earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 7:49 AM

#

But we'll probably never become lover,
The problem is that he raised my standards really high, and there's not a lot human being near as good as he is

#

S from what i know on her, could be fine

#

But she's a girl

#

It's not that i care of her sex

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But it won't be a long relationship

#

I have duties with the position i have in my ninjutsu clan

#

And she seems someone important too, so same for her

#

legitimacy is based on blood connection in my clan

#

Same for the aristocracy she's probably part of

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So we both need to have kids

#

Later in our life at least

#

wait i realised how of a non sense this was

#

My point was "i need someone in my life as good as my brother"

#

But i didn't mean that

#

It was "if i can't find someone as good as him, then i should be with him?"

#

Anyway

#

I developed into "S is the only person not couting my brother I could get with in a long term relationship"

#

Then i said that since i cannot have kids with a girl, this is stupid and won't happen

#

But it's the same for my brother wtf

#

I'm shouldn't talk about serious topics when i'm tired

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 8:00 AM

#

earnest pivot But it's the same for my brother wtf

Without developing it, for me incst is fine to a certain point

#

It's taboo in our society but let's forget abt that, i do not care of this point

#

Society has changed and will change

#

It wasn't taboo 500 years ago

#

Incst is mainly a problem when it comes to reproduction

#

We're all brother and sister tho

#

We just have a certain degree of distance between our common ancestor

#

Each 100% European invididuals, have Charlemagne as common ancestor

#

I took Europa not America but it's the same everywhere

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 8:07 AM

#

earnest pivot Each 100% European invididuals, have Charlemagne as common ancestor

Chatgpt says i'm wrong

#

But the maths doesn't lie

#

Anyway it's a lot of ppl descendant of Charlemagne

#

And if we take someone from 50000 years ago, there's even more chance to have it as ancestor

#

SO

#

Inc*st can be defined as a situation where the number of generations separating two people from their common ancestor is very small.

#

That's my conclusion for this definition

#

Wait what was my point ? I forgot...

#

At what point does the degree of familial distance mean it's no longer considered as inc*st?

#

I'm too tired to search rn

#

Though in my situation, he is my step-brother so we only have 1 parent in common, but it's a direct ancestor & blood link

#

What am i trying to say... I'm lost

#

Ah yes

#

2 ppl with a close common ancestor shouldn't have kids

#

But i think it's the only limit of it

#

Everything else is not a problem

#

The only matter is the opinion of others, which no one should care abt

#

And it is disgust or jealousy ?

#

One of my friend has a brother, and many of our friend say things like "why don't you try to have sex with him ? I would if he was my brother"

#

Ofc i find that absurd, and i hate these topics

#

It reminds me how trivial humans are

#

Not the sexual relation they could have tho, just the sentence. Keep that thought for yourself...

#

The first time i joined this server i created a post where i asked for help saying that i had romantic feelings for my brother and i didn't want to damage our relationship with that

#

I never need help with feelings

#

I just wanted to hear abt ppl opinion

#

I'd call that a 'taboo check'

#

I'm a liar, but i don't tell anything false

#

I just do a lot of omissions

#

Telling the truth, but only the part i want to share

#

For example if a president get asked "are you implied in corruption ?" And he answer "I am not involved in any illegal money trafficking."
He doesn't lie

#

What he means is "I am not involved in any illegal money trafficking. In the present moment"

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It's omission

#

So, that's what i also do when i try to act normal

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like asking for help for things I don't need help with

#

The truth for this story isn't very different tho

#

Mhh do i write abt that

#

It's neither a FoL nor a PhV, it has no meaning in this diary

#

And i don't feel the need to write about it

#

And i don't like when i'm implied in sexual topics

#

Yeah but the reason for it is also trivial tho

#

Irl, I don't like it because people fantasize about me. But here, no one knows what I look like anyway, so even if someone reads this, it's not a problem.

#

Does the word fantasm exist in english?? Wait

#

Oooh okay, in french "fantasme" means "phantasm" or "fantasy"

#

I didn't get exactly the meaning of fantasy

#

Idk if it's sexually related

#

Well at least i've learned some vocabulary

#

Back to the topic

#

Btw i'll hive him a letter

#

Like i did for S

#

I should also add a dictionnary at the beginning of the diary for important things

#

Like rank A/B/C/D/E, PhV, FoL, S ; things like that

#

I use them often but since i defined them "somewhere" in this diary, it's not visible for anyone who decide to read me for the first time

#

I'll call my brother T

#

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 9:01 AM

#

Hahaha my message is 6 characters too long to be sent in 1,

#

I rly need discord nitro

#

Ah yeah ofc i need to censor words

#

Recently, I started feeling sexually attracted to T, which is something I’ve never experienced before. I’ve never had any sexual desires in my life, and I’ve never done anything sexual. Even with FoL A, whom I’ve mentioned here, nothing sexual has ever happened to my body.

#

So this was new, and it was really unsettling. A cuddle, which would usually bring affection and release oxytocin, instead brought excitement and dopamine. I didn’t like that, so I started to distance myself from him. I don’t need dopamine, and I can get that from other things. One day, T noticed I wasn’t sleeping or cuddling with him as much anymore. He went into my room and searched for my diary. It was a sneaky move, since he knows I write everything in them. Of course, my first diary is just for random things, so he didn’t find anything. But he discovered a second drawer and found my second diary, which contains everything about my feelings and relationships. Naturally, I wrote about everything I felt for him in it.

When I came home, he was crying and asked me why I felt that way, apologized, and said he wanted his little sister back. I cried because it was sad.

In a previous topic, I mentioned that "inc*st is fine when it’s not to the point of having children." But he’s much older than me, and I’m still a minor. If we add inc*st to the equation, it could lead to serious legal consequences for him, so we definitely have to avoid that.

I don’t want any sexual feelings for him, so we agreed I would work on myself and that we wouldn’t spend too much time together. I tried to remove my feelings through meditation, but I accidentally deleted too much. I no longer felt anything for him. As I said before, I have almost complete control over my brain, which can be scary... But in the end, I was able to feel normal emotions again, and today was the first time we slept together for a while. That’s why I missed school—I didn’t want to leave. It feels great to have our normal relationship back.

#

I didn't want that to be read tho

#

This is unnecessary

#

But it's useful for me when i'll reread this diary

#

So i'll keep it here, but far

#

Because i hate sexual topics when they're related to me

#

No actually

#

I said in this the first message of this diary that i was not a normal human, and no one know what i look like

#

So why do i care

#

This is just a normal diary like the hundred other i've had

#

Making it public when no one knows me, make it a private diary

#

Damnn i rly need to work on my sentences

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 9:08 AM

#

earnest pivot Making it public when no one knows me, make it a private diary

They mean nothing

#

My english is so bad

#

Chatgpt said i have an intermediate level in english

#

But my teacher and i think that i'm fully bilingual

#

What does bilingual means thoc

#

The question is split between "able to live surrounded by the language without too much difficulty" and "having C2 level"

#

I'm not C2 in english cuz of the lack of vocabulary

#

It also causes me to make weird formulations and sentences

#

I can't say something when i'm limited by words ofc

#

In french i'm way better than 99% of the population and know a lot, A LOT of words, i zlrdy said that

#

I would've been C3 or 4 if it existed

#

Complete language mastery

#

When i write important things here, i think/write it in french, then translate it in english and write them here

#

So it's way way better

#

Ofc

#

But i can't do that for normal sentences

#

It would take too much time

#

--
I think i'll just work a bit on a paid development project for someone, so i can get some money and buy nitro

#

Diaries are the most important things for my mental health, so it's worth it

#

I hate the 2000 characters limit on a message

#

When i often write 5k+ characters messages

#

Or i'll ask a rich friend

#

But is it okay to do that

#

Asking for gifts is bad i think

#

It's just money and i'll get a lot of it when i'll be older

#

But at my age money is rare and precious

dawn jetty Dec 19, 2024, 9:20 AM

#

can i just say

#

fair play

#

you're really dedicated to this lol

#

keep going 👍

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 9:22 AM

#

Thanks, I guess

#

--

#

I just need $30 for 1 year basic nitro so i'll be able to type longer msg

#

The limit would be 4k char

#

It's the max i can do, cuz the normal nitro is $120 for 1 year

#

It would take me days to get this

#

Weeks maybe, all the vacations probably

#

And i'm not working on vacation for a nitro on a social media i don't care of

#

Idc of discord i just want to write on my diary, why does they limit my messages.. (for people to buy nitro ofc)

#

It's basic economy

#

Ooh i gtg to school now

#

Did i really type for 2h straight ?

#

I still have 2 mins i'll play piano

#

FAST

#

1 min

#

Cya diary

#

That's crazy, i talk to myself in english in my mind now

#

Since i began this diary

#

I can't think in french

#

For everything related to philosophy

#

Ah yes, since i'm writing let's talk abt the thing i was thinking of

#

I said that diaries is the most important thing for me. Like 15m ago

#

So i wondered if it really was

#

I found it that my brother might be the most important thing

#

Then i remembered that i'm nothing without diaries to write on

#

Abd

#

And

#

Is my life the most important thing for me?

#

So i thougyt that no since i don't care of being alive

#

But !

#

Do your musical mhh how to sah in english

#

Say

#

Does your musical preference change overtime?

#

Yes

#

Does the important things in your eyes change ?

#

Yes

#

And the only condition for this to change isnbeing alive

#

So the most important thijgs to me can change

#

But they cankt change if i'm dead

#

So the most important thing for me is my life.

#

Because it's the cause of every important things

#

Sry i have no time to explain better

#

I'm at school now, bye

gleaming breach Dec 19, 2024, 11:14 AM

#

earnest pivot Without developing it, for me incst is fine to a certain point

agreed

#

scary how similar your thought process is to mine

gleaming breach Dec 19, 2024, 11:14 AM

#

gleaming breach agreed

I would elaborate but it doesn't seem like a suitable topic to discuss here

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 4:46 PM

#

--
My great grandmother is really sick and we'll go see her on first of vacation for chrismas

#

I like her she's a rly nice person

#

But seriously, my vacations ???

