My boyfriend is cheating on me in his dreams

[grizzled notch]

So I'm really insecure and his dreams about cheating on me just make me more anxious. He already is saying that: "If a hot woman would offer me a b.j, I can't promise that I wouldn't cheat on you." It makes me SICK. I hate it so much. It's not even random women, he dreams about women he had a crush on. Women he knows. Also often his ex or talking stages. It makes me even more insecure. He never dreams about me. And if I'm in his dream, then I just catch him cheating or something like that. I'm irrelevant. I don't know. Like it's just a dream, but like I always dream about him and even have the desire to be with him when we're apart in my dreams. We're active, but I'm too boring. I don't allow him to watch corn or look at those instagram models. He still has the urge to watch them, but he "only" keeps looking at half naked women. I never look at other men, that's disgusting. But he just wants to look at other women. I feel sick. It might be normal, but why can't he control it for me? Why does he have to check out other women and tell me they look mesmerizing.

[empty osprey]

Break up time ngl

[grizzled notch]

no

our relationship is perfect
it's just always a problem with other women

[empty osprey]

Is cheating a big deal for you? Like

Would it really hurt you

[ruby creek]

just wow.

[empty osprey]

? I'm not saying that in a doubtful way

I'm asking so I know exactly where they stand

[ruby creek]

seems kind obvious to me that they don't like the thought of it to begin with

and if you don't like the thought of it, you most certainly won't like the action

[empty osprey]

Well yes but she said it's perfect beyond that and typically cheating is a breakup kinda deal

So I wonder if it is for her

[eternal prairie]

okay, first of all that's not normal. guys watch corn films from time to time but in an active relationship with frequent intercourse and stuff, there really is no need to.
second of all: dreaming about cheating with specific other woman is most likely a sign of (you can't apply that to everyone but the majority) a sexual desire that isn't being filled or satisfied.
you want something else and have certain desires, your mind tries to comprehend it with these dreams.
like I said before, it doesn't apply to everyone but with saying "if a hot girl offers me... I can't promise..." I really think it's that.
idk much about you or him or your relationship, I only can judge based of what you were writing but it's a big 🚩 for me tbh.

if you need further help, feel free to reach out and stay strong :)

[empty osprey]

Thank you for articulating these thoughts far better than I could

[grizzled notch]

yes it is like one of the worst things that could happen

[eternal prairie]

no problem, that's one of my biggest strengths

[grizzled notch]

thanks, i guess he just wants something new? since we're kind of only doing the same stuff

[eternal prairie]

either trying smth new in a sexual way or smth new in terms of other girls. guys sometimes have these "high emotion seeking" phases. they'll ask themselves whether it's really what they want until they die or to try smth new instead.

as I said, idk him or you so I can't really tell.

@grizzled notch but I have to say, in a happy relationship all of these things do not happen.
and if they happen, it's just a small thought that doesn't affect anything or is gone the second after. I can tell because I had these things as well.

but I would have never told my gf that I would cheat on her or smth, that's just fked up imo

[grizzled notch]

both options might be. he's also quite unsure about his feelings. like he loves me, but something is missing, he told me. i'm scared he would leave me for another girl. he's insecure about his looks and therefore loves female attention since he rarely gets any. i fear he'd leave me, if he had the chance to. sometimes i feel like he only chose to be with me, because he had no chance with any other girl. it's probably just my insecure thoughts talking rn. like i know he loves me, but nobody should feel like this?

[eternal prairie]

I have been insecure for almost my entire life. meanwhile it's okay but from experience I can say this: not having any girls is frustrating, if an option comes where a girl is interested, you suddenly rise her up (in ur head) and she becomes all you want.
time flies and you notice that it was just for at least having anyone.
it's kind of a "high" that you get from drugs. then it gets boring and you want another high.

