#I really need help

11 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

spark rapids
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I'm going to preface this with I probably just need therapy but I have no interest in mandated reporters if you can understand that, with that being said here goes.

So I'm really lost I just had my 22nd birthday this last weekend, and with that I took a trip to the twin cities, with my being from about 4 hours north of the cities about 20 mins from the closest walmart where I happen to work nightshift.

Coming down to the cities has really like struck a nerve with me, and made me realize it's been 4 years now that I've been out of highschool, and I have absolutely nothing going for me, my job while being pretty much the best paying job outside of degrees
Additonaly I haven't been able to romantically talk to a girl since I got completely unexpectedly dumped by a girl I was mistakenly very quickly engaged too, which in my defense we were together about 2 years and I just didn't want to lose her as I knew, exactly this would happen, but I don't even think I'm an extremely ugly guy, I definitely feel like I have a fair bit to bring to the table but I haven't even had the chance to even talk to someone, regardless of being on pretty much every dating app in existence for my age range.
What really seemed to bring me over the edge with this is that for my birthday we went to the strip club, specifically the seville club downtown and I know it's just there job but a girl there talked to me for a few hours, I got a couple dances and we all left, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about her, the tiny bit of female touch and her atleast pretending like she cared made me feel better than I ever have in my life and I just really think I might be fucked.

I'm just completely clueless on what or where I wanna go or do with my life, God forbid any clue on a way to get there, my mom works a job that pays less than me so I can't ask her for advice she's living my grandpa just to not pay rent. I never see myself ever being able to save for a house I just need someone to talk

noble mist
# spark rapids I'm going to preface this with I probably just need therapy but I have no intere...

Yeah mate, I get it - not keen on those mandatory reporter types. It sounds like you're battling a bit with the blues. Your job's really consuming you, eh? No time for a breather with mates, that's gotta be tough on your noggin. Maybe it's time to think about a new gig, eh? Give yourself a bit of space.

About those dancers at the club, most of 'em are top blokes, real friendly. They'll lend an ear 'cause it's good for their business, ya know? Feels good, doesn't it, getting a bit of attention from the other side?

spark rapids
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Literally feels otherworldly, I'd gladly keep giving her my money if I had it to give, I know she's doing it as a job but she made me feel more cared for than I ever have in my life, my friend made a comment that really started all of this while we were there he just simply said "man I wish I had a girlfriend then I wouldn't have to pay for this" and suddenly my years of what I thought was healing was pretty much completely become destroyed in the last 4 days

noble mist
# spark rapids Literally feels otherworldly, I'd gladly keep giving her my money if I had it to...

Mate, nothing beats having a proper girlfriend. When you feel that loneliness kick in, it really sucks. Your brain craves it all, but it ain't good for you. Seems like she did a bang-up job making you feel top-notch. It's natural to crave that kind of validation.

But a girlfriend won't just drop from the sky to sort you out, eh? You gotta look after yourself first before you can look after anyone else.

That means taking time off to find stuff outside of work. Maybe volunteer, hit the gym, or join a D&D crew.

spark rapids
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Well I've been doing okay the last few years. I finally felt like I healed from my highschool breakup the only thing I really felt like i was missing was this and that was okay for a while, but it's been the same overall issue pretty much my entire life of just needing someone there I've only ever had myself and I can't keep doing it

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I do play d&d they're all just temporary distractions from the demons just reminding me I haven't had a single interaction involving a girl other than coworkers or the strip club, for my entire adult life

noble mist
spark rapids
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Well where I live has pretty much nothing just bars with alcoholics no clubs or anything similar, everyone says gym but that's really not my thing and for $50 a month it can't really just be a purchase in hopes of a girl talking to me, and trying to talk to girls at a gym is number 1 way to get banned is it not? I just feel like I need to move but to somewhere I can maybe find someone but I can't even barley live much less save to move

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@noble mist tysm for your help btw I really appreciate you talking with me

noble mist
# spark rapids Well where I live has pretty much nothing just bars with alcoholics no clubs or ...

Chatting up girls at the gym really hinges on the vibe and how you present yourself (and how you come across visually). No girl wants some random bothering her while she's trying to get her workout in. Most are there to sweat, not to find a date. If you're cool about it and you respect her space without disrupting her workout, you might be good.

If you do decide to strike up a convo, do it in a spot where it's not too crowded. Also, pay attention to her body language. If she starts turning away or moves a few steps away, that's a pretty clear sign she's not interested.

spark rapids
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