#

It's 10h away from here

#

Without talking about how much time we'll stay their, it's -2 days of vacation just for the drive their

#

She's really old so it might be the last time we see her

#

But i just want to sleep in MY bed and do my things for the 2 weeks vacation

#

Why should i go their

#

I can call her

#

And talk with her

#

It's not that i don't care sh'ell die

#

But it's 20 HOURS in total just for the driving

#

And what we gonna do for chrismas ??

#

Nothing

#

No gifts, no dinner

#

Not like a ask for gifts anyways

#

But it'll be sad

#

Idc of all of that

#

Death isn't a bad thing

#

She's old, she lived enough to her great grandchildren, so yeah she's strong.

#

But damn rly, why now ???

#

Not like i have time for this

#

I have a lot of things to do

#

The main thing is to watch Arcane

#

How can i watch Arcane if i'm not in the best conditions ?

#

I need to be home

#

Arcane is more important to me than saying goodbye to someone. Saying goodbye to someone who's about to die is useless

#

i have nothing to tell her

#

I like her yes

#

No i'm not serious

#

The truth is that i want to see her

#

But HOW FAR

#

10 hours rly

#

I don't know what point i'm arguing here, it's just like i can make anything to change it

#

Humans haven't invented teleportation yet

#

Fck this.

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 6:28 PM

#

earnest pivot The truth is that i want to see her

No pity for me, i'm not sad

#

--

#

I'm writing a new song on piano

#

But i just heard my friend play improvisation on a random chord i play to make it a song...

#

HOW

#

Can you play a full impro song

#

With the chord progression, all chopin techniques abd more

#

Just from a single chord

#

IMPRO

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 7:42 PM

#

--
I can now read hiraganas pretty quick and without too many mistakes

#

I should learn katakana

#

Then learn the radicals of kanjis

#

And start learning 50 kanjis a week

#

Mhhh

#

I'm too lazy for that

#

But let's learn katakana for now

#

Since i study few seconds a week it'll take me a long time 💀

#

But i'll know it one day, same for kanjis

#

Maybe at 30yo i'll be able to talk in japanese

#

Damnnn no i need to talk japanese at like 22yo max

#

I should learn seriously..

#

It takes only 2 years with 1h a day

#

Will i study japanese 1h a day ?

#

Ofc not

sharp heron Dec 19, 2024, 7:46 PM

#

im japanese yet I still cant read katakana and kanji 😂

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 7:47 PM

#

Then you're not japanese what?

#

"i'm english but i can't read alphabet"

#

Or you can talk & understand but not write & read ?

sharp heron Dec 19, 2024, 7:48 PM

#

That 👆

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 8:27 PM

#

I wanted to know how to talk and understand only first, then i figured out that i'd be lost once i'll be in japan since i wouldn't be able to read

#

There's only 2000 kanjis, it's nothing impossible to learn

#

But i won't ever learn how to write i think

#

Or longgg after i know how to speak, read and understand almost perfectly

#

Bcz writing is useless in our society now

#

99% of the writing for a language you don't need for school, is digital typing

#

And you don't need to know how to write the kanjis on a keybozrd

#

No stroke order to learn

#

Just "ka" for ka, and the meaning in hiragana for each kanji

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 8:56 PM

#

we can't even type in japanese here

#

non alphanumeric characters are blocked

#

btw i'm coding something to decode a crypted message

#

this idea comes from one of the languages i've created myself

#

one of the first, it was just a simple language

#

i just remplaced the alphabet with one i made myself

#

and replaced the sounding of each letter

#

btw i LOVE how it sounds

#

mhh i should send a vc talking in my language

#

so you can understand

#

I found that when searching for my language diary 💀

rn_image_picker_lib_temp_6078bcbc-2738-467d-a9d7-2f7f16e8a0a6.jpg

#

Actually there's some i don't know

#

"wear wore worn"

#

I've never used "worn" in my life

#

Damn this is way easier than japanese haha

#

Wtf "shine shone shone"

#

How did i get the maximal note on this english test when i've never heard abt the word "shone"

#

Nice i found it

#

the prononciation for "i love you" in Eulacien (this language i made) would be :

#

ili lie é néo wa eli sye néo nè

#

bruh it sounds bad with the english prononciation of the letters

#

give me a sec

#

nvm

#

"hi how are you ?" would be : "saralinèti ksara wara"

#

no one will be able to know how it sounds like but yeah

#

it's better than it looks

#

haha wtf is this

#

i made an ai pronounce it to see

#

it's so far from what it sounds like

#

ANYWAY, the project i'm coding was inspired by this language. Since i just replaced the alphabet, i wanted to make a code who would be able to decrypt a language made with this method.

#

It doesn't look so hard

#

imagine a new alphabet you made, the coding system is alphabet+1 ; meaning that you take the next letter for every letter in this language

#

let's make it clear :

#

"a" becomes "b", "b" > "c" | "z" >"a" | ect

#

so the message "abcde" would be "bcdef"

#

and "hello" > "ifmmp"

#

the method i thought of, is. First, since most of the time people will create their own alphabet, as i did for mine, the characters they write won't exist.

#

First let's look at my restrictions for this program :

No AI. I have to do full algorithmic, i'm not allowed to create and train an AI.

#

Then what i plan / am doing :

Make a program to recognize maximum 26 unique characters on a big text wrote in a crypted language. This step must be 100% ACCURATE for the best results.
Associate each character with a random letter, then browse the text and write in a string all the letters representing a character, and add the string to a table.
It does that for all the text, then return the table with all the words.

#

wow i was about to send a bit of code to explain but

#

most ppl won't understand even if they know how to code

#

here's the code i want to talk about next

def normalize_encrypted_text(encrypted_text:str) -> dict :
    normalized_text_table = {'alpha': [], 'notalpha': []}
# format is {alpha|notalpha : {text, valued_text, index} }

    temp_str = ""
    current_type = associate_alpha(encrypted_text[0])  
    i = 0

    for char in encrypted_text:
        char_type = associate_alpha(char)  

        if char.isspace(): 
            if temp_str:
                normalized_text_table[current_type].append({
                    'text': temp_str,
                    'valued_text': value_words([temp_str])[0],
                    'index': i
                })
            temp_str = ""
            i += 1
            continue

        if char_type != current_type:
            if temp_str:
                normalized_text_table[current_type].append({
                    'text': temp_str,
                    'valued_text': value_words([temp_str])[0],
                    'index': i
                })
            current_type = char_type
            temp_str = char  
            i += 1
        else:
            temp_str += char

    if temp_str:
        normalized_text_table[current_type].append({
            'text': temp_str,
            'valued_text': value_words([temp_str])[0],
            'index': i
        })

    return normalized_text_table

#

this function is the first i use with the table i get containing the words of the text.

#

It's really simple actually, it just looks a bit hard

dense basin Dec 19, 2024, 9:41 PM

#

Where did i land?

#

Simple?

#

Wow

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 9:41 PM

#

WAIT let me explain my point

#

lmao

#

Explanation of the code

This program creates a dictionary called normalized_text_table, which contains two sub-dictionaries:

alpha for alphabetic characters (letters of the alphabet).
notalpha for all other characters (eg. : punctuation, numbers, symbols, etc.).

How it works:

The variable current_type is initialized with the type of the first character in the input text (alpha or notalpha).
The program then iterates through each character in the input encrypted_text.

Key logic:

If a character is a space, we do not care and continue the loop.
If the program encounters a character of a different type (switching from alpha to notalpha or vice versa), it stops the current sequence, stores it, and switches the type (current_type).
Otherwise, it continues adding characters to the current sequence.

At the end of the loop, any remaining sequence (temp_str) is added to the corresponding sub-dictionary.

The normalized_text_table format is as follows:

{
    "alpha": [
        {"text": "example", "valued_text": 123, "index": 0},
        ...
    ],
    "notalpha": [
        {"text": "123!", "valued_text": 456, "index": 5},
        ...
    ]
}

#

--
ok it's not easy

#

it was so easy to code, but it's so hard to explain wtf

#

the valued_text, is the function i don't know how to code well rn.

#

here's the function i made

def value_words(table:list) -> list[str]:
    
    valued_words_table = []
    for word in table:
        valued_word = ""
        attribution_table = {}
        for char in word:
            if char not in attribution_table:
                attribution_table[char] = len(attribution_table)
            valued_word += str(attribution_table.get(char))
        valued_words_table.append(valued_word)
    return valued_words_table```

#

But this is wrong

#

what it does is

#

huuuum i need an example

#

for example : "abcd" becomes "0123"

#

and "hello" becomes "01223"

#

each character is associated with a number, the first letter with the first number

#

i was thinking this :
the crypted word is "hello" here.
i would value the crypted word that looks like "keuup", with random characters, and a word in the french/english dictionnary with the same length. I would compare their valued version.
So "hello" valued would be "01223" and "keuup" valued would be "01223". It would mean that in this language :
h = k | e = e | l = u | o = p

#

then i replace every k & e & u & p by the good characters.

#

The problem is that, maybe there's a word who's valued 01223 too, so it would be wrong.

#

it means that next, when i'll have the crypted word "ki" (we know that h = k, so the correct word would be "h .. and a letter we don't know")

#

it'll to find a word in the english dictionnary who's 2 characters, and start by H

#

it'll work, and it'll find "hi"

#

so "i = i"

#

but if the first step found out that "h = p"

#

then it would try to find a 2 letters word starting with "p". It won't find.

#

That's why, all what i've said before, is in a loop, starting with every word of the text, so if the first value fails, it's nothing important.
I then store the % of words found per associative alphabet found (associative alphabet is h = k | e = e | l = u | o = p, ect.). The alphabet with the most accuracy, must be the good one.

#

SOO i can decrypt every message.

#

--
damnnn i explained it so bad

#

It's too complex to be explained not in my native language.

