#I don't know what to do.

66 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

floral phoenix
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For 10 years of my life, I lived in the Philippines. My relatives would always pressure us to give them money, to care for them even though we aren't rich...

I was born in San Diego California. I had a lot of friends. I was happy. But it all went away back in 2013.

It all started when my father thought living in a poor country was the most effective way to save money. But no. That's not how it worked. He served in the military for like 50 years. Served in Vietnam. Served in the Prussian Gulf. He thought his pension would cover everything. But it didn't. He had leukemia and low blood. Everytime we had to pump blood into him. And as if that wasen't enough, more fucking family drama.

My relatives pressured my mom into letting them live in our house, give them money and sign a deed so they could have our fucking property.

And everyday I was bullied for having autism, bipolar and tourettes. I tried to fit in, maybe learn some Tagalog (Philippines language) but everytime, they tell me a word to say to a teacher and it was a bad word that got me punished. I didn't had many friends. And the ones that did, left me.

As if that wasen't bad enough, my father died in 2017. And worse of all, we couldn't get our death benefits nor any form of pension. It was like 6 years after he died and we got NOTHING from the VA.

During the pandemic, my mother went crazy and... put it out on me. Let's just say it got so bad that the authorities got involved... But nothing came of it. Instead, we moved away and it was I that had to tell, for my coward mom, to my relatives on Messenger we're done. We will not tell them where we live. We will not let them gaslight and pressure my family for their selfish needs. I was met with many threats of them beating me. Hurting me.

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But once we moved out, I had a new stepfather cause... Mom was desperate for money. So I had to put up with this selfish, racist drunkard who would always take any chance to treat me like shit and take advantage of the fact he has money... And my mom would hypocritically threaten to kick him out of her house if he didn't gave her money.

After a while, I had to pretend to be nice to him. Buy his beer, clean his room and many other favors. Eventually he gave me around 1000 dollars and a plane ticket to Guam on my 20th birthday. I was so happy that I would finally be away from the Philippines and my toxic household. For once... I felt safe. I felt alive. But I didn't had a high school diploma and was too scared to just be homeless. I thought... being back in America would end my troubles. But it didn't. So in my cheap hotel room, I decided to finish 12th grade in the Philippines.

But now... My stepfather's father died and we're getting his inheritance. But when I came back from Guam I was hit with more abuse. I just can't take it anymore. I can't. I'm 21 now. And... I'll just buy a plane ticket, 1000 dollars and go back to Guam. I'm tired of being a freak in public. I'm tired of being a freak in my family. I'm sick and tired of being treated like trash here. I... I think being homeless in Guam, my home country, is better than all the madness I deal with back here in the Philippines. I'll look for a job even though all I will have to sleep in is in a tent. At least it'll hurt less.

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And to any Filipinos here... I'm sorry. I'm 25 percent Filipino, but I'm not proud. I'm not proud of seeing street children suffer for money. I am not proud of Filipino time. I am not proud of the fact the current generation of the Philippines dosen't say 'excuse me' when passing through most of the time and ignoring PWD and senior citizen lanes. I am not proud of crab mentality nor sharing everything with family nor the fact that many Filipinos leave the country just to find a stable job overseas while the corrupt government controls the nation. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry but I just can't fit in the Philippines.

spice silo
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Man I understand you sm, I lived a similar situation, moved to my father's home country which is a poor african country. Being a white kid among black people I was a big target of racism and bullying and I was never treated for the person I am, just as the "white kid", even by family, I did not make any friends in the years I lived there and I only suffered from this experience. I'm gonna have to cut this short but basically after 4 years of struggling, I did everything I could to make it back home, in Canada, where I knew I had my place, we had no guarantee of having enough money to even have somewhere to live there, but still took the risk, anything would've been better than staying there. Years after this I now have completed my high school diploma and am going to college, even if we had difficulties, it went unexpected well and I managed to earn the life I wanted. So I'm telling you, take the risk. It's the only right choice for you, you have to move forward with your life, I believe in you, you'll find a way

floral phoenix
spice silo
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Yeah man you're not alone, I really feel you

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Look, life isn't really kind to everyone, but I believe people like me n you have the strength to make it out by our own means

floral phoenix
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Idk now tho. I mean my cousins here in the Philippines want me dead. My mother and stepfather are toxic. And the government here won't help me nor is the VA... I'm planning on going there and maybe suing them. I have evidence. My dad's documents and Will and Testament. Maybe we could finally have those death benefits he said we'll have.

spice silo
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I mean that's worth trying

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But wasnt your plan to leave for a new life?

