Write down a list of all the possible things that are stressing you out, bothering you, whenever you think of them you’re anxious. Plan solutions, if there’s no solutions, plan ahead if that’s not possible plan for the worst outcome. I hope that can help in some way like it helps me. I hope you get better! ✨💙
#Journal of my life!
abstract merlin
December 9, 2023
I just.
I don’t know what to say or do anymore.
If im sad its wrong, if im sad im a bad person
So I have to keep acting and it’s draining me even more
I’ve just been staring at the roof dozing off or cuddling my cat
abstract merlin
Write down a list of all the possible things that are stressing you out, botheri...
The thing is there’s no solution
No matter what I do
No matter how much I try
It’s the same ending yk
Being abandoned
It’s always my fault too
I don’t wanna try anymore
I don’t wanna keep working for the ending to be the same over and over AND FUCKING OVER
I’m tired of being neglected by everyone, my bf was the only person to talk to me
He’s working on a game tho
Maybe this would be a good time to just..
I’ll think about it
I’m just going insane, and as soon as my bf reads this he’s gonna blame himself AND IT ISNT EVEN HIM
When I say it isn’t he doesn’t believe me
abstract merlin
my dad just admitted to molestation
i told my bf and he just went offline
haha
it’s alright I can protect mysle
i don’t need help
undone musk
I don’t wanna keep working for the ending to be the same over and over AND FUCKI...
No no, there’s gonna be no complete ending or a complete solution - you gotta make one, never eliminate you’re feelings and emotions for others, there’s a reason why the brain becomes sad. We’re humans we’re literally social human beings wanting to feel like communicating with others is completely normal and wanting attention is also normal. You should visit a therapist, they’ll help you too organise you’re thoughts and emotions and gain control over them. It’s not you it’s the situation that you’re placed in.
abstract merlin
I can’t visit a therapist
undone musk
I’m just going insane, and as soon as my bf reads this he’s gonna blame himself ...
It’s his way of caring for you, and realising that he could’ve done more but he didn’t
abstract merlin
I wish I could
abstract merlin
My bf but he isn’t texting much
undone musk
Is he aware of all this?
abstract merlin
Yes, but he’s busy. I think..
abstract merlin
I did.
abstract merlin
My dads schzo is getting v very bad
undone musk
What can you do about it
abstract merlin
Literally nothing
undone musk
Exactly, I know it’s hard- suffocating but certain things you can’t do anything about it. Focus on what you can, yourself.
abstract merlin
I can’t keep doing this
undone musk
You’re 13-14
abstract merlin
I wanna feel important
undone musk
You got this
abstract merlin
You’re 13-14
Ik
abstract merlin
I’m getting treated like im not
undone musk
Bro stuff em
Treat yourself like you’re important
If you ain’t gonna recognise you’re own worth
People won’t be able too also
undone musk
People do stupid things
That seem nice in the moment and then there unable to keep them
abstract merlin
How am I supposed to trust anyone
abstract merlin
I think I wanna restart my life.
abstract merlin
I already did
undone musk
Get some sleep
abstract merlin
And it’s unsafe too
undone musk
Are you still going too school?
abstract merlin
He doesn’t love me does he
abstract merlin
Are you still going too school?
I have too
undone musk
He doesn’t love me does he
He’s looked after you
abstract merlin
I know he has
abstract merlin
What if it’s all an act
abstract merlin
Loved
undone musk
Yes you human
undone musk
Yup things change
undone musk
That doesn’t eliminate being loved in the future
abstract merlin
I fucking knew it
undone musk
A new wife?
abstract merlin
Have you tried having a serious conversation with him
Multiple times, im too scared to again because he might just leave.
undone musk
Did he leave before?
abstract merlin
3 times
undone musk
Who were you with
abstract merlin
@chilly island
Him
I really do love him, but what if just what if it was all a lie..
abstract merlin
Do you have other guardian
Barely
The thing is im a bad person for having emotions
So I hide them
Every single day
undone musk
At school, do you have a counselling
abstract merlin
Just so I don’t lose anyone
undone musk
Nah bro
abstract merlin
At school, do you have a counselling
Yes and no
undone musk
You are expected to control certain emotions in public
But
Get it all out
The reason why so many people workout or go do something
Is to manage those emotions
abstract merlin
I just want to be loved, I don’t feel special anymore.
abstract merlin
I can’t
undone musk
School work?
abstract merlin
School work?
