#Little Nook of Stuff and Things! (started Feb 5)

1 messages · Page 2 of 1

stark aurora
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And just in case if i dont ever talk here again, i miss you all. You were all lovely

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Thank you for being in my life

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<3

stark aurora
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May 21

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Im still here

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Im not going into much detail

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But

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I survived

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Im ok

tidal mortar
stark aurora
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May 22

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Heyy, im still here

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My little brother just body shamed me

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So basically

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I had just finished cleaning the table

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He wanted a sandwich

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(He wanted to put cheese on it, and put it in the oven for a bit to melt the cheese)

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We dont have a microwave

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And he didnt feel like making it

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So he turned to me

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And asked me to make it

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He was very polite

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I was feeling tired

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And I said, no, im feeling tired, and I rather would not want to do that

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He was persistent

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Being less polite

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And continuously begging me

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“Please?? Can you please make it?”

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And in the end, he pulled out the

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“But I used to make it for you!”

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Thats true

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He did, but it was of his own choice to do it

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And I had always thanked him

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I said, because I was very tired,

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“I am really sorry, but I just finished cleaning the table, and I want to do my homework”

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Then he got angry

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And started saying that

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It’s not fair

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And how he always makes food for me

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Thats false. Sure, he does it once in a while

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But he claims that he always does it

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I would have done it for him

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But im literally so drained that I will take a nap after this

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Anyways

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He was raising his voice, saying that its not fair

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And that i should make him the sandwich

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And I kind of snapped

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I said that

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“Well, I literally raised you, so you should shut your mouth”

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I’ll admit

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Thats rude

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But

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he was whiny, and he played Fortnite all day instead of going to school

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And I had a test and a presentation and I had to talk to teachers and I had also hit my head

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And I felt annoyed

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(Plus I am on my period and i felt terrible and moody)

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Btw, the raising part is true

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I was like a 3rd parent

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I fed him, I cleaned up after him, I entertained him and I taught him things before he went to school

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But I had never really used that as a

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‘Power card’

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Anyways

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Then he glanced down at my body

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And called me fat

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And asked in a purely disgusted voice

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“Well, when was the last time you took a run around the lake?”

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And that hit me

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Because

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I am underweight

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I had been terrifyingly skinny

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In the past month

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I had been so underweight that my ribs literally poked out of my body

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It was literally today

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That I had started eating again

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and started eating lunch

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And I had even felt confident enough

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To wear a fucking t-shirt

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At my house

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And the first insult that came to his mind

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Was that I was at

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*fat

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And taht i didnt exercise enough

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I do

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At school

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And

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I had only now started gaining weight and feeling ok with it

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It had taken me

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2

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Fucking months

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To even

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Get comfortable

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In my own skin

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And he fucking ruined it

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I cant

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Fucking do this again

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I hate him

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I hate myself

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I had only just started feeling better

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About my mental health again

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And he fuckign knew it

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He fucking saw that I was starting to fix my mental state

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And he just

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Fucking went for it

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Iuhiuiuagdkjhvbh

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Anyways, I am totally not crying in my room right now

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I can hear him

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Complaining about me

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And how I didint make him a sandwich

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He fucking ruined my self esteem

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Over a fucking sandwich

stark aurora
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June 5

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Im crying

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So hard

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I might sound like im overreacting

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But

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There was this fanficiton that was literally the last thing keeping my shit together

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It’s part two of Magic and Mystery

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But the stupid fucking fandom

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Has stressed the author out

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So much

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That they lost motivation

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They nearly quit halfway throuhg

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And now

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There isnt a part 3

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This fanfiction

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Was what got me throuhg the week

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Since it was on Wednesday

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So I had something to look forwards to

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And anticipate

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Im scared of the fandom dying out

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There is no more content

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And

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I feel horrible

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Since its because of the fans

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Being too harsh and pushy

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I cant deal with this

stark aurora
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The fanfiction was the

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Only thing holding me together

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Now that im looking back

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I was somewhat happy

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To have something to look forwards to

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Each week

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And now

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Oh it fucking hurt

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S

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Im just drowning myself in

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Other things

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To stop from crying again

stark aurora
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:((

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I cant get over it

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Everything is now so bad

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That story was my lifeline

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I feel so stupid

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For relying on something

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Like this

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But auihagdj

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That fic is the reason why im still alive

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/srs

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I forgot about most problems when reading it

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I

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Felt happier than ever

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I LAUGHED TO MYSELF IN MY ROOM

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I feel like an idiot

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For depending on something that is so easily taken away

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Im scared im legit going to kill myself

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Exams are coming up

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Stress is at an all time high

