#The Secret Garden of the Mind

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

high dome
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In the quiet corners of the mind, a secret garden thrives, its petals unfurling, its fragrance divine.
A hidden realm, a mystical place, where the seeds of imagination are sown.

An opening to the garden of mine, a series of wonders from my flowers, from my thorns.
The desert of the mind, vast and unforgiving, stretches out before me. A barren landscape, scorched by the relentless sun of doubt and despair. Yet, within this arid expanse, a secret garden lies dormant, its seeds of hope buried deep beneath the surface.

A love lost, a dream deferred, a heart heavy with longing. The pain, sharp and piercing, threatens to wither the soul. But in the quietude of the mind, a flicker of resilience ignites. A gentle breeze, a whisper of hope, stirs the dormant seeds.

With each passing moment, the garden begins to awaken. Tender shoots emerge, reaching for the light of a brighter future. The desert, once a symbol of desolation, transforms into a fertile ground for
growth and renewal.

She quenched my thirst and showed me the way, sadly we must part ways. A wondering traveler in life met the woman of the night, wishing them farewell albeit bitter yet sweet. A future so bright, once lit by my light, will guide them throughout their life. Wishing them the best and a love for their own cozy nest.

Stars may fall but they will always shine through it all, a temporary struggle is just an opening for your life's climax and the most beautiful story.

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It's back after the recent one been deleted.
Didn't know you can't post links TwT
I'll just make my stuff public on Spotify then.

waxen hornet
high dome
high dome
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I somehow feel like a figure in the void, a strangle against my existence. A somehow bittersweet experience, yet lonely. The one who wanders through this dessert searching for endless reasons and additions to his garden. Sometimes flowers will wither and only you can remove them to grow a new one.
The past is a phantom, a haunting memory. Release its grip and embrace the future, bold and unburdened. So that we may go loom over the world with a smile and to continue our road towards the river of Nile.

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People are not like parallel lines, if our paths don't align. It's okay to form our own, often than not in life. There are people that will love us more than the ghost of the past, a wonder of life lies in us exploring in the success and failures of it all. The only thing that is ever true in this world is that change is bound to happen, whether we want it or not. To refuse such movement is to let ourselves be stagnant. Like a water under the grass, to not move is to be rotten. It's best to water the plants in our garden to make it more beautiful.

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To attract better people, if we let ourselves become the hideout of parasites. The memories of the past will dry us with all of our nutrients and for every part of our existence that is wasted on such endeavour only makes it harder for us to achieve the things we might want in life.

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It doesn't have to be the right thing, nor does it have to be grand. All we can do is to strive to let us flourish, to rest is important. But to also nourish your mind is needed, a candle that burns twice as bright lasts half as long.

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Someone gave me a big warm hug twice.
Idk why but jade is oddly warm yet comfy
Thanks for it.
A girl was just using me as a pillow today at the bus, she woke up and I just told her it's okay so she was just sleeping soundly along the road.
"Even at the moments I need comfort, it's always given to me. Sometimes it's a bit late but it is enough"

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I will write more poems here as time goes by. To reflect upon my life and the suffering of it all, so that I may be able to cherish my happiness more than i can do right now.
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Oh, future self, a stranger yet a kin, a vessel weathered, scarred, worn thin.
Surrounded by a crowd, a lonely sight, a phantom in the day, a ghost of night.

A hollow shell, a vacant, empty frame, a soul adrift, consumed by doubt and shame.
The void's embrace, a chilling, dark abyss, a silent torment, a soul's cruelest kiss.

Yet, hope endures, a flicker in the night, a guiding star, a beacon burning bright.
Through trials endured, a strength unknown, a spirit unbroken, a heart of stone.

Will love's embrace, a dream, a distant sigh, a cherished wish, a hope that will not die?
Or will I wander, forever solitary, a lonely soul, eternally weary?

Time will tell, the future, a mystery, a canvas blank, awaiting destiny.
Till then, I'll persevere, with courage bold, a warrior's heart, a spirit pure and gold.

high dome
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I'm cooked. I didn't slept for a few days and my body just decided to shut down in the middle of me sitting on the bus so I missed my class. Luckily my class Today got cancelled as soon as I woke up ☺️

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Coming home from the city with groceries lmao. My mom decided that it's time for cauliflower with shrimps

high dome
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Time to take some antihistamines hehe

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After eating these or just eat a little bit

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Like 1 shrimp 😭

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🙏

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Oh damn, I'm in pain again. More than the usual, lmao it's gonna be a fun day for me

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-# I lowkey hope my body would just die but ik it wouldn't even get me hospitalized Ngl.

high dome
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I am happy to be a comfort space but I also am uncomfortable on things. I'd appreciate it if people would just kindly be more appropriate In their actions and words.

high dome
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I think things are getting bad again. Idk what is it but my mental health is deteriorating and idk how long can I hold it in before I relapse into ||sh||.

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I usually hide stuffs from others but I think it's either my mental health slowly just crumbling again and leading me to have more thoughts on stuff or my body just really being more in pain

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It's so painful

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It felt like the heaven's scheme, a struggle against the inevitable. A path destined to walk alone, buried alive and left to their own demise. Bed's soft caress now into death's slow rest, each time I blink. A person's gone, a moment wasted, an effort turned to dust.

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Alone, I wait for silent death's embrace, no sorrows linger, in this vacant space.
A bet on nothing, in the void I dwell, a beautiful end, in solitude's farewell.
Crossing stinx river, where shadows dwell, a nihilistic journey, no stories to tell.

In life's nothingness, my head bows low, burrowed into the ground, no farewells to bestow.
In my end, a hope for them to be fine, limited time, pray I don't die from self's design.

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I'm shaking right now and I don't wanna be lonely while at the same time I wanna push everyone away. I haven't told people but my liver is a bit bad, I've been diagnosed last time and it's a lifelong one where I need to be careful on my stuffs or else I'll be hospitalized and an excruciating pain. Even now it's so painful, I can feel the pain more than normal.

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I'm just crying rn.

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I'm so tired of living, I'm always in constant pain. Whether it'd be mental or physical and the worst part is that it can be both. I'm tired of trying and I just wanna go back into ||cutting, overdosing and abusing meds||

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I'm such a failure. I haven't even done anything remotely useful lately. Yes I did some cleaning and stuff like cooking food but it's not really enough

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I just wanna scream rn, my head is filled with so many thoughts and I can't control my emotions

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I just woke up. It's supposed to freshen me up yet it feels like it's strangling me more and more

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I'm having so much hard time focusing. I can't even play games, all I'm doing is just either thinking of things to end it or just sleep

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It's so peaceful, maybe tonight I'll try to overdose as usual or cut. I'm tired of things and I js wanna let loose.

high dome
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Well.. My grandma is in the hospital right now and it's been a hectic day.

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My mom's condition isn't looking good either so I'm just really trying to keep it all okay.

high dome
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As of now. My heart is just tightening so much

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Ouch

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There's like two pains on my body hehe

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Heart and my liver 😍

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It's painful. It's a bit hard to breathe

high dome
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It still hurts as heck

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Welp. Today is gonna be the day I hope that's the last one

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Just hiding it from people that I'm genuinely considering on ending it all because it's just so painful.

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Ngl I wanna cut rn.

high dome
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Still in pain that I'm basically on stuffs rn and my head is well...