I practically have a fucking job
undone musk
Visit the school councillor, im not sure how much the teachers are willing but there must be someone that’s willing to listen
undone musk
I practically have a fucking job
Do you need the job?
abstract merlin
I’ve been distracting myself all day.
abstract merlin
I’ve been telling myself “he loves me he will hang out with me at 9”
undone musk
Scared of everything being a lie
abstract merlin
He can’t hang out anymore
He is in pain
It’s gonna be a cycle
And eventually im just gonna
undone musk
Like hospital?
undone musk
Can it be managed with medication
undone musk
Fair
Yup
You lack attention and love
You’re amazing
Like
Fr
To hold up
Work
Attend school
abstract merlin
You lack attention and love
I know
undone musk
You got this and I have faith you’ll turn out just fine in the future
undone musk
I know
Speak with someone from school, an adult. Someone who can give advice and you trust.
Someone that’s simply willing too listen
You got this!!!
abstract merlin
Someone that’s simply willing too listen
No one is
I don’t know if I can trust my bf anymore
I love him to death but
undone musk
Just ask
abstract merlin
How do I know that he won’t just leave again
undone musk
Humans are just weird
abstract merlin
He’s gonna end up hating me
abstract merlin
I’m ruining everything.
abstract merlin
Yes I am
undone musk
A relationship
Involves communicating
About
One’s feelings and emotions
And establishing a bond
abstract merlin
I’ve been trying to do that
undone musk
You’re doing just fine
abstract merlin
It’s not..
abstract merlin
FUCK
abstract merlin
I’m sorry
abstract merlin
You like playing Fornite?
Kinda new seasons mid
undone musk
And I really really hope
You become the best you
You generally seem like a cool human being tbh
abstract merlin
I’m trying to be
undone musk
Kinda new seasons mid
It’s been soo long since I’ve played
abstract merlin
I’ll try
undone musk
That’s what I like you hear
😭
You adorable human
So what are y’all studying in school
You still there?
abstract merlin
So what are y’all studying in school
I’m studying mostly art
abstract merlin
undone musk
OMG
abstract merlin
Any plans for the future
To go to collage and study animation/physics/science
undone musk
You talented human being
abstract merlin
I’m not that good
undone musk
Bruh shut up
abstract merlin
I’m trying tho
undone musk
You are that good
undone musk
:/
abstract merlin
I’m sorry
undone musk
To go to collage and study animation/physics/science
What age is that
Im like a lost case literal
abstract merlin
What age is that
18 hopefully I’ll be able too
abstract merlin
Yes
abstract merlin
A lot of things like relationships, drama, fighting
abstract merlin
Yeah
undone musk
Y’all should go outside, or have a sleepover or something
Yk wind down
Give yourselves some time
abstract merlin
Yippie
undone musk
Ayo neat
Do you get paid?
Animating is a draining and tedious task
So no wonder you feel drained
abstract merlin
True
undone musk
What time is it there
abstract merlin
20:55
abstract merlin
Yeah
undone musk
It was nice having a conversation with you
abstract merlin
Same to you
abstract merlin
😎
undone musk
Lol
undone musk
Damn
I hope to hear from you
You’re an amazing human and don’t you ever forget that
abstract merlin
Thank you, I wish you the best
abstract merlin
Kinda
abstract merlin
Not really I’ve calmed down a bit
undone musk
Good, go see someone. I know it’s hard but someone just too listen in real life.
