#My boyfriend needs HELP and I need HELP to know how to help him 😭👍

343 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

potent acorn
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So basically, we are LDR currently, not disclosing his personal info but lets call him "D". He had been into a very traumatic past relationship and when I say traumatic, I mean it. I was there w him as a best friend then.. but I know how shitty it was. His ex-girlfriend wouldn't even let him TALK to me because omg she was the worst kinda human I've seen there's sm shes done which i think isnt even type-able here but that aside. D has developed a very severe jealousy/protectiveness/attachment issues because of her. He gets anxious SO MUCH, it genuinely concerns me so much. He worries 24/7, overthinks till he gets so frustrated. And the worst part is I want to help him but being far away can be troublesome. Its not like hes acting like dumb heartbroken guy or smthing no, hes perfect and trying his best to change, get over whatever trust issues and bs shes given him but it takes time I understand and idk how to help him out with such a busy schedule. Idk how to cover everything but what I say here is a light overview, its affected him much deeply and is very CONCERNING. He has panic attacks, anxiety attacks, so much I can't even type it out man. Idk how to cover it all.

If someone helps me out and asks something specific and stuff, I'd be able to share more about the context but help me help him to get better. Appreciate whoever does so.

grand snow
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I can relate a lot to your boyfriend, i have been through a lot of trauma. This answer might seem generic or boring, but get him to go to therapy. I would say, to comfort him or something like that but its too severe of a situation. And expect it to take time, its been 9 months since my event happened, and ive had that + heart break. and i still have a minor amount of trauma. (ik i really shouldn't be saying this if im helping you) but if u want some more info about me check my own post thing.

lime wedge
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Whoops

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Im late

potent acorn
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He is not willing to go to therapy. He feels like he can over it by himself? Idk. I mean yes he's trying but its been over a year man. Yes he's improved with his jealousy and stuff but he randomly idk gets super anxious.

lime wedge
potent acorn
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And since its LDR, times when he's busy, I am free, and vice versa. So im not able to help him very well

potent acorn
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he just doesn't wanna go therapy

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I will be meeting him but its gonna take another 5-6 months, If I were physically there, I'd have def made him go

lime wedge
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I cant help with much tbh

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Since im not there physically

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Ur the only one who is able to make a change

potent acorn
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yeah

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i am aware of that

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guess i'll keep trying more

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BUT THERE MUST BE ANOTEHR WAY right?

lime wedge
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Like

potent acorn
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like sure therapy is the best solution but there MUST be alternatives which can be used

lime wedge
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Paying for his therapy?

potent acorn
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atleast temporarily

lime wedge
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Or get a therapist

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In call

potent acorn
potent acorn
lime wedge
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U need to make him get help

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His mental might not last for long

potent acorn
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I know dude, but he just doesn't want to

grand snow
potent acorn
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If I force him, hes gonna have another breakdown

lime wedge
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Or does he have parents

potent acorn
# grand snow Do you know why he doesnt want to ?

So he's starting uni in two days and hes def working a lot, studying a lot thinking it'll help him and stuff. He thinks if he succeeds in things well he'd just get better and everything. He doesn't want therapy, he says he'll get over things eventually by himself. Which happens but VERY SLOWLY man thats really not good for him.

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It has to happen a bit quicker

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which it did in b/w

grand snow
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wait idk if u said before how long have u been trying to help him with this?

potent acorn
# potent acorn which it did in b/w

he had severe jealously, since our LDR has been on since a year now as he had to study elsewhere. He'd just overthink 24/7 and get panic attacks, get so raged whenever he'd find me w a guy or something (DONT THINK HES TOXIC, HE HAS REASONS, THAT WOMAN DID SHIT TO HIM).
But overtime, it got less(VERY LESS) and now suddenly everythings coming back to him idk

potent acorn
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so since then

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then he wasnt even that aggressive

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so lets say around 1.5 years

potent acorn
grand snow
# potent acorn see well they dated like 2.5-3 years ago

yikes im saying you have to somehow convince him to go to therapy, btw ive been thinking this entire time on how to convince him. Because if you don't his mental won't be looking too good. With my situation if i didn't get therapy i would've just felt empty or be going insane (this varies for the person). so don't be expecting him to be empty or go insane just becuase i nearly did.

lime wedge
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Since he still has his parents with him

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U can probably contact the parents

grand snow
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would he get stressed if his parents tried to get him to do therapy?

potent acorn
potent acorn
grand snow
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oh..

potent acorn
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And its not been good with his parents

lime wedge
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Oh

potent acorn
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like they're great people but D and his dad have had a lot of arguments and stuff these past few months over his scores and what not

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more too, like his dad for some reason doesn't let him SHAVE even if he wants to bevause idk he doesn't like it? they dont want him to have longer hair while D wants to.

