#chaos.

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

compact pelican
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Chaos.
The domain of ignorance.
It is that which extends externally without limit.
It's unexplored territory; it is the foreigner, the member of another gang; it is the horror and despair you feel when you are profoundly betrayed.
It's the place you end up when things fall apart; when your dreams die; your career collapses.

Ever heard the deafening sound of hopes shattering?

This is what happens when you spend roughly 3 long years of you life preparing for an entrance exam that has a selection ratio of less than 0.71% ||(IIT-JEE)||.
A couple of attributes an average aspirant has are: isolation (as in from social media as a whole); sleep-deprived (sometimes for weeks); clinically depressed;

You are driven like mad towards that dream; and you sacrifice almost all relationships during that period; grinding alone in that dark dusty hostel room of yours; satisfied with the thought that you are making history..
and you unfortunately fail for reasons as mundane and stupid as they get;
you are struck by grief and regret of an unfathomable magnitude.

Especially if that reason is deeply rooted in some sort of romantic saga.
You cant help but hate yourself for it, because you know that you should've tried harder, but its easier to put the blame on circumstances or people rather than yourself.

Chaos ensues.
In just a matter of 6 hours, you go from being the cream of the crop, to the bottom L.
Its like you're THIS close and you lose it all.
Its bittersweet.
It humbles you.

And that drop takes a toll on your mental health. What're you gonna tell your relatives? Your friends are probably gonna mock you.
And your ex, she'll be gladder than anyone that you've failed.

I dont know how to proceed from this point.
All i do is watch Jordan Peterson vids on yt and sleep like a pig all day.

I dont expect sympathy; just tell me how to proceed from here...

versed jetty
# compact pelican Chaos. The domain of ignorance. It is that which extends externally without limi...

Focusing on something uni dimensional is never good, 1. sacrificing everything for it is always negative, 2. if it doesnt work out your nervous system assumes the world ended, 3. it imposes tunnel vision on you and u begin to be blind to everything else. You need to spread your strucutre of your life evenly, and u need to find careers which will overlap with what you are interested in. If you grinded for so long, there are definitely skills u must have acquired. Skill which would definitely be valued in other, but lower demanding professions. U definitely must have saw Peterson talk about structure and how its the main contributor to depression, but it gives you atleast something to look for. And i do share this nihilism with you, i wanted to become a pianist, played for 10 years just to find out that i wasnt good enough, as if that wasnt enough, i have generational trauma of the fathers in my family being mentally destroyed after they lost their career, my grandpa commiting suxicde after he lost his job, my father having schizoafective activated after he lost his job, which left me suicxidal too and just hating the world. From what i can tell you, relationships are the biggest asset, it doesnt matter who u are, u cant be fufilled in life withot them, try to hop on discords, try to find people who have same interests, and second, you have to strive for something, if not, stagnation is the biggest depressive cycle, so just re-evaluate on what you would like to pursue, which would be realistic, but which you would be willing to pursue in the first place. And if it gets so much, and r gonna find out that u wont be able to fix it on your own, just reach out for a psychologist, dont wait around for longer then u need to, good luck.

compact pelican
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in my defense....... engineering entrance exams are pretty much the conclusion of +2 science graduates from high school. thats mainstream;
and joining the army wasnt an option either, ive crossed the age limit for defense exams
pretty much every other career alternative has tremendous competition (but thats true for all domains i presume)
i shouldnt be complaining tho as that would simply reflect my own incompetency

but uni dimensional strategies often fail unless youre relentless; and you should have a backup plan
and i agree with you on that

speaking of skills that ive acquired, maybe .. just maybe they'll help me in my long term careers,
but if you want to bag a high paying job in the corporate sector, your alma matter and degrees matter a lot while getting recruited, and thats a long way from now
degrees from a reputed institute gives you credibility, and credibility gives you confidence to present your opinions before a gathering

people seldom find careers that match their interests due to their lack of credibility

i am sorry to hear about your loss...
and about your father,
im not sure if its a curable disorder, but take care

and about relationships... im bad that those, im guessing it is a result of me being isolated from society for so long thats made me so antisocial
on the contrary, relationships do take a lot of effort, and can be fruitful if done right.. but who's got time eh? i mean im 19 mate.. ive got things to do

versed jetty
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Interesting that you mentioned that u got things to do, when at the beggining you said u mostly lay in your bed all day, i dont say this to argument, but you obviously just avoid relationships, which wont work in the long term anyways, since you would need them in a potential career, people skills at min.

compact pelican
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so youre suggesting that i fix my relationships in the meantime?

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some of them are broken beyond repair, im considering cutting people out and spend some time isolated on my own

i mean how else do you bounce back from failures?

versed jetty
# compact pelican some of them are broken beyond repair, im considering cutting people out and spe...

you bounce back from faliure by setting for yourself a structure on which basis you will make small positive gains that will spiral you upwards, and you cant have them equation without relationships, we are social animals in our basis, and much stress relief and value is found within connections, broken beyond repair is a narrow statement, i suggest you keep people you have, and just broaden your social circle and find people who you would value, and work more in those relationships, dont just casually burn bridges

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isolating yourself migh just results in you having more time then u can spend, which will result in you not doing much

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just lying around

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u cant work 24/7

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and if u tried to do that, u will just burn out anyways

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get some goals, get some relationships, try to repair connections with your family, start educating yourself and just progress

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u can easily re-calibrate later

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but nothing will come out of stagnation

compact pelican