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Feeling cooked

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Welp sleep

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Let's hope I don't wake up lol.

high dome
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Each day. I feel like my presences waver, moment in solitude and gratitude. For the eventual time of demise, my life has been summarized.
I feel the body of mine rotting, weak and frail. My bones are now brittle, my heart now covered in thorns. When shall my end will reach its resolution?

In the fleeting breaths of man, unseen and unheard,
A spectral figure, divisible and dismissible, yearning for solitude amidst the clamor, whispering tales untold to the void.

Alone he stands, his mind decaying, lost in the shadows of his own existence, seeking solace in the embrace of oblivion, his pitiful life destined to be his legacy.

Like a flickering candle in the wind, he burns bright, desperate to be seen, yet in his absence, he longs for the end, his solemn oath to death, his only release.

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The hardest part of being sad is that you become numb to it. You reach a point where it's just the norm for you, something you don't even know about yet accept it fully.

This day has been fairly hard for me as I'm feeling such pain, for each day that passes by. The urge to just not talk to anyone is high, even now I'm slowly Making my presence smaller and smaller until I no longer be heard nor be seen. For I shall perish under the rubble of my own life's goal.

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If I think about it all. Detach myself from reality and look through my life's entirety. It seems that the decision of me just ending it all would've been wonderful. I won't entertain my thoughts but I just want to say that it's tiring

high dome
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I'm really tired of stuff.

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God I don't know why but I'm so mad right now

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I wanna curse, I wanna say smth mean

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I wanna say everything loud

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My emotions are running high and it's getting thin

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I really hate it when I can't even get someone and they still don't help me.

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I'd rather avoid them if that's the case because it's beyond incompatible

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How do I feel this much hatred

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I'm worried It might be another reasons

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Unfounded hatred is smth I don't want

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Even now. I am growing more and more mad the more I see their messages

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Just shut up

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Isn't that easy?

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How much of an inept being are you to not understand such simple words?

high dome
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Today was a good day

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Consoled someone and made them happy.

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Just gave them something to eat while I give them huggies so they can get themselves better than ever

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Also a lecture again 😭

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Obv I'd lecture them on how to do stuff while also not fully as to let them figure it out.

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I've finally gotten close to shina and others, they are very nice

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Shina was.. Well... She was touchy to say the least.

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I guess it's just her being friendly 😭

high dome
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Mhm the cold only makes it more painful

high dome
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Genuinely felt nothing. I want to feel smth but there's really nothing left.

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I've passed out a bit yesterday but it's okay.

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Probably due to the combined lack of sleep or smth

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I have issues on trust but when I meet people and it goes for a while. I just put my trust in them fully, that's why I have trouble reading when sometimes it's just an amalgamation of things that I can't see through

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Even updating my life with the chance of people seeing it. Just really isn't my style, I'm more of a guy that just am alone. It's nice to just be with myself and I feel at ease, though I interact with others it is not smth I'd say I need to as my core self is just me being someone who enjoys the solitude.

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Everything is so boring.

high dome
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I wish a car would hit me.

high dome
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Not even numbness

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Genuine no emotion as usual

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It's cold

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And comfy

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I wish i could get a cuddle. It would be more comfier

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Ngl this feels like a perfect time to suddenly die but not good

high dome
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It's hard being an obsessive person.

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It feels suffocating

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I just need to cry out my stuff and hope it'll be okay

high dome
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I'm such a weird person

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Why can't I be normal?

high dome
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One day I'll be gone. I can't bear to tell people that day nor know if I'm going

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I wanna make a bunch of tapes or vids and just give it to the important people

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So when they're sad. They would just need to listen to it and know that even at my death

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Even while I'm gone

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They will be in my heart. That I wish they would be doing what they can, not what they are expected to.

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I feel a sense of impending doom. Like I'm slowly dying

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I'm nervous.

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I wanna meet them and hug them even for a bit. So at least they won't miss out on those

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Trying to fake being okay. Suppressing it all

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I hope people will enjoy the time I have with them till I'm finally gone.

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I'm worried for them because they said they heard me even when I'm not there.

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I hope it'll be alright.

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Only a few more days left

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Weeks. A month?

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It's been fun.

high dome
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I Hope I'll last for a bit

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I hope I can plan that thing out and finish it.

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This day felt like a loading screen.

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Deep down I'm feeling smth weird. But I don't want to say it nor acknowledge it, I hope it'll be better overtime but if it's not and the thing is like that then it's okay.

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My feelings have been oddly deep yet subtle

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I'm not tired physically despite doing a lot of physical demanding tasks

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Not even tired mentally.

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It just felt like a skip in my life

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I don't know why but more than enough. I crave for physical affection these days more than I do back then

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The small good things really adds up when I'm in this mood

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||-# I cleaned up my room, I prepared the things I might need to give, and I'll prepare more. My mom and the one courting her seems good, I'm happy that my mom might be getting a happy ending, my brother is a bit of a tough one but I'm very sure he can survive. My sister is set for life so no worries much. My little sibling has my grandma so I can be sure of things, if I do last till my mom gets her happy ending then I'll need to manage everything even the funeral so I need to be more tough but I do hope so I'll last. I miss everyone, I've been more organized these days and that's a good thing. Back then I made a suicide note but I didn't finished it and scrapped it, but now it feels like I might need to do it again. So at the very least they won't be too sad, might need to record some videos too just in case people need some words of encouragement from me. There was this one video of a girl saying hi to the camera in the woods and the next video she was just saying hi too then it fades to black and I can hear the hospital beeping sound. The beeping sound really made me feel like i was on the hospital again which is nice. I haven't say things to people because well... It's my trauma and I doubt anyone wants to comfort me through it and I need to be able to handle them alone. I'm a very obsessive person, if it's apparent. I want to watch the people I love in their daily lives, just looking at them purely out of sheer proudness as I'm really glad they are still alive. Like wow, congrats for living another day. Everyday feels like I can't go on yet I still try to, someday I won't be able to wake up or I'll. Be gone but I hope with my time here, I am able to make them all happy. I am a horrible person through and through, I've done a lot of bad things that I consider something I must repent for. I carry everything behind my back and go on to tomorrow, I take a smile and laugh it all. Sometimes it get tiring and that's when I want to lean on something, someone.||

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||-# I call my past, present, and future partners a pillow or a bed. Why? Because a bed is something that soothes me. It eases up my daily life, it offers a lot of comfort and it helps me move my day forward. Everytime I sleep, I always keep in mind that if I don't wake up then I am content on what I did, I have a lot of regrets and they are something I want to fix. The past is the past and I must do better in the future. I know I'm not a perfect person but I try 😓, I'm gonna miss a lot of people so much. They are so damn wonderful and wow, idk if I should continue on the gifts or something but maybe I will. People often say don't forget me but I want them to move on and forget me but keep the lesson I imparted on them with my life and knowledge in it. Hahaha.. ||

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||-# awhhh. My last suicide note is so sweet, past me is still caring as hell. ||

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**The sun sets duller each passing day, a muted echo of a vibrant ray.
Laughter feels strained, a melody off-key, a performance mimicked endlessly.

Days blur together, indistinguishable lines, the absence of purpose,
a slow decline.
The future stretches, a barren, empty land, grains of hope slipping through an open hand**

high dome
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I've been crying far too much. Even now I am, I am trying to talk to her but it's making me cry

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Might be having a panic attack rn

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I need to be calm but it's hard not to

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It's so noisy.

