#Alright this is an update on my no feelings situation

60 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

minor venture
#

So I did try meditation to help with the emotional numbness. I can't tell if it helped or not. I couldn't really keep up with it regularly (as in I probably went a day or two without doing it). Anyways things I did realise were, my inner monologue got much more frequent and louder and usually had me thinking about far future events. (Most probable reason for this is the lack of people to talk to)

And I'd decided to read like a bunch of stuff (like a fanfiction and two regular fiction books). I think I did cry a bit at a part of it but I can't tell since it was literally just me having my eyes open until they watered.

While events from my own life were usually numbed down I suppose I did feel things while reading the books. Like I'd felt happy for the characters, but I don't know what I was feeling. Similarly felt bad for the characters and wanted to give them an imaginary hug, etc.

Yeah somehow this has confused me more because I genuinely can't tell if these are one of my emotion simulations (Like how I had to repeat what I was supposed to be feeling in my head). I am not sure if these emotions are even my own

narrow nexus
#

just observe the present

#

instead of being swung by thoughts

minor venture
nova bolt
narrow nexus
#

was it guided?

minor venture
narrow nexus
#

which one?

#

mindfulness?

minor venture
#

I went for the mindfulness ones

#

And the ones for emotional numbness as well

narrow nexus
#

and did u follow the guide or was your mind just wandering around?

minor venture
#

First few days my mind still sort of had the monologue

#

I mean I'm not sure about if it actually even disappeared during the meditations since the monologue at this point was literally how I processed things

#

Like thinking about it in itself feels like a paradox

narrow nexus
#

the goal is to stop the monologue and random thoughts and focus on the present moment

#

observe your emotions and sensations

minor venture
narrow nexus
#

u cant understand it intellectually

#

its a technique

#

that has to be experienced

#

and lived

#

thats why r so numb bcs ur detached from somatic experience

#

instead u think about it abstractly

#

habitually

minor venture
narrow nexus
#

yeah thats natural

#

but the technique is to re-focus on the present

#

when your mind wanders

minor venture
narrow nexus
#

generally focusing on your breath or body sensations

#

not the monologue

minor venture
nova bolt
#

May I join the conversation?

minor venture
minor venture
nova bolt
#

Thank you

#

So the monologue doesn't go away?

minor venture
#

Pretty much

narrow nexus
#

and doing it

#

instead of thinking about doing it

minor venture
narrow nexus
#

yep

#

anyways i gotta sleep tho, we can continue this tommorow if u wana

nova bolt
#

I think we're supposed to ignore the thinking

narrow nexus
#

goodnight!

minor venture
minor venture
narrow nexus
#

in the process decrease it

minor venture
#

Because thinking about the thinking only created a loop

#

One thing I have noticed is when there are no thoughts in my head, I end up sleeping

minor venture
#

In one my mind and me as a whole was wide awake and the other I had no thoughts in my head and was drowsy

#

The orders reversed but yeah

#

Like no thoughts class before mind awake class

narrow nexus