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Leaving all of those issues behind

floral phoenix
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Yes. But at the same time... I'm going there for a chance to get my dad's wishes for us to get the death benefits. An honor that wasen't respected for 6 years and idk why the US embassy won't help us

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They always say 'wait' when we try going there. Maybe going to Guam, an American territory, will help

spice silo
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You really can't rely on anyone, if there's one thing I learned it's that

floral phoenix
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Yeah that's why I'll go there directly myself. And maybe use my father's wishes and death benefits to help myself... and my mom cuz I'm pretty sure death benefits goes to the child and spouse of a veteran

spice silo
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Yes it does

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Honestly go on with that but make sure to have a plan B

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In case nothing works

floral phoenix
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Very well. Man governments... They do find a way to screw us over

spice silo
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Yeah..

floral phoenix
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Dad always says no matter what they'll help us... sadly 'they' are the government that didn't help us for 6 years

spice silo
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The problem really is the lazy people working there

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They look like they couldn't care less about their work

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Idek how they got there

floral phoenix
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For 50 years, my dad wanted to work so his future generation could have a bright future... we don't at the moment unfortunately

spice silo
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That's honestly so depressing

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So disrespectful of your late father

floral phoenix
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Can you believe that? He was promised after 50 years of almost dying... Only to die and have NOTHING for his family he worked his ass for.

spice silo
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It's so stupid

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But what can we do

floral phoenix
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He nearly died at Vietnam. Nearly died at the Prussian Gulf. Only to be given jack shit after he died

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The family he worked for, to keep them happy after he died, aren't happy.

You're right. The government is lazy AF

spice silo
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It's like this everywhere tbh

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No government is really reliable

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They only see their own interests

floral phoenix
spice silo
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You can always try

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But there's no guarantee

floral phoenix
spice silo
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Yeah that's not a bad idea

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As I said, it's worth the try

floral phoenix
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Yeah... And maybe once my voice is heard. Perhaps I could get support.

spice silo
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I hope so

floral phoenix
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I plan to be a voice. A voice for any screwed over. Like WTF, we do not deserve this. Us children of veterans matter too, right???

spice silo
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Yeah ofc

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It's the least they can do to take care of the family of someone that served them with their life

floral phoenix
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Of course. Dad always had nightmares of the war. Dad suffered so we wouldn't suffer. How dare the government not respect that.

spice silo
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You're right

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It's a really cruel thing

floral phoenix
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Yes, my dad made a dumb mistake to believe a poor country would be the best for his family... but we don't deserve this.

spice silo
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Nobody could blame your dad for trying to give the best to his family

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The only ones to blame is the government for having so few respect

floral phoenix
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Yeah... I guess so. I mean we could have moved to a cheaper state with a cheaper house. But yeah. Guess my dad was... too trusting of the government he worked his ass off for.

spice silo
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I mean he only expected what he rightfully deserved

floral phoenix
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Yeah. But from now on, whatever we work for... better make sure it happens. Never depend on the government for your hard work. That's... I think that's what I'll teach my children if I have any

spice silo
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Yeah that's right

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From all the treason and trauma I've suffered from I've learned to never trust anyone at 100%

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No one except yourself is truly reliable

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Not even your family wouldn't betray you

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Even less the government

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I really wish for you to make it out and live your life man

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You really deserve it

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Whatever happens don't lose hope

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I've hit rock bottom at some point, was trapped in a poor country, hated by everyone, with no support or money, and was sick mentally and physically