#Personality and people pleasing

19 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

fossil shard
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TL;DR: habit of wanting to please people, to a harming degree where it’s impacted me as a person. Could somebody please help me? Thankyou.

SOME RANTING CONTEXT:
Hi! For a really long time now, I’ve been having personality issues due to my want to please, fit in and make people like me. This has gone to the point where I honestly don’t know who I am, what I find funny or how I speak anymore.
Because of my people pleasing, it’s led to me kind of zoning out of the past year and a half, desperately trying to get myself back together, but I’ve been having almost no progress, and have instead got stuck in the past, with the personality and mindset of somebody 2 years below my grade- and it’s really taken a toll on my education and wellbeing.
I just want to fix and be happy with myself, and not need to change despite the people around me. I just want to be myself, and still be a kid like I’m supposed to be. I don’t want to blink, and be an adult. I already wasted a year on this. I’m so tired.

fallow trout
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  1. Alone time - start learning about yourself, developing your interests, hobbies, aside from other people, set aside time every day for it . 2. Gabor Mate has excelent lectures covering your problems - " When the Body Says No -- Caring for ourselves while caring for others. " , "Learn to Say No, Feeling Guilt, Mind and Body Connection" . Both available on Youtube for free. 3. Write down the situations in which you supress yourself and comform to others, write down the situations in which you avoid conflict and you know you should speak up, write down the situation which makes you tired long term and where you need to develope and set clear boundaries. After that develope a counterplan for every situation, and start enacting of what you should do, cultivate discipline and get back at it if you fail.
fossil shard
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Hi Vagabund- you don’t have to respond to this immediately lmao, I saw you juggling with so many other people and you’re an amazing person.

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Oh my god- thankyou so much- I’ve tried to do everything here, though, but honestly nothing’s worked. Everything gets blurry when I try to help myself.

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Is there any advice you can give on tha? Sorry

fallow trout
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write all down

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so it doenst get messy

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start small and keep it organized

fossil shard
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I’ve honestly been trying to discipline myself ever since the beginning, but that also contributed to my “identity crisis” of sorts because if I cover up too much, I’m not sure if it’s even me anymore

fallow trout
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understandable if you were living too much through other people

fossil shard
fallow trout
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definitely spend more time alone

fossil shard
fallow trout
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so you just can think by yourself

fossil shard
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Okay. Thankyou very much!

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Also, if it’s not too much trouble, dyou know anything about talking to a therapist? I reached out to one, but I’m afraid I might not be able to be efficient when talking to them about these things.

fallow trout
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u will do fine dont worry