maybe I should work in animation for Riot Games' future series ?
But my negative drawing skills. . . .
Nvm
That's something I can't change
Life is boring
Why?
Because it'll end one day, and once it's over, everything we did is gone
Well i believe its not over after deah
If there's something after death, then life is even more boring
Everything we did alive will be gone, while afterlife never ends
It's sad to believe in a life after death.
There's no evidence that it exist, and if it doesn't, you won't be alive anymore to realize it. If you believe in an afterlife and it doesn't exist, you'll never know it doesn't exist.
For me it's just something made by humans to find a reason to "life". We're lost if we admit that life doesn't make sense
It's so sad to see humans this delusionnal.
If we admited that life doesn't make sense, we would be able to live it fully. Without thinking "it's fine, if I die, I'm going in afterlife"
Can i ask you a question
If you're here to argue religion, nop
Im not. Im seeking guidance for self discovery
ok
Do you have any thoughts on self discovery
Ah, yeah, just this question; I'm not a psychologist, and this is a diary, ask someone else
I've finished learning Ma Meilleure Ennemie on piano
I don't play it perfectly yet, that's a work for muscle memory
Well I also could play it slowly and work on it
But I need to learn more Arcane's OST
The next I should learn is Sucker but there's no good piano version yet
I'll have to make one myself
I don't know what to do
It's so boring
I wish I could just turn off and let someone live my life for me
I don't want to turn off at the point of dying, because there's also good moments
That's why I'd like to just go at the end of my life
It's somehow hard to explain
But it doesn't matter
I'd preferred to be born 500 years ago
Or in a typical fantasy world from books, series and animes
It would be so much better
Not as a farmer, or even a king
But just as I am right now, or an assassin
I like assassins
Or idk, just someone who have to fight
a knight
Why do I have to go at school, get good grades, and then get a stupid job
I could also work in the army but the weapons in our society are way too unfair
And they fight for so stupid reasons
It was better before. Fights for the crown are way more interesting. At least, everyone knows it's an egoistic fight for power.
With our actual technology, especially snipers and well, just basic guns, I could die in a matter of second in a war
Why would I do that
I don't care of dying when fighting, but the reason can't be "Enemies emptied their magazines through the walls"
In a sword fight, it would requiere so much people to defeat me and my team I have at ninjutsu right now
I should make team a notation and explain it, it's a basic term but it's not that easy in our clan.
It's like a sub-clan in the clan, it's my own clan inside our clan.
People who are loyal to me and whom I choose
I don't want to lose myself in dreams
“What could my life have been?”
"What if ... what if ?"
Yeah that's what I'm doing here
If there's an afterlife, I hope it's not heaven, but a reincarnation
I don't want to do nothing for eternity
I just want a more fun life, where my own skills are the only limit to my power.
Yes, a world where individual power is the metric of value.
Why it exists in fictions but not in reality.
It existed before, and now it's gone.
The problem is not technology, maybe later, futurist fictions like... mecha armor and these things will exist
It's futurist and yet, individual skills prevails
The problem is really "this" level of technology. We're advanced but not enough
We are at a point where human life is worthless in a war. Only numbers matter
Well, it has always been like that lol
I digress, and it's really easy to deconstruct my opinion here, it's not based on anything
Just to say that I'd like to die fast, and see if there's an afterlife. And if so, reincarnation would be the best overall.
Not to die quickly by shortening my life, but with time passing faster...
Nice. That was a good summary of these messages.
--
That's cool, but I still don't know what to do
There's an event to find coins on this server
I'm not that desperate
But I'll find some, it's fun
Btw it's funny I read the first messages on this serv
When I see this, I can only respect their work.
some humans are impressive
The winner of the event gets a event role
It's not very useful I think? Idk
But maybe it is
So I'll try to get it and see
I really wanted to be on vacation and now I'm bored
lol
I don't even feel like watching animes or reading books
Arcane somehow got in the top 2 fantasy series
after Game of Thrones
top1: Game of Thrones
top2: Arcane
top3: Stranger Things
Stranger Things was my favorite serie before Arcane came out
It's also the only series with Arcane that made me depressed after it ended.
Btw a depression after finishing an anime/serie is called "pad", post-anime depression. And yeah it's a real thing
It can hurt just as much as what you call "real" depression.
I'll watch Game of Thrones
I knew I liked a lot fantasy series but...
My 2 favorite fantasy series—the only series that made me depressed are in the top 3 of this genre, and I haven't even watched the top one?
also, Game of Thrones has wayyy more seasons
And I know that that universe is really complex and you have to stay focused.
I will watch it with french voices, ppl on internet say that the VF is nice
I might not understand everything if it's in english, and I'll get lost lol
I hope it will be good, it doesn't seem like it at first glance.
I hope it's like The Witcher
I said the same before watching this serie
It was this "popular serie" everyone know. And it looked bad
But wow...
I had a crush on the character "Ciri" for a few months
I think it's how I should call it?
It makes me realize that I really don't like this society, this world
Ciri is not really incredible (when I had a crush on her, so before season 3)
after season 3 she's insane yeah, the next season will be crazy.
But she is normal
With standard and typical fantasy character personality
But yeah, fantasy worlds are so much better, that's just the reason why
I watched "13 reasons why" also, a whileee ago. Season 1 is perfect. Then it's trash...
Why did they make many seasons for that
After s1, the title of the serie is unrelated to its content
It was perfect with a single season
--
I don't know where to watch Game of Thrones
I have Netflix, but it's not on it
The quality of streaming sites doesn't match that of official platforms.
Hello Janna my English has gotten better, hopefully we can converse in more political terms 🙂
Wow you can box, that is a very powerful sport, boxing is a very technical combat sport that requires a lot of strategical thinking
No one will ever bully you Janna
I don't want to converse, but thanks
--
Today is supposed to be an important day, it's New Yeae