#My Vent

48 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

turbid stump
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Just a journal of my life, not many trigger warnings other than ||sh, suicide, and drugs||. Im mostly making this in hopes of someone picking this up and hearing me out because i cant really vent to any of my friends because they rely on me too much, so if you have the time, please learn me so someone can help me.

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I woke up this morning and decided to make this because i posted earlier asking for someone to listen to me one on one, but nobody really responded. If the post is still up you can go read it. Anyways, the main reason im making this is because i started to realize that ive been hiding my emotions from people for nearly 4 years. For reference, i’m in my second year in high school. And a lot of recent events of the past few months have started to, unbottle, those emotions, and now i’m looking for help because its overwhelming and i cant turn to anyone I know because everyone i know has seen me as the “resilient and supportive” friend who can take all of your shit and will still be friends, which is true in that sense, but it makes it so that i cant really turn to them because if I do they start seeing that im not the anchor they thought i was and they’ll detach, and after what happened with my first, i promised myself i would never do that again.

hearty grove
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I’m in my 3rd year of highschool and going through something similar, all my emotions have been unbearable because I’ve hid them all my life I switched schools and made new friends I’m still around for my old ones, but my new friends share some of the stuff I’m going through and we vent from time to time, but I’m still in a really bad place, but I get what your going through feel free to DMs me if you need to vent

turbid stump
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Yeah, i moved a week ago to my new school and its been a really, rough transition. The stress of the matter behind moving and the new school is just so much. I dont really care all that much about getting new friends because im already so dedicated to the ones where i used to live, but ive made a few friends. Im not really close enough to vent and all that, and i probably wont because i just dont really feel comfortable with people i am close to knowing whats going on in my head.

turbid stump
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A person in my english asked me for a lighter, and we both dipped and she told me abt some parties this weekend. Idk, i might go to smoke and drink some, i havent in a while. And shes pretty, so who knows what’ll happen. Ill have to get it past my dad tho.

turbid stump
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Ima stay up all night playing video games tonight. i havent been able to relax since the move.

turbid stump
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i slept in so late😭

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somehow my headphones stayed on all night

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i sleep with music playing so drown out my dad’s snoring

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or the yelling in the other room

turbid stump
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yeah, im deteriorating slowly

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i can feel it. something inside of me is just slowly dying

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i dont know what it is

turbid stump
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I woke up this morning and felt like i was gonna throw up for no reason

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i got in an argument with my friend last night

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i forgot what it was about

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but its whatever we’re still friends

turbid stump
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ugh im gonna throw up i feel so shitty rn

turbid stump
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i threw up, napped for like 2 hours, and now i dont feel queasy i just have a headache and im weak. i ate and drank 2 bottles of water, now its just a waiting game

turbid stump
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i have, the worst headache. I spent 10 minutes trying to look for my keys until i missed the bus, and now i have to tell my dad.

turbid stump
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Sometimes i wonder if people actually read this👀

turbid stump
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welp. i have my answer

sullen jetty
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now i have came across this

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azila has joined

turbid stump
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👀

turbid stump
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I woke up to 2 paragraphs today. My stepmom and my girlfriend, both explaining how much they love and miss me. Warmed up my heart.

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I fucking hate moving. Because I know damn well that neither of them would say that to my face.

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Well my girlfriend probably would. But my step mom? Shes never really been that type of a mother.

sullen jetty
turbid stump
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She always told me that her job never was to love, care, or respect me, but to feed and clothe me and put a roof over my head.

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And so any time i ask for something she reminds me that shes working 24/7

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Kinda makes me laugh now. Thinking of how bs that was. The amount of ||mental abuse|| i had to endure from that woman, and yet i still have the nerve to say i wish i hadn’t moved.

sullen jetty
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but im glad you are alive

turbid stump
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thank you. she rarely ever took anything to a physical level.

sullen jetty
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although the guilt tripping is going to suck

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if you did move that will be expected

turbid stump
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I got real close to crying last night. I was talking to someone and idk, they just hit a rare spot.

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i havent cried in forever. so many people tell me i should, but at the same time i cant risk breaking down, not right now anyways.

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And it doesnt help that a really good friend of mine hasn’t texted me in 5 days. we usually text every single day.

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yesterday she left me on read. improvement?

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idk. in my opinion, left on read is worse than left on delivered. if they bother to read your messages, they should have the decency to respond.

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last time we talked she was getting upset that i wasnt telling her every detail of my life, and me and her relationship is weird, we’re like, best friends, i’ve made it known im down to be more, im pretty sure she doesnt want to, and yet we flirt back and forth.

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i essentially told her that is isnt really her business, and i can choose what i get to say to her or not, but i also said i was going to open up more.

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i dislike opening up to people close to me because the people close to me depend on me. im like and anchor for them. and if they start to think i have all these problems and that im not fit to be an anchor for them, they’ll just quit depending on me and something will go wrong and i wont be able to do anything because they dont want to open up to me because they dont want their problems to be my problem when that’s all i want because it lets me ignore my problems.

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i dont know. thats just my thought process in it all.

sullen jetty
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everyone has problems but its not always the same thing they can solve