Truthfully idek what im doing here, ive struggled with mental health a lot, and although ive never leaned on him for support, its very much negatively impacting my bf, and he says i need to do smth about it. idk what to do about it, ill take any advice or comments or literally anything. maybe another support group discord server or idek literally anything
#New to mental health ig?
pastel tinsel
pastel tinsel
Tw: ||sh||
Well, when me and my boyfriend first started dating, i never brought up any of my issues, because i simply didnt think thats what people did, but a few months into our relationship, i gave him a small view of my mental health simply by saying im sad a lot (he asked). A few months later, i started to ||sh||, and didnt think to tell him about it bc why would that be important? It has nothing to do with him. He requested that i tell him every time i do it. I would just simply not tell him, but I feel too bad to lie and he would see it anyway. I have skipped out on saying anything a few times, but i cant make it a regular occurrence. Thats about all his exposure to my mental health. i never talk to him about it. Never have. Its simply my existence that stresses him out. And i said if thats the case, maybe i shouldn’t be with him bc im obviously not what he needs, but he says hes happy and doesnt wanna leave. He said that if i dont join a support group, or do something about my mental health, that his mom will force us to either spend less time together or break up. He says im putting all of my mental health issues on him, but im really not, i dont think i am anyway. Ive never gotten support from him in this area, so im still not sure whats actually stressing him out so badly. But if this support group will work for me, i get to stop telling him when i ||sh||, and hopefully thatll take the pressure off. I now have external support from a friend when it comes to that, so it wont be something i bring up often here.
pastel tinsel
I think i need some advice
But im not sure
I know that im too young and inexperienced to know how to properly deal with mental health issues, but i dont see anything working
Right now, my bf is almost OBSESSED with my sleeping habits, as if itll fix all of my issues.
It wont.
He forced me into a sleep schedule before, sleep at 12 am on the dot and wake at 10
And ig he thought it was helping, bc i didnt tell him anything about how poorly the stress of getting it right every night affected me, and how missing out on time with my friends really didnt help
Im worried itll happen again
But
Idk
pastel tinsel
do u wanna talk about it sis
Im not sure, i dont really know what to talk about or what to ask for advice on, my bf js says that i need to be here and get some sort of help
tranquil river
Im not sure, i dont really know what to talk about or what to ask for advice on,...
dont sh
itll decline your health
and it hurts
well listen
get therapy it might help
pastel tinsel
Therapy isnt an option for me rn, i have to wait at least until i move out of my parents house and then until i can afford it
pastel tinsel
Im scared rn
My bf gets very upset when im up late
Im on invis, he thinks im asleep
Hes not awake yet but will be likely within the next hour
Hopefully ill be asleep by then
Were in a ldr, so ig im not scared of him, just the consequences of my actions
It seems like such a simple request from him
“It upsets me when you stay up to an unreasonable hour”
Ig thats valid
But why
Why does my bedtime upset you, when it has no effect on you?
He says its bc of my mental health
Ig i trust him
He knows i stayed up till 4:45 at least
Most nights i dont have an excuse
I was js having fun with my friends
However
If any night has a good reason to have been up so late, its this one
Because I finally reached out for help, to both of my closest friends
I was extremely vulnerable with both of them for the first time ever
With my friend, well call Wifey, weve known eachother for over 2 years i believe
And with her i js talked about all my bf issues (its really the only ones im having atp), and got a lil misty eyed when she said that shes going to call me tmr night and plan a sleepover with me so i can js talk through everything
My other friend, another long distance online thing (just a state away), he asked what game he should get me to celebrate being clean for a week (im still very undecided bc i feel very bad that he wants to do this for me), which led to me talking about my issues and eventually having a full on menty-b sob sesh
He was very kind and understanding, and used very sound logic
Im still not sure
Wifey says i should leave my bf, bc hes being manipulative
I dont feel he’s being manipulative
But she went through almost the same thing with her ex bf, js a lot worse
So while I trust her judgment, considering she lived it, i dont want to leave my bf, bc i love him very much
My other friend, well call him oogway (hes very wise), suggests a break
I dont want that either
Im not happy with the way he makes life, but he’s happy with me, and i want nothing else but to make him happy
But it starts getting really difficult when the only things that make him happy ultimately hurt me or bring down my enjoyment of life
Amd i still think im the problem, bc his mom is on his side, but oogway says that even tho bfs mom might be a professional when it comes to how mental illness works, she can still have bias towards her son
And that genuinely never occurred to me
But surely i have to be the problem
Bc it literally makes absolutely 0 sense if im not
And it still dont make much sense if i am
But it makes more sense than if im not
Overall, i dont regret staying up late
He says it hurts him when i do
But he says that the reason it hurts is bc it makes him feel like i dont care
But
He also says i need help with my mental health
And i got it tn
Shouldnt that matter too?