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It's really good he's moving out honestly.

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He's developed a lot of insecurities too

grand snow
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over 18?

potent acorn
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about to turn 20 in like 2 months

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its crazy ik

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even he's so done w it.

grand snow
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Im trying to proccess whats happening,

potent acorn
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they even argued sm over him picking a uni away from his hometown so he doesn't have to stay with them and can live freely atleast.

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but he pursued them somehow

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really glad he did

potent acorn
grand snow
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like idk if this would work but the only idea i have, is to tell him therapy is like a muscle that keeps him strong in hard situations

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(i totally didnt get that from a spotify ad)

potent acorn
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he just is like "i dont need therapy"

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BUT HE DOES

grand snow
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its way more severe than what ive had

potent acorn
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and well therapy is expensive here, plus if he moves out IDK how he'd afford it

grand snow
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hmm hard to think

potent acorn
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and i dont think the parents would even let him get therapy

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they dont know whats going on w him

grand snow
potent acorn
grand snow
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he can try through a text message if that would help idk

potent acorn
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yes i'll keep pursing him for therapy

potent acorn
grand snow
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50-5000 rupee is crazy wth

potent acorn
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better the guy has some freedom.

grand snow
potent acorn
grand snow
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idk what the laws are in india but im more than likely sure they are probably abusing

grand snow
potent acorn
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if it were a school or smthing he'd get counsellors and free therapy

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but hes out of school now

grand snow
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hmm

potent acorn
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see

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he vents out everything to me, tells me everything

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so its not like he has stuff inside him

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and we are def like going calmly over it

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theres improvements

grand snow
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ill try my best with research online to help btw.

potent acorn
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THERE WAS

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but now idk

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rn its good he's super occupied w prep for uni and studying

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so he doesn't think about stuff A LOT

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but before he selected his uni which is a month or 2 before

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it was bad

grand snow
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i hope that would help him somewhat

potent acorn
grand snow
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becuase when i had my problems with my ex, she would always complain that i dont msg her when im clearly busy but she was the only one who made me happy and i became mega frustrated.

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and im scared to even get a new gf

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so i see his vision

potent acorn
grand snow
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he might also seem scared to even tell the therapist his situation.

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like i was swetting first telling mine

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stress through the roof

potent acorn
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mhm

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yeah

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and he can talk freely w me so i do my best to listen it all out, calm him down and everything

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but i cant be on call 24/7

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and when im not on call, thats when these shits happen

potent acorn
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he'd barely even talk to anyone esle about it

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forget talking he'd never even bring up such a topic

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infront of anyone but me

grand snow
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I mean, hard to help but as long as he trusts you, you can make some progress.

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Like as u said it’s slow but like idk what to think of

potent acorn
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thats whats happening, we're going slow but its good rn.

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but IT CANT BE THIS SLOW YK

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yk what I mean?

grand snow
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Yes 100%

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But also there’s online therapy which u don’t have to use ur camera

potent acorn
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and some days hes all better and stuff but some days he just gets back into those gloomy, depressed, aggressive things idk

potent acorn
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no issues w therapy 😭 my dude needs to be ready to atleast try out a session

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but okay i'll keep telling him about it

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but see this'd get annoying too

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so i minimise talking about it too

grand snow
potent acorn
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i avoid stuff that could potentially stress him out

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though he says i dont annoy him but cmon if someone keeps pestering you to do smthing you dont want to

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it gets annoying

grand snow
potent acorn
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I def understand what you are saying

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hope you are feeling fine though 😭

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sorry i couldn't in bw i was too focused

grand snow
grand snow
potent acorn
grand snow
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The only thing that’s like helping me with feeling bad some mornings is therapy but Yk

potent acorn
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yes.