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Love how my brother actively made my attack worse yayy

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I thought I'm hallucinating again..

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Help...

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I'm trying to be calm but I'm trembling rn..

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My heart is beating irregularly and it's fast

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Love the self destructive thoughts and the vindication of people that I love

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Why can't I just die???

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Mf worthless bloody guy

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I feel like passing out but idk if I am.

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Anxiety attack is so fun.

high dome
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I'm a bit calm now.

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I might have said smth I don't want people to know 😅

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Nor hear

high dome
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Life is not a race nor a game of chess. It is a series of journey that we take and we stumble upon on

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In things in life, we often find ourselves trapped between the two of choices. We fail to notice the most important thing of it all, and that is love. To love ourselves in the purest form is to let us make mistakes and to let us be happy even if it's something unusual or weird in other people's eye. We aren't hurting anyone and we are only enjoying our limited time on earth, then it might as well be something unique and behold dearly to us. Don't just survive but live instead

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We often think that in some way or form that we lack something. But we often fail to realize that we don't, we are merely desiring more material needs in our life. Simplicity is a practice that is worth trying, to be simple is to be humble. As we grow older, the world does not beat us up but rather. It humbles us and makes us face struggles in order to build up our hearts and minds. As we are unreasonable and unpredictable to strangers, the universe is to as too.

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I am not telling to not desire for heights but rather to not jump on the cliff just to see the sights. Slowly but surely climb it down, go down and just let it flow.

high dome
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The need to end myself is becoming closer and honesty this all makes it more difficult to do it. But I'm just so useless

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My focus is so bad

high dome
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I hate myself for feeling like this

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I just need to cry it out.

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It feels so sad that not even one photo is within me

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My heart feels tight

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I wonder if I'm wrong to want for smth simple

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"hey, have you seen her fully? Do you video call?"

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I can't bring myself to answer those because frankly. It's like I'm a demented patient that's holding on to an image of someone

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Why? Maybe because I really want something to just look at. Something to wonder

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Ouch. My heart hurts

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Come on me. Don't be consumed by this

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Suppress it more

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The self hatred is becoming stronger that I am genuinely just nearing it more and more

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Maybe later I'll cut just to feel a bit

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No need to tell it.

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Suppress it till I can't

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Haha... Last more

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I can't stop crying..

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Smth simple

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Right? Why can't I just stfu and just accept things.. So many feelings just trying to suppress it and I'm going insane

high dome
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My liver is so much in pain. Rn

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Damn

high dome
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Been slowly declining these days

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I'm nearing it

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Sigh...

high dome
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Very nauseous rn

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And I think I'm In need of rest but I have stuff to do

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I can't be sleeping too much

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I need to study too

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I'm so useless I need to do my studies more

high dome
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I'm nearing It

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Idk how long I can take it anymore

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I just wanna end myself

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My days rn feel suffocating

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Everything isn't enough

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I feel so bad for her

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Idk how much I can take it anymore and I'm just barely trying to not hurt myself

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Why am I so much like Me?

high dome
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It was fun today.

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Met a lot of people and now I'm friends with 5 new people

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It do be like that 😅

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Bit closer too.

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They're so smol

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One of them wanted hugs but she's so smol tho 😭

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They're fun

high dome
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People are weird

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Keep it in my head. Lmao guess I'll have to cut ties as usual

high dome
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I'm not gonna lie. Just missing people these days, it's genuinely making me cry.

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Damn. I'm too busy

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I'm super worried rn and I'm just trying to not to do it too much

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I feel burned out rn

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My head is just fuzzy.

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So many to do and I can't even get my time

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And it's gonna be worse. Yayy

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It's so noisy and I can't wait to just sleep or smth. I feel like my ears are gonna pop and my head is gonna be gone

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One of these days. I'll end it all I swear

high dome
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Even the feeling of being starved aren't permanent

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Now I'm just really sad.

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Yk why do I not covet things?

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Ik why but idk why I'm sad about it

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Rn maybe my head wanted to be sad about smth

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Yay crying.

high dome
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So.. I passed out.

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I couldn't control my emotions properly and my heart continued to tightened then my vision became blurry, my breathing became more shorter, and a tad bit of anger on top like a cherry.

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Made me passed out.

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Js worried that my heart might give out and.. Yk

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It was a different feeling when both my heart and liver hurt at the same time ngl

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My memory of what happened yesterday was very blurry.

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I think I've just spouted stuff

high dome
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I was really happy to make all of those things. But it felt so bad, it was like the equivalent of me telling and pouring my heart out only to be met by a mild mandatory thumbs up from someone.

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I really am just crying out right now.

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I've finished everything while trying to think of stuff because I just wanna express myself

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But it just hurt me.

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It's been like two days since I've had no morning meds so my mood is more amplified

high dome
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People are different from me and this makes them more hard for me yet I still strive to be more.

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I grow old and grow more

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I wish i can understand everyone perfectly without any fault.

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I want to help more than i can

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Love more

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At my very core. I am a person who genuinely values life, tell me all the things you want and you need. I will do all according to what I can.

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Often than not it borders on self-neglect but is it really neglect if I'm truly happy?

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Maybe I am truly an alien

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Man. It's hard 😅

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Aight let's cry it out a bit and to release it all while doing my tasks.

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Lmao it took me a long time to develop emotions and they're pretty helpful to me, it makes me feel more human or look like one ngl

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Wherever they are. In heaven or hell, may they rest in peace. Thank you for the values you taught me

high dome
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So yeah, I just finished my 2 months of work in 5hrs or less. Yay... Frankly I feel nothing, it feels empty and barren. For the past few days, I really feel more and more disconnected with people. I've gotten to the point of just this...

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It doesn't feel anything

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Guess I'm slowly going back to apathy.

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Yk.. I really want to just go immediately and just leave what I have currently and to go to people

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It sucks when I want to do more yet it feels like I'm not allowed or anything

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-# man.. Maybe I'll cut myself

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Idk what to feel anymore tbh

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I wanted to be mad at my mom earlier for using me as an emotional punching bag but

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I can't.

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I just told her why can't she shut up and just rest if she's tired?

high dome
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I'll be a bit gone for a week so if anyone is reading this or just to me. Do not fret for I shall be moderately drifting along the shores of the beach, just letting life takes it turn and me adapting to things I need to. If a storm comes in my way then I shall lay low and then when it's sunny again, will I set sail once more.

Sincerely, Cedrick M. Alba
Take care and be safe
I'll miss everything and I'm truly thankful for things in life. I shall drift along now.

high dome
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I'll take my meds rn and I'll sleep

cedar blaze
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bruh

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i love ur sitation

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happy to help

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sorry but ur circumstances are interesting

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ready when u are

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btw u have more potential then u think u do

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dm i think we can help each other out

high dome
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Sorry. Due to the incident, I don't really think I can trust anyone rn or anything.

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And I'm really sleepy due to my meds. They tend to do that

cedar blaze
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but u dont need to trust me

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to talk to me

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ye sorry tho

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its ur call

high dome
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I think that sorts out my stuffs. It's pretty hard to say things, but I think I've laid it out

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Thank you to my friend.

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She's wonderful when needed

high dome
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This feeling is not even tolerable anymore.

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I'll probably break my record of being clean today. No one's home so it's optimal I guess

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Can I even go to class? Like it just feel heavy

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I can't go to class. I was planning a bit for today but it seems it's hard to even try to go out.

