Life Journal / Trying to Get Better , Wiser and Understanding

[twin ruin]

hi

yes

informal is better

more friendly

[gilded badge]

Hello

Real (I forget i have a journal 😭)

Ok So Today was a good day yeah

8/10
I couldve had something better with my friend

Aah

And 2 of them didnt come to college

Oh well they wanted to enjoy the
weekend ig 🙂

Ok

What else i cant remember (💀<- this me fr)

And yea food today was great too 😀👍🏻 9/10 . Grateful for the food

[jaunty gull]

betrayal

[gilded badge]

Real 😭

[gilded badge]

I was also thinking of not going but someone said i should so i did ;))

Ok so i think i will be sleeping in my room alone today 🙂

[jaunty gull]

studying will get you a job

[gilded badge]

😭

[twin ruin]

hru

[twin ruin]

that’s good

[gilded badge]

good wbu

[gilded badge]

Well anyways

I started HomeWorkout Again and Got to know that i can do 20 pushups with slow speed ( the slower the speed the harder it is to do them )

Well 45 done till now

Will try to hit 100 today

Wait nvm my muscles have gone sore

Cant even do one 😭

[desert silo]

[twin ruin]

im fine

[twin ruin]

oh my

take care

[gilded badge]

real ty

[gilded badge]

good to know

[twin ruin]

yeah

[gilded badge]

Yoooo thanks for the animated emoji

it looks good

[twin ruin]

ofccc npppp hehe

itss aestheticc na

i put it for the life journal because

life is an ocean, sometimes you crash like the waves, sometimes you go with the flow. The sea can be calm and happy- and those will be your happy days, while sometimes the sea can be dark and scary- and those are your bad days. But you just need to give it time, and it will get better.

heh

[gilded badge]

Wow

Real wisdom

[twin ruin]

hehe

i wrote that myselfff

[gilded badge]

Real

Did some More Workout But God My Triceps and Chest Hurt When i do pushups

30 Squats and 10 Pushups

[gilded badge]

Q: I am doing pretty good from the past few days (I am grateful for it every moment) , but this doesn't feel real . It feels like i am in a dream which is going on a loop and am not awake , like life has somehow become so peaceful somehow in the past few days . Is something real bad coming up or is this the beginning and the starting of ups in life ?

Ans: This is a really good thing that you have been feeling good from these past few days and your mental health is getting better . It is indeed a good thing and is definitely going to be better as days go by . The thing is that you have been feeling like this is a dream because the past has usually been hectic , chaotic , traumatizing and full of problems everyday and your own negative thoughts were never the less cherry on top to that aswell . But since these past few days you have never overthink once How great is that ? This is the best thing that could ever happen to you. I hope too that its not a dream and you are Going to be great in the future Keep Going like this . ❤️

And Keep This in mind that problems and sadness is just part and parcel in life so donot be worried of downfalls , as long as you have the will to climb you will never fail to climb the top.

[gilded badge]

Food Was Great Today too 9/10

THE CURD WAS AWESOME

I have headache in the back of my head ?

why

[twin ruin]

take med

[gilded badge]

Ok will see if this pain stays for long then i will prolly

[twin ruin]

Yeah

[gilded badge]

Good Morning Journal

[twin ruin]

gmm

[gilded badge]

Gm

[twin ruin]

hello

[gilded badge]

Got break a lil late

[twin ruin]

why

[gilded badge]

Hello whats up

[twin ruin]

nmmmmm

Wbyyy

[gilded badge]

Teacher thought of taking the class for a little more

[twin ruin]

bruh

sad

[gilded badge]

Yea but its fun with bros so its alr

[twin ruin]

I see

[gilded badge]

Am good thanks for asking

[twin ruin]

nice

[gilded badge]

Am thinking of going home

After having lunch

[twin ruin]

go

[gilded badge]

Ok

[gilded badge]

Talked with the teacher , she was kind enough to mark me present for the next two classes heheheh

Going home

Its so hot outside oof

[gilded badge]

Finally Home

[twin ruin]

atleast ure having a good life

im glad

keep going

[gilded badge]

Thank you

[gilded badge]

Hey are you doing ok ?

This Teacher is not fr

Bro i cant write the same assignment twice wtf is wrong with her

[twin ruin]

i hope i am

lol.

[twin ruin]

why is she being mean

[jaunty gull]

Are you sure? Wanna talk about it?

[twin ruin]

hi menace

[jaunty gull]

Real, like give me her adress imma pull up

[twin ruin]

im a menace too

[jaunty gull]

Hello smiley!

[twin ruin]

i’ll come w u

[jaunty gull]

High five girl

[jaunty gull]

Yay let's take some weapons Or stuff

[twin ruin]

yeah

[jaunty gull]

I'm taking the bomb and guns wbu

[twin ruin]

i like daggers

[twin ruin]

thx but i’m pretty much un helpable for now

[jaunty gull]

Great

[twin ruin]

we can be frens tho

[jaunty gull]

Well I won't help, I'll just listen

If you wanna talk, that is

[jaunty gull]

Sure

[twin ruin]

dms?

[jaunty gull]

Okay!

