#Fizzy's problem.

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

brave valley
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Hello, my name is Fizzy, but I also go by Noon. I joined this server because I'm not really sure where to turn. I want to specify that I am not looking for professional experience, or some professional advice, I am simply looking to connect with some people who I can talk to about some of the issues I have and people who I can connect with to help me process some traumatic experiences that I have been trying to address recently. I would also like to meet people who share interest with me possibly even if you cannot provide support. (I'll include a list of my interests at the bottom if you just want to connect over mutual interest)

I would be willing to share experiences if that's what you would want, although, I need to explicitly state that experiences I share may include difficult topics and potentially triggering subjects, if you wish to talk about experiences or specific trauma, clearly outline things you are not comfortable with, please. It would be upsetting for me if I accidentally upset you by talking about a subject you were not comfortable with.

So here is the problem, and an important disclaimer before any support is offered.

I have been schizophrenic my whole life, but never received treatment or medication for it until I was 25 years old. I have serious traumatic experiences in my life, and never had an outlet or trusted individual to discuss these traumatic experiences with until I was 24. I have been rejected by 3 separate therapists because my issues are "outside the scope of therapy". I do have a psychologist, however, the psychologist does not offer any type of emotional support or therapeutic practices. As a solution, 9 months ago I entered a program through my mental health institution to get me connected with a therapist in the institutions network. I was rejected by all 154 therapists in the network. I have been rejected from the major online therapy services like BetterHelp and Open Path Collective because my issues are "outside the scope of therapy."

I would like to explicitly state that I do not have any criminal drives or dangerous behaviors. The main reason I am rejected by therapists is because of the difficult subjects of my trauma, in addition to the fact that I am schizophrenic and have an alternative sense of reality. Because of this, the only option that seems available to me for therapy needs is private therapy, which is unfortunately not something I can afford. Since I do not have access therapy through my mental health institution, online therapy services, or private therapy, I turned to friends to potentially help me with these issues. I understand this is not something my friends are prepared to deal with, and I understand that I cannot be upset with them for not being able to help at all. I don't really know where else to turn, and again, I'm not looking for therapy out of anyone here, just someone to talk to about some of this stuff or possibly meet some people who have similar problems.

TL;DR: I am mentally ill and do not have any type of support. Would like to meet people, but want to make sure people understand my situation.

Interests-
★ Hiking and outdoor meditation, especially in places with water features or large bodies of water.
★ Survival and primitive technology.
★ Tabletop RPGs, my favorite TTRPG is AFMBE, but I also enjoy Cyberpunk, and DnD 5e
★ Trading card games, I love Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Magic the Gathering. Open to learning more though!
★ Artistic expression and appreciation, I love seeing art and expression through art. I love visiting museums and art galleries to see different works from artist and different mediums of expression.

lean pier
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(1) seems like the only emphasis you have on your issue is the lack of external recognition for your illness. (2) And by your language, you seem to worry about upsetting someone of your difficult life, But it's a life independent of others and given solely upon you.

They don't understand such an alienating condition such as schizophrenia (and I don't know what schizophrenia is like), let alone a 'alternative sense of reality'.

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I might assume that everyday is hell for you.

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But i don't care that much, almost the entirety of my teenage years is dealt with difficult situations, berating me until i could act upon myself.

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It's good that you want to back yourself with some external backup, but it won't work if you haven't overcome your condition i.e. anxiety, schizophrenia, etc.

brave valley
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I mostly did not get into the specifics of my trauma and experiences because I understand this is a space for people who are struggling mentally, and I did not want to bring triggering topics into it even in spoiler text.

lean pier
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I see.

lean pier
lean pier
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Just read the other threads in this issues channel.

brave valley
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Yes, I understand that this place if for people to seek help, and for people who wish to help to seek people who need it, but the post is public, and both the people looking to help and the people looking for help can see it. I have read the other threads and in the last 24 hours there are currently 7 different threads about ||suicide||. If someone is interested in talking to me, I can explain some of the things I'm struggling with to them, I do not want to talk about triggering topics in a space where there are people who are in a crisis. This may be a place to seek help, but this is also a place that I feel I should be cautious of the people around me and potentially making them uncomfortable.

lean pier
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ok, you've made your point.

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Can you ask what you are struggling with? (Honestly, im sleepy right now, it's 4 in the morning, you can reply me about the issues you have)

brave valley
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Extreme Trigger warning

Please do not read if sensitive about topics pertaining to abuse.

||Molestation as a child, male sexual assault victim, severe abuse as a child (starvation, beatings, humiliation), family abuse, sexual abuse from partner that physically scarred me, pressure from other adults into a sexual relationship as a teenager, health issues, parental abuse in adult life, extreme homelessness and starvation as a teenager, partner committed suicide, self harm, hallucinations and brain damage, suicide attempts, isolation, forced violence, guilt issues about violence in life, betrayal by family members, and rejection issues throughout life.||

brave valley
lean pier
# brave valley **Extreme Trigger warning** Please do not read if sensitive about topics pertai...

You seem to have gone through trauma which is unspeakable to think about, all without your control and being violated by your very vulnerability.

I'd wonder if something unknown triggers you of these traumas, if recurring, you should apply yourself to meditative techniques, though it's much more effective when undisturbed. it's also important to understand why so; these traumas essentially don't have any relation to your present, and when it doesn't happen anymore, it simply has no significance other than a ghost of the past.

If you do not overcome it, it will still resurface itself back to you, you must find a way to resolve what has caused your condition.

lean pier
# lean pier You seem to have gone through trauma which is unspeakable to think about, all wi...

From my experience, i could never act upon what I wanted to bring the ideal reality for myself, I've always been belittled, harassed and never been given the chance to talk about their issues, other than being dehumanised because of doing martial arts and retorting back at the bullies. I didn't know what person to turn to, they could be just another dipshit.

A good world you and i would hope for, would take a lot of years to realize, maybe after we die, but still long after.

brave valley
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Could still use some help with this if anyone has any advice.

lean pier
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I'm 4 days late into messaging, I don't know why your message didn't show up.

lean pier
brave valley
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Well I was really hoping to connect with some people who had similar issues and how they overcame them. Like some people who had trouble getting a therapist and what they did to find one. Or even better, people who have experienced trauma similar to the traumas I listed and can help me by sharing how they handle them and how they have overcome the fears and associations connected to those specific traumas.