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-# I can't... I'm just breaking down rn and how nice it is.

high dome
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I may be wounded right now but it's all gonna be okay, things will change and it may not be better but it will change.

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A moment of fault is unavoidable as mistakes are what makes a human, human.

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I. Myself want to treat myself with more respect than ever, I thank this person for hurting me. Yes it hurts and yes it doesn't heal immediately but the bitterness in life teaches us that the sweetness of it is smth to be celebrated to as we reflect on it all.

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I realized that I've become so broken that honestly. I can be more empathetic to people, yes bad things and some things that are so horrible happened to me over my life.

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but in the end. It helped me grow and it strengthened my character as a person. I am proud of myself even tho I am harsh at it and treat it like a slave, there are times where I feel genuine love for me. I or he deserves to be loved like how I love people.

high dome
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The self-hatred post haircut is such a funny thing nowadays

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I hate myself sm lmao.

high dome
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It doesn't even matter anymore.

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There is simply a moment of time

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Not even the new wounds make it feel okay.

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People don't know how much I put in when I say I love them. It hurts when I give my all and more only for my heart to be broken once again. To be stepped on and on till it becomes a mush, I let them handle it and warn them that it's fragile. Everytime I say or try to love, it's smth I needed to console myself. The problem doesn't lie in me not Giving less but more.

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When you're just crying down with your cuts. It hits different

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When the feeling of love fades away and turns into smth you don't recognize anymore

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Everything hits and all of it stings

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Isn't this self harm at this point?

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No one knows how much I crave for physical affection. But it's different when I even reject it. This is the first time I've rejected it and openly stated not to when even being s.a back then didn't really prevented me that much

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I've never thought I'd have thoughts like these.

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Might as well stab me in the heart physically. I can endure that more than anything

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I got mad at my mom earlier for the simplest of things and it hurts because ik I didn't mean it and it's only because of a defensive mechanism but I don't like that.

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I told my mom there's no class despite the fact that it's a lie

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Why?

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Because I can't even muster up the energy to even face myself nor anyone

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Yk I tried taking a cut on my hair so I'd at least love it. But nope, it's not enough

#

I can't even be too mad.

#

I can't face today or tomorrow

#

Well. Hopefully only a week will go by while I'm rotting away

#

Too bad.

high dome
#

Man.

#

Had a dream

#

Wish it was real lol but that won't happen

#

Sleep again. Yay, no eating just straight up sleeping

high dome
#

Sleep again

#

Is it bad? Yep. My body usually don't need much sleep but this only happens when I'm at that point

#

Then back to abusing my meds as usual.

high dome
#

It's like a melody. A tune to play with me, I am fascinated by how much one person can suffer from life?

#

Maybe it's an entertaining premise. A guy who gets to be happy then gets to be broken down over and over while he's making others heal and improve

#

How can it be so harsh?

high dome
#

Wow. Two extreme dreams in a row?

#

Okay God.

#

Seems you're genuinely giving me a strong sign here ig

#

That is scary asf.

high dome
#

Ngl post-haircut self hatred hasn't died down yet 😭😭

high dome
#

Man I hate myself.

#

Idk if its okay anymore

#

I just genuinely wanna cry.

#

"you're just being too thin-skinned"

#

Yeah and it matters to me how proper I look

fringe cave
high dome
#

It's smth I just really treasure it.

high dome
#

Like be serious

fringe cave
high dome
#

The problem lies in me being so unsure if they're joking or not.

high dome
#

At least tell it straight up.

#

Direct is better

fringe cave
#

There are some people who are just too soft these days

high dome
#

It sucks when you're not really up to date on fashion or anything but you still try to look okay because it's a form of love.

#

I value my looks because that's what the first thing people see in me.

#

Obv that's not the best thing but it matters

#

How clean I am

#

How nice it is

#

It matters

fringe cave
high dome
#

Not taking care of myself is essentially foregoing those appearance

fringe cave
#

Maybe that’s just me not caring what others think of me thou

high dome
fringe cave
high dome
#

That's good for you.

#

It only gets like this when I just finished getting a haircut

fringe cave
high dome
#

The self hate post haircut is so hard. Ngl

fringe cave
#

Trust me I’m like that too

#

It’s like oh god am I bald?

#

Did they miss a spot?

high dome
#

Like obv I'd say I am okay with my mirror reflection but when it changes. It really does need some time being okay

#

Yup

fringe cave
#

Yeah, I’m like that too

#

Can I share a story relating to this?

#

I think you’ll get a good laugh out of it, but I won’t share it if you don’t want me too. It’s your post after all

high dome
#

Go on

#

People are free to look into my life and talk to me whenever.

#

It's nice to hear your lives.

fringe cave
#

Here’s the thing though. She didn’t know how

high dome
#

In a way, I too will remember you in my life.

high dome
#

Nah man.

fringe cave
high dome
#

Being a kid helps out a lot in these, 😭

high dome
#

I outgrew my military haircut phase and it didn't looked good anymore

fringe cave
high dome
#

Oh well. I gotta buy some ingredients man, we can chat later if you want to.

high dome
#

Finally gotten it out. Thank you, damn. So next time, not this one as this makes me look intimidating 😭

#

That's All I needed. An actual honest thing, yk it doesn't hurt but it really helps

high dome
#

I do need to remind myself to pay attention or else I'll get wounds or cuts/bruises TwT

#

just washing smth and I've only saw it when i felt weak and it was bleeding

high dome
#

Mhmmm

#

A shadowed soul, a weary sight, a mind adrift, a fading light.
He seeks solace, a slumber deep, a silent refuge, where sorrows creep.

Once vibrant hues, now muted gray, a world once bright, now dimmed away.
A heart once full, now hollowed core, a spirit broken, forevermore.

In dreams he finds a fleeting peace, a temporary reprieve, a sweet release.
But waking brings the pain anew, a heavy burden, a somber hue.

Apathy's grip, a chilling hold,
As passions wither, stories untold.
A prisoner of his own despair,
A soul adrift, beyond repair.

high dome
#

||sh seems like smth I'd do today just to feel smth. It just doesn't cut I guess? But nah. That's boring, rather play and study. I do need a partner so I'll see if someone comes up and if not then it's either alone or I'll hit chelsie up if they're not doing their law hw.||

high dome
#

It feels like a never ending black hole. It sucks up my entirety and it just only makes it more shallow than it is

#

I'm sleepy but I wanna cook people food rn.

#

It's just that I don't have the energy for it. Sigh

fringe cave
high dome
high dome
#

It's like a part of me died.

#

I want to cry rn. I am horrible

#

What am I doing?

#

It's hard.

#

It's hard to revive smth that is dead. I feel like I'm such a horrible person rn

#

It's getting okay but it's so slow.

#

So miniscule

#

So many emotions rn

#

And I forgor them again

#

Js went to the bathroom and now I forgor

#

Wow. I need to remind myself

#

Maybe that thing is the best course of action. I apologize to myself for deciding

#

I should have been more better

#

It's not that I can't understand. It's that i don't want it that way

#

I already feel like an alien most of the time alone

#

Boring.

