#How do I make friends? Because when the chance comes I ghost people/don't make the effort

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

austere pebble
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22F. I've always struggled with friendships since school. I'm always making friends with bad apples at school, in fact, my first time was with a kid who was the thief of the class and worst of all I would steal my own sister's dolls to give to her.

That kid was transferred away and then my next friend happened to be someone I was so clingy I didn't have a single friend outside of her. It went on and on until we fought over anime (crazy, yes) and then I was a loner and bullied by people in my class for quite some time/known as the odd not-right-in-her-mind kid.

During all that time by the way, I had internet friendships but even those came with its own hardships as it led to me cutting them off for petty or jealousy reasons, such as not sparing time to me or just... jealous of the fact they had other people they treasured more than me.

I've tried posting on makefriends subs but when people do approach me I just ghost them, I lose all interest to talk to people and can't bring myself to reply back. This has happened when I found people to talk to through games to or encountered other people elsewhere. I just can't bring myself to make any efforts. But this contradicts my longing for friends all the time.

For real life friendships, I think what really hinders me is my massive trust issues.

I suspect I have BPD patterns because of one online friendship recently where they kinda just, suddenly started ghosting me out of nowhere (I didn't say much to that to be honest because I was aware I'm getting too attached to the point I couldn't function without interacting for a day and that was NOT okay.)

I can't afford a therapist yet because I'm stuck at home so maybe when I do I'll tell them all about it but I really need to learn how to cope beforehand or deal with it before classes start.

TLDR I have an unstable history of friendships and now I face this issue as stated in title despite the fact it eats me alive constantly not having in real life/internet friends.

oak agate
rustic rampart
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Im going through something similar

acoustic umbra
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Here's a few ideas:

  1. be confident in yourself & whom you may-become in the future.
  2. use your confidence to charm the person (or multiple) that you want to make friends with.
  3. talk to them, be with them, go with the vibe & the flow, and remember:
    JUST... DO IT!
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Thank you for your time @austere pebble .

rustic rampart
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I have no practical advice for the OP i was told by a older relative that said its only when they reached 27 they stopped being shy. And that's no advice, I'm sorry again.

austere pebble
austere pebble
austere pebble
acoustic umbra
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So ignore EVERYTHING that's putting you down, and just do it.

oak agate
worn drift
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Like, a movie night once a week

balmy thistle
worn drift
balmy thistle
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If you say so

austere pebble