Hello guys, i am gonna have this as my diary and like, im gonna be updating this story about me and my boyfriend where I am from Czech Republic, my boyfriend is from Bulgaria, we have met on discord, we were texting where he was a girl from the us, we were texting on some discord server with 2 more guys, because we were talking a lot, we went to a group chat to avoid moderation on the discord server, after few days he dmed me that he have to confess to me that he is actually a guy from bulgaria, we were talking and i randomly asked him if he wants to go on a date, well, thats when everything started, it was January 4 2023. Instantly after that he started opening to me about his mental issues and his suicidal thoughts, it was too much because he was not even talking about anything else, so i was kind of ignoring him, sometimes answering for like a week or 2, one day i sat and read all because it was not stopping and he was sad that i am not ignoring him, and thats when it started, we started chatting the whole day, we were planning stuff, we were talking about his issues, and in February we have met, i was going with a bus for 24 hours, i came for a week, i paid for everything, it was fine, he is my first boyfriend ever, it was perfect, i didnt even know how he looks like week before we have met. After i came back, he started having strong OCD and everything, where he was scared that his teeth might fall from his mouth and im not gonna love him, or that later when he is gonna be older and older im not gonna love him, i was reassuring him the whole time that im never gonna leave him and that im gonna be there always for him, then i came on April just for a weekend, it was fine, then he was continuing with his depressions and stuff, he got prescribed xanax which didnt really help him because he was feeling even worse. We are calling during the night every day so we can feel safe and like we are sleeping together, one day i woke up, hearing him loudly breathing and
#Relationship with my toxic boyfriend story
blissful python
and doing some weird sounds and repeating that he wants to die, after 20 minutes of me calming him down, he started crying, it was traumatizing, i had cold sweat on my body because i didnt know what was happening, then we have met in July, after that it was better. Then we have met in november, it was good meeting, he told me he wants to buy eyeliner, so we went to the store we bought it, then we came back on the hotel, and he was trying to put it on, he was dissapointed because it doesnt look how he thougt its gonna look, he threw the eyeliner into the other side of the room, i was calming him down, reasurring him that he is gonna learn eventually. He gave up on it, then i came back. Few days after i came back, he texted on some discord server about his eyeliner issue, and nobody was answering him, he was sad, so i created fake account, i answered and then i offered to chat with him in dms, i was trying to like, tell him that eventually he is gonna learn, so he hears it also from someone else, not just from me, he accepted it tho he never touched it, but then i tried to seduce him if he is gonna be loyal, well, he wasnt, it ended up him starting to have feelings and stuff, then he was sad about it, he told be about stuff with the alt account, i told him its fine that it can happen, i forgave him because i knew he is a good guy and he loves me. Few days later i told him that the alt account was me, he was guildripping me and was angry at me for couple of days.
Since then i am having trust issues and panic attacks that he can be cheating somewhere when he is going to school, after school he is going with his friend to the restaurants, its mostly girls, then they are going around stores and then on the train station. I am having panic attacks so i always ask him something but when he is not answering it gives me instantly ideas that he might be cheating or something, i ask him more, if still nothing, i am calling him and stuff. After that he answers just one of my questions or like laughing at me and stuff, that makes me go completely crazy being stressed, crying and stuff. In the meantime, we have met in March and then July/August. It keeps happening, i recently contacted his girl friend, and asked her if she can be tellin me what they are doing after school so i can slowly get through the trust issues and stuff, she said yes, so we are gonna see how its gonna end up. In the meantime of last 10 months, he is having stupid jokes, that hurts my feelings, i told him multiple times and he always says that i dont understand humor. The jokes are confusing me going into more stress. He can have some type of autism or something, that also makes me hard to leave him because i still see a way to somehow fix it and be okay again, but its very hard.
Recently i started having feelings that he might be bisexual, which would be fine, but why would he be hiding it from me. So, we are gonna see how things go in the next days or weeks. I forgot to mention that he was not really having childhood like other kids, not receiving much or none presents for christmas or his birthday, so i choose to give it to him back somehow. I bought him a big 160cm bear so he is not scared during the night and so he is not feeling lonely when im not with him, i bought him keyboard, new fan under his laptop, headphones, i bought games for both of us so we can make the time run faster until we live together, i bought him lego rc car, expensive drawing stuff because he wanted to draw, i got him more fluffy bears, i got him books, a lot of stuff, which i dont even remember anymore. I was also paying cloud gaming services so he can play games because his laptop cant handle it, i paid for every plane ticket, for every taxy, every expence for meeting him including hotel and food. We can pretty much say it was over 15K dollars. I gave him my card so he can buy food in the store for free so he can save his money also. Which i recently froze because the way he was acting towards me was bad.
woeful gate
Hello guys, i am gonna have this as my diary and like, im gonna be updating this...
I don't think this is "toxic" to be honest, since "toxicity" has this connotation of manipulation but I don't think that's happening
blissful python
Well, he is telling me often to kill myself and stuff
blissful python
Well, sometimes he is in good mood where we can somehow talk, but sometimes he is also in annoyed mood, where he is saying a lot of bad stuff, telling me that I'm ugly, disgusting, fat and that he doesn't love me and that i should kill myself
woeful gate
Yea... I know that this is not what you want to hear but you do NOT wanna keep yourself in that relationship
blissful python
I understand
woeful gate
I was gonna write a paragraph that you should try to work on your attachment issues (indicated by your panic attacks) which I stand by but more importantly, he is taking out his anger on you and like that's not okay, and speaking from experience these types of people take saying that as a personal attack so you can't exactly talk this out
The reason so many abusive relationships happen for so long is the hope that love, or you, can change them but you can't
This is that, he's verbally abusive and you can't hope that away
blissful python
I know what he was going through having a dad that was beating him a lot, and he is somehow trying to hide his vulnerable personality behind his toxic facemask. I'm gonna keep trying to somehow make him feel comfortable to share his life with me, if there is something bothering him and stuff. And yeah we will see
ruby garden
Recently i started having feelings that he might be bisexual, which would be fin...
this- this isint good. a relationship shouldnt be like this, you can buy things for him and stuff and make sure he eats but at some point it seems like hes using you if when you go to him he doesnt awnser or care about you- now the account thing, it was good at first, you made it to care about him, but trust is a big part in a relationship. if hes someone you dont trust you need to work on that together. and also i think you two could still have a good relationship, but first there needs to be communications and money boundries set up. i hope it all goes well
blissful python
I froze the card i gave him because he was not acting good, on the start of the year i started getting back my crypto i spent on our games, and since may i started investing, on the end of the year im ending my career working for Mercedes Benz and going to follow my dreams
timber vine
I froze the card i gave him because he was not acting good, on the start of the ...
You go and follow your dreams! I know you are hurt right now but if you better yourself, maybe that feeling will go away with time 👍