#Journey of my life + My toughts

246 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

bronze flax
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looking forward to watching you grow as a person PeepoHeart

signal geyser
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Well, report of the day

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Im a bit late

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So we gonna start by yesterday

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First of all, when i joined this server i sent an help for AN HUGE MISTAKE THAT I MADE

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Then when i woke the morning, checking my messages, because ITS VERY IMPORTANT

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I saw that 2 persons answered to my call of help

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Then i sent them an private message, we talked for a LOOONG TIME

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And we finally ALMOST fixed my mistake

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Then after have the mind cleared

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I passed to FEEL NOTHING, more like being neutral, not happy not sad

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That was fine, because i am very REASONABLE

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So i saw only advantages in this

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But then i went SAD

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WHY

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Thinking about how i will explain to my friends THAT I AM NOT A GIRL >:C

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After that, I COMPLETLY FORGOT

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Oh wait nevermind

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I met somebody on THESE ROBLOX GAME

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It was an pansexual

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First my ROMANTIC INSTINCTS was like "GRRRR" then i went to VOID FEELINGS

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Am i eromantic?

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IDK

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Probably

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Anyway, after that day, i became a new person!

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Like kind of everyday

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Just changing of personality, to gain experience (YEAH LIKE IN A RPG)

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And this day

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WAS A BORING ONE

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And a cool one

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First

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Sport treadmill

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SUCK

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now

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Im doing of it everyday BUT I NO MORE FEEL THIS INTENSE SPORT

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Same at MAX SPEED

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But im sure i i will fix that problem, as i fix everything in my LIFE

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Then, i drawed ALL THE DAY, an cartoon character

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Chatting with my friend

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Well basic stuffs

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I was too hoping to find THE GREAT MOMENT to tell to her that I AM A BOY >:C

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And now im realising, THAT I HAD MANY GREAT MOMENT

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I DIDNT NOTICED

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AAAAAA

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But i will tell it SOON

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But in every case, that day was PERFECT

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Like everyday

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Also i learnt to sing

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I might not stay in this server for too long

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Except if i hold myself to talk with other

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BUT THAT WOULD BE STUPID

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People are VERY NICE, but this can CORRUPT MY MIND

bronze flax
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that's one entry if I've ever seen one

signal geyser
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Report of the day!

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Eeeeee

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I passed an good time at school, i guess

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Just school is still boring

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It make me egocentric

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MAYBE BECAUSE EVERYONE IS DUMB

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Like, i am smart for almost alway having around 20/20?

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No

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If i would compare me to somebody of smart

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I would be NORMAL

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Just that i am really open mind and aware

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I reached an high point of awareness

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But still not enough

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Also why am i talking like that?

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Like an happy person or PSYCHOPATH

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For my own pleasure

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But anyway, this day of school was just easy and boring

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French school is too EASY

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Also we did an amazing work in french

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Why TEENAGER have friends

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Or more like

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What friends can bring to a teenager

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So first

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I didn't realised that friends are useless

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Same if i have friends

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It's just

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FOR MY EMOTIONAL AND FEELINGS PLEASURE

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And a bit of profit

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😎

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But im not a bad friend

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I like doing good

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Just

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Extremist and radical

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Anyway, i should find a way to make school funnier

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Because i alway go sad at end of the day

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Then i come back at home, get happy and it start

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A LOOP

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And for now

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Im still good

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Im wondering what i am doing of my time

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But im still a kid

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So i can't do really important things

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Except someone that i should do

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I will just not manipulate people

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Idk why this is funny for me

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Another problem that i should fix

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Also sometime i wonder that i will progress and change again

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I guess this is the ULTIMATE GOAL of all personalities states inside me

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Or something like that

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Do i really have an discociative identity disorder?

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Or it is something else?

