a journal of my life

[warm otter]

Real

[manic jackal]

Second appointment went alr we made a crisis plan and talked about my panicm attacks, I will bring going to a specialist (in a year) and I will stay with thus therapist untill they can help me

But she's going to call my mom telling then about my ||suicidal thoughts||

[warm otter]

How do you feel about this?

[manic jackal]

Not great to be honest

But it kinda has to happen if I want to get proper help

[warm otter]

Does itttt

[manic jackal]

Yeah, we have to sign me up now before it's too late

[warm otter]

To what?

[manic jackal]

If we don't do it now and we do it again the point I really need it then it's way too late

[manic jackal]

Then I'd still have to be on the waiting list for like a year or so. So i would probably not be able to wait that long at that point

That's why we choose to do it now

[warm otter]

Hmmmmm

To see a specialist then

[manic jackal]

Wdym?

[warm otter]

That’s what you’re talking about here?

[manic jackal]

Huh wait

What

[warm otter]

I don’t know what you’re talking about lol

[manic jackal]

What part

Okey wait

Okey so

We choose to sign me up for the waiting list for a specialist. Why? Because the waiting list is one year long. So if we don't do it now and do it when I really really need it then I can't wait another year for help

[warm otter]

Waiting list for suicdal thoughts being one year long…. Who in the frick decided that was a good idea

[manic jackal]

The government!

[warm otter]

But you get to see this nice therapist in the meantime :)

[manic jackal]

Yeahh

I'm really happy with that

I was only going to get like 12 weeks (because insurance) but now il have her for this year atleast so that's kinda reasuring

[warm otter]

:D that’s good!!

[warm otter]

So how do you feel about this part

[manic jackal]

I like that I don't have to do it myself, but I hate that my mom has to go through it

[warm otter]

Wdym by go through it?

[manic jackal]

Well she has to see her daughter litarljt falling appart

[warm otter]

Okay

Imagine you’re a mom

Congrats

You have a you-aged daughter

[manic jackal]

WHAT?!

[warm otter]

That you love very very much

[manic jackal]

Damn

[warm otter]

Would you WANT to know if she was having these thoughts

[manic jackal]

Ofcourse but it still hurts to see my mom go through this all

[warm otter]

Okay so WHY would you want to know this all

[manic jackal]

Idk to help?

[warm otter]

Yes!! Because you love her and care for her and your main concern in the world is her wellbeing.

When you’re a parent with a teenage daughter you know little about their lives. You want to know, but you don’t want to invade their privacy or self autonomy. They want more than anything in the world to know about your life, and part of that is because they want to see you grow and succeed and be with you along the way

Would you rather not know about the problems, or spend the energy making them better? (Even if just slightly)

[manic jackal]

Spend the energy

[warm otter]

Ding ding

:)

So don’t feel bad

[manic jackal]

oop i forgot to tell

my mom responded pretty good, she came home talked a bit gave me a hug and we started to talk about it all

then my dad, i was with him in the car when i explained it all to him. he was relieved since my mom brought it way worse then it was. he apperantly cried on his work and now all his co-workers know about me and my problems🧍🏼‍♀️

i dont blame him, but it still sucks

[warm otter]

:’))))))

You have good parents

( phew i was worried )

[warm otter]

But they don’t even KNOW you, sooooooooooo how does it make a difference between them knowing and people like me knowing

( and they probably don’t know all too much about it )

You have good parents though.

So

How have things been going recently then

[manic jackal]

Still idk it sucks ig

[manic jackal]

It's been going better, I've been talking about my problems more to my parents. The dips are a little less but yeah still bad

[manic jackal]

Yeah

[manic jackal]

I want chips, but I cant😔

[warm otter]

Why can you not chip

[warm otter]

:))))))

Your parents were once your age and went through more similar experiences than you might believe

[manic jackal]

It was too late

[manic jackal]

Yeah I've noticed that

[keen comet]

E

[manic jackal]

Wow

[keen comet]

huh

[manic jackal]

E?

[keen comet]

erm what the heck

[manic jackal]

😭

[keen comet]

:inserpersonmewing:

[warm otter]

LMFAOOOOOOO HE LEFT

[manic jackal]

BHAHAHA FR?

[warm otter]

yeeeeeeee

[manic jackal]

kinda thinking about selling my tickets in a riskyer way

id make a 120 euro profit of it

atleast*

id probably sell them even if she wont buy them of me

because billie has some high ass demand

damn id easly get way more profit

[warm otter]

So how was your Bible and pray today

Sunset rainbow

[manic jackal]

Wow that's amazing

[manic jackal]

Ngl I didn't do it

[warm otter]

Not too late to do :)

[manic jackal]

True

[warm otter]

Soo how did it go thennnn

[manic jackal]

Well I was on the hockey field the whole day, and now I gotta bike home. Shower,eat and go to the cinema

[warm otter]

Hmmmmm

Multitask

:D

[manic jackal]

sigh😔

[warm otter]

Shower and eat at the same time, and then Bible and cinema at the same time

Ez

[manic jackal]

Fr will do

[warm otter]

So how was the movie

[manic jackal]

Haven't gone yet

[warm otter]

So how was the Bible then

Or the pray

[warm otter]

Ik i pester about that a lot heh, yess ik we all have lives can’t make time for everything

Don’t take my bullying too much to heart

[manic jackal]

I was at the cinema and went straight to bed after, was exausted😔

[manic jackal]

It's fine dww

[warm otter]

Okayyyy so how was your morning Prayer thennnn

Oh i got a new dog

He’s chill but mouthy, and i still get stressed leaving him with the cats unattended

Even though this morning he’s been MOSTLY gentle

[manic jackal]

That's great!

