How the fuck am I supposed to tell if i’m ugly or attractive

[gusty furnace]

You can ask people to rate you I guess, just remember that comparison is the thief of joy and all that

[short isle]

Dawg theres no way im asking anyone that

also I think i look different in photos

[gusty furnace]

Both anonymously online and in real life?

[short isle]

I tend to catch a lot of people staring at me, but i have no idea if its cause they think im ugly, attractive, or its just a coincidence and people just stare a lot in public

im also very socially awkward

[short isle]

in real life

I only trust people to rate me when they see me in real life though

but its too embarrassing to ask anyone I know in person

[gusty furnace]

I mean, if you were to ask me I personally think looks don't matter that much

So you shouldn't care too much I guess

[short isle]

They’re definetly not my priority, but they can make me insecure at times

I get that, but its very difficult when I can barely walk past someone just because Im terrified of social interaction

i guess it would be worse if I were ugly

[gusty furnace]

I get a lot of people staring at me too but maybe it's just because I'm a bit intimidating

[gusty furnace]

I have the same issue but I just try to ignore it honestly

[short isle]

Well I highly doubt I am. I’m a 5”3 female

Is it normal to lack understanding of how you appear to others?

[gusty furnace]

Idk people just stare for no reason at all sometimes

[short isle]

people tell me things about myself, but idk what to trust

[gusty furnace]

I have the same issue too so I guess it is normal

[short isle]

are you also insecure?

sorry if im prying

[gusty furnace]

It depends on my mood

Some days I just feel like the ugliest person in the world some other days I don't

But I don't consider myself to be attractive

[short isle]

Have people told you you’re unattractive?

[gusty furnace]

No but the staring makes me think I am

[short isle]

Some guy said I was ugly 2 years ago and that still kinda fucks with me yk

no amount of compliments from others can make up for it

[gusty furnace]

A lot of things can change in 2 years!

[short isle]

its hsrd to describe, but I only remmeber when people have insulted my appearance rather than compliment it

also do you also get that nagging feeling that you shouldnt even develop feelings becasue yiu think you’re too unattractive for it or whatever

also forgive my horrid spelling, typing on mobile is hard

[gusty furnace]

Unfortunately yes, everytime I see a pretty girl I think to myself "Dang too bad I look horrendously bad"

[short isle]

Is it worse for guys?

I keep hearing that girls are meant to get chased

but thats only meant for the attractive girls

[gusty furnace]

It is for me, and social anxiety surely doesn't help lol

[short isle]

guys keep saying its easier for girls but what abiut the unattractive women?

[short isle]

but I sort of feel like its easier to be attractive as a guy

please correct me if you beleive overwise

Im not a guy so I may be speaking too much from my own experiences and disregarding the objective truth

[gusty furnace]

Well even if it was, we're still the ones who need to "chase"

Or at least that's what society tells us to do

[short isle]

Ive literally only had 3 people confess to me

I dont really see the chasing aspect there

perhaps Im just too ugly

[gusty furnace]

I'd consider that to be a lot

[short isle]

Really?

It doesnt seem to be a lot to me

[gusty furnace]

Well I'm also not a girl so idk lol

[short isle]

have you ever had a girl confess to you

[gusty furnace]

If 3 people found you pretty enough to confess to you it must mean you aren't as ugly as you think you are

[gusty furnace]

Nah, girls don't approach first, that's not how it works unfortunately

[short isle]

Idk though, what if those three people just painted a oretty picture of me in their heads

[short isle]

the fuck

What am I supposed to do

wait for some guy to come and find me?

[gusty furnace]

Just wait around? 😹

That sounds stupid too ngl

[short isle]

I havent had anyone approach me randomly in public

[short isle]

that only works if im pretty

[gusty furnace]

Because that's not how it happens, trust me

[short isle]

I had a guy offer to buy me coffee omce but I stuttered for 30 seconds and ran away

So the one chance I got I bkew it

Or he could’ve just been being nice

[short isle]

Then hows it supposed to happen

[gusty furnace]

You don't randomly go to a stranger asking if they can have coffee with you

[short isle]

well no he heard that i had forgotten my wallet and offered to buy me coffee

[gusty furnace]

First you meet, you become friends, some time passes, then usually the guy is the one to confess

[short isle]

I feel like i dont interact with guys eniugh to understand when they’re being nice and when they’re actually interested

[gusty furnace]

I have the same problem but with girls lol

[short isle]

but i feel like when guys are actually interested they make it obvious

[short isle]

honestly I never really got why guys are so afriad of asking girls out but now I kinda get it

[gusty furnace]

There's a whole thread on here talking about us (guys) being afraid of women lol

[short isle]

I just feel like sometimes girls groupchats can be a bit harsh

[short isle]

Man I still think guys are scarier. God knows what they think of me

[short isle]

All my guy friends are gay

[gusty furnace]

Well it's the same for us honestly, growing up I've always found women to be more judgemental

[short isle]

Lord help me

[gusty furnace]

Then... Find some non-gay friends?

