#My Journal

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

austere mantle
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I think it's important to identify the problem areas in my life just as an indicator of the things i want to fix as the journal progresses

-Depression (Manifests itself in low motivation and self-loathing)
-Anxiety (Mainly health anxiety and the constant fear something is wrong with me and that i'm ill. Social anxiety is also another major problem here )
-Drinking (Recently i've began to rely on alcohol as a crutch and often find comfort in drinking which is unhealthy)
-Lack of relationships (both of the friendly and romantic variety, i'm left at a point where i feel very socially anxious and struggle to form connections)
-Fitness (i'm pretty inactive and could definitley benefit from working about more)
-Discipline (i'm often unmotivated and lazy and spend the majority of my day engaging in time wasting activies)

tall herald
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First of all, it's awesome that you understand what your problems are and are doing what you can. That's great, and I'm glad you're making a journal. looking forward to seeing your progress. toothless_heart

austere mantle
austere mantle
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Day 1

Today was somewhat of wasted day, most of it spent engaging in the same time wasting activities that have caused my life to reach this point. I managed to clean my room so at least i did something productive although I could have really done much more. One more positive is the fact i've managed to avoid drinking today as i've been drinking for the past five days.

It feels like I keep waiting for some profound life altering event to come along and set me down the right path but that rarely happens in reality, at the end of the day it all falls down to me and I worry that I'm not strong enough to fix my life. I know what i need to do but never do it and it feeds into my self-loathing.

Tomorrow is another day so hopefully i can make something good out of it

austere mantle
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Day 2

Late entry today as i've been somewhat distracted and nearly forgot about this commitment. Today has been a better day overall i went to the gym this morning after waking up and done an hour of cardio, I then spent most the day relaxing but also began working through the Healthy Gamer website a resource i'd definitely reccomend as there's some great videos on there

Overall today has been better, and i hope to continue this trend in the coming days

tall herald
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@austere mantle update reminder

austere mantle
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Day 3

This is a late update to what happened yesterday but overall it was a great day. I spent the night out with members of my unis Esport society and we went to a local gaming bar that had recently opened. At first i was worried as it was only my second time hanging out with them and at first it was a little awkward on my part, but as the night went on i had a really good time and made a bunch of new friends. Hoping to go out with them again on sunday so should be a good time.

I'm happy that I went even though I had my doubts as it's a good step forward in overcoming my social anxiety

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Day 4

Woke up late with a hangover and haven't really done much today of substance, however i'm more willing to let myself off the hook as I had a great night previously. Tomorrow morning i'm going to go to the gym and get a bit of studying done before i go out

tall herald
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Oops

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@austere mantle

austere mantle
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Thanks I'm on it 🫡

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Day 5

I've done absolutely nothing today unfortunately. Last night instead of going to bed I spent all night playing games with my best mate and a girl from his work. And in the end only got 2 hours of sleep so I've pretty much been a zombie. On the bright side I'm planning on getting a job at the place he works so it's good I've taken another step in improving my social anxiety by talking to a stranger 👍

austere mantle
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Day 6

Today i've been working on my online exam and have made a decent amount of progess i have also applied for jobs at Tesco and Morrisons as i'm hoping to find a job i can work during the summer

tall herald
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@austere mantle, mb it’s late and I haven’t had time to remind since my sisters birthday. 😿

tall herald
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@austere mantle if y still want pings for this lmk