idk what to do anymore.

[hallow stirrup]

So basically I have this friend who I’ve been friends with since kindergarten, now we’re in 11th grade, in separate schools but we’re still good friends. The problem is that ever since the pandemic kinda cooled down and he had gone to a different school, he changed like before the pandemic he was kind, didn’t discriminate anyone, now he’s racist and homophobic, and I’m ok with a racist joke here and there but he takes it far, like really far. What’s screwing with me is that I feel like a bad person for still hanging out with him, and my mom even says some of my other old friends I still hang out with seem to distance themselves from me bc I still hang out with him, cause they think I’m just like him when I’m not.

[hallow stirrup]

Like there was this one time we were at one of our old friends birthday party and there was someone there I was good friends with but he wasn’t, and they basically identified as they/them (I think I’m not sure) and when he saw them he said “man if she starts talking about her they/them ||bullshit||I’m gonna loose it, what a ||fatass||”, when he has said that all I could think was pure disgust that he said that, what’s worse is he said the same comment to one of our friends and he as well had a face of disgust at the fact that he said that comment, and I didn’t say anything I just went along with what he said and did nothing, it’s like I do it by habit, I don’t say anything or do anything, I guess that’s what’s making me feel like a bad person, making me feel like I’m slowly going down the wrong path too. And even if I stop hanging out with him there’s still a problem, there’s someone he’s also good friends with, and I feel like he’s kinda dragging him down a dark path, he’s making him just like him, so I sorta have this like feeing like an obligation to stay and make sure he doesn’t go down that path. Idk I’m just so confused it’s like everything I’ve been loyal to all these years is turning on me, and I’m having to decide what I’m truly loyal to. My mom says I should confront him one of the next times he says something messed up, instead of awkwardly laughing the comment off or just saying nothing, I just know the minute I do that it’ll either just bounce off his head or make him think I’m apart of the people he hates, idk I’m just so confused on what to do, I’m gonna start working at a job another friend of mine will start working at, maybe I should see if I become good friends with him and ease my way out of the bad friendship, but that still leaves that other friend the bad friend is dragging down a bad path to have no help, I really don’t know what I should do. What should I do?

[frank flare]

i think you're mom is right tbh. it can be hard to stand up for urself but if u genuinely don't like the way he's talking (and for good reason), please mention it to him. it's making not just him but yourself look bad to your friends. and as unfortunate as it is, switching schools it seems he's just found a diff group of friends and adapted to their humor(as fucked up as it is). you're a good person but if you notice your other friends distancing themselves it's probably because they might think you agree with him by hanging out w/ him or not saying anything. you're not going down the wrong path don't worry, you just need to stop tolerating what he says and let your friends know that. and as for his other friend that you think is influencing him, you're probably right. but it's not your job to try and fix it. you should mention this to him but staying with him is doing nothing. and if he doesn't take anything that u said in well he was already lost before and there's nothing more you can do. he's already decided what group he wants to be apart of. don't let it ruin you, you're not responsible for his actions and it shouldn't matter if he think you're apart of a group he hates. don't let him influence your decisions just so he's not upset with you. i think rn you need to choose which side you're on and don't let him ruin ur reputation and wellbeing.

[hallow stirrup]

Ok, thank you for the advice