[short isle]

really?? I thought it was the other way around, considering how some guys would just be rating girls and stuff like that

[gusty furnace]

I think we just do it for self-pity lol

We don't actually care too much

At least I don't

[short isle]

Well I’d have to wait for them to come to me. I genuinely cant approach people for the life of me

Also I think Im just a gay magnet

Im friends with every gay guy at school so thats something

[short isle]

really?

It just feels kinda bad yk

[gusty furnace]

It's kinda normal, gays usually prefer to have girl friends

[short isle]

Im not a massive fan of women calling men ugly, or slandering their friend’s crush just cause he’s not tall enough or whatever, but Im certainly not in favor of objectifying women and judging them soley off of the basis of their appearance

[gusty furnace]

That's all society tends to do nowadays unfortunately

[short isle]

Perhaps thats a bit extreme and Im just severely insecure

[short isle]

Wdym by self pity

[gusty furnace]

Since we see ourselves as ugly we distract ourselves by rating women instead

I remember doing that sometimes with my old group of friends

Sometimes we just do it for fun really

It's not that deep

[short isle]

Is it normal for me to be intimidated by guys cause of that?

[gusty furnace]

Absolutely, but you also shouldn't let it get to you since we just do it for the sake of it

[short isle]

Whatre the chances of a guy giving their number to an unattractive girl if she just went up to him

[gusty furnace]

If he found her attractive he'd want to be friends with her

[short isle]

what if he didnt

[gusty furnace]

Then from there, if there's mutual interest, it can develop into something more

[gusty furnace]

Then he wouldn't, pretty simple no?

You just move on with your day

[short isle]

Oh

well shit Im screwed then

[short isle]

idk if I got rejected I think Id be crying for a few days 💀

[gusty furnace]

I mean, the guy would just move on. I'm afraid of rejection so I never even bothered with this stuff

[short isle]

Would you say most guys are scared of rejection?

[gusty furnace]

Everyone is scared of rejection, it's something you need to overcome.

I never will but that's okay, I've accepted that

[short isle]

I mean I dont think you should shove yourself into a hole and never come out

Im sorry I hope Im not saying too much

[gusty furnace]

Nah it's fine

[gusty furnace]

I already did a long time ago

It's lonely in here but I manage

[short isle]

Are you just gonna be single for the rest of your life?

[gusty furnace]

I don't know, I believe in soulmates and all that so if there's someone waiting for me it will somehow work out

[short isle]

Good for you man

Hopefully theres someone out there who isnt too concerned with my appearance

[gusty furnace]

If you want to get rated you can just create a burner account on Reddit and post a picture of you there, there's a sub-reddit for everything lol

[short isle]

dawg reddit is too blunt I csnt handle it 😭😭

[gusty furnace]

Yea I know, that was a stupid suggestion

Burner discord account and go in a random server asking people to rate you?

I still think you shouldn't care at all but yea

[short isle]

oh my goodness Im so sorry

but once again, I dont trust oictures of me as solid material

[gusty furnace]

Sorry for what 😹

[gusty furnace]

Just try to take the best pic of you🤷‍♂️

[short isle]

so from like 10 ft away

[short isle]

the terribly delayed reply

[gusty furnace]

You didn't have to apologize, you sound like a nice person

[gusty furnace]

I find that using a mirror makes me look more like the real life me, try that

[short isle]

really? Whenever i take photos in a mirror, I happen to look generally better

I feel like I look better in ohotos than in real life

[gusty furnace]

You said you looked worse in photos?

