okay so i’ve been noticing a pattern whenever my boyfriend leaves me depending how i feel i usually would start spamming them because it shows he’s offline and like yk ? so ill try getting him online and he would come he would say yes then leave, i complain about this a lot to him and i dont know if he tells other people or if im bad for him whenever he does leave i notice i start to hyperventilate or breathing fast/heavy and then ill start to cry this has been happening since last week. ive been diagnosed with mdd (major depression) but thats all because i don’t usually tell the person i talk to about any of the stuff so they really dont know but yea when he leaves i jst it messes with my head earlier he left for a few hours and i was fine i was cleaning and stuff but whenever i just lay in bed and turn off the lights and when he leaves i just get so scared and all these things cause issues because of me so i dont know how to stop or calm or just talk it out without starting an argument if anyone has any advice please help me.
#uhm ?
mortal hornet
exotic ermine
Wanna talk about it here or DMs? I am young I’m 14 but I’ve had two different girlfriends that did this same thing to me.
cedar bridge
Hello. This sounds like a very unpleasant pattern to be in. It also sounds complex. Researching attachment theory may be helpful. Do you know of it?
mortal hornet
Wanna talk about it here or DMs? I am young I’m 14 but I’ve had two different gi...
uhm dms if that’s alr with you :(
mortal hornet
Hello. This sounds like a very unpleasant pattern to be in. It also sounds compl...
mhm ik abt it :0
cedar bridge
You may be in an anxious (you) avoidant (him) cycle.
How does your bf say goodbye so easily? Why do you breathe heavily when he is away? Why can't he also feel the pain of being away? Why can't you say goodbye easily as well?
Is it possible to have a smooth goodbye with a significant other? Can you pull them in and let them go in a way that doesn't hurt?
This may be a lifelong journey for you. It wasn't chosen by you. Our relationships with our primary caregivers determines how we react to "goodbye." Maybe the two of you can talk about your relationship with your parents.
mortal hornet
You may be in an anxious (you) avoidant (him) cycle.
How does your bf say goodb...
i don’t know he hasn’t been online for like five hours or that’s what i know bc i texted him and he hasn’t replied back and he he’s gonna come back and say smth like he fell asleep bc he has smth that makes him sleep a lot and like he doesn’t even tell me when he bc earlier i texted him like two minutes later and he went offline and like i don’t know maybe he’s busy but he always says he fell asleep and i don’t know if he did we don’t talk as much now and it scares me earlier i was in the shower for like an hour crying about it because we talk but he doesn’t i text him and stuff he replys so late now and i’m getting scared because i don’t know what to do and last time i said smth abt it we got into an argument and yeah i don’t like arguing with him but i don’t know bc if i say smth abt it it becomes a whole mess and stuff he gave me a lot of attention in the beginning so im use to that but now he’s being distant and not talking and i don’t know what to do anymore.
cedar bridge
Do you have an older adult in your life that you trust to tell this to?
mortal hornet
no not really
cedar bridge
My best guess is that you are looking for stability in a significant other that typically comes from a parent or guardian. I am reading that you need a person in your life that you can count on. Someone who makes an honest effort to show up when you need them.
I advise you focus on looking for this in an adult first. Who is the most trusted adult in your life? When do you get to talk to them?