#My girlfriend of 11 months just left me.

273 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

rapid ocean
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My girlfriend of 11 months just broke up with me last night and I have no idea what to do or how to cope. I have past trauma from mental abuse from family and past relationships and it made me overly worried a lot and hurt easily and it scared her a lot because she was terrified of hurting me and it caused her to become unhappy with how scared she was. I told her we could try couples therapy but she seems to want to be just completely done. She seems to want to keep me in her life and she's not 100% saying no about trying again at some point but it's highly unlikely. Idk how to begin fixing myself so I can show her that I'm getting better and that I can make her happy again like I used to. I am desperate for someone to help me get better.

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Shes been my whole life, and our whole future was planned on being able to live together.

errant void
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can u afford it?

rapid ocean
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I cannot.

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I just want to be able to handle my anxiety better and be less worried when I have intrusive thoughts about her cheating or something

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I also have terrible abandonment issues

errant void
rapid ocean
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She was really good to me and I want to get better

errant void
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i can send u some links

rapid ocean
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Yes please

errant void
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wait a bit

rapid ocean
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Its a big struggle because she was the only person I could go to about stuff.

errant void
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ill send them in your dms

errant void
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meds could help out a bit

rapid ocean
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No

errant void
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and insurance could pay for a psychiatrist

errant void
rapid ocean
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I have public insurance

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Therapy I think is free here, but my only way of getting to it is through family and my family will tell me I'm overreacting.

errant void
rapid ocean
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No im 20 but I am living with family for college

errant void
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adults can go to therapy alone

rapid ocean
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I have to use their car and they will know why

errant void
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didnt u mention that its free?

rapid ocean
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My only option is online which I can't afford

errant void
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wait are u sure you have to use a card?

rapid ocean
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I live too far away to walk

errant void
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so u cant get to therapy by bus or car?

rapid ocean
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No busses in my area

errant void
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damn

rapid ocean
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Plus even just leaving the house my family would question me

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All my friends live a couple hours away now so I couldn't be going out.

errant void
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u mentioned that u are in colledge

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is there a school psychologist?

rapid ocean
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Not yet but going into

errant void
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oh oki

rapid ocean
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Colleges are also filled so it might not be until next year that I can get in

errant void
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so rn where are u at? highschool?

rapid ocean
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Working

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I live in a pretty bad spot though so even my options for jobs are low

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I can't make much until after college

errant void
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pretty fucked up situation

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but in the future there will be more options

rapid ocean
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I just need to figure out a way to even begin dealing with intrusive thoughts and anxiety so I can be better to her.

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And even if that doesn't fix it at least I'm ready for next time

errant void
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u can watch the vids i send u and explore what could work

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the meditation should be used daily as an excercise

rapid ocean
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I think I can get into couples therapy if she's willing to try

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But as of rn she doesn't want a relationship

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I'm just having trouble coping atm

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I spent just about everyday with her

errant void
rapid ocean
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And it was very sudden

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We were perfectly fine then it came out of nowhere that she said she needed time alone for anxiety

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And when I checked up on her she said she wanted to break up

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And she said she still loves me she's just scared of hurting me all the time and it's unhealthy for her

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Which I understand

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But if I can be better and we get couples therapy I feel like we could work

errant void
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i mean that means that there is hope if you learn to regulate

rapid ocean
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I just hope she's willing to try.

errant void
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your emotional stuff

rapid ocean
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The thing is she mentioned feeling like that one other time

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And it started as she switched to new antidepressants

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But she's also unwilling to test going back off those ones

errant void
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when the body isnt used to it

rapid ocean
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Shes about a month into it now

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Maybe a little more

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But she never felt like this before them

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And she always feels numb

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And I feel like it might be making the problem bigger

errant void
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yeah most anti depressatns do that

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inability to cry

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and numbness

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ssri generally

rapid ocean
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Before them she was still scared but she wasn't unhappy with me

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Its like she can't feel happy now