[manic jackal]

going to wake up at 2 to watch billie make her opener night

[warm otter]

hwhat

[manic jackal]

i am awake

and i am watching a live stream to see Billie her kick off show

do i have to wake up for school in 5 hours?

yes

will i watch the full concert?

yes

[warm otter]

Soo when are you going to sleep

[manic jackal]

uhm like after?

maybe

male fantasy just came and to say i sobbed is an understatement omg

i balled my eyes out

im going to see this live?!

the way im on high assalert that my parents dont wake up

ugh the gay panicks are real

shes so fineee

[warm otter]

You won’t get your government prescribed 9 hours

Tsk tsk

[manic jackal]

I never got that

7 hours max

[warm otter]

Meh i got 6 hours and felt best i ever was

Do fair

So fair

[manic jackal]

for real

okey well conclusion mid concert: im gay asf omg

[warm otter]

Oh u

[manic jackal]

oh me?

[warm otter]

Yee

[manic jackal]

whats up?

ugh everything i wanted im sobbing again:(

if moodswings where a concert fr

i saw you where typing @warm otter wsup?

[warm otter]

Hit key while minimizing the app lol

[manic jackal]

what?

ohh haha

[warm otter]

Sooo i take it you are not selling the tickets

[manic jackal]

i am, i have 4 tickets and i can only hold 2

[warm otter]

Even though you just spoiled the concert for yourself :D

[manic jackal]

because i cant affrd 280 euro's atm:(

[manic jackal]

that was going to happen either way, because im too nosy, and i have billieupdates i gotta keep up to date:)

[warm otter]

Who you going with hh

[manic jackal]

my mom:)

[warm otter]

AWEEEEEEEEEEEE

[manic jackal]

YEAHHH

[warm otter]

she a fan too?

[manic jackal]

not really?

but kinda?

she kinda needed to come along haha

[warm otter]

Oh yeah lol

You’re not 20

[manic jackal]

i also calculated that im going to save 400+ euro's for tour merch🙏🏼

[manic jackal]

i later found out i could come alone, but i only needed to pay half since my parents payed the other half, so im fine with it haha

[warm otter]

Okay that’s like half of what i make a month rn

[manic jackal]

shush

i get like 75 a month:(

imma start a go fund me

[warm otter]

You work??

[manic jackal]

nah

i cant rn😭

[warm otter]

Yeah i don’t recommend it anyways

[manic jackal]

i might work later in the year, so i might save more

[manic jackal]

why not? ngl its pretty fun haha

[warm otter]

Going alone

[manic jackal]

the way i want to sleep, but i just cant because FOMO:(

[manic jackal]

yess you make so many friend there

its awesome

[warm otter]

Tbh i never went to a concert alone lol always with either my gf my friend or my dad

[manic jackal]

niceee

[warm otter]

Uhhhhh no lol

I listen to classic rock

[manic jackal]

ah that explains it

[warm otter]

I’m the youngest person there by hm 50 years

[manic jackal]

bruh😭

[warm otter]

The guys playing are dancing skeletons

[manic jackal]

BHAHAHHA

[warm otter]

Probably near 80 years old slim as heck dancing around stage

It’s a great time

[manic jackal]

sounds like it

[warm otter]

But yeah I’ll pass on making friends with the grandpas there

The dog

No personal space

[warm otter]

Good thing you get to see the identical thing live

[manic jackal]

real

[manic jackal]

awhhh

[manic jackal]

YEAH BUT THATS DIFFERENT

[warm otter]

How

[manic jackal]

because now i can say ''i saw the first night''

like thats so different

you dont get it😔

[warm otter]

They’re

The exact same concert

[manic jackal]

nah ah

you just dont get it🙏🏼

[warm otter]

Every concert in a tour is the exact same

[manic jackal]

nah ah

its all different

its about the small details

[manic jackal]

AWHHH

[warm otter]

Sending boops (from frosty flakes the cat)

[manic jackal]

footage of concerts

[manic jackal]

thats too cute omg

[warm otter]

Where are you getting this random footage Lmao

[manic jackal]

i have my ways

the first one is my song i fw that one

nvm second

[warm otter]

I played them on mute lol

[manic jackal]

couldnt find male fantasy yet, but il get that one soon

[manic jackal]

thats a crime

okey i foudn male fantasy (i nearly sobbed again once i heard it)

[warm otter]

Oh u

[manic jackal]

this is like one of the songs that saved me ngl, im so exited to hear it liveeee

crazy to think how much music can do

[warm otter]

:)

Well I’m very very glad to hear it did

World is a much better place with you in it.

[manic jackal]

With a bit of luck il go to FINNEAS!

He just announced the Europe tour so that's exiting

Now I have to kinda discuss With my parents about the payment

And then I might be able to buy

[warm otter]

And ferb?

[manic jackal]

Nvm my dad said no🧍‍♀️

(IL buy resale tickets)

[warm otter]

BRUH dyno

This is what you’ll be seeing

[manic jackal]

Fr

Melanie (you can hear my friend sing😭🙏)

(I filmed the last one) (akka the best one)

[warm otter]

French

I’ll watch later Maybe on a call rn

[manic jackal]

Okey haha

[manic jackal]

Today FCOL came out, I'm currently patiently waiting for the vinyl

They delayed the signed art card?!

