#My confession, even it's too late

6 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

modest ether
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My confession, even it's too late

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||Deep down I always feel guilty for leaving B, for not telling him the truth as why I left him, so I stayed with him, as a friend, give him the moral support that he needed. He would say that he couldnt live without me, and since he was mentally ill, I was scared he was gonna do something to himself, if he did, I would be the one that murdered him, at least thats what I thought.
Then my and my bf would stay on call 24/7, our daily activities always have each other. I was so in love with him, he had some past with cheating exes, I also had some past with my cheating exes, so we share the same thought. If you think what I was doing was cheating, then this would be the first time i did it. And yeah, I did cheat on him, and I tried to fix it but it was too late. I tried to help B feel better then I would just leave him alone, but never got better at all, he just sunk deeper into me, he kept begging me to take him back, I said no multiple times and he would stalk me on everything. One day B found out that I was dating my bf, he told me to come back to him, he told me that my bf would leave me immediately if he knew what i was doing and he was right. I refused to do so, he asked a few more times then gave up completely. Then he threatened to tell my bf if i attempted to leave his side, i was scared and i agreed to do so, cuz i couldnt stand the thought of leaving my bf ever.||

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||But B ended up doing so the next day, he told me he did that cuz he didnt want my bf to live in a lie, my bf knew about it, and he got hurt really bad. I gotta say that, it hurt me more than anything when my bf got hurt like that, it's even worse when i was the one who caused it, we broke up cuz he couldnt stand a cheater, he said I knew about his past but still did that. I knew I was wrong, I did mess it up really bad. I know it hurt him so much it hurt me even more. I got cheated on twice, but the pain could never compare to what im feeling rn. I kept saying sorry to him, but it was never enough. I explained everything to him, and begged him for a second chance,, but he said that if i really love him, i should let him go. And I did so, I let him go and heal. I've not been able to eat for days cuz I feel so sick. This is the worst pain I've ever felt, hurting someone that mean so much to me. I couldn't do anything without thinking of him, I just kept saying sorry in my head. But i know that the damage has been done, I couldnt do anything anymore||

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||As in for B, he would text me and told me that I deserve it, its my karma, the consequences of my actions, he said that i lost 2 people that care for me the most. He was right about the karma part, I made stupid decisions, and this is what i get back, I dont know when I can ever forgive myself for hurting my bf, now is my ex. I finally have someone that i feel safe with, and ii ruined it. I ruined everything and I dont know what to do next now. It just hurt me so bad knowing how bad it hurt my bf, I regret every second of my life. And now I dont know what to do to overcome it. I dont have any friends to talk to, my bf was the only person i feel safe to talk about my problems, and now he is gone, and im here, sh myself to feel better. What am i gonna do?||

red slate
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Your boyfriend should understand that he left you feeling ghosted and lonely and it wasn't your fault for falling for B. He should also know B tried blackmailing you and used his depression as a means of manipulating and controlling you. If he can't understand that part of this is his own fault and what B did was completely wrong and manipulative, maybe he doesn't deserve you.

modest ether