You got this
Bruh this thing doesn’t allow gifs to be sent
I was sending this adorable cat, smiling
It’s alright
Nice talking to you, I hope it works out! ✨💙
Bro tell me goodbye
🥲
abstract merlin
To you**
abstract merlin
U too
abstract merlin
Im@scared
My dad is talking crazy
It’s scaring me
My best friend is comforting me
I’m in my room scared
I want to text my bf but what if he gets mad
abstract merlin
im going to sleep
im too tired or be depressed
CANT SLEEP BECAUSE OF MY FUCKING DAD
abstract merlin
I don’t trust him anymore
I know what’s gonna happen
I’m so close to just
THIS SHIT IS UNFAIR
Ykw
I’m fine
I just need to calm down
Im@making everything worse
I need to calm down
toxic wraith
Hello good evening
toxic wraith
I want to text my bf but what if he gets mad
You shouldn't overthink that much. Meybe u could ask ur bf if your bothering him and if u wanted to talk meybe u should ask him
Asking wont hurt will it?
toxic wraith
Im@making everything worse
I dont think so. Your just expressing your emotions its better this way than bottling it
And plus it is your "Journal if my life" right? U can share what ur thoughts are in here
abstract merlin
December 10, 2023
My dad schzo is really bad
I’m not gonna be home until 8 pm
I’m scared that my bf won’t talk to me today cause i really need him
hoary vapor
I’m so tired and drained
Same but I gotta go gym
abstract merlin
Damn
abstract merlin
i fucking give up
im tired of living like this
no body cared so they’re gonna face the consequence. My life is turning into hell, might as well.
abstract merlin
I’m scared to go home
abstract merlin
December, 10th, 2023
I’m mentally and physically exhausted
I wanna just
Sleep.
I have school soon.
My dad is getting worse and worse and worse
My mom won’t listen
SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
abstract merlin
why am i such a piece of shit
abstract merlin
Apparently im a bad person
DIDE
WHY DO I DO THIS
HONESTKY
LIKE I RUINED MY OWN LIFE
I need to shut up
shy aurora
All I have to say here is that don’t let people put labels on you. Whether you are a bad person or not is subjective, so whoever said that, don’t weight what they say too heavily. It’s not worth your time.
abstract merlin
December 13, 2023
abstract merlin
im gonna get murdered
abstract merlin
my dad is very aggressive so I can’t sleep
abstract merlin
December 14, 2023
I guess my bf forgot about me
yay
and im gonna get called a bad person for guessing this
abstract merlin
I’m eh
wheat wren
Liar I’m not tryna pry but what happened
abstract merlin
I haven’t been mentally myself
wheat wren
Why?
abstract merlin
I’m overwhelmed and going insane
wheat wren
Awww I’m sorry so what’s causing this
abstract merlin
A lot mostly my dad
wheat wren
What is he doing
abstract merlin
Schzo
wheat wren
Oh and btw it’s fine if you don’t wanna talk about it
School ahh I see well is their anyone bullyin you
abstract merlin
I said schizophrenia
wheat wren
OH so what are you seeing and have you tried takings meds for it
I see and get the gist of it try avoiding your dad
I’m not saying I understand
And from what I’m reading and what I see you need to avoid your father
chilly island
OH so what are you seeing and have you tried takings meds for it
Her dad has it
Not her
abstract merlin
December 15, 2023
my dads gone
he abandoned us
my bf isn’t home and he isn’t gonna be for a while
so im gonna have to deal with this myself
yay
I FUCKING LOVE MY LIFE
im starting to feel like nobody ever cared
and they never have
it’s true
everyone just wants to use me
nobody actually cares
hell he’s probably talking behind my back
i need to think of a suicide plan
i can’t keep doing this cycle
i feel like an idiot
for actually trusting anyone
for trying to live
and love
i want to give up
i just want to end it all
they actually wouldn’t care
neat patrol
hey is there any way u can get therapy
don't keep blaming yourself please
not everything is your fault..and it will get better in the end
if you want you can talk to me about it
toxic wraith
hello
evening
you deserved love @abstract merlin
im really sick and very weak so meybe i could tell that you still have yourself
abstract merlin
hey is there any way u can get therapy
I’ve been asking for years
toxic wraith
the only things you can trust is only yourself. don't take words out of people because the journey your into.. your life will not always seem to be besides you.. friends, family, lovers will sometimes come and go