But I am getting the vinyl?

[manic jackal]

OMG I GOT THE TICKETS

[manic jackal]

curently woring on the magazine sigh

its honestly fine, but i hate the proces of making it haha

it forces me to learn more about billie though so its fine

[manic jackal]

just finnished the deep dive in billie her tatoo's

they're cool af ngl

[manic jackal]

I just read through this. You are so brave. Willingly sharing personal details of your life. You are an incredibly strong person.

Thank you for choosing to share with others.

❤️

[manic jackal]

Okey wait help I'm WAY to emotional for this rn😭🙏

(Yes I intact did cry)

[manic jackal]

Honestly it's helping me a lot haha, it puts stuff in perspective cuz you have to relook the situation. And it's a fun way to interact with people haha

[manic jackal]

:D

oops

I was just about to say how girlhood is crying over a song🎀

i responded to the wrong message

(Yes I was also crying before all this)

[manic jackal]

I think anyone can cry over a song

[manic jackal]

Yeah true haha, but I cry a shit ton over the same songs😭🙏

It ain't okey😔

[manic jackal]

different people have different outlets!

[manic jackal]

Yeah not sure what mine is though haha

Finneas just out out a new album, and I knew that one song would be about Billie so I only listend to that one on the release time. AND ITS SO SAD I CANT.
Like
'Mom and dad are out of town the two of us are grown ups now. Pepper had to be put down' THE HELL YOU MEAN PEPPER HAD TO BE PUT DOWN😭 I CSNT, IVE BEEN CRYING FOR 5 MINUTES STRAIGHT BECAUSE OF THAT ONE SENTENCE

Anyways🎀

They decided it was a good idea to let me be on the hockey field for 8 hours, I was on the ckub at 08:15 to coach, then I had my own game. And then I had tk be a referee (everything hurts)

I also have a free day on Tuesday?! Although my friend doesn't so it's wierd but I ain't complaining

Slaying

I also just had a small realisation that il see finneas and billie next year

I can't, pcd be hitting hard after that

I'm also heavily invested in the pdiddy case

That shits crazy

And so interesting

NEXT YEAR?!

I will be bawling my eues out

IMMA SEE THIS

And il scream

Idk

Idc

Idc who will complain

Idc who gets mad

Il scream for 2 songs

Idc

Omg-

Yk that one ring in your ear?

You can find that stuff on spotify

And it stops my thoughts

I'm set for life✊️

It's for uhm adhd it says?

Idc as long as it works🙏

[manic jackal]

My life is complete (look at how long ago it was posted)

[manic jackal]

The bf of my friend ain't it

And he won't take a hint

💀

I'm trying so hard to like him

But I just cant

[safe vault]

hey guys

[manic jackal]

Heyy

[manic jackal]

How are you?

[reef zodiac]

❤️

[manic jackal]

hey hey

curently 1:30 am, and im now just kinda up for Billie her show cuz i gotta update

me rn

[reef zodiac]

It's 12:30 pm for me

[manic jackal]

damn haha

guys i dont understand time zones

ugh

[manic jackal]

'My strange addiction'

(It's a pokemom go but with songs, and I collected these in 15 days)✊️

[manic jackal]

working on da magazine againnn

[manic jackal]

nearly finnished finally

[manic jackal]

the magazine wont be done in time

i just know it

why?

because i asked someone to make a to-do list because otherwise its overwhelming for me, so i wont start without it

and they completely ignored me

so now we still have 20 pages left

and that one guy did make some pages, wanna know what? posters

freaking posters

sigh

[manic jackal]

Bruh I was at the hockey practice

Guess what

Ya girl forgot her mouth guard, so I had to go home again💀

[manic jackal]

just had the coach night

it wasnt that bad

working on the magazine again

we have to get it done in 2 hours

(we probably wont) but hey

hey new staff?

so wierd to see new staff everytime

[manic jackal]

nearly donee

its like nearly 12 am though:(

[remote wind]

what is your magezine about

[manic jackal]

billie eilish:)

its 00:48 and we're still working😭

i just wanna sleepppp

[remote wind]

Dang 😭

Gl i hope you can sleep soon

[manic jackal]

thanks

omg we're done, just having to put it online and we're done for the day

[remote wind]

Nicee

[manic jackal]

i can finally sleep

[remote wind]

sleep well!

[manic jackal]

Omg billie freaking eilish is on Vogue cover

Might buy it tomorrow

Let's pray they have it🙏

I'm going to the store with a friend tomorrow in the hopes of getting it🙏

[remote wind]

Hope you find it 🤞

[manic jackal]

Thanks

[manic jackal]

Feeling pretty shitty ngl

Having been feeling like that for some time now

It suckssss

[remote wind]

:(

[manic jackal]

and yep working on the magazine againnn

i should be working on math

and french

but yeah

[remote wind]

Gl

[manic jackal]

thanks haha

i just kinda gave up

i want to send a letter to billie, BUT YK HOW EXPENSIVE SHIPING IS?!

(i will still do it at some point)

tomorrow i have therapyyy

and im not rlly exited but its fine

[manic jackal]

Omg you guys

I might get to vinyls but I ain't sureee

Like I ordered a for crying out loud singed vinyl

[balmy steppe]

You good Sophie? Nearly 7k messages

[manic jackal]

But it came without the signed insert, and now they shipped the signed part, but all the videos say it's IN the vinyl package

SO I MIGHT GET TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE?!