[twin ruin]

ok

[gilded badge]

Real

[gilded badge]

😭

Wow you two become frens thats goog to know

2 goog people being frens

Baby Shark Do-Do-Do Do Do
Baby Shark Do-Do-Do Do Do
Baby Shark Do-Do-Do Do Do
Baby shark

Real i just woke up

[jaunty gull]

🤓

[gilded badge]

😭

Also time to rate the day

[jaunty gull]

Yes I have waited for this the whole day ong💪

[gilded badge]

7/10 But had fun with bros so 8.5/10 And Lunch Was Good Too
I slept for 2 hours and it made me a little more less energetic after waking up

But Food Was Good 👍🏻 SO MOOD WAS GOOD

Grateful for the food as always

And Someone else too 😚

[jaunty gull]

This is constant for you though nothing new , doesn't count 😡

[gilded badge]

😭

[gilded badge]

What do you want to know 😭

Ok 1 incident 😭

So i was minding my own business and this girl next to me pulls my notebook and the page gets torn off but like it was ok since it was the pin page

So i pulled her assignment notebook i was not gonna tear it i swear 😭 i was just gonna give it back

But she thought i will tear it so she pulled the notebook back the page i was pulling got a little torn

She tore the whole page 😭

And said it was my fault 💀

And she didnt make the assignment 💀

And then the teacher gave 2 more days for the assignment ( ofc not due to her but a lot of kids did it wrong apparently cuz it was not how she wanted it )

Thats it nothing much

[jaunty gull]

pagal hai kya

[jaunty gull]

?bachkani harkate

[gilded badge]

Real 😭

[gilded badge]

Yes bro ofc i was just gonna pull it 😭

She also pulled it by cover 😭😭

[jaunty gull]

enemies to lovers frfr

[jaunty gull]

usko kyu khichna tha, aapko kyu khichna tha

[gilded badge]

NO

[gilded badge]

I HAVE SOMEONE I LOVE OK ??

[gilded badge]

Maybe she wanted to note the work down but she couldve asked we are sitting on the same desk come on bro

Just ask me

[jaunty gull]

😔 oh i see, so she can sit on the same bench as you but i cant?

[gilded badge]

😭 no its just the view of the board is better from there 😭

[jaunty gull]

[jaunty gull]

[gilded badge]

Its no the same bench just desk we have separate chairs

[gilded badge]

Dont look at me like that ok 😭

[jaunty gull]

😔 so she can write on the same desk as you?!!

[gilded badge]

Also your bf lisha was in mainchat you should say hi

[gilded badge]

You 😭

[gilded badge]

Wyd rn 😀

[jaunty gull]

gf you mean

[jaunty gull]

nothing. just crying about how another girl writes on the same desk as you, wbu?

[gilded badge]

Best friend or yea if you call her your gf that too

[gilded badge]

Someone can always Video Call me

Yk

[jaunty gull]

[jaunty gull]

[gilded badge]

IF SHE IS YOUR GF ARE YOU CHEATING THEN ????? /j

That is not fair

[jaunty gull]

🤭

[gilded badge]

😭

[gilded badge]

:))

Wait i need to do something rq

[jaunty gull]

who

her

?

omg i knew it

[gilded badge]

😭

[gilded badge]

Yes i love her

[gilded badge]

AYOO

By do i mean text 😭

[jaunty gull]

WHO??? THAT GIRL??? OMG 😭 YOU JUST MADE IT WORSE

[gilded badge]

yea i love that girl 😚

I just texted her how much i love her

Now am just waiting for her reply to my messages

[jaunty gull]

the bench one?

[gilded badge]

No , the one i love

[jaunty gull]

[gilded badge]

Yes

[fallen heath]

Damn most matured person I've ever seen in this server

Or maybe one of them

[gilded badge]

Hello There

That is your kindness that you consider me mature 😭

[fallen heath]

Well

As for someone who went through that stuff, understanding is the easiest way to ease the pain and burden rather than condemn the sinners to eternal fire

Because all actions have reasons

If they're bad and they do that stuff cuz they're bad then yes, condemn but don't do it. Just ask

All parents aren't perfect. But not too evil nor good

All of them love their child. In your case, they surely do (according to what you're writing) and speaking to them will make both of you and your parents heal from the root of those pain

E.g Generational trauma

[gilded badge]

Talks about other being mature and she herself is the most matured one here

Did you read the whole thread 😭 ?

[fallen heath]

Hmmm I schemed through it tbh cuz uh discord lags when it comes to this server

[gilded badge]

Real , and i thought it was my phone

[fallen heath]

Ah

Well, do your parents just like best you up or do they reward you for your achievements or if you did smth good?

Cuz I kinda forgot some details ngl

[gilded badge]

Talking about past few years and the current situation, no they will be like "thats nice , do even better next time"

[fallen heath]

When they say that, are they're happy about what you got and say "do even better next time" as a motivation?

Or the complete opposite

Cuz my Aunt says that as like motivation

[gilded badge]

Yes as a motivation

I have stopped asking for stuff

Like it doesnt feel right

So them being happy is a reward for me itself

[fallen heath]

Brother

Are you my twin?

Or you're just happen to be a Southeast Asian, too?

[gilded badge]

😭

Yes

[fallen heath]

What's your ethnicity?