theres no one in life would particularly be with you in your journey they have there own paths
and you weren't following your own
your following to others instead..my words wont always be as courage and will never help you
i will never feel any of your pains amd suffering
but i will try to stick with you and listens to your problems
ive been back reading through your messages
seeing howve you've suffer you are. but I want you to know that you are not alone..you have people here who can support you
my eyes are Getting heavy. im gonna asleep now bye
you deserve love. not for everyone but yourself
abstract merlin
<:PeepoLove:816438620729638942> you deserved love <@1013492832453013615>
Thank you both
abstract merlin
I don’t have motivation to finish this
toxic wraith
Finish it
abstract merlin
I am now
neat patrol
I don’t have motivation to finish this
Omfg my drawings are ass HOW😭
hollow saddle
Cheesecake
abstract merlin
I did a commission
abstract merlin
december 17, 2023
i can’t tell him
I can’t
i just got molested by my father but i cant tell my bf
abstract merlin
I’m fine now the cops are coming
abstract merlin
I animated
abstract merlin
My dad got arrested
I have a recording of the abuse
I’m so happy that’s it’s over
hoary vapor
I animated
Spongebob?
abstract merlin
Yes
abstract merlin
December 18. 2023
I hate my life so much rn
My own bf won’t talk to me, but he’s depressed and busy
It’s draining my whole life is draining
But no it’s always someone else
I’m pissed off and drained
I don’t even know if my bf is telling the truth anymore
I feel blind
solemn axle
i have the flu
On a scale of 1 to ten, truly, how helpful is this for you to make the journal?
abstract merlin
Very because i can actually express
solemn axle
Do you find a lack of expression in your life?
abstract merlin
The jornual?
abstract merlin
2 months
abstract merlin
^
solemn axle
Has your life improved at all from taken this journal?
solemn axle
Ok ok.
Luke warm take here’s
Maybe don’t focus so much on this journal, and maybe focus more on your life outside the degital world, no matter how crazy it is?
solemn axle
Well firstly I hope you feel better the flu can be annoying.🙂
abstract merlin
I hate waking up
abstract merlin
The dcf is coming to ask questions
shadow idol
I hate waking up
Real
shadow idol
Nahh
abstract merlin
I hate the first anatomy
abstract merlin
Also
shadow idol
Real good
abstract merlin
Crying
shadow idol
Can i also say that?
short ingot
I had to go back on this account just for today 😭
December, 20th 2023
I feel great
I’m tired but my overall mood is great
short ingot
Kms
toxic wraith
i just got molested by my father but i cant tell my bf
what the hell
toxic wraith
I’m tired but my overall mood is great
that's is great
hollow saddle
i just got molested by my father but i cant tell my bf
Why cant you tell your bf?
hollow saddle
i just got molested by my father but i cant tell my bf
Why cant you tell your bf?
chilly island
Why cant you tell your bf?
I know what happened please don’t mention anything about this topic or her dad in general please
hollow saddle
I know what happened please don’t mention anything about this topic or her dad i...
👍
abstract merlin
Why cant you tell your bf?
At the time he didn’t want me to vent
hollow saddle
alr
solemn axle
But anyway
That’s very beautiful. Are you doing a full sketch or specifically the outline?
solemn axle
I lost motivation <:cry:894380188429860864>
Well.
solemn axle
I lost motivation <:cry:894380188429860864>
If it helps at all, I really want to see the finished product?
solemn axle
Full sketch
Heck you could document your progress alongside your journal
abstract merlin
YAY
abstract merlin
solemn axle
Words to live by
abstract merlin
solemn axle
I would assume so.
abstract merlin
Honestly..
abstract merlin
I’m feeling like shit
mossy tulip
Have you been okay
I recently had a lot of issues and became very depressed so I haven’t been able to check up on you
abstract merlin
December 22, 2023
I want to hurt myself
I don’t feel anything
People keep attacking me
abstract merlin
I banged my head against the wall very hard and now i have a headache
I kept yelling at myself for being such a mistake and such a problem for people
I hate myself so much
I feed on attention and love and crave for it to the point where I’ll do anything.