[manic jackal]

Yes very good, this is just my channel

Or like journal?

[manic jackal]

Bonjour

I should've studied for france

Guess what I did?

I definitely did not study for france🙏

[manic jackal]

3366*

Now 3367*

3368

3369

🫣

Okey no that was rlly imature😔🙏

I have hockey practice not now but like in half an hour

[remote wind]

Gl

[manic jackal]

Thanks!

[manic jackal]

Oh they won't let me swear

This was a bad day

My WiFi sucks

Jees

Okey so

I'm kinda about yo message a exfriend

Is it a bad idea?

Probabky

Do I also miss her?

Yes

Oh yeah can't swear

Did I also mess the friendship up?

Ueah

So..

Like yk

I kinda just miss the way we talked

Like on the bad days and on the good days, she used to be the first thought do matter what

Like I got a boyfriend, I imidiatly texted her

I broke up, I imidiatly texted and called with her

I found out he cheated, we texted

I found out I was going to billie, we texted Like crazy

[manic jackal]

i might just had texted her....

(i also muted her cuz im too unstable to see what she did)💀

[remote wind]

Gl w her

[manic jackal]

thanks

[manic jackal]

ngl ive been doing really bad today, i distanced a lot at hockey practice, even my friend noticed it

my ||sh|| urges have been bad too lately, i hate this all

[remote wind]

Howve you been in the last hours?

[manic jackal]

pretty bad ngl, i just had a frence test and yeah

been stressing about stuff, and just feeling down

omg @manic jackal i love love loveeeee your pfp

[remote wind]

Awh im sorry are you better now?

[manic jackal]

THANK YOU

I’m obsessed

[manic jackal]

AS YOU SHOULD

(She's so Hella hot in that picture what?!)

[manic jackal]

Not rlly, but I should be alr:)

[remote wind]

Gl 🙏

[wooden oxide]

omg found a billie fan?!

[manic jackal]

YES

YES YES YES

OFC

[wooden oxide]

OMG OMG ME TOO

I LOVE HER SM

[manic jackal]

OMG SAME

YESS ANKTHER HILLIE FAN

^
Me getting exited

[wooden oxide]

YAYAYAYAYAY

[manic jackal]

YESSS

[wooden oxide]

me tooo!! I NEVER MEET BILLIE FANS

[manic jackal]

OMG IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT HER TOO OFTEN

[manic jackal]

OMG YOU SHOULD GP INTK THE BILKIE SERVER

[wooden oxide]

WHAT BILLIE SERVER??

[manic jackal]

YOU DONT KNOW?!

Imma send a link

[wooden oxide]

NOO??

[manic jackal]

Okey wait I've got multiple

You can choose🙏

I have one for billie magazine

And 2 for just billie

[wooden oxide]

waiitt a billie magazine??

that excitststs

ecc=sf

excists

[manic jackal]

Yess I make it with a friend!

[wooden oxide]

sorry my board does weird

[wooden oxide]

that sounds amazing!

[manic jackal]

No problem

[manic jackal]

Thanksss

I can also send all

Bruh imma send it in dms, they don't want me sending dc links😔

[wooden oxide]

🙁

[manic jackal]

Random chicken?

No one in our neighbourhood owns one

[wooden oxide]

i love chickens (as dinner)

[manic jackal]

Same🙏

[manic jackal]

Guys I might actually be in love😔

But I'm not getting g my hopes up

Just saying

[manic jackal]

Still no idea where this thing came from

[wooden oxide]

Waiiitt with who

Also sorry I am stalking your life from now on

You seem to have such a fun life

[manic jackal]

With a girl I've been chatting with for some time now

[wooden oxide]

sounds cute!

[manic jackal]

No problem haha, I enjoy it when people react:)

[manic jackal]

Uhmmm I wouldn't call it that😭🙏

[wooden oxide]

Greatt!! 😄

[manic jackal]

Yesss

[wooden oxide]

Oh not?

Sorry I thought that 😭

[manic jackal]

Nah dw, It can be fun at times:)

Just received my Halloween costume!

[wooden oxide]

Aah nicee nicee!

[wooden oxide]

Oooo funn!! I never did halloween

Wait I did

Once

[wooden oxide]

Looks rlly prettyy!!

[manic jackal]

Thanks!

[manic jackal]

ughhh ||sh|| urgessss

they suckkk

im bored and also kinda tired

but too early to sleep

[wooden oxide]

You shouldn’t listen to them

Im sorry if I can’t help better

I am not good at comforting people

[manic jackal]

i know but its hard

[manic jackal]

dont worry about it:)

[wooden oxide]

I know, I believe in you<3

[manic jackal]

thanks

[manic jackal]

omg status finneas refrence?!

and tv girl

you got some good music taste

[manic jackal]

Yes

[manic jackal]

YES

[manic jackal]

Why thank you

[manic jackal]

OMGGG

i love you/p

I love YOU

[manic jackal]

nah ah, omg btw will you go to one of his concerts?!

bruh 2-3 months ago i was crying she was 1st in the world and now she's third

[manic jackal]

I AM I’m seeing her twice in march!

[manic jackal]

OMG BILLIE?!

im seeing billie may5th and then finneas may 6th (praying that billie will be at finneas his show)

[manic jackal]

Yesssss

[manic jackal]

That’s so exciting

And yes me too

But I don’t reckon finny will make it to my show

[wooden oxide]

this hurts

[manic jackal]

For real though

[manic jackal]

Same girl, he will be in France on my show😔

[manic jackal]

🤭

[manic jackal]

Today was an alright day ig

We won pretty good with the team I coach:)

We went to the city and I had some states of panicks

Idk but the panick attacks seem to come more often. Or like more the fear?