I love dating and I love the time when you get to know a person. These special moments that are new and everything feels just perfect.
these emotions can make you feel addicted.

my honest opinion is... he would leave you if he had a "better" option.

love can be easily mistaken with other strong feelings or emotions.
idk if he loves you, might be. but love itself doesn't evolve like that, that's for sure

[eternal prairie]

@grizzled notch

[grizzled notch]

that makes sense.
i know he's the kind of person who gets bored after something fast. he always has phases of finding something new, he enjoys it and is kind of addicted to it until he finds something new. that's related to games, activities and stuff like that, but he also was like this with me at the beginning. he was really obsessed with me at the beginning, then it just suddenly stopped after we were separated for a month. he had an internship on malta with a group from our town. maybe something happend, i don't know. i just know he found platonic female friends. there also was a girl, who flirted with my boyfriend.
during that time he was really mean to me and the spark was basically gone when he came back.

he was so sweet at the beginning. like he's still sweet now, but he's also mean. like he's doing and saying stuff he would've never done at the beginning. it's like he doesn't see me as his girlfriend anymore sometimes. like i'm his male buddy or mom

sorry it's much

i hope i don't bother you

and sorry for my bad English

[eternal prairie]

nah, it's fine. I would not have signed up for this server and went to the relationships channel if these things would bother me much haha. my ex and I actually broke up yesterday as well and helping other ppl with their relationship struggles kinda helps me as well, sounds weird but it's true

[eternal prairie]

where are u actually from?

[eternal prairie]

ye well, it's like I said. his insecurities with himself led him to take you because you were an option.

I am not saying that he doesn't find you attractive or smth but you may not be what he truly wants.

he wants experiences, I don't think it's enough for him to have 1 girl for the rest of his life after "tasting" this such addictive drug once.

sounds hard but I see a pattern there

[grizzled notch]

thanks i guess that's a nice coping mechanism, but i hope you still look after your own well-being too

[grizzled notch]

germany

[eternal prairie]

I would never advise you to break up, I am not in that position and I barely know anything about you or him.

I can just say that it maybe won't get better

[eternal prairie]

all good, I am feeling okay

[eternal prairie]

ach, als ob haha

[grizzled notch]

i see what you mean
i hope it's not like that, but he also told me that he sometimes wished to had more girls before me 😭

[grizzled notch]

was omg lustiger zufall

[eternal prairie]

ich finds krass, dass er es einfach so dropped tbh.

hätte ich das in einer Beziehung auch nur ansatzweise so gemacht, wär ich direkt wieder single gewesen

um noch mal darauf zurückzukommen, ich hab ein relativ gefestigtes Leben, hab meine Hobbys und ich war mir sowieso unsicher ob das mit ihr wirklich das richtige ist. Von daher gehts mir relativ gut

[grizzled notch]

ja er ist sehr ehrlich 😭 ist ansich schon gut aber da hört man natürlich auch unschöne sachen

[eternal prairie]

gibt ein unterschied zwischen ehrlich und verletzend xd

[grizzled notch]

dann ist ja gut

[grizzled notch]

ja, aber die wahrheit tut eben oft weh, leider

[eternal prairie]

ja aber was ziehst du aus der wahrheit

vielleicht ein kleiner tipp, frag ihn einfach mal "bin ich das, was du für immer wirklich möchtest?"

und dann schau was er antwortet

wenn ich am zweifeln bin und nicht zu 100% davon überzeugt, vielleicht gerne etwas anderes hätte, könnte ich darauf niemals gut antworten und wäre erstmal nachdenklich

[grizzled notch]

dadurch bestätigt er generell nur meine unsicherheiten

[grizzled notch]

werde ich später

[eternal prairie]

okok kannst ja dann berichten

[grizzled notch]

er hat gesagt, dass er mich liebt und es ihm leid tut respektlos gewesen zu sein. er meinte, dass er bestimmt auch ne chance bei einer anderen hätte, wenn er wollen würde, aber er will nur mich.

[eternal prairie]

naja, ist jetzt nicht ganz die perfekte Antwort darauf aber besser als ich erwartet hätte nach allem was du geschrieben hast.

dann hoffen wir mal, dass er es ernst meint