[gilded badge]

Well i dont mind telling my country

Am from india

[fallen heath]

Ohhh

I see

[gilded badge]

Yes

[fallen heath]

Hello my fellow Indian

[gilded badge]

Hello there

How are you doing

[fallen heath]

I'm alright

[gilded badge]

You can be better , but its good to know you are doing alright

Well it was nice talking to you i think i will sleep now its pretty late

Good Night

[fallen heath]

Alright bud

Nini

Hope you have a good sleep

[gilded badge]

Real i need to wake up early

[gilded badge]

Good Morning Journal

[red gale]

Gm

This is like 12 hrs later but hi

[fallen crystal]

chicken sandwich

[red gale]

Fr

[gilded badge]

Real Gm

[gilded badge]

Real azura

I am home

Gotta do the assignment

[gilded badge]

OK assignment done

should i slep ?

idk

Also lunch as Usual was great

[gilded badge]

Just had dinner and it was great too

[gilded badge]

Today's Day Was Complex

I dont know if i should talk about it but am grateful for everything else

I just hope its not my fault

Its a Good Night when i stop messaging

[gilded badge]

Good Night Journal

[jaunty gull]

you aint getting left on read here, poor guy dw im here to save you, im batman fr

[gilded badge]

😭

Thank you batman

[jaunty gull]

[gilded badge]

Good Morning Journal

[fallen crystal]

the whole world want me to pray for em but aint nobody prayin for me

[jaunty gull]

😔☝if I prayed I would do it for you, but since I don't jotaro can. @gilded badge pray for him🥰

[fallen crystal]

I was singin but thanks tho

[gilded badge]

I will for sure 😇

[gilded badge]

Real

Just got off

From college

I WAS SO SLEEPY

[gilded badge]

When u have attended 1/7 classes and still answer the test like a pro 😎

[fallen crystal]

so far my attendance in class didnt really contribute much to my scores

if i knew the topic and read at home

[gilded badge]

Ours want us to attend the class all 6 days in a week

I mean who tf is that desparate to go to college

[fallen crystal]

honestly not surprising inside of asia

[gilded badge]

Real 😭

[fallen crystal]

they got us going to class even on saturday like ok damn chill

[gilded badge]

10-4 is not full

[gilded badge]

Real 😭

[gilded badge]

Half of my day is gone in that bs

[fallen crystal]

my old school used to make us attend class saturday sunday but sunday is optional

[gilded badge]

💀

[fallen crystal]

but i just cant understand why the FUCK sunday is included

absolutely bullshit

[gilded badge]

I bet some nerd Student still came to school 😭

[gilded badge]

5 days a week is enough man

My friend who went to Canada said they only need to have irl classes 2 days a week ????

[fallen crystal]

most of them cause they dont like staying at home

[gilded badge]

Oh 😭

[fallen crystal]

thats

how do they learn with 2 days?

could have done atleast 3-4

[gilded badge]

I mean they are provided online resources ig

[fallen crystal]

like i didnt learn much from 5-7 days a week classes but that was my choice to not pay attention

2 days is absolutely crazy tho

[gilded badge]

Ngl 2 days seem fun to me 😭

You obviously have to study at home rest of the days

[fallen crystal]

well it kinda gets boring

im in the middle of introversion and extroversion so i dont mind being outside

[gilded badge]

Real i can relate

[fallen crystal]

but it does not mean i just walk up to people and socialize lmao

[gilded badge]

Neither do i , i donot have the energy until and unless its necessary

[fallen crystal]

likw maybe if i was younger id prefer to be at home all day

since i play alot

but these days for my age absolutely not im fucking bored

[gilded badge]

True

[fallen crystal]

still fuck weekend classes

god damn that shit

[gilded badge]

Yea man

We have a Holiday on Friday and am gonna skip college on Saturday

[gilded badge]

Dinner Was Great

[jaunty gull]

YEEHAW NO LEAVING ON READ

[gilded badge]

YAY THANK YOU BATMAN

[jaunty gull]

[gilded badge]

Today was a great day ( Grateful For the day)

Good Night Journal

[fallen heath]

Goodnight

[gilded badge]

Good Night

[jaunty gull]

goodnight

[gilded badge]

Good Morning Journal

[jaunty gull]

Morning😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

[gilded badge]

Morningggg

☀️

Just reached college

[sage girder]

You’re in college jotaro?

[gilded badge]

Yes

[sage girder]

What’s college like

[gilded badge]

Its okayish

[sage girder]

Im just asking because next year im heading to college

[gilded badge]

Well its fun if you have friends 😭

[gilded badge]

Whats your major

[sage girder]

Well then it certainly ain’t gonna be fun for me since be I suck at making friends

[sage girder]

Oh I wanna study history in college

[gilded badge]

You will dont worry my first sem was me sitting all alone lmao

[gilded badge]

Thats great

My college life is between good and bad

Yours will be great

[sage girder]

I’m just scared of it tho

[jaunty gull]

Dw about it even I'm scared,I'm gonna go next year too, but just have the mindset of not giving a shit to what other people are thinking about you. Go with a goal in mind that you just went there to study, and that's it, don't be scared to open up, talk to some people, try new stuff, whatever suits you get included in them. Make the most of your self. Many people are going to judge you but that's constant, your knowledge is what matters more, gain that. Atleast that's what I'm thinking 😭

[sage girder]

But I hear some pretty weird stuff about college

[jaunty gull]

Like?

[sage girder]

Uhh stuff I can’t say

[jaunty gull]

Aight

Well probably it's just rumours , even if it isn't , I'm sure you'll manage just like others do

Even high school has its ups and downs, so will the college.. So just have to deal with all of them

I would just say it's gonna take time to adjust maybe

And hope for the best lol

[sage girder]

Are you in college?

[jaunty gull]

Nah man I just said I'm gonna go next year😭

I'm just assuming all of this

As I mentioned before

[sage girder]

So you’re a senior

[jaunty gull]

Yepp

[sage girder]

I’m a junior

[jaunty gull]

😭 wait then how are you going to college next year

[sage girder]

Fall of 2025

That’s when I’m going

[jaunty gull]

Oh I see

[fallen crystal]

college preparing to bash my head into a concrete wall 😍

[sage girder]

You in college?