But it's fine

[manic jackal]

I just cleaned my room!:)

Not everything but it's a step

[remote wind]

CONGRATSSSSSSSSS

[manic jackal]

THANK YOUUU

[wooden oxide]

Good job!

:))

[manic jackal]

Thank youuu

[wooden oxide]

<33

[manic jackal]

It's honestly amazing when a friend asks me for ||sh|| tips (I got triggerd and it just pretty much ruined this moment)

But idm what go say, yes I have tips. Do they work? Idk for me they didn't rlly. Do I ever want to talk about it randomly? Nope not anymore

[wooden oxide]

Thats tbh so cute (except the triggered part)

Hope you didn’t do anything though, you deserve to heal<3

[manic jackal]

Nope haven't done anything still tempted but I should be fine (I hope)

[manic jackal]

Eh idk tbh, I don't think that you can just talk to people about it like that especially if you know that they healed with it? Idk atleast ask if it's okey to ask foe advice ig

[wooden oxide]

i just want you to know that you’re not alone in this, and I care about you deeply. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, but please remember that your pain doesn’t define you, and you deserve kindness and support, especially from yourself. If you ever need to talk or just need someone to be there, I’m here for you. You matter, and your well-being is important.

[wooden oxide]

That is true, she could have gave a headup or something

[manic jackal]

Stop I now litarly have tears in my eyes, I'm way too emotional for this😭🙏

Thank you I really appreciate it though♡

[wooden oxide]

Always 💕

[manic jackal]

Yeah, it's fine though

The just apologized😭

When does a charger become a fore hazard? Because I feel like mine can catch on fire any day now...

[wooden oxide]

mhm maybe it was late and they just didnt think idk

[wooden oxide]

uh maybe when you think it will..

[manic jackal]

Yeah, she's great:)

[manic jackal]

Uhm like I'm surprised it hadn't already....

🧍‍♀️

Oh uhm I also texted my ex🧍‍♀️ but that's a fact we're going to ignore (he was genuinely sweet?!)

no we're not getting back together

I'm also texting with the ex of my friend?

Feels illegal asf but she's nice

[wooden oxide]

Awhh that is so good to hear! I rlly love people’s friendships sometimes

Makes me sad I don’t have someone like that

[manic jackal]

Now you do:)

[wooden oxide]

Wiat huh the ex of your friend??

[manic jackal]

Yes😭🙏

I became friends with her the time that her and my friend were in a relation haha

[wooden oxide]

Ohhh

[wooden oxide]

Awhh no your making me cry

[wooden oxide]

Tbh I also don’t hate my ex

Still really good friends with her!

[manic jackal]

Don't cry, because if you cry then il also cry😔

[wooden oxide]

Okay lets not cry togheter 😞

[manic jackal]

Well uhm he made me miserable, made me have ||suicidal|| thoughts, and then cheated on me! But I'm just too soft to hate😭🙏

[manic jackal]

Okey okey good idea

[remote wind]

Oh girl 😅

[manic jackal]

😭🙏

The past is the past

[wooden oxide]

Okay sooo maybe not talk to him😭

[manic jackal]

Uhmmm

Yeah but like

Uhm

Yeah

😔

[wooden oxide]

Okay that is too relatable 😞

My ex also made me miserable and now we are besties

[manic jackal]

so real of you girl

we're just a gir

[manic jackal]

bruh they wrote ''billy eilish'' on our test

i corrected it idc

[wooden oxide]

I’d be mad

[manic jackal]

I was

I corrected it, and then I went to my teacher saying that it was wrong

[wooden oxide]

Good job

[manic jackal]

Thank you

billie bowing in her concert gif

[wooden oxide]

Yes

[manic jackal]

Dude I'm at hickey practice rn and my trainer is too late

Story of my life

[wooden oxide]

Bruh

[manic jackal]

tomorrow is a free dayyy

[manic jackal]

yk whats really my lowest point?

me crying because i can never get billie eilish:(

but to be fair, billie also did this over justin bieber

i guess hot girls just cry over famous people they cant have

[manic jackal]

me doing calculations at how much money il spend at billie her tour next year

a zip up: 130

a blohsh necklace: 80

a poster: 40

sooo thats like

uhm

130+80=210

+40

=

250

and then i still have finneas his tour to attend

but im not rlly liking his merch so its fine

in my defense for the zipup hoodie, look how pretty

its subtle, and i loveeeeee zipups like these

i curently own a normal one and i wear it like atleast every 2 weeks because its kinda too short

and this one is so long and comfy

(the price it shows is CA)

[manic jackal]

omg slay first message ever

(was it an anxiety attack? probably)

the way people just reacted with thumbs really throws me off

✨ ruint✨

okey these emoji's i cant

omg cringe, imma update this one time. and why the hell (obv) i never rlly talked about billie at this point

turns out dude really was a jerk

HE DID?!

HE LIKED ME HAHAHA

(i def never did)

still the story of my life

omg i remember this, still forever gratefull tbh. that tanktop got worn sooo much, but now its to cold:(

and this is the moment imma stop reading

[wooden oxide]

THATS SO COOL

[manic jackal]

IKR IL BE GETTING THAT ONE

[wooden oxide]

JEALOUS

I AM STILL SO SAD I COULDNT GET ONE

[manic jackal]

OMG WDYM?! DID YOU GO?!