#

I expected that I can do smth that at least will make me more human but it's useless

#

It is just not the way I usually do things. I dislike it due to the fact that if I let myself be more indifferent anymore. The way I'm being more indifferent to myself will eventually end up to them

#

It reached the point that I hope it didn't

#

When emotions don't exists anymore. Only left is my head, I don't like it when it decides on things that should be done with emotions

#

Well it does but it's more that it isn't really smth I'd prefer rn so switch

#

I wanted to care because it is smth I needed to according to my own nature

#

But if it is indifference and indifference then I don't think it really makes it more shallow than a name

#

Hollow and shallow is the best word I can describe.

#

I am completely certain I have 55% part of being correct there.

#

I do not know anymore. It really does not make it any better to have no idea

#

Mhmm yes. My head is giving me suggestions

#

I can't confirm nor deny some of it so it stays as thoughts

#

I have some things I want to do to people. It's smth simple and honestly beneficial

#

But if it's blocked or just not accepted, then all I can do is to just really not give it anymore.

#

Frankly that's one of the reasons I just go away sometimes from friends to strangers.

#

It's like swatting a fly

high dome
#

Ngl I look menacing rn.

#

Note to self that I should not do this style.

high dome
#

Boring rn.

#

My wounds need to be payed attention to 😭

#

Istg if I re-opened them again. I'll tie my hands

high dome
#

Haha...

#

Wish I'm. Dead rn

#

Love this song sm

#

Would it be fun if I die today?

high dome
#

Single song can send me into this state. Hahaha..

high dome
#

Hopefully I get hurt going home I guess?

#

Idk might make it more fun

#

Or smth

high dome
#

Huh.

#

I saw her

#

Again.

#

I mean it's not a hallucination right? Last time I got photos so I'm sure it isn't imagination

clever thicket
#

Man ur life 😶💀

zenith karma
#

Ngl ik people are gonna call me a hypocrite or something but I can relate to a lot of this

#

All my friends just up and left me at one point, no one would talk to me and ever since I’ve been hollow

#

I got to the point of suicide

#

You just gotta take it slow

high dome
#

Hahaha thanks. It does take a toll but we gotta live on forward

zenith karma
#

Yeah just keep going

high dome
#

Yup. If you do need someone to talk to or bored, feel free. I love to help people, it makes it easier for anyone. It's hard when no one is there for you everytime

#

Smth happy to counter my depressive ahh posts.😭

I made someone so happy they hugged me today, they just said thank you and I'm the best.

zenith karma
#

Nice, those moments are always the best

#

I’m kinda just in this server to stop people going through what I did

high dome
#

Yup and the people I love to help more, are the helpers themselves

#

It's hard to help people constantly then not having someone to help you.

#

Stories, ramblings, rants, anything is nice. Just a friendly guy in the bench with some flowers around drinking some tea

zenith karma
#

Yeah

#

It just gets to you sometimes

#

Like you just sit there alone sinking into the endless void of depression

#

Or that just might be me

high dome
#

Yup it does. You wonder then it all goes quiet

#

It's better to be with someone while crying. It helps

#

Sometimes we sit down and see things on our life then use that to go forward.

#

But sometimes we just want to lay on a bench. Grab a coffee and lay back, while someone is watching over you when you fall sleep.

zenith karma
#

Just the presence of other people is reassuring and can really help no matter what situation your in

high dome
#

Life is harsh. It is, it doesn't stop for anyone. But that doesn't mean you should not stop and let it flow

#

We arrive on parts on our lives that we just sit down

zenith karma
#

Gotta follow where it takes you

high dome
#

We lay down

#

That's okay.

#

It's okay to be sad, happy, angry, and even apathetic. It's what we feel

#

We can't fully control them but we can control what we do today, tomorrow, and to the future

zenith karma
#

Damn that’s deep bro

high dome
#

Thanks.

zenith karma
#

Stop I’m bouta legitimately cry

high dome
#

When I'm home, do you perhaps wanna continue that? I have stuff to do but ykw. You're good enough to make me make some time for you

#

Grab some coffee or smth nice

#

Lemme hear your life and be happy. That at least someone will remember you

zenith karma
#

Thanks so much

#

What country you in?

#

Just to compare time zones

high dome
#

I live in the Philippines. It's 8pm rn

zenith karma
#

K

high dome
#

Hbu?

zenith karma
#

I’m 2 hours ahead

#

Australia

high dome
#

Ohh an aussie

zenith karma
#

Yeah

high dome
#

You guys have some animal resistance as your buffs fr.

zenith karma
#

Yeah and heat

high dome
#

Hahaha fr

#

She is wonderful. I've truly poured my soul and heart into her, a love so sweet and serene it feels magnitude in between my plates. She made me who I am today. Without her, I might have been left into a state devoid of anything. I don't miss her, but she was the one that saved me from it all. That's smth I at least know is good, hope she's happy in afterlife. I still keep her notes and stuffs on me, I do. Need to pay her a visit in the future.

#

A fleeting moment, a stolen breath, a life transformed, reprieve from death.
A love so tender, a bond so pure, now fading memories, forever unsure.

A grateful heart, once bound, to one who saved, on hallowed ground.
Though time may pass, and memories fade, the debt of gratitude, forever paid.

#

Saturday. Need to remind myself to visit my friend's grave, he might be alone.

high dome
#

Maybe it is like that.

#

Why did I even do that when yk.

#

Finalize these over a week should make it reasonable I guess

#

Yeah. Ig buying that thing would be bad 😭

#

I feel bad cuz what if I didn't need it.

#

I do think it would look nice

#

Hopefully this new one would be better than the old one.

clever thicket
high dome
#

I hurt myself today from fiddling with glass.

#

I mean it bled but not much

#

My finger was not durable I guess.

#

I wish it hurt more but pain is mostly a suggestion and it's so and so

#

Turns out I'm strong in the physical midterms we had yesterday. Only for the abysmal poor performance of my flexibility

#

My. Upper body is so stiff I guess?

#

But my physical. Strength and endurance are apparently high

clever thicket
high dome
high dome
#

I don't get it.

#

I'm home now from my friend's grave

#

I do think that it'll take a long time to visit him again

high dome
#

Mhmm

#

Getting myself in a fight I. Dream

#

Yk weird.

#

I ain't even mad tbere

#

Just eepy

clever thicket
high dome
high dome
#

A night to cherish,
A night I hoped I'd perished.
Yet here we are, looming through the days, wondering through our life.

If we ever get it All right?
If what we did was alright?
If maybe they'll all be okay with it?
Nonetheless, it felt like adolescence. Yet it manifests in my eternal strife, in this lowly night.
A small part of my life and my continuous struggle against the odds, that maybe I can jive in through the chaos.

high dome
#

A small bonus to anyone looking through my diary.
I really hope you will be having a nice day and thank you for existing rn.

high dome
#

I genuinely dislike my mom's one size fits all mentality.
Like seriously? Why would I lie about something? Oh I'm sorry I'm slowly trying to become a better person, so what I've been doing all these times are just apparently the same selfish shit.

#

Believing my brother hasn't eaten yet is so wild

#

Next time I won't clean his mess so you would nag me us about that instead.

#

"oh am I assuming stuff?"
: yes you are. Tunnel-visioning on my words is like a twitter user invalidating your statement because you failed to spell color to colour.

It's redundant and only shows fault at your part for assuming my own personality. Is the distorted image of me in the past really the thing you see me as?

high dome
#

Yet believing he just didn't ate for a second time with you is wild.

#

"oh did you asked him if he ate?"
: YES. And ffs, I'm the one who cleaned his mess. I'm the one who did the food, I'm sorry he couldn't be bothered to just cook a simple rice.

