Disturbing thoughts

[dusty dune]

Hello whoever is reading this

My birthday was a few days ago and ever since I’ve been having disturbing thoughts of death. In my mind all I can think about is experiencing death and the people around me expricening death. I am a very religious catholic so I believe in the after life but then when I really though about it I wondered if it’s true or is it just a lie to make me feel better about dying. I began to imagine what would it mean if I die and all I could think off is me as an organism dying and wondering if it’s just me no longer existing or having an eternity of darkness. Then afterwards I had even deeper thoughts I questioned my existence and everyone else’s existence and I wondered why am I alive is this what existence is and is this the peak of my existence “what will happen to myself is I die” will there be no more light for me to see, will I never get to see the beauty of nature around me, and will I get to experience the joy, laughter around me. Most importantly I believe that my link with god is dying from doubt I have.

Then I began to think about time and how it unexplainably flies by and I wondered would the day my beloved members of my family experience it be just around the corner in an instant I completely understand that it’s just part of life but I wonder if I will lose the beauty of living for ever. I then began to think about the day I was born all I rember was a flash of light and poof I was born. I don’t know why I am suddenly having these thoughts I didn’t hear this from anyone, I didn’t read about it and I didn’t see it in a movie it just began as a self thought. Now these past few days that’s all i can think about. To me it makes me worry about the pressure of death in the future and if I’m just living to die. It’s way too much pressure for me to think about and it makes me feel like I never wanted this self thought.

Please give me advice or support to overcome this fear and yes I tried watching motivanal videos, reading articles about it but nothing truely works I just want to talk to another human about this.

[clever atlas]

You being a Christian makes these thoughts really weird. You shouldn't be worried about death, we all die at some point in our life, but why would you worry about it? I am not a catholic so I have different views about heaven and hell but if these thoughts are caused by you having some doubts on God's existence I can help you if you want.
Just to cheer you up here's a nice Bible verse:
1 John 4:19 "We love because He first loved us"

[night notch]

Not a religious person but why worry about something that hasn’t happened yet? Are you constantly worrying about tripping when you are walking? So why be scared if death when living.

[river gyro]

Maybe you are becoming aware. I went through a cycle in my life recently and changed a lot of my foundational thinking.

[dusty dune]

Yes it does I been catholic my whole life I’ve been baptised, I’ve been to my holy communion and I’ve grown up in catholic schools till the 7th grade. I don’t know why I’m experiencing these thoughts but truefully I’ve had doubts because I never truely had any personal experiences with god. I feel like I’ve never spoken to him fully and I am just telling my self what I want to hear. Stuff in my life feel like they are almost impossible things that have happened but I don’t have complete certainty that I have a sweet and beautiful fate in store for me and my love ones. I never want to lose my religion but I feel like I have doubts.

[dusty dune]

The thing is that I feel like I am just being dragged into my inevitable death maybe I am still healthy and young but I know one day it will happen and it makes me scared. More importantly I fear for my family members.

[clever atlas]

What's there to fear? You can't just be "dragged" to death, that's not how it happens.

[night notch]

Are any of them sick? Or just worried in general?

[dusty dune]

Maybe but it’s getting so bad to the point of almost crying when I’m with my family or spending time with them, or even saying goodbye to my friends. Maybe I’m too attached or grateful to be alive

[dusty dune]

They are perfectly healthy I just fear for the day that I will experience such heart breaking sadness

[night notch]

Don’t worry about the future. You can’t go around and be sad for something that will eventually happen. Isnt that just a waste of time and energy. Think about all the fun times you are going to do together instead

[dusty dune]

Well that’s how I feel. I feel that the inevabillity of death is pulling me into black hole of nothing and the way time flies it feels like I’m being pulled into something that is truely dark and horrible. Maybe not literally but it will happen and I will have to experience pain regardless no matter how healthy I am or how strong I am

[dusty dune]

This is great adivice but I feel like I am somehow living in the future where I will have nothing. Everyone around me gone. On top of that the way time flies makes me even worried like I cannot believe I’ve already lived 8 months of this year

[clever atlas]

You can't know when you will die. Like you said, it's just a feeling, it's not real. Maybe it's a spiritual problem or something else, this I can't know. You said you are healthy and for what I know you could live up to 80. If you feel worried about the death of your loved ones, there there isn't much you can do other than try and enjoy the time they have left. I have all my family still alive and I too, like everyone else, will have to experience their deaths. That's just how life is, but you can create memories now so that you will be able to cherish them when they're gone.

[clever atlas]

I was also a catholic for most of my life but like you I never really felt any connection to God. Just recently I changed things up and I can see Him everywhere around me. Like I sad, if you doubt His existence I can always help and perhaps I could have the answers to some of your problems.