Undecided
pastel tinsel
I told my bf all about what they did for me and how i felt more supported last night then any other day of my life, and he asked what about all hes done for me
But
He hasnt done much
He hasnt been there for me to support a full on menty b
Ive only even broke down in tears and shared information that he asked for in defense of my “actions”
And idk how to tell him that ive never felt supported
pastel tinsel
So
My wifey and i made an agreement
Ive been working my ass off to make him a giant box of handmade gifts, and ive been really anxious about him receiving it before something happens
Wifey wants me to leave him asap, but i dont want to
We compromised so that shortly after he receives his package, im going to talk to him about how unhealthy our relationship is, and how we need to fix it asap bc its destroying both of us
Or else a breakup is pretty much necessary
pastel tinsel
Apparently, id misunderstood our deal.
He wants me to continue telling him when i ||sh|| and when im down
This SUCKS
Im so upset
Surely he cant keep complaining about how its all falling on him and then literally not let me do anything
Uhg i could js k m s
Ofc i couldnt but
Oh im so angry
I started keeping a list of all the things i cant do bc he gets upset
Things NOT to do
DO NOT stay up past 2:30 (unless instructed otherwise)
DO NOT watch movies that will be part of the next date
DO NOT send less than like 20 updates
DO NOT forget to send more than 3 snaps of YOURSELF
DO NOT skip out on any personal hygiene (common sense tho)
DO NOT space out/pay attention (completely valid)
DO NOT have a bad moment
DO NOT do anything without permission
DO NOT defend/argue immediately (valid)
This is already extensive and not even close to being finished
Some of these are extremely valid and genuinely something i need to work on
But some are just ridiculous!
I watched White Chicks tn after like a year of dying to (it was put on Netflix recently) and i have seen it prior to when i watched it tn
So
Uhg
He got disappointed that i watched it bc were planning on watching it together
But im not gonna refuse to watch it again because i js watched it, its a great movie i could watch it like 3 days in a row before i got tired of it
Someone tell me that im the crazy one bc wtf
wide tide
u want a hug?
pastel tinsel
u want a hug?
More than anything ty
wide tide
More than anything ty
wanna be friends iuw
pastel tinsel
What does iuw mean
pastel tinsel
Im not gonna share the reason bc its incredibly personal and a little embarrassing, but he had a full on menty b tn when we called. It was my fault, and i feel awful, especially because it js makes me want to leave him more, bc im obviously not good for him. Granted, he was absolutely exhausted and a lil sleep deprived, and emotions tend to hit harder when youre like that i think. I think the best summary of the reason without unveiling any actual information is that he gave me a task, i didnt do it to his liking, and hes very disappointed about it. He never fully communicated his expectations, just subtly hinted at it apparently. Im starting to think that it cant wait until he gets his package.
pastel tinsel
I think
Im gonna break up with him after he gets his package
Im not sure
Im gonna talk to him about it
I really do think that breaking up is the best option at this point
wide tide
What does iuw mean
if u want
pastel tinsel
Talked to him on sunday, it couldn’t wait any longer
Were still together, he says give him a month
pastel tinsel
I think just talking to him really helped, and i think ive decided to quit ||sh||
its gonna be hard tho
pastel tinsel
He did go and call me an idiot yesterday
It was a joke and an accident
I’ll explain later
Were having a serious discussion me and him
pastel tinsel
We talked about going on a break, but only a small bit and we havent talked about it since.
Recently ive been seeing this like new side of him
I js straight up asked him “have you always been this mean??”
I dont remember what he said, this was yesterday
pastel tinsel
Were considering a break again
whole nebula
heyy
pastel tinsel
Howdy
whole nebula
Good and you
pastel tinsel
Uh good ig
pastel tinsel
We should fr
pastel tinsel
Southwest USA wby
pastel tinsel
Oh what’s happening
whole nebula
just my environement who isn't very pleasant
pastel tinsel
awh im sorry
whole nebula
uh I like to read , to litsen to music , and I like girls
pastel tinsel
uh I like to read , to litsen to music , and I like girls
Nice
pastel tinsel
Its js boyfriend problems
I ranted a ton in this thread
Were going on a break starting nov 1 and i dont think i wanna get back with him after
pastel tinsel
Are breakups always this hard? Were not even separated yet but the last 2 times we’ve called to hang out weve both js sobbed
whole nebula
yeah it's always this hard
it's never easy for sure
if you need support please reach out to me
pastel tinsel
Aw ty, likewise for you
whole nebula
Well I do feel lonely sometimes, I guess I wouldn't mind some company
pastel tinsel
We should be friends 🤩
whole nebula
sure I would like it
pastel tinsel
Yippee 🥳
pastel tinsel
Yesterday we said goodbye, today is the first official day of no contact
Its only a week
pastel tinsel
First day was easy asf ngl 😅
Although, i had an event, so it was busy
Today hasnt been bad either tho so far