dusk meteor
(2/2)
This resulted as them still believing I am a phase of his and not a serious relationship at all. Things as big as this with smaller issues I've mentioned to him but they seem to go through one ear out of the other, along with how I personally feel about everything. It always ends with him breaking down, blaming himself for being a bad boyfriend and promising better, but I've felt no change. I've mentioned these problems way too much and it's made me even more depressed.
Everything has gotten to a point where I completely shut down if something is wrong and become distant from him. it's been a month where most of the time I'm very cold, mean, and responding with short vague messages. I'm afraid if I tell him what's wrong that it will fall on deaf ears as well. I even stopped telling him personal issues I'm experiencing myself because I've started to feel like he won't care about those either. I've basically been putting up these 15 feet 18 inch steel metaphorical walls to protect myself and my feelings so I won't get hurt.
It backfired severely because now I am hurting the both of us. I'm breaking his heart and mine because I've locked it behind a reinforced door. I lash out at him and say things in the heat of the moment that leave me in great guilt and sorrow when I come to my senses a little time after. A break up is something I will never consider because he is my everything and he wants to have a life with me. We want to close the distance in due time so we can finally be happy and work on our problems together for good. I just don't know what to do, the communication is non-existent and it's jeopardizing our love. I want to break my wall and go back to the way we were but im terrified he won't see me seriously again.
Please, some words of advice and opinions are greatly appreciated.
crimson flame