It makes me so gullible
No body really pays attention to me irl or in friend groups
I’ve always been neglected
That’s why i need/want attention and love
I can’t love myself until someone loves me
Because then I’ll seee that im Loveable somehow
It made me get manipulated so many times
I should starve myself
I don’t deserve to eat
I don’t deserve pleasure
abstract merlin
Goober
hallow light
I can’t love myself until someone loves me
actually love yourself first, I love myself to bits and still get bitten by other people
abstract merlin
I can’t.
hallow light
I literally said that to a friend I was throwing a tantrum towards yesterday
she's never going to reply but I shouldn't care about that
hallow light
then why tf are you failing at caring about yourself
abstract merlin
Because no body else does so i deserve to be treated the worst way possible
hallow light
no
hallow light
actual fighting?
hallow light
when do you fight
abstract merlin
Usually at school or when someone assaults me in public
A lot of people hit on me or car dally
FUCK
cat call**
hallow light
okay that is worse
abstract merlin
I’m sorry the headache is kinda effecting my vision
hallow light
is moving an option
abstract merlin
No im 13 and my mom likes this place
hallow light
tell her you don't
hallow light
what's the response
abstract merlin
“I’m too old to move and we would have to restart.”
hallow light
I don't think I know any alternatives then
abstract merlin
It’s alright
hallow light
I can't be here for long because I'm on a call with my family & I'll be out for groceries soon
abstract merlin
I understand!
hallow light
but I want you to stand up and be proud of yourself
abstract merlin
I will try harder then
abstract merlin
December 23, 2023
I feel so useless
I know that it’s just gonna get worse
I know that we’re not gonna talk much anymore
I know that we’re just gonna keep spreading apart
It’s breaking me
On top of that a house is on fucking fire
I can’t keep feeling like this
Merry fucking Christmas to me
abstract merlin
I’m gonna cry myself to sleep hopefully if I sleep
solemn axle
I’m gonna cry myself to sleep hopefully if I sleep
are you sleeping?
solemn axle
literally just now???
abstract merlin
No like a hour ago
abstract merlin
Est
solemn axle
so its....?
solemn axle
ay same
abstract merlin
Yooo
abstract merlin
What?
abstract merlin
Oh a lot of things
abstract merlin
I get accused of doing things I don’t do. I get mentally and physically hurt. I overthink. I stress. I get overwhelmed easily with sensory issues and/or stress. I’m scared that im dad will come back. I’m scared ill get abandoned again
solemn axle
so a lot of fear and uncertanty?
abstract merlin
Yes
solemn axle
hm
in ur life, whats been the most peaceful times you've had
when did you feel the most carefree and lighthearted
abstract merlin
In December, I didn’t have to cry everyday about every little thing. I’ve always been a paranoid person..
solemn axle
But when have you truly felt like things were ok and you were ok with life
like when you felt you had a purpose?
abstract merlin
Yes.
solemn axle
or rather, that you felt that you mattered
abstract merlin
Exactly.
solemn axle
that was december?
abstract merlin
That and everything before it
solemn axle
last decemeber or this decemeber?
abstract merlin
Last
abstract merlin
I’m 13
solemn axle
are you for real?
abstract merlin
Yeah..
abstract merlin
I’m sorry
abstract merlin
I understand
solemn axle
I understand
what do you understand?
abstract merlin
I know it isn’t normal for a teenager to be this depressed and stressed
solemn axle
I know it isn’t normal for a teenager to be this depressed and stressed
well it seems to becoming the the new norm, unfortunately.
jeez
abstract merlin
Wdym?
solemn axle
ok well that at least helps with context at least
abstract merlin
Wdym “norm?”
solemn axle
Wdym?