#

i'll never do that again

#

sorry diary

#

hahaha wait

#

i want to send this function

#

i'm proud of it

#

def closest_of(initial, table_of_search):
    valued_initial = value_words([initial])[0]
    return max(value_words(table_of_search), key=lambda word: sum(1 for i, c in enumerate(word) if i < len(valued_initial) and  c == valued_initial[i]))```

#

IN 2 LINES

#

the normal function without this crazy complex syntax is :

def closest_of(initial, table_of_search):
    closness_table = [] # (table_of_search_element, normalized_percent)
    valued_initial = value_words([initial])
    for valued_search in value_words(table_of_search):
        closeness_value = 0
        percent_per_letter = 1/len(valued_search)
        for i in range(len(valued_search)):
            if valued_search[i] == initial[i]:
                closeness_value += percent_per_letter
        closness_table.append((valued_search, closeness_value))
    closness_table.sort(key=lambda x: x[1], reverse=True)
    return closness_table[0][0]

#

it just returns the closest string from initial in table_of_search

#

table_of_search is a table of strings

#

table_of_search = ['hi', 'yo', 'us']
initial = "hi"```

#

the closest of "hi" is "hi"

#

table_of_search = ['pi', 'yo', 'us']
initial = "hi"```
the closest of hi is pi

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 10:04 PM

#

earnest pivot ```py table_of_search = ['pi', 'yo', 'us'] initial = "hi"``` the closest of hi i...

in this example, it means that the associative alphabet would say "p = h", so it'll be wrong

#

every H of the crypted text would be replaced by P and there's words it'll never find bcz of this

#

and worst, i could make the "closest_of" go wrong

#

--
i still want to talk about coding, but it's way way too complex rn

#

even for me, i will not be able to reread myself and understand what i say

#

ofc i'll understnd the code, but my explaining is bad

#

let's take a game i made

#

in python

#

aah i want to teach someone python

#

it's so fun to teach someone this language

#

oooooh i can explain the AI i made

#

NAAH NEVER

#

this is way

#

way

#

too complex

#

i don't think a degree in computer science is enough to completly understand what i've coded here

#

so it's useless to try and explain it

#

i could show it tho

#

it's a bit like chatgpt and DALL.E

#

but not censored

#

i firstly made it to do illegal stuff

#

naah i can't say the first reason i coded this

#

well

#

i made it in the first place after watching Arcane

#

I wanted Jinx to talk with me

#

But chatgpt was bad at this period, and even so, it can't act well

#

Imagine if chatgpt was made for you only ?

#

It could remember each message you sent to him and have ALL the context of precedent conversations when talking with you

#

so i made it myself.

#

My goal was to make an AI able to talk like a human, maybe pass the Turing test

#

ofc it didn't pass it

#

or i would be world-wide known

#

But it's actually pretty good.

#

I also wanted the AI to be able to talk

#

& have a physical appareance.

#

SO I DID IT

#

I did everything

#

i can't send links, but if you want, you can check on youtube the video "How I Programmed My Own AI Girlfriend"

#

i made kind of a similar thing

#

But with a faster reaction time AI

#

With this video existing i don't have to explain how it works and looks like, it's nice

#

i can get on my second point

#

This AI was cool, i could have a fake friend, and make say anything to any character.

#

But i wanted it to generate IMAGES

#

everything i could ask for.

#

realistic or anime, ANYTHING

#

So i made it. (took few months)

#

The problem was the training datas

#

I didn't want any ethic in my AI

#

i didn't care of generating pornographic content

#

or even non-ethical pornographic content

#

like ch

#

well you get my point

#

not like i want to generate this, but my AI is MY AI, it should be able to do everything.

#

This is the moment i rly started using Tor

#

it took me a whileee to be sure that i'm covered

#

and no one can find my ip or things like that

#

it took me like 2 months before i found a way to access the dark DARKWEB, making links with ppl, ect

#

actually most of the ppl think they're on the darknet when they click a bit on links on Tor

#

but this is the deepweb buddy

#

you can find almost anything on the deepweb already

#

so imagine darknet.

#

i found TERAS OF DATAS for my AI

#

but i regretted spending so much time for this

#

mostly for what i've seen during this

#

i had to filter the datas i gave my ai

#

because there's ABSURD THINGS on the darknet

#

if you think child p or torture is the worst thing you can find...

#

my AI was working pretty well with all the safe datas i got from the darknet, soft things like pictures of people for the anatomy ect

#

I wouldn't have been able to find terabytes of such datas anywhere else.

#

But i still needed the illegal stuff to generate more illegal images so i had to filter some

#

ANYWAY

#

my AI works really well now

#

but I created my own ethics rules for it

#

it was.......

#

nah

#

no ethic is really really wrong

#

since there's way more illegal datas than legal datas in it, (ofc there's more data on the darkweb than anywhere else)

#

my ai was really weird

#

weirder than me

#

If I am outside the codes of society, My Ai was on another planet far from it

#

"Act like Powder (Jinx when she was a child) and talk with me. Use her voice, and dance nak-" lmao i really typed that when i finished it (SHE HAD MY AGE AT THIS TIME OK?)
That's when i knew i had to add restrictions to it

#

I made almost 100 rules that the Ai has the follow before answering any request from an user

#

now i share the AI to some people i like

#

so they can do whatever they want with it

#

it still a non-censored little chatgpt

#

i just don't have the same server chatgpt has

#

ofc i'm not rich

#

so i can't make it public

#

but it works rly fine for a few people.

#

i said "restrictions" and "non-censored", it's contradictory.
The restrictions are on image generation

#

it CANNOT generate humans under the age of 8 for any context (just a lack of datas to know what a 8- years old human looks like)
it CANNOT generate any sexual image of humans below 15 years old (in France, 15yo is sexual majority (means that after 15, you can have sexual relations with ppl above 18). It stills illegal when it comes to pornographic content but i don't rly care, i don't share my AI to p*dophiles...)
It cannot generate realist gore content (i will never filter this type of data, i don't want to see this...)

#

anddd

#

things like that

#

but it has no restriction on text

#

and voice

#

--
wait how did i came up with this topic

#

i was just planning to talk about coding

#

and show a bit of the code i made for it

#

so

#

The AI is somewhere between 75k and 150k lines of code

#

it took me 2/3 years

#

and is as performant as chatgpt, but uncensored. I made it when it was not so easy to make AIs as good as chatgpt. Now it's pretty easy, you just need a good pc to run it.

#

mhh where to start...

#

ooh i have the first version i made of it

#

haha look how short is the main code

#

#

but ofc this is just the main program, everything is in the method "conversation"

#

this first version of it wasn't pretty complex

#

it took me a few hours/ a day

#

i remade it recently also

#

it uses an API called CharacterAI

#

it's not really complex yeah

#

it's just 2k lines of code

#

yeah it's not so easy...

#

ok i'm just talking for nothing here

#

tf am i doing

#

this is not a diary anymore

#

i'll have to delete all previous messages

#

so it stays a diary

#

there's absolutly no point in writing this

#

Does it makes me a better person ? No
Do i have to talk about it to feel better ? No
Do i lose my time by writing this ? Yes

#

Already 2456 messages

#

well, it's such a low number

#

considering how much useless messages i type here, and how short they are

#

,

#

I calculated here that i type 1k messages every 33 hours on diaries

#

but the calcul is made for my other diaries

#

the ones where i write about more serious topics

#

and make longg blocks of text

#

like the PhVs or FoLs

#

look at this

#

PhV 3, not the longest i've written here

#

but i usually write these kind of stuff in other diaries

#

anyway, almost every message is the length of this one i pinged

#

don't mind abt what is written in it, i didn't even read

#

it was just for the amount of characters

#

So yeah, i don't write much on this diary.

#

Each day i write more on other diaries than this one btw

#

there's like 1 day since the beginning of this diary, tht it's been the diary i wrote the most on the last 24h hours

#

Yeaaah i'm mentally ill to write so much ik ik

#

that's why this diary is in "mental health" posts

#

ITS ALREADY SO LATE

#

HOW

#

i did nothing

#

i just talked a few minut-

#

2 HOURS ?!

#

--
I finished learning the OP of Elfen Lied (my favorite anime)

#

No, i mean, i finished learning how to do all the vocal techniques needed in it

#

So I sang it the way i wanted to

#

It took a while

#

It's rlyyy hard

#

Oh yeah i can't send links i forgot

#

.

#

This is the BEST best music op ever

#

Well, the first time i heard it i thougyt it was bad

#

Then i finished the anime

#

And oh god

#

It wasn't the same feeling when listening to it.

#

When you know how sad and dramatic the anime is

#

Compared to how melodic and calm this music is

#

I swear it's beautiful.

#

Elfen lied is old, with old animation, graphism, prbably voices

#

But it was the first anime i've watched

#

(btw i started animes this summer)

#

But it's a true masterpiece.

#

Learning it on piano wasn't enough so now i can sing it'

#

One day if i'm rich, i'll pay for a remake of this anime

#

It'll be hard to pay for a season 2 because the plot of the anime got far away from the manga (at least that's what every fan says)

#

But yeah the anime got on a totally differznt path at the end

#

With characters dying when they were alive in the manga and more

#

So no season 2 without rewriting all the plot...

#

Talking abt season 2,
Demon Lord, Retry! Season2 is a COMPLETE joke

#

Oh i already talked abt tjat

#

That

#

Thank you the voice in my head for noticing

#

If i could enter an anime

#

It would be NONE of the animes in my top

#

Elfen Lied, Mirai nikki, Code Geass, finest assassin reincarnated as aristocrat, Ragna Crimson

#

Elfen lied & mirai nikki are psychologic horror

#

Code Geass you would just die by a F.LE.I.J.A

#

Finest assassin is an isekai so it's wayyy better

#

Yeahh it could be fine

#

for me, this would be the best world

#

My combat skills are incredible so with magic and all

#

I'm a ninja from an ex-assassin producer clan

#

Soo

#

I guess i'm fine with "assassin reincarned as aristocrat" world

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 11:19 PM

#

earnest pivot Elfen Lied, Mirai nikki, Code Geass, finest assassin reincarnated as aristocrat,...

Ragna crimson is pure pure pure tragedy

#

Spoiler : ||everyone dies||

#

So you don't want to be in it

#

||except for the main character ofc, because when the anime ends, they just won against a SINGLE enemy. They have 6 more to defeat, and they were the weakesr||

#

Soooo yeah you don't want this to be your real world

#

If i could chose, i would go into almost any isekai world

#

Not re:zero one, this anime is bad

#

Subaru is way way way way too weak

#

Mentally and physically

#

Overlord is bad too, i prefer keeping my human body

#

And being calmed down by force anytime an emotion becomes too high is terrifying

#

It's like manipulation

#

Mhh

#

What other isekai

#

I love isekai animes

#

But in the best of them, the main character suffer a lot

#

So ofc you want to avoid this

#

For example, Failure Frame would be an anime world i don't want to be in.

