#daily journal/vent ( @ju.yi )

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

blissful jackal
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ill be journaling here possibly daily? or whenever I have something I’m worried about

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I feel really overwhelmed.

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I don’t know how to say it in words and my explanation isn’t going to make sense

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I just feel really tired

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There’s too much going on in my mind, I hate how i always overthink things.

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  1. I’m tired
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My sleep schedule is really bad so that’s probably why

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  1. I’m lonely
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I don’t have anyone I can consider a friend right now and I’ve for some reason become really anxious this past school year? I wasn’t so self conscious before..

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And my “friends” aren’t really friends. Maybe acquaintances? I don’t think they like me. I talk too fast and too much when I’m nervous (I’m always nervous) and two of my acquaintances were really critical and condescending so I didn’t feel comfortable around them.

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I don’t think my childhood friend really likes me anymore either

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It’s so awkward now and she used to make fun of me as a joke before. (To the point that I cried during school) and I feel like we’re not as close as we were when we were younger

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I don’t have many “friends” either so it’s kind of sad

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I wish I had someone I could hang out with everyday. I’m really introverted and get drained super fast but I always fantasize about having a best friend. Someone I could play games with, have sleepovers with, cook with, watch our favorite shows together, and just go out and do fun things.

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Even if it’s just one person, it’ll be fine because we’ll be there for each other

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I think that being around good people will make life more worth living so I wanna try to make real friends this school year.

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I also wanna be myself

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I wanna be quieter though since I tend to overshare

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  1. What am I passionate about?
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I’ve recently had this thought that I’m not good at anything. I always see people on social media who play an instrument, perform, draw, etc. I just feel like I don’t have any of those things

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That’s why I bought a keyboard with my money but ended up not really using it

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I feel kind of wasteful

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I’m not passionate for it

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My parents will probably be upset but life goes on?

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Help what am I saying, of course they’ll be upset

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I also tried to get into art again since I loved it as a kid but not passionate

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The only thing I’ve been doing is reading manhwa and playing games

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But is that really a passion?

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I don’t know but after I while I actually gave up

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I’m sure I’ll find something sooner or later

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  1. I don’t know why but I’ve been obsessing over clothes and stuff.
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I really wanna buy new clothes but I’m broke

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I don’t know if it’s the consumerism getting to my head but I had this thought that if I had nice clothes won’t I feel more motivated and happy?

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But I don’t know

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  1. My religion
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I’ve been Christian growing up but I was more lukewarm and didn’t dig too much into it. But recently i kept seeing Christian videos in my tiktok fyp and thought it was a sign

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I also heard about spiritual warfare and stuff and if you don’t know what it means it’s basically when you start having more faith in god, the enemy (satan) will try to hold you back. (People have said that they had really bad insomnia for a month, that they kept waking up at 3, or they had bad vibes and stuff.)

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And that really scared me

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So I started reading the Bible and became really religious for a bit

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But my faith is disappearing

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And I’m wondering if religions are even real or if they’re something humans made up to avoid the reality that we’ll just be nothing after 100 years or so

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And I don’t know why but I feel really guilty for disbelieving

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Does that make me a bad person? Does a god really exist

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I wanna know so badly..

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Questioning breaks your own self trust

blissful jackal
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I’m just really indecisive about things

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And regret a lot

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I am not to give a solution as for me I haven't found my conclusion, I questioned and got trapped in my self

blissful jackal
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I don’t know how to get out but I have so many thoughts it’s really overwhelming

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For me it was a game

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I got too mad and the information flooded in

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What do you mean by that?

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Like I was playing a game got mad then information flooded in

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And I broke

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Like overstimulation?

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I’m sorry

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I’m really dense