[fallen crystal]

soon

[jaunty gull]

Sounds cool

[gilded badge]

Lmao

Hello chat

I got some time to check the messages

[gilded badge]

Only one thing about college what i would like to say is dont do stuff to impress others to be friends with them . Real friends wouldn't want any efforts for you to look cool

[gilded badge]

MY 3RD SEM RESULT CAME OUT

[gilded badge]

9.8/10 CGP or call it 98.2% 💀

[fallen crystal]

almost

[gilded badge]

Am home

I told her about the result

She said good and starting lecturing 🙂🙏🏻

[gilded badge]

Lunch Was Good

👍🏻

[gilded badge]

What is love 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵
Baby dont hurt me - 🎵
Dont hurt me
Dont hurt me
No more 🎵 🎵

[gilded badge]

Dinner Was Great

Grateful For The Day

And The Amazing people

[gilded badge]

.

[gilded badge]

Life is neither supposed to be good all the times nor bad . Balance in both of these is necessary.
Sometimes when all you face is happiness its hard to face tough situation or hard / sad situation.
So let both of them have their fair shares in life and let them teach you how everything in life is supposed to be in a balanced manner

Think about your mistakes in a negative perspective and its full of regrets
Think about the same in a positive attitude and its a lesson

Journal i swear i am trying my best

[gilded badge]

Good Night Journal

[gilded badge]

Good Morning Journal

[fallen crystal]

chicken sandwich on the blockkkkkk

[gilded badge]

real azura

[gilded badge]

Lunch was good

[gilded badge]

He who suffers when not necessary
Suffers more than necessary

Dinner Was good

Grateful for the food and people 🙏🏻

Gm

How are you doing

I am doing good too thanks for asking and great to know you are doing well

[jaunty gull]

RAHHHHHHHHHHH

[gilded badge]

HELLOOOOOO

[jaunty gull]

MWAHAHAHHAA

where the others at

hello!!!

How are you

About what

I'm okayy

Who

Where when

Go ahead give ur best

Nah never seen him

Why what happened

Did he talk about offing himself?

Then

Ah you volunteering? 😭

[gilded badge]

Whats going on here 😳

[jaunty gull]

She likes a guy😋

OOoOOOoOOOOOO🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

Go ahead dm him girl what are you waiting for

You're worried aren't you

About how he disappeared

So

Dm him

[gilded badge]

Ayoo

[jaunty gull]

ENEMIES TO LOVERS is peak romance man 🗣️🗣️🗣️

🗣️🗣️

[gilded badge]

Ong ong

Do it retrox

[jaunty gull]

Real

[gilded badge]

Guys love it when girls make the first move

[jaunty gull]

😔what do u mean

[gilded badge]

It iz what it iz

Do it

[jaunty gull]

Don't worry bbg all the best u can do it 😝

[jaunty gull]

😔mtlb koi bhi ladki line maregi aap uspe fida ho jaoge thik hai

[gilded badge]

No 👎🏻 only if aels do it

[jaunty gull]

😋🤭hehehe

Girl

Just do it

We got you

Hyping you up

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO

!!!!!!!!!!!

[gilded badge]

Do it ! Just do it

[jaunty gull]

I would send a hyping up gif if I could

But i dont think I have the permission

[gilded badge]

Good luck i wish you the very best

[jaunty gull]

He seems cringe

L choice

Well

[gilded badge]

Real never book a judge by its cover

Yes

Did you dm him ?

Good good

You can do it

Yes we are here for you

Ah

Well you gave your shot and thats all that matters

Never be afraid of trying , its better to know you tried then having the regret of not asking

You are welcome , i wish you a great life ahead

[jaunty gull]

awh man

yall didnt workout?

no worries you'll find better

YOURE TOO YOUNG TF

before...?

damn

yall wilding

uhuh i see

youre just 13-14 man

too soon to decide shit like this

like love is not for you and stuff

its too early to decide rn

its okay to feel like that but dont set up your mind like that have hope

no worries kiddo

[gilded badge]

Good Night Journal

[jaunty gull]

goodnightt

[gilded badge]

Good Morning Journal

[jaunty gull]

The sun is sunning today, gonna kill me with heat

[gilded badge]

Am here to protect you from it 🦸🏻‍♂️🦸🏻‍♂️

Today i had some packed food after like 2-3 months wow

[gilded badge]

Lunch was good

[jaunty gull]

YAY

[gilded badge]

Dinner Was Good

Food tastes good with family

Me realising my journal only has me telling how was the food everyday 😭 everything else is non existent 😭

[gilded badge]

Good Knight journal i might sleep soon

[gilded badge]

Good morning journal

[gilded badge]

Gonna go out with old school friends

[gilded badge]

Nvm not going

[gilded badge]

LUNCH WAS GREAT

I MADE THE DISH

DELICIOUS

[gilded badge]

Dinner was 😃👍🏻

Overall Day was Good 9/10

[gilded badge]

Good Night Journal

[gray python]

Star platinum. STOP TIME!

[gilded badge]

Real

Gm

Good Morning Journal

[gilded badge]

Am tired af

[twin ruin]

hi

[gilded badge]

Hello

[gilded badge]

good night

journal

[gilded badge]

Good morning Journal

[twin ruin]

hi

[gilded badge]

Hello

[twin ruin]

hru

[gilded badge]

Am good hbu

[twin ruin]

idk

[gilded badge]

Why is that ?

