do i stay or do i go??

[glacial lily]

so i’m f21 been with my first bf for 4 years. he’s m23 and i’m also his first relationship. he cheated on me online for about 3 years. never physically but he was on dating apps and was sexting with many many people all of who are completely different to me. not only in looks but biologically speaking. i’m bisexual so i get it but he had been hiding this and betraying me for so long. we broke and and eventually got back together after 2 months. we tried to work through it, i tried really hard. i had a lot of patience with him and i kept catching him in tiny stupid meaningless lies. so i finally broke it off again a couple months ago. however we’re still in contact and he wants to get back together. it’s been a year since i found out he cheated and i still think about it every day. i love him so much and consider him my best friend and the bestest friend i ever had. im still paranoid and hurt though and i don’t want to be stupid or make any more mistakes. so what should i do? do you really think he actually cares and wants to be with me long term? or am i just a place holder. i feel so lost and broken, what we’ve went thru has changed me so much already and i don’t want to put myself in harms way again. it’s hard to believe you can do that to someone you love, it’s hard to believe he actually wants to be with me. idk how guy brains work but hes given me this unwavering feeling that i will never be enough no matter how much he denies this. please someone help.

[open furnace]

He just like the attention you give him, don't get bet back with his broke ass. He'll lie and cheat on you everytime. I'd suggest you cut contact with him entirely 'cause he sounds like a really terrible person.

[glacial lily]

the thing is i don’t think he rlly is a terrible person. there are a lot of environmental factors growing up that made him hide and lie the way he did. he was also young and stupid, it’s not an excuse but still. he has since put in a lot of effort but he struggles with his identity and shit. according to him he has quit porn and even tho we’re not technically together rn he’s not looking to date or on any dating apps. still i struggle believing him a lot

it’s just conflicting cuz he’s rlly my best friend and ik he’s a good guy. he has grown a lot since i met him. but ik ur prolly right 😔

[open furnace]

so? It's like saying "it's ok to get abused 'cause they got abused". those are excuses sis

[glacial lily]

not for me, im just trying to explain ya kno. but yeah i get that

ur right

[open furnace]

He cheated on you for 3 years, looked you in the eyes and said you're the one for him, no remorse, no nothing, if you wouldn't have caught him cheating he'd have acted like an angel

[glacial lily]

i hate that ur right and it hurts but i appreciate ur honesty

[open furnace]

Thank you, don't be a doormat for some man that deserves nothing than 50 cents... you deserve by far so much more than a deceitful abused cheater

[glacial lily]

i just can’t help but to try to see the best in him

he’s always there for me and can be really convincing that he cares

he shows me in many ways

but it still doesn’t erase what he did

[open furnace]

it's normal to feel it hurts like hell, especially if you like him that much but you gotta run before you're gonna get even more hurt

[open furnace]

I call that love bombing, he fucks around then overwhelm you with "care" just so you don't leave his broke ass

[open furnace]

Ofc it doesn't, what he did breaks a lot of boundaries and tbh the whole fundaments of a relationship, he broke the trust

[glacial lily]

honestly he’s always kinda been loving to me, it’s never really wavered which is scary because it tells me he’s a good liar but also why would someone who supposedly wants other people still be trying to hold onto this

something that’s hard for him too

i’m like fucked up about it, i have my paranoia and shit and have yelled at him and kinda treated him unfairly because i’m still not healed. and he’s been patient too and stuck around and supported me

[open furnace]

Because they like the attention, they can't get enough of it, it shows what an insecure person he is...

[glacial lily]

ughhfjfjfhdhhsj

real

i’m just trying so hard to let myself keep being delusional idk

i just have hope and love for him

[open furnace]

What you did it's what you did, it's separate from the fact he cheated and lied, it's not justifiable, you don't like someone you break up with them

[open furnace]

ew no, don't do that

[glacial lily]

i know i know

it makes me like wanna disappear

i’m just super conflicted