[wooden oxide]

NO MORE LIKE

IM SAD I DIDNT GET TICKETS

[manic jackal]

OHH GIRL

i cried when i saw that i was 5000th in line for tickets

then i cried some more after they kicked me out cuz i ''was a bot''

then i cried some more when i did get tickets.

best roller coaster of my life

[manic jackal]

you should watch the livestreams btw, i loved it tbh

[wooden oxide]

Id be balling my eyes out

[wooden oxide]

Ooo that sounds so cool tbh

[manic jackal]

i was omg

[manic jackal]

yesss, i saw the first show that way, i was still sobbing

[manic jackal]

Just went on a walk with my friend

[manic jackal]

I have therapy in like 8 minutes

Idk why I'm anxious?

But oh well

[wooden oxide]

You can do this❤️

[manic jackal]

Need (It's 125 so I won't be able to afford it for another 3 months)

[manic jackal]

It went fine, thank you!♡

[wooden oxide]

THOSE ARE SO COOL

[manic jackal]

I KNOW

But it's like

Am I going to spend my money on these?

Like I should still have enough for the tour then

But like

Should I?

I just realised that I will

I will still have nearly 400 euros if I do so

[wooden oxide]

oh i would if I were you

[manic jackal]

I will🙏🙏

I can buy them in january and then il have around 350 for tour

And I only need 200

250*

[manic jackal]

i will probably custimize them like this

i also found out that if i save for 2 months il be able to buy them in 2 instead of 3

which will be next month, since i will get money this month!

so lets just all pray that they will still sell them then

a better look at them (yes i did change a few things)

[manic jackal]

those mf will only put it on for a week

my heart is broken tbh

[wooden oxide]

bruh

thats such a scam

[manic jackal]

Ikr

[manic jackal]

Today we will go to a 'college' but jts until atleast 4pm and I'm kinda anxious. I'm just not feeling great mentally and if I go I can't go back

[manic jackal]

My dad is going to discuss with my mom if I can get the shoes for sinterklaas (It's a holiday that's kinda like Christmas but then a different dude)

[manic jackal]

MY MOM GOT THEM FOR ME

[wooden oxide]

How did it go?

[manic jackal]

It went good, it was kinda boring but nothing too bad!

[wooden oxide]

Great to hear!^^

[manic jackal]

How are you??

[wooden oxide]

not that good! but trying to feel okayish! tysm:)

what about youu?

[manic jackal]

Sorry to hear it's not that great, I'm here if you want to talk🫂

[manic jackal]

A little stressed, I have a math test tomorrow and I'm scared tbh

[wooden oxide]

im sure you can do it!

[manic jackal]

Let's hope so

[wooden oxide]

How did it go?

[manic jackal]

I'm not sure tbh, my teacher helped me a lot, and said that I got a question right. So it's atleast higher then a 12%💀

[wooden oxide]

thats good

i think

[manic jackal]

Let's hope so

[manic jackal]

I got 31%

I really hate math, idk what to do anymore

[wooden oxide]

Out of 100%?

If so I am sure next time will go better

It is only one test:)

[manic jackal]

mhm

[manic jackal]

yeah i guess

[manic jackal]

Bonjour

I'm home alone, and uhm bored

[manic jackal]

so true, i think about this pretty much all the time. i wouldnt have to be ashamed for being gay when i eventually go to a church. but i also wouldnt have to be ashamed when i say that im christian and gay to others

omg

its so wierd btw, i dont have a hockey game for 2 weeks. this week we also wont have one since we will play against england on monday (so hella exiting omg) but my saturday is so boring now

also i just watched a beautifull tangled edit, now i have the urge to watch tangled

ugh

[manic jackal]

staying up so i can wotk on my dc server is a new lever of profesionalism if you ask me

(my nitro also ends in 2 days, saddest day ever tbh)

[manic jackal]

its nearly 2am, and someone is playing flute?

i can hear it through my closed window so its pretty loud

[manic jackal]

Today I have 3 hours of school, sience (or sum) economics, and english

Then I have to cycle home for 45 min

Then I'm home around 2pm, then I have around 2,5 hours to make myself ready and then I have the hockey game

[wooden oxide]

oo goodluck!

anyone cool you have to go against?

[manic jackal]

Yes England!

[manic jackal]

Thank you♡

[wooden oxide]

omg what

arent you form the netherlands?

[manic jackal]

Yess, a boarding school comes here just to play a game against us

[manic jackal]

Yep!

[wooden oxide]

thats so cool!

[manic jackal]

Damn

[wooden oxide]

😞

[manic jackal]

I know right! I'm so exited

[wooden oxide]

it sounds cool!

[manic jackal]

Wanted to send a link of the school😔

[wooden oxide]

oo maybe I know it

[manic jackal]

Wait il send in privet

[manic jackal]

I have my last hour in 20 min

[manic jackal]

Just got homee

[wooden oxide]

Yaayy was school fun?

[manic jackal]

Not really haha

[wooden oxide]

Oohh thats a bit less good then

Also how did your game went?

[manic jackal]

Just got back from the game, it was amazing the girls were so sweet (not that great in hockey so we won 12-0)

[manic jackal]

Eh it stays school yk

[wooden oxide]

Omg good job!