You good ?

[gilded badge]

Good Night Journal

Nothing much going on in life will update on stuff

[gilded badge]

Good Morning Journal

Good Day to everyone reading this 👍🏻

[twin ruin]

thx

[gilded badge]

Good Morning

Pov : You watched Mr Robot and now you are excited more than ever to learn hacking

[gilded badge]

Today i completed Burp Suite: The Basics In TryHackMe

[gilded badge]

This one took me some time i must say 🙂

These Roads of flames are catching a fire 🎶🎶🎶

[gilded badge]

Good Night Journal

[gilded badge]

Good Morning Journal

[gilded badge]

Another one Done 😎

[gilded badge]

Welp :/

[gilded badge]

I am not feeling so well

[gilded badge]

Well prolly cuz i had something i shouldn't have had

[gilded badge]

Yes

Good Night Journal

[gilded badge]

Good Mor nin Journal

[gilded badge]

Ive been quite and overthinked for over 2 hours

Wow

Should i call it overthinking tho ?

[gray python]

you good?

what caused you to overthnk

think

[gilded badge]

Yes i am better now thanks for asking

[gray python]

thats good

[gilded badge]

Yea also how are you

[gray python]

im good

feel free to ping whenever your feeling down

willing to help 😉

[gilded badge]

Thats great to know

[gilded badge]

Thanks for you kind words brother

[gray python]

💪

[desert silo]

U can take inspiration from me (dont be like me tho)

[desert silo]

Fr

Hru jota

Been a month

Seems like u r doing just fine

I hope u reach france in that nasty quiz of urs 💀

Goodnight whoever reads this

This journal crossed quite a lot of msgs i see

Well mine is gone now tho

[gilded badge]

Real thanks 🫡

[gilded badge]

Good Knight

[gilded badge]

Good food = Great mood

Goog desert

[gilded badge]

Exam went well

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Computer networking and Fullstack web development

[gray python]

food looks busin

is that indian food

it looks greek

[gilded badge]

Yeps

[gray python]

looks like paneer

or might be a potato

not surew

[gilded badge]

Yes it is

[gray python]

love

indian fod

food

i love it sm

maybe cause im indian

[gilded badge]

Haha

Man the paneer was delicious

[gray python]

i can suggest u some indian dishes if you'd like

[gilded badge]

Brother i myself am from india 😀 but sure go on ahead

[gray python]

ooh lool

uh

try

panner bhunji

it acc bangs

[gilded badge]

Bhurji you mean ?

[gray python]

yes

my bad

[gilded badge]

I have tried that yes

[gray python]

tikka paneer also good

[gilded badge]

Its good

[gray python]

you eat non veg?

[gilded badge]

Ofc 😋

My fav

Butter chicken , chicken biryani

Tandoori chicken

Hehehhe

My favourite

[gray python]

SAME

[gilded badge]

Real

[twin ruin]

hello

[gilded badge]

Hello

[gilded badge]

This cute Companion is travelling with us

[pallid shore]

iggy

[gilded badge]

I am so un understanding so small minded . I am not able to understand how and what is happening. Why do we think that some stuff is wrong is not at all bad/wrong to others ? This is a very dumb question because ofc I am not mature enough to realise stuff I am just yapping my brain at this moment . My past days have been so hectic. Have I become weak ? Have I become strong? How do I know ? What is ethical and what is not I can't understand . Or I must be the problem . Since all I can do is complain. I don't know

These past days I didn't even have time to talk to my close ones or hardly talked to them

I just

Dont

Understand

Why me

Why everytime it has to be me

AHHHHHH

I want

To

Toughen up young man

It's alright

You know yesterday was hard to pass

But I am a tough boy :))

We all have plans for our future right ? Who knows when are we gonna leave this place right? We all live with that hope for tomorrow right ? That hope is what keeps us alive and keep going and still keeps us going in our life knowing very well that we can die anytime . So have faith and hope in yourself ok ? You are strong I know :))

[fallen heath]

Damn bro's giving advice on his own journal. That's honestly a W

Hats off to one of the great people in here

[gilded badge]

No one knows your situation better than you :))

[fallen heath]

That's honestly true

[gilded badge]

W, just like you ? Thanks btw :)) have a great day

[fallen heath]

Nah thanks man, you too and I hope there's more good to come to you cuz you're honestly a great person

[gilded badge]

Thanks a lot for your kind words .You are a great person too :))

[gilded badge]

I am so fking non deserving

Of everything

And Everyone

[fallen heath]

Yo wsp

[gilded badge]

Nothing much what about you

[fallen heath]

I'm alright, just revising for mocks

[gilded badge]

Ah nice

I wish you best for your exam

[fallen heath]

Thanks

I wish you the best too

[gilded badge]

Thanks a lot

:))

[gilded badge]

Alright One Subject done

now i gotta do the other one

I donot feel well lol

[gilded badge]

I donot know what to do

I am so unsure

Am i insecure ?

I need to question myself

[gilded badge]

Idk what to do

I am confused

[gilded badge]

See my man being unsure is alright , being insecure is alright and being confused is alright . I mean in this life who is not confused ? If you actually look at someone who is successful nowadays, someday he was also confused in his life like what to do . A lot of things can cause confusion so its ok be confused but what is not ok is staying confused. You need to figure out stuff yourself young man . No one , i repeat no one is going to come and help you . They can provide you advice at max but they cant do it for you or with you . The final step is yours and yours only , so better make it a worth it step ok ?