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I'll talk about online therapy to him fs

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bring it up slowly

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so hes not stressed

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and since he moves out in less than a month

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and he'd live alone, he'll prob try it out

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maybe hes hesitant since he is w his parents

grand snow
grand snow
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Parents do control him a lot after all

potent acorn
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yeah

potent acorn
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that's good too

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i'll suggest that too

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thanks

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ATLEAST WE'RE GETTTING SOMEWHERE

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i mean not w him but atleast w ideas

grand snow
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I’m trying my best to help but like it’s tangling my brain lol

potent acorn
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no i get it

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I loose my temper sometimes too because he just gets so stuck on something

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but i try my best to keep calm

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he's suddenly somehow figured out that his face is not symmetrical and no matter what I telll him, NO ONES FACE IS SYMMETRICAL MAN but hes just like "I have a birth defect probably"

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and he idk hes hating his face sm

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but hes frequently sending images of him these days so maybe he feels better this week

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its like he randomly likes his face and then suddenly hates it with all his heart

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and his parents, esp dad not letting him grow his hair and stuff makes him stressed more.

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makes it worse

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

grand snow
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Uh

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I used the TikTok filter or whatever and my face is very not symetricwl

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It’s impossible to have a symmetrical face without plastic surgery

potent acorn
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no ones is man

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but he just doesn't wanna believe it

potent acorn
grand snow
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oh what

potent acorn
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and it affected him so bad

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its crazy

grand snow
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instagram?

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yt shorts?

potent acorn
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prob not

grand snow
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yh but tiktok is rly bad anyways so good its banned

potent acorn
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he doesn't watch anything on yt except smthing related to AI, IT or coding or anything techie

potent acorn
grand snow
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how th did he find out

potent acorn
grand snow
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idk bu i have a feeling him doubting himself is probably becuase of his ex or something

potent acorn
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we dont like social media so we stay away from it as much as possible

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AND WELL ITS GOOD FOR HIM social media just aint it man

grand snow
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its all brain rot and money

potent acorn
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but hes active on stuff like reddit and X and stuff where theres a lot of active memes and shit, hes into that and gaming, which well we played together but since i have exams coming up i kinda quit so now he plays w uni friends and stuff

potent acorn
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anything on reddit and stuff?

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i dont use those

grand snow
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i barely use reddit too

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but like

potent acorn
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X?

grand snow
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reddit has anything

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and X probably too

potent acorn
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well hes not addicted to them

grand snow
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reddit has videos of cute cats up to people getting murdered on it

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same for X

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but most X and reddit users dont view that

potent acorn
potent acorn
grand snow
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matters how sane a person is

potent acorn
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no hes not much active like that

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he just uses them

grand snow
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yh hes probably just viewing memes or something most likely

potent acorn
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yeah

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most prob

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see its so hard to crack into smthing 😭

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LIKE WHAT DO I EVEN DO

grand snow
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lljkkjdhajkhwduih

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also he might be asking for help on reddit too

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becuase i go on r/advice and you can basically ask for any advice

potent acorn
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no way

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ik him

grand snow
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hmmmmmmm

potent acorn
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hes not someone who'd do that

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im telling you

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the case is so severe, that woman has fucked him up so bad

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and he'd not tell anyone except me, im pretty pretty sure.

grand snow
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yh i feel that so much

potent acorn
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unless its a therapist who he opens up to

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he'd not talk about this to anyone else

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other than me

grand snow
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hard to think of something uhh

potent acorn
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🥲 ik

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dont stress yourself over it

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i kinda reach stages where im like WHAT am i not doing

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why is it not working

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it frustrates me out so much too

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i've stopped even ranting about myself to him so that he doesn't worry much

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because if i vent to him about smthing, he worries so much about what i said and stresses himself out more.

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its like he just STRESSES OUT OVER ME TOO

grand snow
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if you stop he might get sus, but just say you don't have anything to vent about anymore to him

potent acorn
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he wont get sus man dw

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he doesnt get sus 😭

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like idk if it sounds weird but that man has so much trust in me, I am so glad he does

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because only because of that trust are we still going well and hes slowly getting better

grand snow
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thats very good

potent acorn
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he'd get sus on anyone but me

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and im not blantly saying that, i say it w full confidence

grand snow
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hmmhmhmhmhm

potent acorn
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well dont stress yourself out over it 🧍

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just maybe think of something eventually

grand snow
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im not stressing about it, i just rly like helping people so thats why im here

potent acorn
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mhmm

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thanks man

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really appreciate it

grand snow
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np

potent acorn
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Let's see what happens

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he's pretty busy these days so he doesnt text much but i get it he has sm to prep for and all

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its good though, atleast he aint so stressed

grand snow
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yh hope uni gets his mind wandered off somewhere else

potent acorn
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yes man

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fr

potent acorn
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HES NOT COMING ONLINE IM WORRIED 🧍

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I think I'll just keep on updating his behaviour here 💀 which sounds crazy imo but alright

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For his own benefit

grand snow
potent acorn
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Yes so basically theres not been much of an update but I had a talk with a mutual friend of ours, and I kinda hoped D would've confided in him. Which he did but very superficially, just regarding his physical appearance and insecurities. I talked with that mutual friend for more than one hour, I told him stuff to give him a background check. He was aware of things as we're friends since ages but since D hasn't told much to him he only knew little. He knew about the ex-gf and stuff {D wasnt able to talk w me then} because D talked to the mutual friend about it.

