I'm gonna try to post everyday in here. I might miss a couple, but I'm gonna try my best. I'll start with my day today.
#Journal of my life
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Goodluck
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I'm gonna try to post everyday in here. I might miss a couple, but I'm gonna try...
your about me got me trippin i thought you left the server 😭😭
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Sunday, Jun 9th. I got a call from my mom, asking me to take her to work because her boyfriend was working, and her car is in the shop rn. I picked her up, and we talked about my proposal and how my mental health is rn. She gave me the same worried look she always gives me whenever we talk about my mental health. I told her I'm happy, truly happy. My fiancé is just the best. We have our arguments, like every relationship, but we never go to bed angry. It's a long distance relationship, but I plan on proposing when I go to see her this Tuesday. My mom is super excited for me. She loves my fiancé. She's worried about my anger issues, and is afraid I'm gonna say something to my fiancé that I'll regret for the rest of my life. That's why I want to do this journal. I NEED to. Our arguments have been small so far, but what if one day we have one that's just too much? What will I do? What will I say? I figure if I can just let some of my frustration out amongst a group of people who may or may not be going through the same thing, it'll help.
Anyways, I dropped my mom off at work, and she gave me a kiss on the forehead goodbye. I'm 20 years old, and yes, I'm very attached to my mother. Big momma's boy here. I got out the car and gave her another hug, and she asked me if I was okay. I told her I am, I'm just a little stressed from trying to save up money for this trip to Texas. She told me she understood, and that if I ever need financial help, she'll help as best as she can. I went back home, and played some Destiny 2. Final Shape dropped a couple days ago and I'm loving the new subclass.
At lunchtime, I went to my cousin Frank's. Bit of backstory, I work for my family's HVAC company. I've been working there on and off for about two years now. I really enjoy it. I work with my family, and it's just amazing. Frank is the lead installer, which essentially means he's my manager. I went to his house to get some help setting up the work truck. It was SO unorganized! Parts were kinda just thrown everywhere, like no one gave a crap. I'd been getting yelled at for months now by my dad, who runs the company (but doesn't own it. My grandparent's own it), and I've repeatedly told him that every time I straighten it out, one of the new guys just ruins it, and I was fed up with it. I had to talk to Kim, who is my dad's assistant, and Frank's boss, and tell her that if I straighten this truck out, I'm getting paid for it, and it is NOT going to be messed up again. She told me she would pay me for however long it took to fix up the truck, and gave me permission to chew out anyone who fucks up my truck, and they aren't allowed to do shit about it. It took me 5 hours to get that truck organized. I was pissed my the amount of parts I had, that I was told by BOTH of the new guys, that I DIDN'T have them. I plan to chew the both of them out tomorrow. I've been sitting on almost $5000 worth of parts, and I've been getting more because they were just thrown everywhere, so I didn't know I even had that much until I got it all in the places it's SUPPOSED to be.
Anyways, I finished that up, and went back home. I took a 30 minute shower, as I always do, and got the idea to take my sister out for an early dinner because we hardly hangout because I have work, and soon I'll be starting my 3rd semester of college. We had a blast. I took her to our late grandmother's favorite Chinese place. The food was amazing, and I ordered my grandmother's favorite soup there, the wonton soup. We didn't talk about my grandmother, but I know my sister knew why I wanted to go there. I miss my grandmother so much. I didn't spend as much time with her as I should have, and I told myself "You're busy. You can see her another time." I never got that chance. The last time I saw her was in the hospital. I could FEEL that her time was coming close. I just didn't think it would be so soon. The last thing I remember her saying, the day before she died, was "I'm tired. I wanna go home. Please Doctor. Let me go home. I wanna be home." She died in that hospital...
I miss her
So fucking much
Her not being here just doesn't feel right
She was a saint
She loved me and my family unconditionally
She never asked for really anything
She was content
She was happy
I'm just glad she didn't go out in pain you know
She always told me "When I die, I wanna go in my sleep." She dreamt a lot about her dad...her dad died when she was very young, and I think she never really got over his death...and I like to think that's why she wanted to go in her sleep...she wanted to die thinking about her father, who she loved so much...
Sorry
Took a dark turn for a second
After dinner with my sister, we went and picked our mom up from work. We hung out with her for a couple hours, and that's really it. That's what all led to this
Not a bad day. A bit of sadness, sure, but it was necessary
My only regret in my life rn is that my grandmother never got to meet my fiancé. She would've loved her. My fiancé is the first woman in almost 5 years that actually treats me like a human being. I love her more than I ever thought I could love someone you know? Like, my favorite thing to do is talk about her. I love talking about her. She just makes me feel something you know? Something no one has ever made me feel before
But anyways, enough lovey dovey talk lol
That's the end of June 9th for me