#

Ofc he's BROKEN once ||he survived being betrayed||

#

But the suffering...

#

For Arifureta shokugyō de sekai saikyo..

#

Arifureta to be more simple

#

This isekai is crazy

#

I wait for the season 3 ep release to end

#

So i can watch it in like 1/2 weeks

#

All the season 3

#

But yeah it's crazy. It's perfectly what i like

#

Modern technology in fantasy world

#

vampire

#

op mc

#

Well it's kind of unique i think. It's the best of his genre

#

Ofc there's a lot of similar animes, but it's the best

#

And Yue is cute too

#

The relationship between the 2 mc is rly good

#

Even if she looks like a teenager

#

In the lore she is thousand of years old

#

So it's fine

#

Hahah nah i'm kidding, i just saw someone saying this over genshin impact characters on a video

#

His point was "if she's 1000 years old, if she looks 10 it doesn't matter"

#

Anyway i don't think liking a 2d fictionnal hand-drawn character, makes you a pdofile

#

The only common point between a fictionnal and real person is that they're humanoids, so have 2 legs 2 arms

#

Well no, i'm taking big shortcuts here

#

Should i develop this in a PhV ?

#

Mhh

earnest pivot Dec 19, 2024, 11:30 PM

#

earnest pivot Should i develop this in a PhV ?

I'll see tomorrow

#

For now i gtg meditate and sleep

#

I didnt meditate this night and didn't make any lucid dream so i couldn't meditate during my sleep either

#

Thats maybe why i'm writing stupid things on my diary who's so precious to me.

#

Also, i think it's time to save this diary. I save and encode my digital diaries time to time, to never lose them anymore.
I'll do that tomorrow, i have no idea how i'll save this diary. I usually use a discord bot i have on a server to do this.

#

There's only Dyno on this server i think

#

And community servers are protected more than others, i can't hack enough to access the permission to save messages (need a certain lvl of permission to access messages) anyway i won't because if i get banned my diary is gone 💀

#

Banned of discord

#

Not this server

#

Mhhh i'll see tomorrow

#

Maybe i'll come up with a genius idea that doesn't imply me doing copy past + algorithms to remove "Janna - OP - Date" from all of that.
Damn i also need to remve msg from other people, and every conversation.

#

It's way better when i have my bot linked to my AI to do this for me :(

#

Oh wow there's a lot of ppl on this discord server

#

I've never looked at it before

#

I thought it was 1k ppl MAX

#

My diary isn't so private
I feel anxious now

#

There's a difference between public

#

And accessible by 22k ppl

#

10 ppl is enough :(

#

Ok ok, i'll force my brain to forget this information

#

I'm not stopping my diary because of this

#

There's 4 ways to stop this diary :

I die irl
My discord account get banned
I get banned from this server
Mods delete my post

#

For the first case, idc of diaries if i die

#

For the second, i'll just make a new one and continue tho

#

It'll be "Fragments of Life 2"

#

For the 3th, why would i get banned like that ? If i do something wrong i'll get warned before so i won't do it again

#

For 4th case

#

Why would it get deleted? The first message of my post is me begging for no one to delete it without warning me of what i did wrong. So i'll just avoid doing it again

#

My diary is a part of my life

#

It's me

#

Like 1% of me as a person

#

Deleting it is like cutting me a finger

#

It hurts me more than anything, and i'm not lying

#

So i would probably just find where the mod live

#

No i shouldn't write about this

#

Because if it happens

#

If my diary gets deleted and the person who did so dies, i'll get accused

#

To the police reading this, first : if you found me irl, wp you deserve to arrest me. This diary has no concret information or any evidence that i'm saying the truth about my life, so it should be impossible to prove anything. + I'm not someone you can find easily.

#

If you got so far reading this 3k lines just for this, you're really persistent.
Don't you think that it's funny ? Being in trouble because i killed someone for a diary. But do you have any proofs ? Do you think a 15yo girl would be able to cause the death of someone not even on the same continent ? You're dreaming buddy, wake up to reality, i'm cute and innocent. I just talk about what i would like to do, ofc i won't do that. Or would i ? Have i ? You'll never know, since you don't even have evidence this diary is mine.

#

Message made for the future

#

If this is useful one day, my life isn't what i thought it would be lmao

#

It's not like killing will be new but not like i'm a killer

#

Mhh ambiguous sentences

#

Perfect for safety, and i can know exactly what i meant, even years after when i re read it

#

This is perfect for diaries.

#

Let's stop talking about murder

#

Wtf is this topic.

earnest pivot Dec 20, 2024, 12:04 AM

#

earnest pivot Let's stop talking about murder

And why am i saying this to myself like someone who got too far on a topic with a friend

#

I'm alone writing in here.

#

This is also why i like this place.

#

And any other places where i can write freely

#

Though there's restrictions here

#

I cannt say some words because of censoring

#

And i can't send links

#

Very bad server (not at all i'm kidding)

#

I reallyyyy need to go sleep

#

I thought i just wrote for 5 mins on saving my diary, but it's been 40 mins

#

Howww

#

Future topics or things to remember tomorrow :

S
PhV 5 on fictionnal vs reality : does liking a loli 2d character makes you a pedofile ?
saving diary
piano composition
japanese katakana a i u e o + k row

#

--
Goodnight diary.

earnest pivot Dec 20, 2024, 8:26 AM

#

--

#

Today i'll get a way to contact S out of school.

#

She don't want to give me her number but she might have social media no ?

#

Like snapchat or instagram

#

I need to make an account tho

#

Today is our last day of school

#

Tomorrow is just an event

#

We still have to go at school, but a different time and for 1h

#

I won't see her

#

And there's no way i spend 2 weeks without talking to her

#

If she were the sun and I the earth, her light would baste me in beauty, but without her warmth, I would be an empty shadow, lifeless and cold.

#

Why is this so hard to translate in english

#

I need to learn how to write poestry in english

#

Yeazh i'll add that to my weekly tasks

#

I'll write an english poem

#

I have a lot of french ones but i can't even translate them abd send them here, a poem translated lose everything.

#

And my particular strength as a poet is my vast vocabulary. With it, my sentences feel well-crafted, with nice rhythms, assonances, and alliterations.
I still need to learn much more English vocabulary to create good poems.

#

I saw that in english the "I" is often put in majuscule. I've never seen that before asking chatgpt a few weeks ago for an example of a voc word used in a sentence.
I learned english - like most non-native - by internet (social media, games) and I've never seen this before.

#

I also don't know if it's only when there's an alone "I" or if it's at any word starting with an I.

#

Lets say it's the alone "I".

#

--
It's time for this diary to be a diary again. I write too much useless stuff. This is things i usually write in Eulacien or any language i made, on a draft notebook to train my writing speed in this language + write my thoughts

#

Soo yeah, i'll write less now, like before. And it won't be random topics.

#

Cya diary

earnest pivot Dec 20, 2024, 4:54 PM

#

earnest pivot Lets say it's the alone "I".

@gleaming breach are you french ?

earnest pivot Dec 20, 2024, 5:34 PM

#

--
alr i finished making my classification system for this diary

#

the longest part was to rename every important topic by "philosophical values + their number + their subject"

#

it's important to find them better.

#

so i can do ctrl + f, type "philosophical values x" and find the messages for the PhV x quickly.

#

On other diaries, i have easier solutions for that

#

but on discord it's hard

#

I'm also writing i message i'll put at the beginning of the diary, containing every expressions / words i created on this diary

#

Such as FoL, S, PhV, ect

#

btw philosophical values is not the good term

#

i translated it bad

#

it would be "philosophical reflection"

#

but values sounds WAYY better

#

so i won't change it.

#

**Philosophical Values 1 : "My vision of Death and Value of Life."
Philosophical Values 2 : "Nuclear weapon."
Philosophical Values 3 : "Our generation normalized rejection."
Philosophical Values 4 : "Immortality : a Curse or a Blessing?"
Philosophical Values 5: "My Paradox between Liberty and Devotion"
Philosophical Values 6: "Future is both Beautiful and Scary."
**

#

here's all the PhV i have for now

#

This diary is rly becoming something big for some reason. I'm happy

#

I finished the dictionnary message i'll put at the beginning of this diary

#

so anyone reading it can understand these concepts

#

buttt

#

OH FK i copy cut it but i copied something else

#

aaaaah

#

it's fine i have a backup

#

good

#

the problem is that the message is too long to EVEN be pasted on discord

#

and since i have to add it on the beginning of the diary, i can not add so much messages

#

i need to edit the existing ones

#

i could edit every message to move the content

#

but it'll show "edited" on all messages, i don't like this.

#

and i can't send any link here, so no pastebin

#

discord sucks..

#

i'll send it here first

#

by here, i mean here in ths diary

#

since i plan to add it on the beginning

#

sorry for the spam

#

Dictionary of Terms

I'm making a dictionary of all the words, expressions, and nicknames I use in this diary. At first, it wasn’t an issue, but now I use these terms often. Someone who hasn’t read the 2.8k entries in this diary might not understand everything and could get lost.

FoL: Fragment of Life
A Fragment of Life represents a significant part of my life—important events that shaped who I am today. This diary was originally created to reflect on these moments. I wanted to ask questions like, "What did I do wrong in this critical part of my life, and how could I have done better?"

However, this diary has since become more general, not focused entirely on FoLs, though you can still find some of them here. FoLs are labeled alphabetically. Each one also has a number from other diaries, but I prefer not to reveal how many FoLs I have in total. For example, if I mention "FoL 42," it would imply there are at least 42 of them.

To find a specific FoL X (where X represents any letter), do this:
ctrl + f | then type: FoL "X".

You might find many occurrences of this search, especially in older entries. If you want the correct one, simply type the complete name. All FoLs are listed under the Current FoLs section.

Current FoLs:

FoL A : "R*pist Stepfather."

Ranks (A/B/C/D/E)
This ranking system reflects the hierarchy of the world as I perceive it:

Rank A: A normal individual with a typical life and ordinary secrets.
Rank B: Government officials, presidents, and other important figures. They can easily access most of the private information of Rank A individuals using their power.