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I gave him an overview about D's aggressive behaviour, his extreme jealousy, random af breakdowns and panic attacks, and what not. Well I also shared a lot of pictures of D to him, (he has seen him but he asked for clearer pictures of his face to see if what D claims to be a "birth defect" is real or not.) Obviously it isn't so he did text D later, telling him he's delusional and shouldn't think much over it and stuff.

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So now there's two people concerned about him.

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and clueless on how to help him out.

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The mutual friend isn't with us, he's an online friend but has been one since years now. Maybe since the time when D was dating his ex-gf. So he(the mutual friend) knows stuff.

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D came online today, and well ofc I told him that I shared a few pictures of him with our mutual friend (lets call him chicken😭). D doesn't mind, since yk chicken, me and D have been friends since ages now. and well chicken has seen D a lot of times anyway.

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He acted pretty normal ig well he told me

image.png
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which isn't new so 🧍

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and this.

image.png
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well I haven't shared the context about this here, He somehow randomly has anxiety attacks before opening my texts because he fears i'd say smthing to him. I have asked him very straightforwadly if he meant about breakups or leaving him or smthing? But he denies. He says its not about break up and stuff, He knows I wouldn't. It's something else. It's like hes worried about some potential text I would send which maybe has somehting related to me?

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He's worried like something would happen to me or something

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I can't clearly state that in proper words and sentences.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

grand snow
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I’ve got school from now there’s like 8 hours left

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I’ll read it after school in my own time

potent acorn
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yes no issues 😭

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i just said it all at once since im trying to avoid using a lot of discord and study but its not working very well 🙂

grand snow
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Kk I see 👍

grand snow
potent acorn
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sort of yes

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but what danger would I be in?

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he overthinks sm

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his thoughts take over him

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like see, what my pov is, if i were to be anxious about his texts or smthing i'd open them immediately right? he opens discord but then isnt able to open my chats for a while

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like if you're anxious about smthing

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maybe someone being in danger

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for me i'd just immediately open it to know whats going on and smthing

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but?

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its hard to figure out

grand snow
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There’s this guy that has a website called healthy gamer or something. He explains every mental thing really well and helps perfectly

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Like helping with teaching you to use your brain instead of emotion

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It’s paid though I don’t remember how much my brother bought it for me

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I’ll dm u the link

grand snow
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Maybe he was too scared to even open the chats

potent acorn
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but then theres nothing SO severe going on in my life or around me for him to be so scared.

potent acorn
grand snow
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Maybe he thinks you’re getting mad at him or something?

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His ex probably spammed him and got really mad if he didn’t answer

potent acorn
potent acorn
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Def did

grand snow
potent acorn
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hmmmmmmmmmm I get what you're saying but like I told you

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I've never been mad on him

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even if I am hellla frustrated, I avoid it to my best

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I have been mad maybe just once or twice but not at all recently

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I don't see the point in yelling and screaming at each other because we're mad, so I tend to be really calm in that manner.

grand snow
potent acorn
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I see

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I mean yes that's true

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yeah man

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But how am I supposed to help him out w that 🧍

grand snow
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Idk hmm

potent acorn
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THATS WHERE I GET STUCK

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Like it's not like I'm yelling at him, getting mad at him at all right? If I were, I'd stop it to make him feel better.

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But what am I supposed to do NOW? I don't even get mad the slightest 😭

grand snow
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Uhh

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Im also stuck 😭

potent acorn
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us

potent acorn
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So far so good, his uni starts tomorrow and man he's so happy today. Like they have something to do tomorrow so he and his group, had to prepare smthing regarding freelancing platforms and he's pretty proud of what he has done. Atleast he's keeping busy, which makes him avoid negative thoughts. But that's just today, let's see what happens tomorrow.

grand snow
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like when my mind is empty, like im not thinking aobut anything stuff gets to me

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so i can see how happy he is