like more kids these days are super depressed thats becoming a more common thing for this generation.
abstract merlin
Oh
solemn axle
Ok ok. lemme collect me thoughts.
solemn axle
cus ive been following your journal for a couple weeks now.
abstract merlin
Oh
solemn axle
Also merry Christmas Eve
hay merry chirstmas eve!
abstract merlin
I’m sorry if the journal hurt you.
abstract merlin
I know I know!
solemn axle
I’m sorry if the journal hurt you.
no no no your totally fine
abstract merlin
The journal is free to be read
abstract merlin
Yes, but he’s been busy so I haven’t been happy.
solemn axle
What truly makes you happy. I add the subtext of truly because I'm talking about a hapiness that lasts in the mind and soul for a long time.
does that sound familier?
abstract merlin
I don’t know what makes me happy anymore
solemn axle
Did anything ever make you happy?
solemn axle
ok why?
solemn axle
so the unexpected?
abstract merlin
Kinda?
solemn axle
the surprise of the future?
abstract merlin
No no..
solemn axle
knowing theres always going to be something more???
abstract merlin
Yes
solemn axle
AYO three strikes and i make it
abstract merlin
‼️
solemn axle
ok so now, what do you have faith in?
what gives you hope that theres a reason for waking up tomorrow?
solemn axle
how long have you had your boyfriend?
abstract merlin
Almost a year, 01/27/23
solemn axle
ok ok. prior to aqquiring a boyfriend then, what was your reason for happiness?
what gave ye joy?
abstract merlin
Playing horror games with him, his comfort, the topics we talked about, just everything
It was perfect
solemn axle
no i mean prior to knowing him
cus you wouldve been twelve years old, so thats like 8 concious years that you lived without you r bf
solemn axle
ok ok lets focus on that for a second. what fascinated you about nature?
abstract merlin
How beautiful and special it was.
solemn axle
ok ok GREAT. i agree natures awesome.
abstract merlin
I love visiting Georgia too
solemn axle
my familys from there
solemn axle
we still get black eyed georgia peas form our extended familys ranch
anyways let me put a harse lense on for a moment. What would be your point of living if your boyfriend left you?
abstract merlin
I don’t think anything.
solemn axle
ok. WHY?
your life had value prior to meeting your boyfriend and it will still have value if it leaves. WHY?
abstract merlin
He’s the only person that loves and talks to me.
solemn axle
He’s the only person that loves and talks to me.
So if nobody loves or talks to someone, there life has no value?
solemn axle
explain
abstract merlin
For me if that happens my life doesn’t have purpose. I’ve always been told that I wasn’t important or loved. I started believing it. I tried to entertain and tried to be inspiring. But I couldn’t even do that. I lost myself, then I lost a lot of family and friends
I can’t even love myself after all of it
solemn axle
I can’t even love myself after all of it
who says you need to love yourself? your life can be total crap and it isnt any less valuable then the most successful guy on earth
abstract merlin
It is.
abstract merlin
It’s less valuable then a fucking grasshopper
solemn axle
explain why?
abstract merlin
I already did
abstract merlin
For me if that happens my life doesn’t have purpose. I’ve always been told that ...
^^
I have so many problems too
solemn axle
you think everybody else doesnt?
abstract merlin
That’s not what im saying.
solemn axle
well imma tell you something and I mean this as sincerely as possible.
Your life does matter. No matter how badly you screw up or think you've messed up or how undeserving you are of love. you are still loved.