Sure you are not going to make the right choice or decision all the time ? But if we did everything right will it be fun ?

Being unsure and confused is kinda same like most of the times we need to know the stuff thoroughly like we need to have information and knowledge about it to be sure or confident in it . You obviously cant ask a driver to fly plane right ? Or a mechanic to code ? Or a man who knows nothing about cars to fix his car's engine right ? So thats why we need to know about our stuff . Then we won't be confused or unsure. Just like how we do in maths like if we know the solution to the answer we wont be confused, but if we dont know how to solve it. We will be in confusion about the answer for sure

So dont stress much about it

Know what you have to do

The final output depends on your efforts and hardwork and in the way you did it

Until next time young man

[gilded badge]

I hate being sick when i have a ton of work to do

[twin ruin]

It feels really shitty

[gilded badge]

Yeps

[sage girder]

Shit sucks

It also sucks when your mom sends you to school when you don’t feel well

[twin ruin]

OMG IKR

it does fr

[gilded badge]

Real

[sage girder]

Mom sent me to school when I was having hella bad allergies

[toxic mirage]

Yo I aint readin allat but jjba peak asf

[cobalt prism]

I also do like this, answering questions to keep track of my things, but I do this with an AI.

[gilded badge]

Ong

[gilded badge]

Thats good and also nice pfp

[cobalt prism]

tysm

[gilded badge]

Its johan if am not wrong
Right ?

[cobalt prism]

yep it is

[gilded badge]

Yea good taste ngl

[cobalt prism]

mhmm

[gilded badge]

I like hot water

Hot water good

👍🏻

Tasty

[gilded badge]

I love this emoji

🤡

[gilded badge]

This is actually me hahahahahhaa

See man you tried your best and they tried their best

Love

Is simple yet so complex

To love them is to let them be

Youve made a lot if not some mistakes

But

You tried your best is all that matters

When life is down

It cannot go down anymore my man

You are already at the bottom

From some time

Will it sink you down any further?

Sure it will hurt

But didnt it also give you happiness and joy when you were sad

Its alright

Be grateful she was there

And if she isnt now

Still be grateful

That you got loved

You are strong boy

Dont cry ok ?

[fallen heath]

Who u Talkin to?

[gilded badge]

Myself

[fallen heath]

Nice

[gilded badge]

Yep

There was a great quote When someone said that tell me that one sentence that can make a happy person sad and a sad person happy and that is
"This time will pass"

So

Keep that in mind ok ?

I know its been a very long time and its not passing

But

It will

Trust the process

Its Gonna hurt like hell

Buckle up kiddo

Best of luck

[gilded badge]

She's gonna leave me :((

I know i cant

Deny it

But it was so good

I felt love

After so long

Who's gonna tell her this dummy never opened up to anyone except her

Who's gonna tell her i got addicted to telling her how my day went

Which i never used to do

I never ever talked to anyone about whats going on in my life

I never opened up to anyone

I never told anyone my personal issues except her

Was i wrong ?

Was i right ?

I dont know

It felt so good

[fallen heath]

Your gf?

[gilded badge]

Yea

[fallen heath]

Why

[gilded badge]

Uh i think am incapable thats why

She cannot handle me i think

[fallen heath]

Did she told you her reason?

[gilded badge]

She said she just does not want to stay anymore

If she does it feels like its forced

[fallen heath]

That's not a clear reason

[gilded badge]

And honestly i want the best for her

[fallen heath]

There's more to that

She wasn't being specific

[gilded badge]

Well she has but i dont want to say it

[fallen heath]

Ah

[gilded badge]

Yeah

[fallen heath]

Well, got nothing much to advise

But

At least you found someone who you were open with

[gilded badge]

That is indeed true

And am grateful for that

Ill try to sleep ig

Gn

[gilded badge]

I cant even sleep lol even the dreams are about her

I just woke up and its 2:40 am

[gilded badge]

Thankfully the day passed with a lot of work

[gilded badge]

I think its time i give my good bye and best wishes

[gilded badge]

Its over

:))

She was so nice :))

I guess we cant help it

I lost again

[gilded badge]

It hurts

Everytime

And everything

Makes me question what did i do to deserve this

I never wanted bad for anyone

All i asked for was their love

And only theirs for life

Love and loyalty wont come from begging . These things come with the control of mind . You see our brain is not so easy to understand your mind wants the best . No matter what it wants the best in everything. But it can never be satisfied you know ? Even if you bring it all the treasures of the world it would still want more . Anything it does not have , it will want that thing . So controlling it is what helps us to control everything, be it emotions or anything.

Like in everyday life we see so many people rich and poor and some look handsome/beautiful and some not so good looking . But if we started choosing the ones we like and left the ones we have , what kind of world will that become ? Unbalanced and not so good right ? And that is whats happening a lot in a lot of places right ? Thats why we need to control our brain

Even these emotions and feelings you are having rn

You need to control it

Its easier said than done but what else is their you can do ?

Go cry to her and beg to her to be back to you ?

Thats not going to help is it ?

Or telling someone else about how you feel ?

What can they do ?

Sure they can comfort you with their warm words and give you advice and stuff

Then ?

Who has to carry it all along ?

Its you my guy

So keep it to yourself like you used to before

Like when she was not there ?