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HOW I BECAME LIKE THIS

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But actually, im not interessed by my paste

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Maybe the old me, or future me

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But there i don't feel to change

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Life is too god

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Good

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I have to find an major problem in being me

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To finally change

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I guess it's how it work

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So good to talk here

signal geyser
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Im thinking im being jealous of a girl in my class

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She is smart

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She have same ways to learn

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She is good at school

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But she is

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NOT DUMB

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CUZ SHE IS SMART

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More like

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IGNORANT

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Wasting her life

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How can you be IGNORANT, STUPID LIKE THIS, BUT GOOD AT SCHOOL?

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Maybe cuz french school is easy

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But i can't ERASE MY JEALOUSY FROM MY HEAD :C

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Im trying to write all my toughts there

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But it's a bit hard to remember them

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And when i decide to write them

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MY MEMORY GET MODIFIED

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So

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Kind of annoying

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I prefer be honest and get opinions of people

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Or idk

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Why am i here

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Like i have to be here

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Because i need all opinions

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To alway check if what im doing is good

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Somebody called me MAN

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Nevermind i like being a girl something

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Am i a freaking psychopath?

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Wondering

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BUT IM DOING GOOD

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Like every psychopath

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But i do not hide my psycho stuffs

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But im not impulsive like an sociopath

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AM I MID?

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Like im alway MID

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Im gender fluid, im abrosexual, MAYBE I AM INTERSEX?

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I HAVE IDENTITES PROBLEMS

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I can be everyone

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That is why my

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NORMAL STATE?

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REAL ME?

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No

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IDK

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is like neutral

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MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING

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That is why i like 0

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It represent me

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It's the absolute MID

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And also NOTHING

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Like infinite

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It's the EVERYTHING

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But can't be ONE THING

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Annoying a bit

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I feel like an CARTOON CHARACTER

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Or that somebody wanted for me to be LIKE THAT

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Like an savior? :O

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LOL

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No

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Idk how i became like this, i would more like being an machine, or a tortured soul, cuz of my parents

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But they're nice

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And bad

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Not sure

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In every case, their way to live, didn't lead me to be ME

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Im talkin too much but that's NORMAL

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HM

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Im scared to corrupt people mind there

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But i will not

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I have to HELP PEOPLE

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As it's my favorite thing?

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Or related to my purpose somethin like that

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I have to be HARD but not much, OR IDK

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Just my feelings who hold me

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Same it's for the common good?

signal geyser
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E

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Im tired to not being able to help people

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Well not much

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Only mentally maybe

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I should leave this server

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Writing all my days

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Wanting to help people

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Don't let me think enough

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I can't cleary think

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Like

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Im saying everything that come in my mind without THINKING MORE

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And looking at every possiblities, opinions...

bronze flax
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Don't leave the server

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even though you might feel youre dumb

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as I see you're trying your best to help people

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That's what matters

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I hope along the way you'll open up more aswell ^^

signal geyser
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Im not feeling like that i am dumb

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Im just feeling like im doing bad

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And feel like i stopped progressing

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I know i can do good things there

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But if anything stop me, then i have to end it, same if this server is very good, an heaven

bronze flax
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Progression seems at a standstill when your expectations keep rising

bronze flax
signal geyser
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This message

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Or what im talking about everydays?

bronze flax
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The message

signal geyser
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Just trying to find an quick way

signal geyser
bronze flax
signal geyser
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Like im talking about me and this server

bronze flax
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you have to keep the dedication you had when you started

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👐

bronze flax
signal geyser
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That is why i have to leave this server

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Everything is too good there

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I just would like that it stay like this

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But i can't

bronze flax
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what's wrong with everything being too good?

signal geyser
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When everything is good

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You just don't wanna that i change

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So you ignore problems

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And do everything to keep this

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So you no more progress or go back

bronze flax
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I think if bad things don't interrupt our good times, we may never learn right?

signal geyser
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Exactly

bronze flax
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every time you feel your progress is getting paused you have to keep pushing

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that'll make it more worth it

signal geyser
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i'll agree

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But more my life would get hard, more i will progress

bronze flax
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Progress is good right?

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your end goal is getting closer

signal geyser
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Not at all

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Oh god

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realization

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My goal is really far, and more like in future

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Im just trying to make it easier to reach when i will be more