[short isle]

No, i just said that I feel like its not an accurate representation of me

[short isle]

ph well thank you very much for that

[gusty furnace]

Oh

[short isle]

You do too

[gusty furnace]

Well if anything you'll get a little confidence boost, that never hurt anybody

[short isle]

yeahhh but I’d rather accept being ugly than delude myself into thinking im not that hideous

[gusty furnace]

I mean it's not like a simple photo is gonna turn you into an instant 10/10 lol

[short isle]

Right, but I think its importsnt to accept things for what they are

I feel like im like a 3

4 on good days

[gusty furnace]

I remeber a guy on this server once asked to rate him since he thought he was the most hideous looking guy on earth but he was actually pretty good looking. Often people de-value themselves and I think you are doing just that right now

[short isle]

I might be, because the chances of me being a fair contendor for ugliest person on the face of the earth are fortunately low, but I dont really know what to think or make of myself yk?

[gusty furnace]

You don't need to make or think something of yourself, you just are

I don't know if that makes sense

It's not all about looks, that's what I'm trying to say

You shouldn't care

And obsessing over it is also detrimental to your mental health, just take a look at looksmaxxing for example

[short isle]

I get what you’re saying, but I tend to spiral when I consider these things

I spend majority of my free time learning abiut quantum physics philosophy or art, so much so that I forget about these insecurities

but when they come to mind, its very difficult to overcome

[gusty furnace]

You shouldn't feed into these thoughts too much, just try to brush it off

[short isle]

But it dictates so much of my social interactions

[gusty furnace]

Why?

It doesn't have to

[short isle]

when i first talk to someone, the first thing they judge me off of is my apoearance

[gusty furnace]

Did you forget about the fact that 3 guys confessed to you? That should already be enough for you to understand that you are not a monster

[short isle]

Is 3 guys really enough to make any statements?

[gusty furnace]

Well, it would be enough for me

It's 3 different people, each one with a different life and experiences

The main point is that you shouldn't care the least bit. If you didn't care, this problem wouldn't even exist in the first place

[short isle]

man thanks for giving a fuck by the way

It doesnt happen often

[gusty furnace]

"Don't add more pain to the world, there's enough already"

[short isle]

I like you.

You certainly are a fresh breath away from the nihilistic nature of social media

[gusty furnace]

Nihilism doesn't make any sense

At least for me

[short isle]

i hope you like you too

[gusty furnace]

I don't but it's fine, learned to live with it

[short isle]

As long as yiu’re content, theres no problem with it

But i just wanna say that I think you should like yourself.

As far as i can tell, youre a very wonderful person

[gusty furnace]

I'm too much of a piece of dirt to like myself

[short isle]

I dont know anything about your life, but Im 100% certain that that’s not true

Ive met and gotten to know real pieces of shit

[gusty furnace]

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
That's my whole life in a nutshell so I guess I am a piece of dirt

[stark badge]

defo super attractive

i feel like no one notices not attractive people

[short isle]

Yeah, but wouldn't you have to look at someone to tell at least? So maybe when I catch people looking at me, it's just them glancing over me or whatever

[stark badge]

maybe they look awway cuz u look at the mand the ydont wanna make eye contact

[short isle]

Don't some people look at ugly people just cause of how unattractive they are though?

[lime cove]

heres a tip as someone who went thru the exac same thing around ur age

attractiveness is 80% confidence

like i mean confidence as in be sure of yourself and know what you want and what looks good on u

ppl looking may also just be overthinking

[short isle]

But at what point does that confidence cross over into ego

[lime cove]

confidence and ego are very different

confidence is mostly being comfortable with who u r and expressing confidence as yourself but ego is more pushing it onto others

but if ur still insecure and wanna change the secret is that attractivity is highly subjecive

its not about looking a certain way its about doing what looks good and fits your person

so like jst do what you like and looks good as you and dont let the doubts get to u

[stark badge]

i dont think thats it lmao

[short isle]

I don't think it's that subjective right?

Obviously levels of attractiveness is subjective

but generally, if someone's attractive, they'd be in the range of a 7-10 depending on the person juding

[short isle]

I mean idk what else then

[stark badge]

your pretty

[lime cove]

what i mean is like even tho each person looks different to look 'attractive; looks different on everyone theres not one defintiion

and plus it highly depends on the person judging's type

and personality is a huge factor

if ur still insecure tho im also a girl i can give u some tips if ur comfortable

[short isle]

Or do people just make eyecontact a lot in public

[short isle]

Yeah sure please go ahead

[lime cove]

if ur ok with it can u send like a selfie in dms

or maybe just describe what u want advice on?

like clothing makeup hair etc.

[short isle]

Yeah sure