[manic jackal]

Thankss

[manic jackal]

Well my night took a turn

||I just relapsed||

Idk how to feel, I guess numb?

[wooden oxide]

Are you alright ml?

[manic jackal]

Honestly not rlly

[manic jackal]

Going to have a running test first and second period so I won't be able to stay hoke which sucks tbh, I'm nervous for the test mostly scared of a panick attack tbh

[wooden oxide]

Was there bleeding? If so did you clean it:)

[manic jackal]

Yeah, but it's fully clean dw

[wooden oxide]

Awh it is sad to hear you can’t stay home, is there anyone who can help you at school? A teacher or friends

[manic jackal]

Not really, il have to take the test either way and it's like 12 minutes long running as far as you can

So yeah that's great

[wooden oxide]

Who thought of that 😭

[manic jackal]

Honestly no idea but I hope both of the sides of their pillow is warm

And that all the mosquitoes gets them

That's the least they deserve

[wooden oxide]

You get it. I hope the stump their toe

[manic jackal]

Frr

(I'm saying this like I can't run 7 km)

But that's like besides the point

[wooden oxide]

😭

Wait shit bye! I have to get to school

[manic jackal]

Ngl it's still so hard those 12 minutes

[manic jackal]

Alright byeee have fun:)

[lilac bone]

always run at a frequent speed and think about stuff you really dislike (don't trigger yourself, I mean like "urgh I really dont wanna eat that pasta today")

[manic jackal]

yeah i did it, i ended up still getting a panick attack at the end since i started focesing on my breath instead of the run but i still ran like 2 km

[lilac bone]

how many km did you have to run in 12 mins? or is it just the time

[manic jackal]

i ran 2 km in 12 minutes:)

its not the best ive ran, but its fine tbh. i already had some problems before it haha

[lilac bone]

ye I understood but was this the best you had to reach? like did u get an A or B for it

it was a sport test, no?

[manic jackal]

we didnt get a grade for this luckly

[lilac bone]

ahhh

[manic jackal]

apperantly not, last year it was tho so i was a little nervous

[lilac bone]

2km in 12 mins is pretty good tbh

[manic jackal]

yeah, but ive ran faster yk

[lilac bone]

i once ran 2,5km in 11,47 or smth and I couldn't walk for 3 days or so hahaha

[manic jackal]

like last time i ran 10km in around 1 hour and 6 min

[manic jackal]

omg thats so real😭

[lilac bone]

oh well, that's another level I guess

last weekend (I am a handball referee) I jogged/ran 16,67km and had 25,000 steps over 4 games. My legs are still hurting a bit 🫠

[manic jackal]

damn

im honestly fine with what i ran, i know i couldve done better and that sucks

[lilac bone]

so you are fine with it but it sucks?

[manic jackal]

yeah

like i ran more then most people, so in that aspect fine. and i know that i did what i could

[lilac bone]

ahh, I see. well it's a good motivation, as long as it stays healthy. Like, these thoughts or self doubt

[manic jackal]

yeah i guess

[lilac bone]

are you from the USA by any chance? I am from germany and I am really interested in what the life looks like over there

[manic jackal]

nope haha, im from the netherlands:)

[lilac bone]

unlucky

[manic jackal]

fr

[lilac bone]

in 30 years your country is gone

[manic jackal]

maybe

i have german rn

[lilac bone]

or 100 idk anymore

[lilac bone]

gl with that, that language sucks haha

hit me up if you need any help, this language doesn't make any sense and is confusing af

[manic jackal]

Not really it's pretty easy

[manic jackal]

Thanks will do:)

My teacher luckly talks like 30 minutes of the 40 we have

[manic jackal]

We will see, I will keep you updated🫡

[lilac bone]

depends on how deep you go

but ye, as a person in the netherlands, it's propably easier to learn

[manic jackal]

Yeah it's pretty similar

And it helps that we go to Germany like 4 times a year🫣

[lilac bone]

nah get out of here with your weird language xd

[lilac bone]

propably to the western side of germany right?

[manic jackal]

But the groceries are so cheap😔

[manic jackal]

Yep

[lilac bone]

are they????

wtf

nah you trippin

[manic jackal]

Well for holiday everywhere and for groceries yes

[manic jackal]

Some things really are

[lilac bone]

for example?

schreib auf deutsch wenn du dich traust hahaha

[manic jackal]

We buy Coca Cola in Germany, in the netherlands it's 1,50 for a liter and 98 cents in Germany for 2 liters

[lilac bone]

hell nah, not a chance it's 98 cents for 2 liters coca cola

[manic jackal]

Ich kan nicht viele deutsch 😔

[lilac bone]

my work is done around 4:30, I will drive to the grocery store after and send you a pic of coca cola

[manic jackal]

We just went tho so I can confirm

[lilac bone]

its like 1,50 as well pretty sure

[manic jackal]

😭🙏

[manic jackal]

Then you're in the wrong store bud

[lilac bone]

can I send pics in this channel?

[manic jackal]

I think you can?

[lilac bone]

whats the name of the store you go?

[manic jackal]

Uhmmmm wait a sec I forgot

Oh wait

Edeka?

[lilac bone]

pathetic

[lilac bone]

ye that's one of the most expensive stores around here

[manic jackal]

Don't judge, I can speak better then write. I've been learning to write for like 1 year or so (most is still reading and listening)

[lilac bone]

rewe is more expensive

[manic jackal]

WHAT?!