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We never had issues before them

errant void
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so which meds was she taking before and which ones is the taking now?

rapid ocean
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I don't remember the names of them but I can try to find them

errant void
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so will she go back to the past ones or nah?

rapid ocean
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I think she's on celexa

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She also just recently got of birth control

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Off*

errant void
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birth control has many negative stuff associated with it

rapid ocean
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Well we started getting a bit better after the first mention of this about 3 weeks ago

errant void
rapid ocean
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And that was when she quit her birth control

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And then she got worse again

errant void
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if you stop taking abruptly anyhting it will make you feel bad

rapid ocean
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And ik im part of the problem but idk if its me or the meds messing her up

errant void
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well both

rapid ocean
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Shes terrified of the future now

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Yeah but like idk enough about it

errant void
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just focus on yourself and how to get better, let her re-stabilize and get used to the meds

rapid ocean
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Like idk if she tried going off them and gave time to get used to being off birth control if we would be happy again

errant void
rapid ocean
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Would getting used to her new ones have the same affect has going off them

errant void
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and u have to fix your issues anyways, her meds wont do that

rapid ocean
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Before the meds she was happy

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She told me that

errant void
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then she should discuss it with a psychiatrist

rapid ocean
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I asked her if she could try going off them and she said no

errant void
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and just go off them gradually

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if it worsenes her mood

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i mean its her choice in the end u cant force her

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but i dont understand why she wanna stay on them

rapid ocean
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Could that be causing her to go from unhappy with life in general and happy with me to unhappy with me and life?

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Not asking for like a 100% answer

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More just opinion

errant void
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for a lot of people its not worth it at all

rapid ocean
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I'll try to discuss it more with her

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I'm giving her the space she wants rn

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I'm just really scared she won't come back

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All my other exes were abusive

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And my mother was as well

errant void
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lemme send u a vid regarding the meds

rapid ocean
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And I don't really have any family to go to emotionally

errant void
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its difficult but i think there is hope

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she just wants to get a break

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in the mean time u can learn to cope with your stuff better

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and explore the options u can

rapid ocean
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She said she doesn't want a relationship so idk

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But she also said she doesn't know how she feels a lot

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She feels numb

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She said we could try couples therapy even if as friends in the future

errant void
errant void
rapid ocean
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She said she doesn't feel like she can stop being scared of hurting me and stuff and idk how to show her if I change and help her be more comfortable

rapid ocean
errant void
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which inturn could change her mind about the situation

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she decided to stay in contact, that means u have time and hope

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in the meantime where she needs to be calm and have a break, u can improve yourself

rapid ocean
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She said it was the end end

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But she said trying again wasn't a complete closed door

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Just unlik

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Unlikely

errant void
rapid ocean
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Its hard to say

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I don't think she will be willing to try anymore

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She seems like she just wants to be single

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Shes been trying to get into therapy herself

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But she hasn't heard back from them yet

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@errant void what are your pronouns if you're comfortable answering

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Also to be clear my name is not actually Susan its a long story but I am a 20 year old male. My name is max.

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And im asking for your pronouns because she might want to speak with someone too and you seem like you could help a bit if you're willing but she's uncomfortable around guys

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I just want her to be okay

errant void
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which it doesnt have to

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if you are willing to learn to cope better with your issues

rapid ocean
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She said she doesn't think she can get over the fear of hurting me though

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And feeling like she's always on thin ice

errant void
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if u were to click on my profile

rapid ocean
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Sorry I kinda forgot I could do that

errant void
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her outlook can change

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so stop speculating and just watch the vids i send u xD

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look at the techniqeus and treatment

rapid ocean
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I will

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I just hope it's not too late

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She was always amazing to me.

errant void
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it isnt late she decided to stay in contact

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most people would just leave

rapid ocean
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She said as friends though

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But was 100% about never trying again

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Wasnt*

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But she still seemed like she never would

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I asked her for a break instead but she said no

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Im part way through the video and I have thought about something

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So a lot of the time I acted dependent on her to help when I was anxious or worried