Remember how you used to be ? :))

Yea

Deal with it yourself

Keep doing your best

Let it hurt

I know you have finals in like 10-15 days

And its going to be real hard to concentrate

But you cant do anything

Just do your best

You have so much to do that you dont even have time to cry my guy

[gilded badge]

I still wanna ask her what did i do wrong

[gilded badge]

It all started with a few words and sentences and Ended too with a few words and sentences

-1 reason to live

[gilded badge]

It hurts :))

I wanna die

all my nights are going to be a nightmare

Why

I dont wanna trust anyone anymore

I did nothing wrong

I feel so hurt

I am sick

My earphones are broken

I cant listen to music

I cant divert my mind

I just wanted some love

I didnt want to hurt nobody

I didnt want bad for anyone

I just wanted to feel loved

Its all my fault

Why did i

Thought

That i can be loved

When all my life has already been like this

At the end it was gonna be like this

I shouldve not

[gilded badge]

I am so desperate rn

I cant sleep

[gilded badge]

I still cant sleep

[gilded badge]

Its 1 am ffs you have exams

[gilded badge]

2:22

[gilded badge]

Please tell me it was a dream

:((

[gilded badge]

I dream of us texting and there is nothing wrong and then i immediately wake up to check if its true

:((

I have woken 5 times this night

My ilness is getting worse i cant get rest

I check my phone desperately everytime i see her in dream

[gilded badge]

I messed up my project aaahhhhhhhhhhhh

THIS IS NOT GOING WELL

[gilded badge]

Good bye yall Thanks for Being so supportive love yall

[gilded badge]

I give up

I cant comprehend anything

I thought deleting everything would make me think less

But i can barely remember anything i did today

My thoughts are messed up

[fallen heath]

The more you run away, the more you come back to it

[gilded badge]

True

[fallen heath]

Take a break mate

[gilded badge]

I am trying my best

But others things were going down hill too

[gilded badge]

Look at me lol someone who checks up on me and i dont even ask them how they are doing

How are you

How is your day going

[fallen heath]

This is exactly what your journal's purpose is— you created it to let others know what's been going on with yourself and lately. It's very optional to ask how the person is when you're in need of help

[gilded badge]

But it doesnt feel right to me tho

Thats why i asked

Checking up on someone isnt everyone's cup of tea

So people hardly come here

[gilded badge]

They are usually present in Venting channels

Still its alright if you dont wanna answer

Have a great day anyways

[gilded badge]

Is this real me ? Is this what trusting someone else gave me in return ? Trusting someone is like giving them the power to destroy you and expecting they won't do it . I am in no condition to even give myself any advice .
The problem is that there were already enough problems that i was hardly able to handle and recent days got me so crumbled up and emotionally vulnerable that i didn't realise what i have become i was in constant need of someone , to talk to someone to keep my sanity . But now after that person is gone , i realised there was no body to talk because i had not put this amount of trust in anyone . I have literally no mood of doing anything , this is not getting any better . My trust , my faith has been so shook i dont even want a hug from anyone no matter whom knowing how badly i need one . I dont know if i will be able to recover in time . I think i have lost . Mom dad i am sorry this time i wont be able to do my best in exam . You can be as much disappointed in me as you want i deserve all your anger and hate i deserve it all . Am sorry i won't be able to convey it to you .

I am barely able to hold my tears in front of them

Its hard to breathe

I am so weak

Its all my fault and am all to be blamed :))

Hope this fever takes me away with it so i have nobody to disappoint

My mind and heart were already too tormented to take another shot in chest

[gilded badge]

:((

Rn

Something

Else happened

Bro

Please

End already

So much is happening

I wanna cryyyyyyyyyyyy

I am so ready to end it all

I cant have peace rn

Writing this journal is the only thing i am able to do

[gilded badge]

The fight thats going to take place rn am not ready for it

[gilded badge]

Am i being too emotional?

I should let it hurt me

Hurt me as much as you want pain

I am at fault and i am ready to accept it all

My heart rn tho is a bit weak

Both due to the situation and the illness lol

I was so much in love with you :))

Maybe in next life ? :))

My mom is venting to me :))

I am in no shape to listen

And the night is back

With a lot of silence and pain

Aaaah i wanna rant so much

I wanna vent so much

[gilded badge]

Didnt know i was planning a future which was gonna end so soon :))

Today i am sleeping alone god give me strength to not do something wrong

My friend messages me

And i thought he wanted to ask about how am doing lol since he knew about it

Turns out he just wanted the project work :))

But it all comes down to the phrase "who cares"

[gilded badge]

My fever is not getting any better i have a sharp pain in my chest

I need to sleep

[gilded badge]

Oh well

[gilded badge]

I am

Tired

[gilded badge]

I cant sleep lol

[gilded badge]

This 2 hour of sleep

[gilded badge]

I have gotten numb again

I think for now its good

Hopefully ill be able to study

"You and me always forever ♾️ 🎶🎶"

[gilded badge]

these online classes are not my cup of tea

Its so easy for them to say dont give it a thought , how do u not give it a thought . Its easier said than done

[gilded badge]

Attachment is hella powerful drug

[fallen heath]

Yeah

It is

But overtime

[gilded badge]

It will gradually decrease

[fallen heath]

It fades away once you met various kinds of people

[gilded badge]

True

[fallen heath]

Yeah

That's how I overcame it

[gilded badge]

Ah

[gilded badge]

This time will pass

What hurt me the most was at the end there was nothing but coldness in her words

it was

hard to digest the fact that i told her how other girls treat me and how it hurts but oh well its over man get over it

that it was the same her

whats up with these teachers today man

Ive been sitting idle since an and half and none of them has started the class

[fallen heath]

Bro you were dumped

[gilded badge]

real

[fallen heath]

Inflation

[gilded badge]

lmao

[gilded badge]

"Maybe you dont exist in the future you are worried about"

[gilded badge]

Today i started to observe that what happened after the breakup and what have i done after and how it has effected me both negatively and positively .
Based on these effects and problems ill fix them from today onwards hopefully.

