#could use someone's opinion or support pls <3

32 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

rotund mauve
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hi im kind of in a mess rn haha. it's been a while since ive been having trouble with this. i think it's an issue with me but i want to know your thoughts and advice.

tldr: my long-distance boyfriend sometimes forgets to message me daily when we have already talked about my anxiety, but he keeps apologizing and saying he gets distracted easily. i want to keep the relationship but i have a hard time compromising on my own.

more context:
my boyfriend and i started going out for about a month. we recently got together after i resigned from work and confessed since i thought i was going to be rejected and we wouldnt see each other again anyway, but he had feelings for me. we've been happy, went on three dates, before this May started and we couldn't have money to meet up anymore. he lives an hour away from me.

we started a "ritual" when we say good morning and good night every day, and i'm seeing we're happy with that since i get to hear about what is happening with him and vice versa.

but recently, he and i struggle with communicating with one another online. i understand he has personal issues, and since he gets distracted with games and personal life easily and retreats to himself. i get anxious easily while i wait for his replies. i do understand his need to be away and i cant take that from him but do u think there's a better way to compromise this? should i work on being more understanding or should he find a way to message me? because i sometimes feel i don't matter in his day to day life recently.. but i just want to be able to continue the "ritual" of even just good mornings and good nights, but the fact he forgets it sometimes makes me sad.

i get anxious easily when i dont hear from him so i think it's just a me issue but what do u guys think?

broken elk
# rotund mauve hi im kind of in a mess rn haha. it's been a while since ive been having trouble...

Personal issues Are Always hard to deal with, but He should never prioritize video games over you. A good start would be him explaining why He does not message ofter, bcs it can't be just him being distracted, He has to have some deeper Reasons, otherwise He just doesnt rly care about u if He rather plays games. Communication Is the only thing you build a long distance relationship on, So you should definitely set more boundaries with him And find ways through which you could communicate more, at least set some times like 30 min a day before sleep etc.

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In the meantime you should definitely find activities to do, you can't be just waiting for every message. Try to socialize apart from him, make more friends, Focus on r hobbies a bit.

rotund mauve
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thank you for your reply! /gen
I'll try my best. in both our defenses, we did compromise for a time, he messaged more and i found more time doing my hobbies and going out, but i felt like the problem keeps coming back, and i felt i was always the only one consistent with making the compromises, which led to me making a post asking for help T_T

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but this eases my mind a lot better. i want to make this relationship work because it's just been a month that we've been apart and we're happy when we're physically together, the distance is the only issue

rotund mauve
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update (just wanted to let u know):
we talked about it and everything seemed fine, we decided to compromise some more and also he offered to invite me to play games with him, which i was absolutely okay with doing since i want to be with hiim.

but then i kept noticing he was very off and silent, very unlike him. and his messages recently were colder too, i asked him about it but i told him he probably doesn't do that on purpose so i just wanted to ask

he was about to answer but he suddenly had some family issues again and then had to end the call. he did say that he loves me and i do believe it, but he said he'll talk to me again.

i had sent a message to him about why he was cold and am now currently waiting for his reply. but i see him online in one of the games we're both in so now i'm just waiting around some more haha

broken elk
rotund mauve
rotund mauve
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he just responded to say goodnight ;w; not even a love you, but im chalkign it down to him just needing some more time

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idk maybe i'm just overthinking this

broken elk
rotund mauve
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i do hope so, in the end I'll just keep waiting and hope for the best

rotund mauve
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an update of sorts, i kind of want to make this my diary in a way so i can have a place to sort my thoughts if that's okay

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my bf has recently stopped including his usual "love u" in the goodnights he sends and i send love yous to him but he just sends greetings instead

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he's doing well in giving messages but i was feeling anxious and curious so i asked him why he was doing that

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he said he was thinking and wanted to talk to me

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he said the talk was gonna be after dinner so i waited but then he apologized and then wanted to rest since he was going somewhere today and he included goodnight but without the love you again

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i asked advice from friends who were available and they told me to send a message asking what the topic of the talk was, since i was feeling anxious and he didnt give me context and i wanted to understand him and work it out

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now im just waiting for his reply and it's hard for me right now to focus on anything else even though my friends are helping me distract

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my anxiety makes me easily bored with things and then when i have even a second of free time i instantly start overthinking so i dont know whatto do, if i could just break my brain and make it not overthink and properly make it not think too much so i can wait for the reply with a clear mind

rotund mauve
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update he has replied and now i just wait until the actual talk, i was more or less distracted with friends both old and new in an event that i am in right now so all is well so far. just hoping the relationship will also work out in time and when we talk it out

rotund mauve
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update i am still waiting for when the talk is going to happen, i calmed myself by writing down what i could say during the talk too but I'll use it as just like a framework so i wont put too much emotion on my bf when the serious talk becomes very logical.

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i wish we could have the talk soon so we can get through the rocky stage and work it out already.. I'll probably let him know but he might also still be getting ready for it himself and finding the time so I'll wait

rotund mauve
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update; the talk has not yet been scheduled but it's within this week probably. he seems incredibly busy, which i am assuming from what i know is family troubles. he hasnt specified it himself but he may be waiting for the talk to fully process it himself and talk to me about it.

im doing fine as well at the moment, though i did have some moments during the day that i felt incredibly hopeless, but they were getting shorter, even by a few minutes which is a big win already coming from me as somebody who is anxious

rotund mauve
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update: i couldn't sleep, and it is very hard to concentrate at the moment since my brain is honestly battling itself in terms of positivity and negativity on what this talk is specifically going to be about. it seems it's leaning towards a breakup because he's been giving fewer and fewer replies and the hearts and greetings are gradually going away and i fear before we even get to talking he'll eventually just not reply normally at all anymore ;;

i need some help, is this still my problem now? am i being too forward? i will still continue to greet and tell him i love him bc i only say it for him to know it but he hasnt said it back in so long so it's been hard for me.

and i know he still has problems but is it wrong to ask for just some more clarity instead of the talk being "i want to talk about us properly this time"?

idk what do u guys think i should do

rotund mauve
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also should i still continue to send him goodmorning/goodnights and ilys even though he hasn't said them back for a while? i just want him to know that i still do love him but idk if that's too overwhelming

broken elk
rotund mauve
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update: we agreed the talk would be on friday since that's the day we're most free. it does feel a weight off my chest and it helps me get my mind ready for whatever specific will happen during that time.

i sent a message of goodnight & ily a while ago, and he will either be asleep so he may not reply or will only send the goodnight. before this talk. im trying to predict the most possible case scenarios for the conversations and not expecting too much, but hoping that we get to a good structure in our rel after the talk if it ends well

rotund mauve
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update: as i have predicted, he didnt send a goodnight/ily but today he sent just a goodmorning and he told me last night he'll be busy today so I'll give him that space and probably only message him a goodnight/ily later. trying to keep a structure in the rel like you've said is helping me with the anxiety and i hope it helps him too while he's going through things, and even though it's bare minimum, it's still a start and I'd rather have this than nothing at all.

right now, I'm calm which im thankful for. I'm ready to have the talk on friday

rotund mauve
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update; had a nightmare about my bf and now im awake very stressed and anxious. I'll try using some breathing techniques and other stuff. sorry this became like a journal ;;

rotund mauve
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update he said the talk would be after lunch but it's already 2pm...imma wait a bit more ;-; i just sent him one message just to say I'm just waiting for it. getting no response makes me anxious again but I'll just have to wait

rotund mauve
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@broken elk hi could i talk to u via dms more about this?