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But I am realizing now that I should of just did it myself

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and I should of focused on coping with it myself

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so that I don't put that all on her

errant void
errant void
rapid ocean
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She isn't reading text or anything atm but I've just been kinda updating her on what I'm going to do but clarified it isn't just for her, but ror me

errant void
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+have a better understanding of your life and can have a chance at being more happy

rapid ocean
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I was happy before her

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and felt healthy

errant void
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u dont have to if u dont wanna

rapid ocean
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Im just going to wait for her to respond to me and hopefully try to discuss some things with her if shes willing to

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is there any meditation videos that could work for her being scared of hurting me?

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she said it makes her anxious

errant void
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after that infort her how u progressed

rapid ocean
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I meant so she can help herself too

errant void
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which in turn wont make her scared

rapid ocean
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she has trauma and stuff as well from things

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and also has bad anxiety

errant void
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there are ways but dont dump her with info

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give her a break

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r too dependant

rapid ocean
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Ik I was going to ask her about it first whenever she messages me next in case shes struggling rn too

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Not right away

rapid ocean
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thank you

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I have a question

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Do you think it would be a good idea that if she decides to talk about this that we setup a plan?

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Such as

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we focus on ourselves until we aren't dependent on each other

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and then after that focus on working on us

errant void
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mutually agree on a plan u both will follow

errant void
rapid ocean
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I just don't know if we should avoid each other or still talk and avoid discussing emotions for a bit

errant void
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but rn what it seems to me is

rapid ocean
errant void
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that you are behaving as if you were both still in the relationship

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and you try to reach out to her every time something happends

errant void
rapid ocean
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it just happened last night

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and then we both went to sleep

errant void
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setting up a plan is very good, but just make sure u dont reach out too much yk

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not being too dependant

rapid ocean
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All I've done is update her on what I'm going to try and apologized for how I acted and explained how I felt during that time and that I understand it was wrong

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Not sure if thats bad

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I also told her not to respond to any of it until or if she feels ready

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She told me she would tell me today if she wanted me to leave her alone which she hasn't but I am still avoiding any relationship talk

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I don't want to make her feel pressured

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but I also want her to know I am acknowleding the problem and working on ways to get better

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If she decides to call I will see how she feels and possibly discuss a plan of sorts

rapid ocean
errant void
errant void
errant void
errant void
errant void
rapid ocean
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I wont

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I sent her that video and stuff and then she apologized and said she doesn't have the energy to talk to anyone and I said I wont text her until shes ready

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and she said shes feeling numb

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So if we talk about trying again

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should the plan be that after we work on ourselves

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that we work slowly back into a relationship

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while seeing a couples therapist online

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and dont go too quickly back into it

errant void
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work on yourself first, decide on what to do after

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and she should work on herself too

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but give her time

rapid ocean
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Should I tell her what we discussed a bit when we call at some point but let her know that I don't expect her to do anything she doesnt want to

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So that she can think about it

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or should i wait

errant void
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if she doesnt then give her time

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she said that she doesnt have evergy to talk with people

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so yeah give her time

rapid ocean
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I will tell you a part of my plan if its okay

errant void
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sure

rapid ocean
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If she decides to talk I just want to see how shes doing then ask if shes comfortable hearing about what we discussed here and let her know what its about and that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to.

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and then fill her in on everything if shes okay with it

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If shes not I will wait until she is

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I mostly just want to tell her the plan and give her time to think about it

rapid ocean
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would that be okay?

errant void
rapid ocean
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Alright I appreciate it

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She agreed to talk tonight but is scared she will give in and I'm just trying to reassure her I won't force anything

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I didnt push it I just asked if she would be interested in talking about things

rapid ocean
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she uses citalopram now

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the one i sent was her old one

rapid ocean
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Well we called about it and she wasn't 100% against it but she doesn't think we will end up back together.

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She is going to take time to think about it all

rapid ocean
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@errant void mind if I dm you about something?

errant void
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it just has different labels