As generic as these words are
that doesnt degrade their truth.
check ur dms.
abstract merlin
Uh alright
solemn axle
if thats alright with you
abstract merlin
It is, the text just kinda scared me
solemn axle
its a long text and it felt weird saying it on a public chat.
abstract merlin
It’s alright I get it
solemn axle
uh side note, how do you dm someone?
solemn axle
done
abstract merlin
Omg thank you..
solemn axle
dont thank me for just being honest with you. 🙂
solemn axle
Omg thank you..
did that make sense?
hallow light
I know it isn’t normal for a teenager to be this depressed and stressed
I've noticed a lot of users in this discord are in their teens
abstract merlin
Like not romantic
solemn axle
Like not romantic
you mean what i said?
abstract merlin
Yes
solemn axle
Yes
I thought i said that in the text Of course platonic im not gonna hit on a 13 year old girl. or anygirl for that matter.
that whole text was platonic.
hallow light
He’s the only person that loves and talks to me.
let's not forget your mum here
abstract merlin
let's not forget your mum here
About that..
solemn axle
I've noticed a lot of users in this discord are in their teens
DUDE i know. I'm really scared for our generation _
abstract merlin
Yes
solemn axle
ok good
vivid hull
Guys sorry if I’m in the wrong place to ask or wrong time I’m sorry but do you guys suggest doing a journal too?
Like for my self
solemn axle
Guys sorry if I’m in the wrong place to ask or wrong time I’m sorry but do you g...
depends on the person little buddy
hallow light
I've never done that
abstract merlin
Guys sorry if I’m in the wrong place to ask or wrong time I’m sorry but do you g...
Yes! I do it to make myself feel a bit better
It kinda helps me
vivid hull
Ok
solemn axle
Im a very extroverted person but I do NOT like talking about my inner thoughts. On the other hand many people do
vivid hull
I I’m gonna do the same thing
hallow light
sometimes there are things I feel like worth writing about but ain't gonna be every day
solemn axle
just be cautious on how much you share.
vivid hull
Tbh my life is on loop
abstract merlin
I’ve been overthinking a lot
I don’t really like Roblox.. BUT.. (tw disturbing imagery)
abstract merlin
December 24, 2023
ITS CHRIATMAS EVE
I GET TO BAKE HORRAY!!!!
I’m excited for Christmas we do a lot of fun things
solemn axle
YAYYYYY
abstract merlin
solemn axle
I GET TO BAKE HORRAY!!!!
What do you specifically bake
abstract merlin
Cookies, brownies, I think uhhh
solemn axle
Cookies, brownies, I think uhhh
nice
neat patrol
Hehe it's Christmas for me rn
abstract merlin
Lucky
abstract merlin
YAY
neat patrol
I hope your spoiled👽👽👽
abstract merlin
Not really
neat patrol
Nah on Christmas 4 u
abstract merlin
YIPPIE
neat patrol
Merry Chrysler
chilly island
abstract merlin
Everyday ends with me feeling useless and empty idk why
cinder ore
I feel u on that
abstract merlin
But then again I keep getting neglected and broken promises, but im not mad at anyone for that. You gotta do what you gotta do.
I’m mad at myself for being so unlikeable
solemn axle
By family mostly
So not a good Christmas Eve?
abstract merlin
So not a good Christmas Eve?
My life isn’t good
solemn axle
My life isn’t good
So what are you going to do?
abstract merlin
I can’t do shit, I might relapse on drugs.
I know Christmas is gonna be even worse
And when I talk about being neglected or promises my bf thinks I’m talking about him
Even tho my whole family neglected me for years
solemn axle
So how are you going to move on and get on with your life?
solemn axle
Why not?
abstract merlin
That’s why I did drugs and self harm
abstract merlin
Why not?
Im a 13 year old chubby idiot.
I’m sped, literally
I have too many mental issues to count
solemn axle
I have too many mental issues to count
Ok so…..how you think this is gonna help your life rn?
abstract merlin
Drugs?
solemn axle
There are something’s you objectively cannot change, like how other people treat you.
abstract merlin
I did drugs because it distracted me
solemn axle
But you are not responsible for how people treat you. But you keep telling yourself how much B.S your life is, and how many problems you have. The only good that’s doing is making you even more depressed
abstract merlin
I’m a 5’6 chubby Asian girl, who would want me.
I don’t even know why my bf is still with me
Honestly.