#

(From this point onward, these ranks are based purely on my own assertions. You can choose to believe them or not; I won’t provide evidence.)

Rank C: People aware of the existence of Rank D. They can access state secrets and gather information on anyone in the world with little effort. This is the shadowy side of society—the one we don’t talk about because no one knows it exists. Rank C individuals understand that only a small group truly rules the world. They are often direct subordinates of Rank D people. I am Rank C, as a member of a large clan specializing in ninjutsu (a martial art clan that, historically, also involved assassination of high level).
Rank D: The rank of my leader. These individuals are incredibly influential, holding more power than governments. They could destroy nations if they chose to, though they maintain stability instead. They are the true elite of this world.
Rank E: A theoretical rank. If you’re reading this, you’re Rank A, and you likely didn’t know Rank C existed until now. So, is Rank D the highest? Or is there someone even more powerful above them? I don’t know. Rank E exists to represent the possible presence of those controlling the evolution of human society from the shadows.

Information Flow:
Someone with a higher rank can access any information about those below them. In our world, secrets don’t exist if someone has enough power and money.

#

ELITE:
This term refers to the absolute best individuals in any field. You might think these are the well-known figures, but no. As a member of my clan, I’m already better than any Rank A when it comes to combat. ELITEs are usually in Ranks C and D due to the challenges and high standards of those levels.

I’m not an ELITE yet, but I’ll update this if I reach the level of an ELITE in ninjutsu.

An ELITE can excel in any domain.

PhV: Philosophical Values
This is the name I’ve given to all the serious topics I’ve discussed in this diary or any philosophical reflections I’ve had on various subjects. The correct name should be Philosophical Reflections, but I prefer the word "Values."

To find a specific PhV X (where X represents any number), do this:
ctrl + f | then type: Philosophical Values "X"
You can also find a PhV by his description, for example with PhV 1, type :
My Vision of Death and Value of Life

Current PhVs:

PhV 1: "My Vision of Death and Value of Life"
PhV 2: "Nuclear Weapons"
PhV 3: "Our Generation Has Normalized Rejection"
PhV 4: "Immortality: A Curse or a Blessing?"
PhV 5: "My Paradox Between Liberty and Devotion"
PhV 6: "The Future Is Both Beautiful and Scary"

I often refer to people by a single letter as a nickname.

Current nicknames:

S: A beautiful girl I met at the school library. She’s one year younger than me. She seems to hold an important position, as she comes from the private part of my school, where children of influential people are placed. Interestingly, she’s ignored by the most powerful students there, as instructed by their parents. She also appears to be skilled in combat, judging by her quick reflexes. She has an uncanny ability to read my feelings and thoughts perfectly. She has emerald eyes and pearly hair.
T: My older stepbrother.

#

aaah i have so much things to say

#

so why do i lose time with this nw

#

now

#

Dangg i forgot about the nicknames on this

#

Alright it's done.
I have a lot of things to do, but a lot of things to talk of, i am lost between what i should do right now.

#

Today S gave me her number !

#

I succeeded :)

#

It was the last chance for it. I'm happy.

#

I also saw those guys I fought again. They didn't seem to want to fight me again.

#

At launch, i was at my singing club, singing Elfen Lied op (lilium). It's a room not closed, but far to be able to sing freely. But i saw S at the door, watching and listening me 😭

#

I was embarassed but i had to finish it. Our club leader said that we should practice this song together so we can play it at the next school show

#

but i don't want to sing it there. It's opera... I don't like singing so high and using so much voice techniques, because i'm rly inconstistent sometimes, and can fail pretty hard.

#

Btw i want to play Minecraft again

#

I like PvpFaction servers

#

but only the one who aren't popular

#

i like being in short communities and dominating every faction

#

in the time i was playing big servers like SkillPvp

#

i won't share my name

#

but some big factions called me the "Sword Demon"

#

it's a nice nickname right ?

#

but it doesn't really represent me well

#

i win because i lead my own faction perfectly

#

Our teamplay is perfect. If someone doesn't blindly follow my orders, but their decision-making is good enough to function without my guidance, they will rank up. If not, they will be kicked out of the faction and subjected to a DDOS attack, preventing them from joining the server for a few weeks as punishment. Of course, this was known, and I’ve been banned from servers for doing this. But that’s how we became so powerful—everyone was devoted to me.

#

Lol i was 10 years old at this period, i understand why most people couldn't listen to my instructions

#

We weren't many in my faction; it was an 'elite' faction because I only recruited the best, or those with the best potential. But the hardest part was that they had to follow the orders of a 10-year-old girl... But I think I was worth it

#

SO, that's why i want to play a new PvPFaction now.

#

But big servers digusted me because of the minecraft hardware bans i got for DDOSing so much people.

#

People might say, 'But you DDoSed people, you deserve this ban.' I don't think that's true. It was well-known that any action against my will that wasn't beneficial to the faction would be punished by real-life sanctions. It's a game, and you can play and have fun without following my instructions outside of fights. But when it comes to domination, you HAVE to listen to me. Most PvP faction tournaments are rewarded with real money, so it's not just a game when it comes to fighting and ruling the server.

#

This is maybe because as a member of a clan IRL, I know how hierarchy works, and I just like this system so much...

#

Hierarchy has always been necessary and present in human societies.

#

But it's slightly falling apart; we're asking for more rights. This isn't the problem though—of course, everyone deserves rights. I believe a caste system is the best approach. Not everyone is equal, so not everyone should be treated as equal. A Rank D person can kill a Rank A person without even having to worry about it because the Rank A person is inferior to them in terms of power. Not as a human being, of course, we are all humans and have the same value as human beings (objectively at least). But the hierarchy is not the same; the life of a Rank C person is worth more.

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So that's why i use hierarchy on a videogame... Wait this sounds weird

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why i am talking about human societies to justify why i think the leader of a faction in a videogame should be considered superior 😭

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Yy let's stop here, i understand myself but if someone else reads this he might not get it at all.

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Though, i think that anyone understand that a society with hierarchy works better (a democraty system is also a system with hierarchy). If there's no one to rule, humans are lost

That's why there's leaders in projects, even in adult life.
And that's why a team/faction/clan, every cooperative thing you want in a videogame, should have a leader with an absolute decision power. And be listened without question

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Not "should" my bad

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--
But if 'efficiency' is what’s being sought, this is the most effective way. Not everyone’s opinion is important. If there’s no absolute leader and the cooperative team members have equal weight in their opinions, decisions take a long time to be made. (That’s why decision-making in democratic countries is slow). An absolute leader who promotes members and grants their words value based on how valuable they are to the leader himself is the best way to build an effective and powerful team.

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I don't think this can be contested

earnest pivot Dec 20, 2024, 6:54 PM

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earnest pivot -- But if 'efficiency' is what’s being sought, this is the most effective way. N...

If someone disagrees with me on this specific point, please provide arguments to challenge my perspective. I don’t mind being wrong—in fact, I welcome it. However, I don’t believe I can be contested here, so if someone does challenge me, it will help me consider other ways of thinking and reflecting on this matter. It’s really important to me.
Don't send stupid thoughtless arguments, it would just make me waste time & 3 lines of writing to deconstruct them pretty easily.

Probably no one will actually respond to this and contest my viewpoint, so let's assume I'm right. Of course, this server is full of people aged 13-17, and even if this message is read, most people around my age don't usually think on serious topics as deep as this one... I can't be mad abt it.

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And it's a diary, not a philosophy server... Haha i forgot this point. It's fine, I can just ask T to provide me counter-arguments.

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So now i need to find a Minecraft server who's new + is a pvpfaction + is french.

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naah that's impossible to find

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it could be an english server i think, but it's just annoying for communication, i speak english fluently of course, but my accent is bad

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for vocal communication it's problematic

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for me at least

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bcz my accent is not that bad, people can understand me

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but i feel embarassed showing my poor english talking skills

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It's a feeling I could remove with some meditation tho.

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Okay let's stop writing for now, i really have a lot of things to do right now like piano or katakana learning.
Cya diary

earnest pivot Dec 20, 2024, 10:49 PM

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I'm learning a new katana attack movement

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I saw this in a movie and wanted to do it

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Well i can't describe or find it

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I'm also learning another one, it's the move the mc of "the eminence in the shadow" does when he says "i am atomic" (you know at least this sentence if you watch anime).
It's not an attack, but i made it an attack

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After a 2-2-4 attack patern, (2 hit 2 step back, 4 hit combo), we usually step back and do what would be called in normal language a "show off move". Or signature move. Being unique in our style is also what we learn in our clan, and in super high level martial art. It's nothing that help win against the opponent, and it's just a way to lose time, but it's your signature move.

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I do the same movement (look at it in yt. Or idk..), and add a 85° rotation at the end of it. I'm in a situation where my blade is at neck range of the opponent, and i have my other hand on the handle below the katana, to push it really fast due to the velocity i have.

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It's an unpredictable move i can only show once

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Because there's too much opening on my flanks, i the worst situation if i do that to someone who seen me do it before, is to trade kill with him.

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But it's real life, i don't trade kill irl 💀

earnest pivot Dec 21, 2024, 12:42 AM

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I was supposed to have my level crossing 3th try tomorrow, but i'll go to see my sick great grandmthrr soo i won't we there

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Since level crossing is not really part of my njnjutsu clan, i mean it's something " I " want to pass, and not something imposed, i'm allowed to miss it for these reasons

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If i wouldn't be allowed to miss it, i would not miss it. Clan's orders over family, that's how it works.

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I gtg sleep it's almost 2am and i have the event thing tomorrow at school

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--
Goodnight diary.

(edit : This PhV 7 is different, it is not a well made argumentation/dissertation, but a discussion between arlo and myself. i marked the end of this by bold dashes)

Philosophical Values 7 : "Power And Hierarchy."

gleaming breach Dec 21, 2024, 3:26 AM

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earnest pivot <@1257963571929939992> are you french ?

lol no, but i know a bit of french.

gleaming breach Dec 21, 2024, 4:30 AM

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earnest pivot I don't think this can be contested

🤓☝️akshually--

I don't disagree on everything. i actually even agree with the conclusion you have reached (a hierarchy is necessary in most cases). however there are certain things/points i have some other thoughts on:

1. Not everyone’s opinion is important
-Everyone's opinion is important. The point of a leader is to represent all these opinions. All opinions may not have equal weight. Some who are more qualified and skilled in the concerned field will have opinions that matter more. With these opinions the leader has a base on which to form a decision. But all opinions are important. This is why it is preferred that leaders are always chosen by the people (in some cases they have to 'prove themselves', which is the same thing essentially), and also why they have advisors. The point of having a leader is having representation for these opinions, not choosing which opinion holds most weight.