#

It's so annoying that believing such low energy lie is enough. Is the apparent me asking you if you ate outside not enough? And clearly buying food for 3 people enough? OR YOU KNOWING AND SEEING I BOUGHT THEM??

#

Sorry for not opening the door early in the morning. I just didn't want to hear you nag and berate me again for no reason other than the apparent anger you're feeling towards others and using me as your glorified punching bag again.

#

After this rant I'm now back to normal. Nothing changes, no apologies, nothing.

high dome
#

A Deep sense of self hatred in the morning is nice

#

Wishing you didn't live

#

It felt odd.

#

I want to cry right now

#

But it's so hard

#

The random feeling of just why am I here?

#

I'm such a shitty person

#

Horrible.

#

Kms is such a nice word rn

#

I'm so pathetic

#

||I don't deserve such a thing in my life, and why am I even still here? I should've hanged myself a long time ago. It's such a good thing if I didn't lived, just end it all. Let me cry. I can't. I hate myself so damn much today, it feels like a black hole sucking me in and pulling every fiber of my being. I don't think I can even talk to them rn, why is it like that???||

high dome
#

Imagine not even having rest on your sleeps

#

Nightmares again

#

It was more of "should I hurt this thing or not?" type of thing

#

Oh wow.

#

My hearing and my body is rapidly switching stuff from function to non

#

I wish i could be hugged rn

#

Obv I'd act like that in my dream

#

I mean who wouldn't?

#

That's how I got by

#

Back then it was just me.

#

What's so wrong with it?

#

I didn't had anyone

#

Only me

#

Then overtime, I've hated myself more and more.

#

But I could not make this thing go away

#

I talk to it, ask it, treat it like a friend.

#

Someone I needed in my life

#

Because frankly. No one was really there

#

Stuff happened, and I was left wondering. I was lost, I was loose. Apparently I just needed to just endure it, or else I'm nothing. I'm treated horribly more than the usual.

#

My body is just twitching, fluids feeling like it's going down or smth. It's very eery, and so odd

#

I wanna sleep but I don't wanna go back

#

Yk what if i see her again?

#

Would it be fun?

#

I wish i can remember her face clearly. Now it's just a haze

#

What she did

#

She was lovely, it would've been a tragedy

#

If I were to not live after it

#

My heart is not beating properly

#

Literally

#

I feel sick yet not sick

#

It's so cold

high dome
#

Lowkey sad that this thing won't end me.

#

Too persistent mf lmao

high dome
#

This screams.
I can do better to my very being

#

But yeah. She's still sick

high dome
#

"If health is wealth then
I'm in debt and broke rn"

high dome
#

The apathy is so nice

#

It feels so empty rn

high dome
#

I think my body is giving out atm

#

It just got too hot then I passed out while on class.

#

Thankfully it was online

high dome
#

Love having a nightmare so bad that it feels like it bled over to reality?

#

Now I'm over here inside my hidden place

#

If push comes to shove. I'll hide under my bed but glad I have this space

#

I'm just crying rn..

#

My dreams are usually very mundane like just going to class and waking up. Eating etc..

#

No added stuff

#

Then on rare occasions

#

Like this one

#

I just get a super bad nightmare.

#

Love getting nightmares about being physically assaulted by the people I love

#

Yk the flashbacks of my ex is really fun

#

God I wish i could cancel my life subscriptions

#

I Wanna ||cut|| myself so Ik I'm awake.

high dome
#

I love it here when you're casually walking down the road and someone ALMOST Manage to get you injured because they wanted to play with a damn gunpowder bomb

#

It's an adult ffs. DON'T DAMN BLOODY HELL DO IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WALKWAY

#

Anyways now I can't hear temporarily as it exploded next to my foot.

#

Luckily it's just far enough that it didn't hit me

high dome
#

I'll definitely feel. Bad later for being indifferent

high dome
#

I think I've slept enough.
So I woke up and started cleaning the house as usual, preparing food for my mom and Lil brother. Cooking stuff and cleaning everything, it's just nice.

#

I miss them but when I talked, it feels like there's a void inside of me.

#

Taking a break from talking for a day or two is good too.
(Reminding myself)

#

It's not gonna be always rainy nor sunny.

#

My Brain is telling me to at least help, or try to show some care.

#

Yeah I feel like this but I can't just ignore people.

#

Even if rn I feel okay and don't care about it. Doesn't mean it's right to do so

#

Apathy corroding me, fickle and brittle. Oh the sweet release of my heart, from the very bottom of it, settles a sort of confliction. A somewhat connection between the correlation, to my mood swings to my indifference and apathy. For both of them to be the death of my reality.

Apathy’s cold hand, a creeping blight, corrodes my spirit, dims my sight.
A fragile heart, a brittle soul,
Yearns for release, yearns to be whole.

A twisted dance of mood and mind, indifference blooms, compassion declined.
A fragile thread, a tenuous hold on sanity’s edge, a life to mold.

Apathy’s embrace, a suffocating shroud, reality fades, a somber cloud.
A fragile hope, a flickering light, lost in the darkness, a mournful sight.
Oh I hope to be it my life's delight or else it'll be the cowering of my might.

high dome
#

I genuinely don't know.

#

I have feelings and I can't stop them

#

I only know that I should not act on them

#

I am just confused.

#

Apathy has been on me for this day and I wanted to show my care and love despite my apathy

#

Push through it as my psychiatrist said.

#

Because it's needed and I don't know if they appreciate it enough

#

No one does.

#

No one appreciates that me waking up and not resorting to my old ways is great.

#

That I've grown more and more better each day.

#

Do people wanna know what I did back then so they'd know how good it is now?

#

Man. I was a wreck

#

And I was so broken, more than anything

#

I did so many things just because of it

high dome
#

Too many make or breaks moments.

#

Rollercoaster is what I can say

#

A ticking time bomb is now Inside me

#

Would it be defuse or would it go up in flames

#

Sleep is for the undisturbed

#

My fault or not. Doesn't really matter much when I will always think it's mine

#

If it goes well then that's good. If not then I guess that's All there is

#

I'd love to not scrap my plans and do stuff

#

Too many bumps in this life

#

I wonder if someone will really come along and make me truly be good. I wonder when I can finally just lay down and say things I want to say ever since forever.

#

I try to be hopeful and optimistic as always

#

But obviously I'd prepare for the worst.

#

I am broken apart. They say a million glass shard shines more than anything, but it also means there's really not a single image left.

#

I always hope each day that I don't lose my ways. That I don't fully become muted

#

Love is smth I can give.

#

Give and give

#

Just striding as much as I can in life

#

Trying to get by

#

Just how hard is it to say.

#

That I genuinely don't have much in terms of incentives to live?

#

That I don't wanna say things that obviously will impact the decisions in a way.

#

I prefer to stay quiet so it just doesn't really get sway and ultimately give people freedom

#

Freedom is such a nice thing

#

Words are words.

#

Without conviction then they are just noise.

#

I say things with a full intent, I am sure on my words as it is my actions

#

Honesty is great but it's even greater when certainty is present.

#

Knowing that with each words must come with a firm belief.

#

I like it best to not gamble

#

I prefer security in my life.

#

Even my life is smth I'm trying to secure

#

I do things many would not see.

#

I've been raised to just not really announce my actions but rather to show them.

#

Because even if both show and tell, show only, or tell only. What matters is that the result will be good

high dome
#

I hate myself so much today.