I am not good at relationships
solemn axle
you shouldn’t even BE IN A BLOODY relationship cus you have enough problems
solemn axle
13 year old standards are extremely high
Standards of others or standards that you impose on yourself?
solemn axle
I want to be someone people actually enjoy
That’s a good desire. Unless the people you want to enjoy your company are pretty crap.🤷♂️
abstract merlin
I don’t even know the fucking difference anymore
cinder ore
wait your 13?
abstract merlin
Yes.
solemn axle
I don’t even know the fucking difference anymore
So tell me WHATS CHANGED, from last year to now?
abstract merlin
I met about 4 pedophiles, I seen worse and worse this whole year, I saw someone head blow up, I got bullied relentlessly for how I look and talk, I attempted suicide 20 times, I’ve been abused more times I can count
I fucking hate my life I hate myself I hate myself so fucking much
solemn axle
I met about 4 pedophiles, I seen worse and worse this whole year, I saw someone ...
OK OK.
Listen
Life, does suck. It’s filled with some bad stuff and some bad people. And sometimes it might not get better.
But.
No matter how crappy it is.
It. Is. A gift.
abstract merlin
I’m just fucking tired of living in this hell
solemn axle
You don’t know hell.
solemn axle
I’m just fucking tired of living in this hell
Ok explain to me the benefits of offing yourself.
WHY.
abstract merlin
I would be actually peaceful, people wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore, my mom would have less stress, my bf would find someone better than me, my friends will find better people
I’m worthless, I don’t have value.
solemn axle
I’m worthless, I don’t have value.
Prove it
abstract merlin
Do u want me to do it?
solemn axle
Do u want me to do it?
Kill yourself? No.
abstract merlin
You could ask most of the people I know, they would tell you how much of a pain I am
solemn axle
You could ask most of the people I know, they would tell you how much of a pain ...
Doesn’t mean your life is worthless
Everybody’s a pain to somebody
Next point
Go
solemn axle
That’s all im good for
You don’t know that
abstract merlin
I fucking suck at art and 3d modeling and animation.
I want to do all of those things
solemn axle
I want to do all of those things
Ok at least you want to do those things.
You have a drive. A desire
Not many people have an easy time focusing on there goals
abstract merlin
I can’t focus on my goals. I’m constantly crying or hurting myself.
solemn axle
I can’t focus on my goals. I’m constantly crying or hurting myself.
Ok your emotional. That makes your life worthless? Nope
abstract merlin
I’ve been taught and raised to just serve.
I wasn’t taught anything else other than to please EVERYONE FUCKING ELSE
solemn axle
I wasn’t taught anything else other than to please EVERYONE FUCKING ELSE
Ok so how does that make you worthless? Still haven’t given a valuable reason as to why you don’t matter
solemn axle
I fuck up everything I do
And?
abstract merlin
That can ruin my life even more
Every bad thing that happened to me was my fault
solemn axle
A quadralapiegic can quite LITERALLY do nothing. Are they worthless???
abstract merlin
I’m nothing but bad luck
solemn axle
I’m nothing but bad luck
No such thing as luck
solemn axle
Every bad thing that happened to me was my fault
That’s not true either
solemn axle
My bf is gonna read this and see how much of a mistake I am..
You are not a mistake
abstract merlin
I’m going to start having a mental breakdown.
I don’t want him to leave because of my state.
solemn axle
I don’t want him to leave because of my state.
so calm down.
Panicking isn’t going to help anything
solemn axle
well that’s probably cus he cares
abstract merlin
I know he does
solemn axle
Then why are you stressed?!
abstract merlin
But im scared he’s gonna end it because he knows how bad i am
This is what I meant
I’m too fucking sensitive
solemn axle
I’m too fucking sensitive
But that doesn’t mean you are worthless
abstract merlin
I don’t want him to see me cry
My friend made me something
His name is jook he made me dis
chilly island
But im scared he’s gonna end it because he knows how bad i am
I’m not going to end it I read your journal to see if your okay and know what to do and how to calm your down yk I do anything to see you happy
chilly island
You never did
abstract merlin
I must have somehow
chilly island
No
abstract merlin
I get scared when someone knocks something over now