2. Decisions take a long time to be made.
-This is 100% true. It's the infamous 'drawback of democracy' we all read about in textbooks (i assume?). But taking a long time is actually worth it. It prevents abuse of power, rash decision-making, short-term fixes and overreacting, to name a common few. A typical argument is "but what if there's an emergency?" In the event of an emergency, any system of hierarchy always has the well-known 'emegency plan'. This is why countries go into emergency mode at times of crisis, temporarily. These plans come with built-in oversight and are time-limited. After the crisis, these powers are revoked.

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Unfair and unjust power imbalance, is always going to lead to rioting, protesting and fighting back. A revolution, if you will. No leader wants to be forcefully removed from the topmost position.

My point was that hierarchy is important, even preferred in most systems, be it at work, in a government, or in your typical school group project. But if hierarchy is essentially a pyramid, equity is the ground it is built on. So, I'd say correct conclusion, but flawed justification.

edit: i have done some introspection and replaced 'equality' with 'equity'. because, say, in a merit-based system where people are ranked according to their skill level, not everyone is equal but it is a fair system.

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sorry, i know this is really long, i just couldnt resist

earnest pivot Dec 21, 2024, 10:21 AM

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wow

earnest pivot Dec 21, 2024, 11:31 AM

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This is an amazing argument. It’s rare for me to encounter valid counter-arguments, so honestly, great job and tk you ! You’re amazing. You should challenge my opinion on all serious topics i write about—it’s so helpful, logical, and refreshing. Your opinion matters so much to me. 😭 But, of course, I have some points I’d like to add.

First, I think it’s important to recognize that discussing 'power and hierarchy' isn’t simple. It’s hard to generalize, and I believe we can divide the concept into two broad categories:

Leaders focused on the well-being of the people (e.g., countries, clubs, or community-driven systems).
Leaders focused on efficiency and results (e.g., clans, kingdoms, or performance-driven systems).

The argument you presented seems to focus heavily on the first category. And I absolutely agree with it—there’s honestly nothing more I could add to improve or contest your reasoning there.

However, my original argument was leaning more toward the second category. When we prioritize efficiency and achieving results over representation or fairness, the role of opinions changes drastically.

Now, let me address your points:

1. Not everyone’s opinion is important.
I agree that opinions matter to a degree, but I’d argue that not all opinions hold value in every situation, especially in contexts where efficiency and results are the ultimate goals. Sure, a leader can be chosen to represent people, but in cases where outcomes and performance matter most, the leader's role isn’t to balance all opinions equally—it’s to decide which ones are useful and which ones are not. This is where skill, competence, and understanding of the relevant field take precedence. Including every voice indiscriminately can slow things down, lead to inefficiency, and even result in bad decisions.

#

In performance-driven systems, there are cases where some opinions objectively shouldn’t count because they’re uninformed or irrelevant to the problem at hand. It’s like listening to random advice about flying a plane when the only opinions that truly matter are those of the pilot and their co-pilot.

So yes, while representation is crucial in systems that revolve around fairness and equality (e.g., democracies), it doesn’t apply as strongly when efficiency is the key metric of success.

2. Decisions take a long time to be made.
You’re right—democracy does come with the 'slowness' of decision-making. And in most cases, this slowness is a strength: it allows for careful consideration, checks and balances, and prevents impulsive or authoritarian behavior. However, in a hierarchy focused on results, delays can be disastrous. Sometimes, taking too long to make decisions directly undermines the very efficiency the system was built for.

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For example, in emergency situations where every second counts, excessive deliberation can result in missed opportunities or outright failure. It’s during such times that an absolute leader—who isn’t bogged down by endless discussions and debates—is necessary to take quick and decisive action. This is why, in military operations, for example, command structures prioritize obedience and decisiveness over inclusive discussions.

I understand your point about emergency plans within democratic systems, but even those are limited. Emergency powers within a democracy often come with bureaucratic oversight that can still slow things down. In some scenarios, this might not be fast enough to save lives or achieve critical goals.

Unfair power imbalance and revolution.
You mentioned that unjust hierarchies lead to revolutions—and I agree. However, this only applies to systems where leaders fail to prove their competence or fail to deliver results. When efficiency is the goal, people are often willing to accept a power imbalance as long as the leader achieves success and keeps their promises. For instance, in kingdoms or performance-driven groups, loyalty is maintained through the leader’s ability to produce tangible results, not by ensuring every voice is equally heard.

In conclusion, the point I’m trying to defend is that in some contexts (especially those focused on efficiency and results), the opinions of some people truly don’t matter. They’re distractions at best and, absolute obstacles at worst. That’s why, in such cases, a strong, decisive leader is not just preferable but necessary. Without one, systems can collapse under the weight of indecision and inefficiency.

earnest pivot Dec 21, 2024, 11:32 AM

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gleaming breach sorry, i know this is really long, i just couldnt resist

dw i like it a lot. I also wrote too much...

gleaming breach Dec 21, 2024, 12:41 PM

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oh wow

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The argument you presented seems to focus heavily on the first category. And I absolutely agree with it—there’s honestly nothing more I could add to improve or contest your reasoning there.
You're correct; my argument does take the first point (leaders focused on the wellbeing of people) into consideration and i've only mentioned the second in passing. to quote it:
"...in a merit-based system where people are ranked according to their skill level, not everyone is equal but it is a fair system. "
" Some who are more qualified and skilled in the concerned field will have opinions that matter more."

so yeah, i placed my counter-argument in a completely different context. oops.

now i haven't rotated the gears in my head enough to have an informed opinion on what you've said there, it's a completely different base from what i thought it was. so i won't write a counter-argument (what's the point if i haven't thought about it). i am also a tad lazy and sleepy currently so :')

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this was awesome, i don't often get to talk in such depth on topics with peers, and you're even younger than me. impressive.

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You should challenge my opinion on all serious topics i write about—it’s so helpful, logical, and refreshing.
are you sure? i figured it would be annoying if i kept sending long messages and interrupting your diary entries.

gleaming breach Dec 21, 2024, 12:56 PM

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earnest pivot dw i like it a lot. I also wrote too much...

not too much. its perfect

earnest pivot Dec 21, 2024, 10:31 PM

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gleaming breach > The argument you presented seems to focus heavily on the first category. And I...

----------------------------------

(edit : end of PhV 7)

all good, you already did a lot, i didn't except it.

earnest pivot Dec 21, 2024, 10:32 PM

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gleaming breach this was *awesome*, i don't often get to talk in such depth on topics with peers...

It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who likes to talk about it.

earnest pivot Dec 21, 2024, 10:50 PM

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gleaming breach > You should challenge my opinion on all serious topics i write about—it’s so he...

Without going into too much detail—and sorry if this sounds a bit complex—here’s how I see things:

I assign a base value to each person. Every person on this planet, even those I don’t know, starts with a certain value in my eyes. Their actions and behavior can increase or decrease that value over time. This approach helps me avoid judging people based on prejudice. We all assign value to others unconsciously to some extent, though many people don’t start off valuing everyone equally because of biases. For example, don’t you naturally value your mom more than a random stranger on the other side of the world?

I’ve come to value you as a person, and your opinion matters to me. The only thing we truly have the power to change in life is ourselves. Changing my perspective on important subjects is one of the ways I can grow and become a better human being. You’ve helped in tht process, so i’m grateful.

So, only when/if you want to, I’d love for you to share more of your opinions here—I genuinely value them.
And you like Jinx so ofc you can talk mann !! Haha i broke the serious mood so easily

earnest pivot Dec 21, 2024, 11:10 PM

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btw our discussion is good enough to become "PhV 7 : Hierarchy and Power"

earnest pivot Dec 21, 2024, 11:11 PM

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earnest pivot **Philosophical Values 1 : "My vision of Death and Value of Life." Philosophical...

maybe this diary will reach the 100 PhVs one day

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Tomorrow very early, we'll drive to see my great grandmother

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10 hours long...

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i hate this

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10 hours is a complete day

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i'm losing 2 days of vacation just by driving their and back to home

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it's not just me tho, it's all my family losing this time

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I know it's not only me, but it's still annoying.

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i lost my headphones wait

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waittt

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i'm not doing 10h without music

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that's impossible

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i'll die

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And ressurect to die again

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Wait?!

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I need to find them.

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I—

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How will i survive ?

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It is not even a joke

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How can i do nothing for 10 hours

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no music

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i can't even watch a serie or anime or movie without it

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It's one of the rare case where i want to die now.

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Should I write in this diary for 10 hours straight?

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To make time pass faster

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No, no... i need a solution.

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I'll think of it tonight

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I just need music... With it i can do whatever i like

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I can even meditate while listening to it, and do things i'd usually do in a lucid dream.

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But without headphones there'll be 20 hours of pure boredom, anyways.

Goodnight diary.

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 8:05 AM

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I found a way.

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I'll be there in 10 hours or so. I don't have a lot to do so i'll probably write here for few hours. I feel bad when writing too much while being in a car, so i won't spam entries in this diary'

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 8:41 AM

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I got a message from my clan leader this morning. Most of the message is level-2 encrypted (a complex encryption system we learned to decrypt), but there's still a level-3 part I haven't figured out yet. The message is about a new member. All messages are brief, and all the information I need will be in the harder part to decrypt.
If I got this message, it means that it's my first official direct student! I'll have him under my supervision.

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It's a duty accorded to elites. I'm not an elite yet - remember, i was supposed to try to pass again today'
So i'm not supposed to have any gakusei (student).

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And i'm way too young to have this responsability, it never happened in the clan

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Btw i'm learning a new techniques with kunaïs

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Recently since i began animes (4 months ago), i started remaking some techniques from animes.

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It's just for inspiration, of course most of the anime fighting techniques are useless in the real life

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I need to find it, wait a second.

