Is abandoning friend justifiable?

[fast swift]

Look, your reasoning was perfectly fine in this scenario. You were treating her really well and she was unreasonably being mean to you. Sure, she's mentally in pain and broken right now but how is that your fault? She can't expect you to like her when she hates you. Maybe I'm not the best person to ask because I am an emotional idiot but I honestly believe you did the right thing in a bad scenario which is always good. I wish you the best, don't feel guilty, you treated her well and it wasn't reciprocated. Just appreciate what you have and don't think so much about what has already happened because that can't be changed you know?

[zealous acorn]

Thank you!! I suppose I have to get over with feeling guilty and anxious whenever I see contents that talk about abandonment. Our scenarios aren't the same. Seeing so many people in the comments saying "abandoning friends is not justifiable and youre the bad friend" makes me wonder if they truly know that that's not always the case. And that they shouldn't just say things like that without thinking about all kinds of scenarios that can potentially make the action actually justifiable. But it still stings reading what some people say so openly and misguiding readers who got left with rightful reasoning, making them believe they got wronged indeed and that they are the victim.

[uneven lark]

In my opinion, cutting ties with someone can be necessary if the relationship is unhealthy for you. You mentioned feeling mentally drained and stressed from constantly having the same conflicts over and over again. It sounds like you tried your best to support her and address the misunderstandings as they arose, but the cycle repeated and it became clear that no matter how much reassurance you gave her or how understanding you were, the problem would keep coming back. That kind of situation can be very mentally taxing and it's understandable that at some point, you felt like it was necessary to walk away for your own well-being.

Also, as for how you are being perceived by others in this situation, like your friend who spoke on her behalf - it's important to remember that there are different perspectives here, and sometimes friends who are close have different insights into each other's behaviors and motivations that you might not be aware of. But ultimately, you know your own experience of this situation better than anyone else. If you feel like you did what was best for your well-being at the time, and you're slowly moving forward in a positive direction, then it's okay to trust in your own decision making.

[zealous acorn]

😭😭 thank you for your input! And advice??!!! I appreciate your words a lot! I also want to add that the mutual friend was closer to me initially because we shared longer history together and had our fair share of ups and downs. but she somehow got involved when she would ask me how Im doing and get me to spill out the details. I didnt think she would reach out to my ex friend (or the other way around? I dont know..) but they got into talking apparently when we first had a fall out. We had our own falling out at some point which shifted very normally with no animosity between us. At least on my part. But when we got into talking again, she admitted that she's friends with my ex friend to keep things honest between us. I said its no problem at all. She told me she heard her side of the story and thought I was fucked up for it. She admitted to talking shit about me with her and apologized for it which i totally understood bc she only heard one side of the story. We were good and she would come to me to complain about my ex friend sometimes. On the day we fell apart again, (me and my ex friend) the mutual friend told me what i did (slowly ghosting and no longer talking to her) was not it and that shes gonna be 100% by her side this time to support her. She said no offense and that she understands my reason completely. That what i did was valid but also that she didnt deserve to go through such breakdown. Since then, they have been closer than ever. The mutual friend knows both side of the story perfectly fine but she still chooses to be with the other friend because she's in "worse state". Totally understandable I thought. I even told her to please take care of her for me. Despite all the talk we had, her behaviour slowly kind of shifted to making me sort of the bad guy. I was wondering if it's because I wasnt openly struggling as much as my ex friend was, that she feels like I was the one who got away from all this mess without a scratch

[uneven lark]

From what you've shared, it sounds like there might be ongoing feelings of competition or comparison between you and your ex friend. It can be challenging when your friends' relationships shift in ways that make you feel like an outsider or less valued. Friendships ebb and flow, and sometimes people's priorities or perspectives change. The most important thing is to focus on your own well-being and surround yourself with people who value and support you for who you are. Don't let the opinions of others, even trusted friends, define your self-worth or happiness.

It's completely normal to feel hurt or confused when you're in a situation where people are taking sides, especially when you feel like you're being cast as the "bad" one. It sounds like you've been trying your best to handle this difficult situation as gracefully as possible, and it's impressive that you've been able to maintain perspective on the bigger picture.

Sometimes we may not be able to control what other people think about us, but we can control our response to those thoughts. By staying true to yourself and your values, you can weather this storm and come out stronger on the other side. ❤️

[zealous acorn]

Youve hit the nail!!! 😭 initially my ex friend was the one feeling competitive towards which mutual friend will take whose side. I thought it silly because she would actively get this other mutual friend to not talk to me or play games with me but only later did I realize I dont enjoy having my friends slowly shifting sides and feeling like theyre being taken away from me. But yes, youre right I cant control what others think. Despite me dying a little on the inside when I realize they're misinformed about certain things involving me, I have to keep focusing on me 😩🏃‍♀️‍➡️

Thank you for taking time to read all this and give advices!!