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I got SCOFFED AT

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When I brought home a mark of 87.5%

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Sure

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It was for an easier English thing

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BUT I CANT SIT STILL

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AND FOCUS

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FOR LONG

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And I had to do so for

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3 hours

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And I had to write an essay from scratch

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No prep

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Within 1.5 hrs

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:(

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I hate myself

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I hate my procrastination

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I hate culminatings

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I hate my assignments

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I hate not being able to look forwards to each Wednesday

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With a smile on my face

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I feel so empty

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Im going to see if i can make it

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To next Wednesday

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I pray that it was a joke

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:(

stark aurora
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Still alive

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June 10

stark aurora
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June 12

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I feel weirdly lightheaded

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All the time

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Im not taking anything

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And in the corner of my eyes

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I keep seeing these weird black dots

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It’s like a

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Spider

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And it moves

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And when I look at it, its gone

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A second ago, I thought that a raindrop somehow came into my room, cuz

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I could have sworn that I heard the plop of a water drop hitting my mattress

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And I could have sworn that I saw it

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I might be going crazy

stark aurora
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July 4

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Still alive

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I’ve been sent it a religious camp

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I’m not religious

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No offence to religious people and their religions

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But it’s not for me

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I’m too tired to pray to a god I don’t believe in

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I don’t want to wake up

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Early

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I can’t do this

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I quite literally wants to hang myself two days ago

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But whatever

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I’m ok

stark aurora
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July 16

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I made it out of camp

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But

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I nearly got kicked out of my house

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For asking to quiet down the music

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Cuz my father

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Put it at blasting loud

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(I was 1 floor up, with a closed door, under the covers, with headphones and my own music, and I could literally hear it at such a volume that my ears hurt)

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So I texted my mom to get them to stop

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She didn’t

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She said ok but didn’t

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I endured the music for

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Thirty mins

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And then had enough

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I stormed down

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And wanted to shut it off

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(I had already asked several times to quiet it down cuz my head and ears hurt)

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And I told them that I had headphones and whatever

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And then my father

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Grabbed my wrist

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(I expected him to slap me and shove me against the table but he didn’t)

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And forced me away from the speakers

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And shouted at me to get out of the house

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If I didn’t like the music

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I ofc said no.

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I’m not getting kicked out

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Of my living space

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Because some narcissistic, cold uncaring cheating control freak asshole tells me to go outside like a dog

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Btw

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I’m not sarcastic

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He is a narcissist

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He is very cold with his family

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He does not care about us

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He cheated on my mom

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Several times

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And ogles women like they are pieces

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Of meat

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And he is a control freak

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He installed things on my old laptop so he could spy on my screen

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I wouldn’t put it past him to be looking at this

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Hey dad if you see this, fuck you.

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And he is an asshole

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And I’m moving out the first chance I get

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And I’m taking my siblings with me

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Other than my asshole of a little brother who is exactly like my father

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He can stay and continue to be the favourite

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He gets everything

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He gets expensive Nike shoes

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And clothing worth hundreds of dollars

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He gets a new Xbox

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He has like 2

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He has an iPad

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A laptop

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And control over the Nintendo

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He is 10

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He gets v bucks whenever he whines for it

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He has a gaming setup

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He has minorities

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Monitored

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Help

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Autocorrect

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Mini

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Figures

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He has a steering wheel thingy for his game

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He’ll

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Get anything he whines for

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He got 2 birthday gifts once

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And my dad forgot abt my birthday 💀

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My mom had to remind him

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And whenever I ask for something

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He never gets back to me

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He owes me at least 1050 dollars

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But he never gives it

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He just keeps taking my money

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Insisting that he needs it for the mortgage or whatever shit excuse

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He comes up with

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I believed him when I was smaller

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No

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We have enough money

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I hate this

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My younger brother is

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A Fortnite kid

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He rages

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Screams

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Throws his controller to the ground

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And so on

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And my dad doesn’t bat an eye

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But when I’m having a conversation with to my friend who lives an hour away

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Quietly

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It’s a problem

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Guess what

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My little brother, little sister and other little sister are going to a cottage

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This Thursday

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What’s happening with me? I’m staying home

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I don’t have a choice

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I’ve never been there

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The kids have

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My little sisters also get whatever they want

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Makeup

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Money

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Nike stuff

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iPads

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Whatever

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At least I got clay

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A while ago

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I also finally got a phone on my birthday

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So that’s cool

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Oh my iPad got taken away

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Again

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Cuz I asked to turn the music down

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Oh shoot I gtg

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My wifi

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Turns off in 2 mins

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Anyways, it’s been a bad day

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Whatever