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There's a lot to say about this

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First, she has 10 kunaïs in her sleeve

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This is impossible

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And she forms a shuriken shape with them, with each shape made of 5 kunais. I could make one too, since I could have 5 kunais.

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The problem now is making the shape

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I found out that this technique could be really powerful. It combines multiple shots with rapid firing speed.
Most techniques focus on either speed or multiple shots. For example, you can throw a lot of kunais one by one very quickly at a high rate. But this works better with shurikens anyway.
Being able to throw 5 kunais, with a short preparation time before the throw and high accuracy, could make for a devastating attack.

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Soo

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I tried it, but i can't reproduce the shuriken shape yet

You might ask "why a shuriken shape".
There's 5 kunaïs, so one hand need to throw three and the other two.
The handle of 2 of the kunaïs zre directly oriented at the other hand in a shuriken shape. That would allow me to grab them. Then i could send them all together. I've already learned how to have insane accuracy on multiple shots, i just need the shuriken shape now.

gritty spindle Dec 22, 2024, 9:07 AM

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earnest pivot Recently since i began animes (4 months ago), i started remaking some techniques...

early DB i enjoy, maybe try that?

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or

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nah actually im stupid

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thats more martial arts-

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 9:09 AM

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earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 9:12 AM

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gritty spindle thats more martial arts-

It's litteraly what i do tho-

gritty spindle Dec 22, 2024, 9:12 AM

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o

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now i feel REAL stupid

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 9:13 AM

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But DB techniques are existing techniques, or techniques that might be possible if you weigh less than 20.

gritty spindle Dec 22, 2024, 9:14 AM

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fair-

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they're unrealistic af

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but it inspires me a lot

dense basin Dec 22, 2024, 9:26 AM

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lol just shitting on animated shows, love it

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 9:26 AM

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gritty spindle but it inspires me a lot

Understandable

gritty spindle Dec 22, 2024, 9:28 AM

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dense basin lol just shitting on animated shows, love it

its the animated show im obsessed with

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its my lifestyle

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if dragon ball ceases i do too

dense basin Dec 22, 2024, 9:29 AM

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haha

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 9:34 AM

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--

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I will probably be able to make it soon tho, it's all about gravity control, micro impulsions and creating a gravity center in the middle of the kunaïs handle

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I rly want to know what level i will and can achieve as a human.

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My leader is way, way, way more skilled than me.
I don't even know how this is possible.

I already explained what elites are.
I am almost an elite, which means I should be more skilled than anyone you know when it comes to fighting in every domain (weapons, martial arts, fists, etc.).

How can someone be so much better than me when we're both normal humans?
I'm not being egocentric or saying that no one should be better than me—don't misinterpret it.
I'm just saying that my level is so high that it feels impossible.
Will i get to this level one day ? Can my human being even achieve this level?

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We usually become elite at 20/25yo for the rly bests, and 40/50 for the """normal""" people.
I'm 15. Yeah i might be a prodigy in fighting ok, but the biggest problem with prodigies is how they stagnate one day.
If you were in a world where fighting makes your importance in a society and could have 2 possibilities :

1: You start insanely powerful but you will never be able to progress more.
2: You start super weak, but your progression isn't limited, you can level up to infinity and beyond.

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If you chose 1, you're stupid man. Yeah have fun for the first years, then for the rest of your existence you will be the weakest. And leveling up is insanely satisfaying. Don't think that you don't need to practice, you would still need to train 4h a day, without never being able to make any progress, and struggle to keep your actual level.

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I think that i'll be in this situation.

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I'm not just a "good" member, I'm the 2nd strongest in the clan after the leader,
and the youngest "Champion to reclaim" to ever exist in our clan.

AND a possible elite, 30 years earlier than the average.

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That's why i don't like it.

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Is it fun to be powerful ? No

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Anyway in our normal society it has no importance to be good at combat.
Even if it was a society where it's important, i would be used as a weapon or smth like that.

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Being the "most powerful in combat" invidual is bad in every worlds.

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You would make a lot of enemies, and being close to someone would cost you a lot.

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You'ld end alone.

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“I got the power, but at what cost” aah quote

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 10:03 AM

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earnest pivot Anyway in our normal society it has no importance to be good at combat. Even if...

Forgot to add :
It's not important in normal societies, but ofc i'm not part of it.
There's a lot of different world in societies, you even know some.
For example aristocraty. They live between them, and we never talk about them since they are the enemies of democraty. But stills exist, they live like rich people like when there was a caste system, and they're still around 100,000 in total.
There's mafias (you know about it right)
There's clans, like yakuzas
And there's also the world around super clans of rank C/D/E? individuals, and elites.
Sorry i didn't add the definition part in the intro of the diary yet, you might not get the bold text meaning.

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In the world i'm living in, the best form of power is the skills of someone. (To become an elite)
But since i'm in a ninjutsu clan, it's ofc the skills of combat that i need to master.

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And strategy, diplomaty, ect, but i never talk about it, since as you can imagine from reading this diary a little bit.. i have no problem with diplomaty, strategy, and my argumention skill is obviously fine (as you can see in PhVs)

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Another topic, because I feel like this is worth thinking about.
I describe myself as someone insanely skillful and among the top, as well as someone cute, and I find myself pretty.

Is this narcissistic? Anyone reading this will probably say yes and might not even listen to my arguments.
But this opinion is objectively subjective. Let me explain:

Skills
What does being one of the best in a domain mean?
It means being among the most skilled people you know. Of course, there might be people far above my level,
but if I don't know them, I can't evaluate how far I am from them.
So, with my subjective knowledge, I am objectively skilled. And since i am already in the top ranks of the world, there's no way for me to learn the existence of these people.
Appearance
For me, based on what I like and my tastes, if I saw someone with my appearance, I would find them beautiful.
I don't like my appearance because it's me, but because, objectively, this appearance is beautiful to me.
So this opinion is objective (not liking it because it's me), but subjective because it's based on my tastes.

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--
Anyway, I don't think it's bad to like yourself. We're the only main character in our lives.
Nothing matters more than yourself. Your opinion of yourself is permanent and will always follow you.
You are the only thing you can truly change in your life. Changing yourself until you like, love, and adore who you are is admirable.

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We'll be there in 8 hours or so.
It's been 2 hours already

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It's so slowww

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Oh this is the perfect time to learn katakanas

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Naaah i'm too laz- No it's the perfect time i have to learn them.

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Brb when i learned at least the first 30

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So humm, aiueo kakikukeko sashisuseso tachitsuteto naninuneno
And hahifuheho.

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 11:15 AM

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I got 95% accuracy for the 30 katakanas in 1m25

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Pretty good for 45m of training

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There's no way it's so easy... Why did i take so much time to learn it

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I just need the motivation to study, and i could learn japanese in 1 year and half or so

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With 20m practice a day

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I'm done with katakana for now, but i'll learn the radicals for kanjis.

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It'll help recognize them

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Btw i'm not learning how to write japanese for now, i just know how to write hiraganas, and i'll learn for katakanas later bcz it's the basic alphabet, but i don't care of writing kanjis...
There's no reason to handwrite nowadays, and to type a kanji on digital you just need to know the meaning in hiragana.

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 12:46 PM

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There's so much radicals

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I've learned 20, and 20 more katakanas too

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I ofc learn with mnemotechnic, so it just takes me 10s to learn a symbol. I just spend a lot of time trying to remember them the fastest i can

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To lower my time on remembering them all'

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This is useless since with sleep, it'll go inside of my long-term memory and i'll be able to remember it automatically

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Yeahh i should just learn every katakanas and radicals, idc of the lowering the time...

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The problem is that, radicals are mostly katakanas. So i have to remember 2 meanings for a symbol, and remember which one is the katakana and the radical.

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It's not a problem since i learned it as "katakana meaning ; radical meaning" so i just take the one or second.
It's just harder to learn 50/60 of them in a single day since it's not a single meaning to learn.

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 2:56 PM

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We'll be there in 3 hours or so.
It's been 7 hours already.

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--
I want to continue the story i was writing

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I first wanted to make a webtoon

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But my drawing skills are inexistant

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As you can see in some of the stuff i posted here on my progression-

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So i decided to write a book.

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I am decent at writing. ("No wayy-- i couldn't tell 💀")

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I like fantasy stories

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This is why I like isekai animes.
My goal was the make a fantasy isekai story.

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 3:15 PM

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I really love the story I came up with:
A 17-year-old girl is accidentally summoned by the Demon King, who was trying to invoke a being embodying "the ultimate end." She’s later "saved" by Heroes, who then attempt to assault her sexually. It’s during this that she discovers the "system," which includes levels, magic, and more.

The story features several arcs, such as:

Archenemies’ Grace
The Lost Sister
Magic Academy
Holy God vs. Dragon God
Annihilation
Die for Your Existence

What I enjoy the most is the core of the story. The female main character (FMC) eventually reunites with her sister (I can’t explain much without revealing everything). She becomes deeply attached to her sister, possibly to the point of love or overwhelming affection.

The story is built around a time loop. In the end, the FMC sacrifices herself so her sister can ascend and become a god. Her sister then travels back in time and summons the FMC, granting her access to the "system" after witnessing the betrayal and assault the FMC suffered at the hands of the Heroes she once admired.

This is just the general outline, and I’ll likely change many details. What I truly enjoy are the themes: time paradox, gods, sisters, and demons. The rest is flexible.

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--
I made 5 chapters on it and then stopped because i'm rly not sure of the beginning

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As you see here, i have everything until she system discovery, then.. yeah

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I already developed the ending without even thinking on how the main story will go

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I just some points, or general things that should happen in arcs

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For example : in the arc Annihilation, The Fmc will completly change, from a shy and slightly weak girl, to an inhuman monster, killing everything, everyone who stops her from finding her sister.

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Archenemies grace is also an element i really like.
In this world there's demons qnd humans, created by the Dragon God and the Holy God to continue the conflict between them. But during the travelling of the fmc in this new world she got invoked in, both of the gods tried to make her theirs, and gave her broken benedictions. I can't tell what effect they have since i don't have my notebook where it's written rn.

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Later we learn that they're curses, and unexpected turn in the story : they are obstacles on the fmc path to find her sister, both of the immortal entites rulling this world will be eliminated by her. That's why the world will need a new god.