[lilac bone]

it was just a joke

[manic jackal]

Bruh we get all the drinks there it's hella cheat for us there😭🙏

[lilac bone]

ye, I think you got too much of that weed around there

[manic jackal]

I know dww:)

[manic jackal]

😭🙏

I will show once we go to Germany again🫡

[lilac bone]

do you live in amsterdam?

my parents were there once and told me it's hella expensive there

[manic jackal]

Mahh that's hella expensive, I live close to nijmegen

[lilac bone]

but 89 cents of COCA COLA (i am not talking about the cheap no name cola) is trippin

[manic jackal]

Yep they're true

[manic jackal]

Nah I'm so fr rn

[lilac bone]

i just know that town because of football but other than that I have 0 clue🥲

[manic jackal]

😭🙏

[lilac bone]

this makes me pretty angry rn

[manic jackal]

You should go there, it's a fun city

[lilac bone]

wait

[manic jackal]

Why

[lilac bone]

i can watch online

[manic jackal]

Okey haha

[lilac bone]

was it like a discount or smth?

every week we have certain products on discount

[manic jackal]

Yeah, but it's always cheater in Germany tbh

[lilac bone]

if it's on discount, then the sign with the price is yellow or red

normally its white

[manic jackal]

Yep it was yellow

But still it's always WAY cheater then in the netherlands

[lilac bone]

OKAY

LOO

LOOK

[manic jackal]

So we go to Germany

[lilac bone]

HERE

Coca Cola 4x0,5l

4 bottles

0,5L each

5,49€

[manic jackal]

Jees

We got 2 liters for 98 cents each

[lilac bone]

I want proof the next time you are in germany

because this is impossible

[manic jackal]

Will do

Bruh not my mom lecturing me because I'm about to bleach my hair and stuff💀

[lilac bone]

she is damn right

[manic jackal]

Nah ah

[lilac bone]

you had too much of that cheap no name cola

that you got mistaken with coca cola

that made your head crazy

[manic jackal]

'You know your hair will be death right?' Yes mom I know😔

[lilac bone]

hahahaha

[manic jackal]

Nah ah, haven't drank that cheap no name cola in a while🙏

[lilac bone]

how often do you dye your hair?

[manic jackal]

Not often, started may this year, and I've done it maybe 4 times (all the same red without bleach) this will be the first time il bleach my hair

R.i.p to my nitro btw

[lilac bone]

tbh idk anything about that because I am a guy and I have never done anything with my hair besides cutting

speaking of that, I really need to go to the barber anytime soon

[lilac bone]

who tf needs nitro?

[manic jackal]

Me

I need my billie emoji's

[lilac bone]

xd

[manic jackal]

😭

I'm not sure if il also cut my hair, since it's long rn and short suits me better but I can finally get it all in a pony tail

[lilac bone]

girls issues I guess ✨

[manic jackal]

For real though

[lilac bone]

dye them black with green white red blue strains

and then

make it afro

[manic jackal]

Highlights?

[manic jackal]

🤡

[lilac bone]

ye idk how you call them

you have a whole other language for all the beauty words

[manic jackal]

Wait il search a pic

[manic jackal]

Not rlly

[lilac bone]

yes

beginning with clothes

40 different trousers names

or pants

[manic jackal]

Highlights

[lilac bone]

ye exactly

[manic jackal]

No, they're all different. So they all deserve a different name😔

✨️What I will do with my hair✨️

[lilac bone]

in all of my relationships I just sat next to them not knowing what to say

when they asked me

"should I do this or that"

with 100 names

[manic jackal]

😭🙏

I just imagine them asking that with nails

Cuz that really is a full on new language

[lilac bone]

fk u hahaha

[manic jackal]

I'm so fr tho😭🙏

It takes a while to understand that code

[lilac bone]

i sat there and was like "what do you want from me?????"

[manic jackal]

So real

[lilac bone]

then she said "and if I do my hair like this?" AND IT LOOKED COMPLETELY SIMILAR

[manic jackal]

THEN IT DEFINITELY DIDNT

You gotta look better

[lilac bone]

i dont want to understand that code 🫠

[lilac bone]

you gotta stop taking that shrooms

[manic jackal]

Nah ah

Wait look

They're like completely different

[lilac bone]

go away

yes

completly different

[manic jackal]

Well technically this is my journal

[lilac bone]

like red and green

[manic jackal]

Exactly

[lilac bone]

completly different

[manic jackal]

Yes

[lilac bone]

yes

💀

[manic jackal]

One is darker then the other

Tbh left is better

[lilac bone]

both are too long

[manic jackal]

True

(I have non existing nails)

[lilac bone]

first time you get kicked out of your own journal?

[manic jackal]

I once had this and I could legit not function💀🙏

[manic jackal]

Nah ah

[lilac bone]

same

[lilac bone]

why couldn't you function?

[manic jackal]

They were too long😭🙏

Took them off after a day

[lilac bone]

btw I can't send pics here because it is your journal

[manic jackal]

I loved them tho

[manic jackal]

L

[lilac bone]

BUT WHY DO YOU PUT ON FAKE NAILS

like

just dye them

okay

i get it

but fake???

[manic jackal]

Because I want. Long nails

[manic jackal]

DYE?!

BHAHAHAGA

[manic jackal]

Fake it till you make it

[lilac bone]

AH CMON

[manic jackal]

BHAHAHHAA

YOU POLISH YOUR NAILS, NOT DYE

[lilac bone]

polish???????

tf

[manic jackal]

Yeah

'I just polished my nails'