#

I can't bear to be awake for this

#

I'm drinking my meds

#

Hello 8hrs of sleeping

high dome
#

I'm heating up so much rn

#

I can't be sick..

#

I have class tomorrow..

high dome
#

Yk when you just miss people that you cry. You miss their voice, their presence, their vibes.

#

Just crying right now.

high dome
#

Maybe it's just me

#

Idk how to feel anymore

#

the feeling of crying but I cant

#

let me cry

#

i cant

#

bashing my head for a bit

#

physical harm is so nice

#

bit dizy

#

what is wrong with me

#

idk

#

everything?

#

it feels so lonely

#

idk anymore tbh

#

i want to cry so bad but i cant

#

comfort would be nice rn

#

but rn it just feels like i am alone

high dome
#

I think my body is compromised rn

#

Damn TwT

#

Dagnabbit!

#

By the heaven divines. I think I am really sick

high dome
#

I slept

#

I don't wanna wake up

#

It felt nice

#

It was the void. Just didn't know I slept, didn't know time passed. But ik I'm sleeping

high dome
#

My days feel like it's blending. It feels like nothing has really passed

#

One my fears more than anything

#

I can handle the extreme situations. Even suicidal thoughts

#

But the slow degradation of the mind, I cannot.

#

I wanna cry onto someone rn

#

It's awful

#

This is dangerous more than anything as this type of thing happened back then.

#

I just didn't do any prep

#

Just did jt

#

No call, no contact

#

On a sunless day. A cold room

#

A blade in my hand

#

And some meds

#

Couldn't handle the blade but I did for the meds

#

Back then I was crying because I'd leave so many people behind

#

It's unbearable

#

Everyday rn feels like it's just

#

A blur.

#

Like each day is eating at my life

#

Idk why but today made it more unbearable

#

Usually I'd be chill

#

Then this hits

#

Maybe it's a lot of things in my life rn that I'm sad. I'm a bit vigilant perse too

#

I can't.

#

I wanna vanish

#

Never to be seen again

#

It's slowly getting worse again and I'm afraid.

#

A genuine warm hug is smth I need rn. Any semblance of human presence

#

I'll just let my plushies near me.

#

It soothes me up

#

It might be smol but it's fine

high dome
#

I wanna say a part of it

#

I thijnk it's clear what I want rn

#

Hopefully they'll know

#

If not then. I'll have to tell again

#

I feel so bad for feeling like this, I've really want to not.

#

But sometimes it just hits

#

And then it goes on and on

#

Till I'm left on the cliff

#

Lifting till I'm off

#

As I slowly plummet from the summit to the ground.

high dome
#

Maybe I am too much

#

Too clingy

#

I need to change don't I?

#

It feels that way.

#

Maybe I'm just being too thin skinned

#

Idk might be

#

Yeah. I am too much

#

I'll just numb myself

#

No one notices it anyways than me

#

Interval.

#

Understood, I shall go intervals too.

#

I just missed them but it felt like they didn't

#

Not even an update

#

I've wanted to pour my lvoe and my feelings

#

Yk I missed them

#

Did they?

#

Idk but rn I just felt tired. All of a sudden

#

It was never about too much

#

Maybe this is the limit

#

More love for me?

#

I don't feel it..

#

Sorry I don't.

#

I always try to change and adapt

#

But sometimes it gets tiring to adapt.

#

I just want to lay down

#

I missed them.

#

I just don't believe they do

#

If this feeling continue to persist

#

Then I'll give back the same love they do

#

I feel like I'm too much atm

#

I was not gonna sleep but my uncle is here so let's sleep.

#

Been talking to myself more huh

#

I guess it's reverting back

#

Can't really rely on anyone nor lean on

#

Crying to sleep is always fun

#

Still waiting for the apologies

#

The irl apology for that one

#

It may seem okay but I keep those in mind.

#

I didn't talked to someone for a Month and more. Until I caved in

#

Why?

#

Because it felt like everytime it's just a hassle

#

The consistency is so bad

#

I like hearing words but prove it with actions more

#

Everytime it felt like I was waiting for a response

#

I'm tired and next time this happens

#

I'm not making a long ahh letter on how I missed them and my love

#

Because I'll just treat it as like that scenario

#

Idk why but today and tonight tired me more

#

Assurances wtih words are bad. But even the actions too?

#

Yeah. I don't wanna dwell on it

#

Sleep as usual

high dome
#

I hope I die today

#

I really hope so

high dome
#

I might be talking less and less here

#

Yk I'd like to be love bombed rn

#

Any sense of comfort or affection

#

Bit tough on myself today. So much so that I just wanna find smth to lean on

#

Well I can lean onto myself but that just makes my heart more akin to a stone

high dome
#

Of all the things in the world..

#

Why does it have to be a piano?

#

I hate myself and more

#

I'm genuinely just scared rn

#

Idfk what to do

#

Yk it's not their fault but..

#

I don't wanna restrict what they love

#

I'll stop for now.

#

Maybe it'll be fine

#

I'll tell it to them if I can but telling them kinda makes it so that it restricts them..

#

I'm such a bad person

high dome
#

My door fell on me

#

Currently was on the ground earlier.

#

I don't think I can be good for today.

#

Damn.

#

Lucky asf but also lowkey annoyed

#

It ain't big but it definitely made me worried

#

I'm sleepy

#

I'll mute discord for a bit and just go into hibernation

high dome
#

Wow. I'm supposed to be offline

#

But just a quick update

#

Mom is wounded, I'm wounded I guess but it's small wounds

#

Physical abuse, verbal, and furnitures are broken.

#

So overall I'd say this is quite the mid 7.6/10 in my harshness chart

#

I guess I'm just now thinking of a way to cut off everyone that might not help me.

#

I'd love to be comforted and more, honestly.

#

Alas. It doesn't seem to exist in the world I'm living. Nor does anything at all

#

Just excrement one after the other.

#

I'd usually say suicide is the best rn but tbh. I just don't wanna think too much

#

It's Christmas yet it's not merry lol

#

I'll miss all people

#

Take care and be safe.

#

Love for anyone else than me who sees this.

high dome
#

I don't think I can live more longer.

#

Right now, I'm just tired and done with life.

wraith bramble
high dome
#

I feel a bit better knowing things.

#

Transparency is all I need

#

The thing I hated in this world is not having enough info. That's why I strive to learn more, but I can't just break some norms.

#

And I want them to open up to me

wraith bramble
#

welcome to my life lol

high dome
#

The house is a mess and my mom and I are wounded but it's chill

#

Such is life

wraith bramble
#

the shit is that not everyone feel "free" to be open

high dome
#

That is why I try my best to make it so.

#

That even when I'm in a bad state. I care

#

I love hearing things

#

I love helping

#

Even if I can't help fully or not at all. At the very least

#

Don't be alone

#

Space is okay.

#

But I want people that I care to know that I'm always here for them no matter what happens.