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 3:26 PM

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earnest pivot Later we learn that they're curses, and unexpected turn in the story : they are ...

I say it like that but even without having written the story, I know that it will be at least 40 chapters lol.
I'm just taking shortcuts here

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Soo
I stopped working on my book, but i should continue. It's rly good i think. And fun to work on.

gleaming breach Dec 22, 2024, 4:41 PM

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earnest pivot Soo I stopped working on my book, but i should continue. It's rly good i think. ...

you're right. sounds very interesting and i would read the heck out of it.

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 5:13 PM

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gleaming breach you're right. sounds very interesting and i would read the heck out of it.

You're always there to support me, thanks. ❤️

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We'll be there in 1 hours.
It's been 10 hours already.

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I've learned all normal katakanas and a lot of radicals.

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Not like i have something else to do atm.

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Btw it took me a while but i also decrypted the message (my brain can weirdly multitask, so i could do both)

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It's a 14 yo prodigy boy. And whatt! His performances are unbelievable.

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I didn’t understand everything written on the paper, but there were these keywords: "leave, force, respect, blood, power, dominance, kgde." (Kgde refers to an abandoned dog that you take in and rescue.) Here's how I interpret it: this man tried to leave his clan. He was rly skilled. Leaving such an organization isn’t allowed, so he ended up in a dangerous situation involving blood, so a big thing. That’s when we found him.

He’s not a normal human. He has no family, and the clan he comes from is notorious for trying to create “perfect humans.” You know, like the ones you see in movies: emotionless, obedient, and incredibly talented. They torture and abuse their 'experiences'.

This kid has no family and has only known war and torture. Why am I supposed to train someone like that? Am I even training him? He might already be on my level. He "beat" (to put it mildly) the entire hierarchy of his clan at once to escape. He’s insane.

I’ll have to face him next week when I come back.

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The hierarchy system in my clan is really, really strict. To avoid explaining everything, let’s say it’s a bit like the hierarchy system of the yakuza (kindd of similar).

Since I have someone under me now, I’ll be responsible for his actions. That’s why we are allowed to do whatever we want with our gakusei (students).

Killing them is not forbidden. We have full control over their lives. It’s hard to understand for someone who’s not in a clan, but those are the 'clan rules.' No, actually, it’s simple to imagine. If you think of powerful clans, of course, it’ll be like that.

A gakusei can also kill a kyôshi (teacher/tutor), but he has to duel him. He can’t just sneak up from behind and kill him… of course.

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There's no need to kill anyone tho... I talk about rules here. I'm just afraid that he'll instantly try to duel me.

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The only way to get out of a duel is through surrender or death.

Will he even follow the clan rules? He could just try to kill me with a gun—or worse, a sniper. Did my clan give me this gakusei to suppress me? A 15-year-old elite has never happened before, as I explained this morning. Am I an issue to them? Most people in my clan are either jealous of me or outright hate me.

Of course, I have my own team, but we’re part of a big clan. It’s like a monarchy system: if you’re a king with massive support from the nobility and power, but the people decide to overthrow you, they will. No, it’s even worse here—I’m not a king, and individual power is worth far less since the invention of gunpowder.

If this gakusei is someone who isn’t valuable to me and could be a danger, I wouldn’t mind erasing him.

But let's avoid this topic, this should be kept for my diary 2

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I'd like to make my own Minecraft server

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I didn't find a any good & new pvpfaction

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I found one, but they don't even know in which direction should go the server.

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What i want is : nice economy, ranks, a skill system, insane pvp events & more. But this is the strict minimum.
I could code everything, i just need : money and a builder. I can't even build a house myself 😭

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Moneyy i just need money

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I could pay a builder or a map, or recruit one of my first player who's good at building and want to help

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Why don't i have any money.

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It's such an issue

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I'm limited in life by that. I will have money later in my life ofc, but do i rly need to wait 5 more years to get a job ?

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I also could've taken money from my clan, but my family branch separated from the clan. Uk i said i couldn't become the next leader, but i also can't use any ressource of the clan.

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And i'm not high enough in the hierarchy anyway

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Give me moneyy

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I need to think of real solutions to get money at my age

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There are obvious solutions like OnlyF or drugs…
I’m not that desperate man.
I could work as a developer in many languages, but it's not a long-term solution, i have no time to do that when i have school + ninjutsu + piano + everything i need to do each day.

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The best solution would be to have a rich friend who trust me

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Ofc i'll give back the money once i'll make my own money via my projects or future works. But i need a starting capital.

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So yeah i'm cooked i guess.

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 6:44 PM

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Finally arrived !!
The hotel looks like a medieval hut, wtf is that

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My mom paid like €500 just to get here, counting car fuel, hotel price, ect.

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So yeah couldn't afford a better hotel ig

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We weren't supposed to even go there.

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I was supposed to start Arcane today... I want to watch it so much.

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We stay for 3 days

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3 days for doing nothing with a sad mood, and going to see my great grandma in hospital each afternoon

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I'll just learn every katakanas, play minecraft, try to practice the kunaï skill i talked about this morning, and yeah...

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That's all.

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That's boring.

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I usually do 10/20 different things a day, even by multitasking, but i have no piano, can't train ninjutsu, don't have my balisong on me or all of my diaries.

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I still bring my vacation diary to write things down if necessary. But i can't talk of any serious topic in it.

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And i don't like to spam this diary with serious topics too

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When there's some it's cool, but 1/2/3 new PhVs per days would be too much.

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:33 PM

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Yeaaah i somehow have my usb with my digital diaries in it

gleaming breach Dec 22, 2024, 7:34 PM

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earnest pivot I was supposed to start Arcane today... I want to watch it so much.

i can't resist asking: which episode?

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:34 PM

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I can write on them all day, it won't be so boring

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:34 PM

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gleaming breach i can't resist asking: which episode?

All the season 2 ; i couldn't start because Arcane have too much impact on me

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I like it so much that i cried for few weeks after the season 1

gleaming breach Dec 22, 2024, 7:35 PM

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ooohh

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:35 PM

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If watched it when i had school... But since i'm on vacation rn, i can cry and be depressed, it doesn't matter

gleaming breach Dec 22, 2024, 7:35 PM

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no that's so real. i didn't watch season 2 when it came out either

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had to get over s1 first

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:37 PM

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you watched Arcane s1 when s2 came out ?

gleaming breach Dec 22, 2024, 7:38 PM

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nope, i watched s1 when it first came out. as for s2, i watched it just earlier this month.

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took me that long to get over s1 lol

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:39 PM

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ooh yeahh.. i feel you. For the first year after Arcane i would cry each time i hear one of the OST.

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For some reason i'm more attached to Arcane than i can be to irl people 😭

gleaming breach Dec 22, 2024, 7:39 PM

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earnest pivot ooh yeahh.. i feel you. For the first year after Arcane i would cry each time i ...

right?! Enemy (the song) hits different as the intro

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:40 PM

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This was an insane opening, i found it in my spotify daily playlist a few weeks ago, it was incredible to listen to it after so long

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is the season 2 opening as good ??

gleaming breach Dec 22, 2024, 7:41 PM

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i still listen to the arcane playlist on spotify. all of it

gleaming breach Dec 22, 2024, 7:41 PM

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earnest pivot is the season 2 opening as good ??

thats what i like: its the same. they didn't change it

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not the song at least

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but s2 has some insanely good soundtracks

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:42 PM

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oh okay

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:42 PM

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gleaming breach not the song at least

yeah they changed the clip with the song i geuss

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:42 PM

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gleaming breach but s2 has some insanely good soundtracks

stop hyping mee

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i have to wait 4 more days

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i got spoiled so much tho..

gleaming breach Dec 22, 2024, 7:43 PM

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heh i can't help it. hope u enjoy watching it

gleaming breach Dec 22, 2024, 7:43 PM

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earnest pivot i got spoiled so much tho..

i hate when that happens 😭 thankfully i didn't get any s2 spoilers before watching it

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its past 1 am here and i'm not a night owl, so i'll go sleep. 'night PeepoBlanket2

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 7:47 PM

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gleaming breach its past 1 am here and i'm *not* a night owl, so i'll go sleep. 'night <:PeepoBl...

oh, your timezones are pretty far

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good night !

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 10:02 PM

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I'll start arcane s1 right now. Idk if it's a good idea

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My heart hurts just by reading the s1 ep1 synopsis'

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But i need to rewatch the season 1, so i can enjoy the 2 more.

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Ok i do it.

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I hope i won't cry at ep1'' but there's nothing sad until ep3.

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Ok i can't

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Just the first scene where i saw powder

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I need to watch it on pc at least

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How can i watch such a good serie on a small screen

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I need 600k quality

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1 million hertz

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Yeah it killed my mood alrdady i'm so sad

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Why am i so impacted by Arcane when i don't care about anything in life in general

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I can't watch this now. I'll watch another movie

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I should rewatch the witcher for the next season, but it's for 2025 so i have to wait a bit

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Terminator dark fate looks good ig.

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Nop, i haven't seen any other terminator, i can't just skip the 5 first and jump to the last

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What should i watch damn

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There's matrix 2 too, but haven't seen the 1

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Ok let's watch Arcane, i'm done.

earnest pivot Dec 22, 2024, 10:55 PM

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I might repeat myself but this is the best serie/anime ever ever ever

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There's nothing near this good

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On animation

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Music

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I'm watching everything with french voices rn since they are insanely good (VF) but i'll rewatch both seasons in VO later

#Fragments of my Life [Diary]

Recently, I started feeling sexually attracted to T, which is something I’ve never experienced before. I’ve never had any sexual desires in my life, and I’ve never done anything sexual. Even with FoL A, whom I’ve mentioned here, nothing sexual has ever happened to my body.

But at my age money is rare and precious

Explanation of the code

Thats maybe why i'm writing stupid things on my diary who's so precious to me.

Alright it's done. I have a lot of things to do, but a lot of things to talk of, i am lost between what i should do right now.

Philosophical Values 7 : "Power And Hierarchy."

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But without headphones there'll be 20 hours of pure boredom, anyways.

Alright it's done.
I have a lot of things to do, but a lot of things to talk of, i am lost between what i should do right now.