There are a few positives , so lets talk about them :
Oh wait there are no positives for now :)).

Alright lets jump onto the negatives/issues/problems :

• I am not able to sleep . I think its quite common after a breakup . The max i can sleep for is 2 hours and then i need reassurance it was not a dream lol .
• The thought of why i opened up haunts me. It will take some time to recover
• Even tho its a little better than before i am still having issues concentrating , i have no mood of doing whatsoever i just wanna lie on my bed and die of the embarrassment.
• I randomly speak anything whenever the old memories strike. Like i will be saying anything or shout to avoid the thoughts. (Needs immediate attention Since this is not good )
• My decision making has been so dulled that i cant make a choice , i cant think clearly. (Needs immediate attention since i need to study for exams)

Alright so 4-5 needs to be worked on

From today onwards i will start my healing journey hopefully it goes well

One of the problems i am facing rn is the choice between being open or again closed to my self meaning i wont post stuff anywhere . 1 half of me says i should and the other half is saying i should not

I will have to figure out everything one by one

I hope these exams werent there

I am so on the edge of everything rn that i dont have time to give anything a thought in a sound manner

To study one needs a calm mind . Whom do i tell my whole mind is scattered. Calmness is not to be found anywhere rn

[gilded badge]

I thought i was gonna win the whole world with her

Well

Its all our expectations

The more you expect the more hurt you get

Am too pathetic of a man

[gilded badge]

journal i wanna tell you eveyrthing

how much it hurts

how does it feel

you are always here for me

I just wanna keep telling you

times are too tough rn

yesterday incident

i have so much guillt inside of me

i feel i am the cause of everything

i cant keep my calm and composure

i need help

i am so

i wanna recover from all of this

i am trying my best

[gilded badge]

Hey , you are doing great dont worry alright ? All this that you see and call failure and miserable, i call it growth , She hurt you ? No , it was your expectations buddy . I blame no one , not even myself because its just the path to growth. I forgive her , its alright to be like this ok ? There is nothing wrong with it . It was your emotions that were held for too long . Its good you accepted them am proud of you :)) . You are gonna do great .
This taught you so many thing like dont get yourself too attached , dont expect to much , learn to forgive . You were hurting because you thought there was maybe a chance she would come back . But now you have accepted it and let go . Let them be happy and independent and let them do whatever they . Focus on yourself ok ? God loves you :))

[gilded badge]

My first class ended just now i had to setup so much stuff for the next class but hey atleast i know how to setup a XAMPP server in linux

and how to link a php file to a html file

and then add them to the directory of xampp server

Lmao both my phone's and laptop mic dont work well the phone's mic does work a little sometimes and it gets really hard to reply to the teacher online lol , i reply and see no reaction or reply from them cuz my voice doesnt go through

aahh

why is this funny

i am thinking of deleting this jouranl idk why but i just feel like it

it has a lot of old memories tho

guess ill let it be for now

[gilded badge]

i dont like being sick 🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️

[gilded badge]

God damn man my sickness getting worse i feel even weaker than before

[fallen heath]

Just keep on eating

Eating is the way to regain your strength

And medicine

[gilded badge]

Yup

Thanks

[fallen heath]

Please bro, take my advice seriously

[twin ruin]

Yes

[gilded badge]

Ive had medicine
I had good food thank you for caring i appreciate it a lot i am taking it seriously dw

[gilded badge]

Hello smiley

This month of may i will never forget lol

Too much happened

[gilded badge]

I wrote a poem dedicated to the month of may Named : The Month of May

Month of May took me away,
In a traumatizing way.
Everything felt like a dream with hope,
You cut those hopes as if they were ropes.
Tied to them, a child full of dreams,
Who couldn't see the downward streams.
Full of spikes, the whole stream was,
Left him wondering what the cause was.
Came out of the water with a poisonous dart,
Ended his journey with a scarred heart

.

I hope june will be a little merciful lol

[gilded badge]

It still hurts but ig its natural

[gilded badge]

She must already be over it right ? :))

It feels so good to comfort people who are going through the same situation cuz i know its the most heart wrecking time and they need emotional support

I will give them a hug if i could

Hopefully theirs dont end up like mine :))

Nobody deserves to be sad :))

[gilded badge]

I feel a bit better now :DD

[fringe raft]

Sometimes you like a flower so much you decide not to pluck it

[gilded badge]

Ongod 🗣️🗣️

[fringe raft]

After a breakup, feeling like no one is worth trusting is common . I couldn't trust Even myself for months . But thats exactly what you learn.

People may come and go , but you have yourself, so taking best care of yourself when you feel everyone is against u is the best course of action for you @gilded badge

[gilded badge]

Yes ❤️ thank you

[gilded badge]

Gosh this time there is a lot of stuff to study man

[gilded badge]

I just checked my weight and i lost 4 kgs in past 4-5 days wow

I dont think thats good

[gilded badge]

Oh man its 40+ degrees here

And humid

Even the ac

Cant do much