#

Busy, sick, wounded, or hospitalized. I care

#

That is love

#

My love

wraith bramble
#

Human beings have a problem with believing, or expecting, that the other person has the same reaction/attitude as them, and that's why they become disillusioned, thinking that the other person reacts and thinks in the same way as "mine". create wrong expectations e.g.

high dome
wraith bramble
#

I usually say, what I do, I do it because I want to and not because there is a return from others, if I do it well then I did it because I wanted to, I cannot expect a return because that cannot be my objective, but peace of mind

high dome
#

Growing is the most important part of a human life

#

I'm listening.

wraith bramble
wraith bramble
#

but theres also need motivation to keep on so

high dome
#

Change is inevitable. You cannot be on the same spot over time

#

You will be a stagnant water

#

Whether we change or the people around us do. The environment, it will change over time

#

Motivation is the oil

#

Our actions is the combustion engine

#

Our choices is the wheel

wraith bramble
#

The best thing about life is not being alive, but how to live, that also applies to everything, like the best thing about wanting to learn is not just wanting to know or know, but taking pleasure in it

high dome
#

Whether we swivel on the tree or hit a pedestrian. We are the master of our own life

wraith bramble
high dome
high dome
#

You changed.

wraith bramble
#

evolution

#

u add to you

high dome
#

That word is the embodiment of change 😭😭 yk sometimes I'm tempted to use that

#

Everytime I say change is inevitable. I see Thanos

wraith bramble
#

lol

#

words are fcked lol

#

Words are the tool we use to express what is inside us, but thought always comes first. What we think shapes what we say and how we communicate. Thoughts are often complex and internal, but it is through words that we can express them, connect with others and even understand ourselves better.
However, sometimes words fail to fully express what we feel or think, especially when we are dealing with intense emotions or complicated situations. In moments like these, it can be difficult to find the right words, and the impact of words can be stronger than we imagine, both for the speaker and the listener. Therefore, it is important to also consider the context and intention behind what is said. Thought, even though it comes first, is not always clear or structured immediately. Sometimes it needs to be worked on, reflected on, and ultimately expressed.

high dome
#

You've helped me in ways you don't intended but help is help. So I am grateful and I appreciate you

high dome
#

I don't know. It's just been there

high dome
#

Idk. Just casually trying to be better is What I do

#

Despite what everyone thinks or says. All that matters is my effort and results

#

I think I'm doing well.

#

I guess there will be some good changes Ngl, it's just slow.

high dome
#

People are weird.

#

I've shown multiple times that I'm flexible and understanding asf

#

Heck I've forgiven a few people that lied to me big time

#

Even some that lied about everything.

#

It does make me worry that the perceptions of others on me is a little bit skewed.

high dome
#

I don't know what to do anymore

#

It's lowkey tiring but I must do stuff

#

I need to persist and take some breaks if needed

#

Believe that people will change or can change overtime

#

If they don't then that is okay, I did my best.

#

I wish sometimes, I was not me.

#

Different person, different name

#

Different life.

#

Not only because of what could have been better

#

But sometimes I am tired

#

Simple guy. A chill one

#

No need for glitters and sparkles.

#

A simple I love you and caressing me are enough.

#

To make me happier than any man

#

I've had some god awful physical interactions but ik they are not the same person.

#

So I still try to overcome. My stuff

#

Genuinely just wanna come home from job tired asf and rest on my bed.

#

It would be nice to have someone to be with me in the bed. But I am also prepared if there's none

#

May I rest in peace.

high dome
#

Genuinely don't know anymore

#

I'm just not okay, and I'm just gonna breakdown

#

But before I crumble.
I want to make sure the people I care are okay and safe

#

I think my mom is slightly okay now

#

Why am I like me? I wish i wasn't

#

Cedrick = kind and loved, love.

#

Why does it have to be so damn true

#

I'm frustrated at myself.

#

Why can't I do more!??

#

More.

#

More.

#

It's unbearable to see people in such states. When I can't support, it's so damn uncomfortable. I don't get discourage

#

I try my hardest to find ways to support

#

Financial, emotional, or anything.

#

I'm so frustrated at me and why can't I just be smth I'm. Not??

#

But I can't.

#

I just love.

#

I just wish people see the things I try to do and my efforts and appreciation is smth I want.

#

Not by my efforts but by improving their lives.

#

I get so happy when someone improves.

#

Just because of me

#

Or even then. The improvement is great

#

God I'm so tired.

#

Persevere more.

#

Don't rely on cutting off.

#

It didn't do me good back then and now don't go do smth dumb.

#

I'm so close.

#

I love things but if I genuinely get sick of things. At some point, I start to reject it.

#

Words and plans are nice

#

But what I need is the initiative

#

Ignoring things can only get you so far.

#

If there's a problem you see then be the change you want

#

Don't even try to change the world when you can't even change your room.

#

Or your life.

#

Don't change others if you can't do it to yourself.

#

Hypocritical? That's not the point.

#

It means that the start must come from you first. Preach what you do.

#

I'll never be a therapist

#

I'd rather pass away than be one

#

Or live forever.

#

"You grew up too fast"
: maybe it's because I've been through so many things that no age of mine should be experiencing, that I lived in constant stress, constant judgement, and more to the point that I've learned how to do stuff. From others and from my own experiences

high dome
#

Haha...

#

Sigh.

high dome
#

Too lonely again

high dome
#

Yk when you just want to save up some money and just go somewhere but your own mother thinks you're planning smth against her?

#

Yeah.

#

It's like people here don't know me enough.

#

I genuinely despise being assumed

#

My own mother doesn't know me enough

#

She claims she does but she doesn't

#

"why not tell her stuff?"

#

:because everytime I do, it's just smth she dismisses

#

Most of the time it's just like a nuisance

#

A simple asking of a question because you're curious

#

Turns into smth like this shi

#

I say I love them but doesn't mean I wanna live with them anymore.

#

They're gonna claim I wanna go with my dad's side but not even that.

#

I genuinely just wanna mind my own business

#

For people to not assume things about me

#

I'm just crying because I just wanna go home

high dome
#

Man. I wish my fam isn't like this

#

I yearn for the day I move out.

#

Hard life? Yes

#

I'd rather not have a good sleep and stress.

#

Than to have this kind of drama

#

Deal with people like these

high dome
#

I am genuinely hiding rn

#

New year's eve is so loud

#

I love it but damn my ears don't

#

I get so stressed but It is wonderful 😭

#

Physical pain tho.

#

Gunpowder bombs to makeshift bazookas

#

Name it and it is used often

high dome
#

Why do I feel like this?

#

Just..

#

Mad and really just smth else too

#

It's not mad that like a lot

#

But it's for them.

#

Maybe I'm tired.

#

Maybe I just can't

#

I don't know how to express it

#

How to communicate it

#

I Just wanna cry and I am rn

#

The religion topic really just puts me in this horrible mood.

#

Hearing things like loving god

#

Yeah maybe that's what triggered me

#

But I think that is not the full

#

It is the fuse that set off.

#

I'm tired

#

Genuinely

#

This morning was just so tiring

#

I can't.

#

Yk I just wnana cry

#

I can't keep it anymore

#

I feel so sad

#

So damn sad

#

I just want comfort rn but I did smth again

#

I isolated myself again

#

I don't wanna wake up.

#

I don't Wanna live

#

It got me into a topic where I just became super uncomfortable

#

Then I heard words..

#

That I hoped I'd never hear..

#

Why do I feel like this?

#

It's wrong for it.

#

Maybe I'm just sad

#

Yk the mood swings.

#

Again?

#

I wanna isolate myself from everyone

#

I don't wanna eat

#

Just gonna cry it all out or else I'm doing sh

high dome
#

Sleeping..

#

Not today nor yesterday lol.

#

I haven't eaten smth really nutritious

#

More like just some small bits of pineapples and some sweets