My girlfriends has a male best friend and they talk and chat so much and it makes me jealous

[lethal halo]

He used to be my best freind too but we drifted apart after i started to date my now girlfreind of 3 months. he drifted away becase he wants her for him self its pretty obvious but she doesnt see it. i dont go to the same school as them but i have freinds in that shcool taht have told me things about them, he stares at her private parts which makes me mad like i wanna punch him to be honest he acts diffrent around her too. as i said she doesnt see these things and she thinks of him as a friend. she talks to a few guys alot and it makes me jealous. question one: is this a me problem? question 2: should i ask her to chill out with him? like not hangout with him or text him as much? that's what i really want to do but i dont wanna ruin this relation ship i love this girl so much and she makes me so happy.
i dont think she will cheat on me either she's not like that. we are both christens and know the right thing to do but im just worried she will like grow attached to him or something (im a big time overthinker) i just really need help this is eating me up and i hope you guys could help me thanks c:

one thing to add just as a question to anyone if they see this :should when your dating someone cut down on how much you talk to the opposite gender?

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[timid willow]

@lethal halo its okay to feel jelous, you have to be honest with your partner

You tell them how you feel and they’re there to soothe you

[lethal halo]

ive told her that i feel jealous when she hangsout with other guys becase i want to be with her

she didnt seem to say to much about it tho

[timid willow]

Have you tried asking her to give your issue more attention?

[lethal halo]

i feel like that would make me really needy

[timid willow]

Nah, tots not would she be needy if they asked for a little more attention about an insecure feeling their having?

[lethal halo]

i have a premade note pretty much saying me or this guy but in a reallt nice way but im very skeptical of sending it to her becase i dont wanna ruin this

yeah your right

[timid willow]

But ay if any advice im giving feels off let me know i want you to have it the way you think is the best possible way

[lethal halo]

yeah your good

ty

[timid willow]

Im not a therapist just a bro helpin out

Alr

Goodluck

[lethal halo]

thanks man

[timid willow]

Im at chat if u need anythin

[lethal halo]

yeah

[timid willow]

[lethal halo]

cya round\

[minor field]

No

If you don't trust your partner that much

Don't date

Stay as fwbs or something non committal

Anyways err

[flint edge]

Feeling jealousy is natural. However, it's important to be able to evaluate where that line is

Expressing what you've seen and your concerns, while also putting trust into her to be loyal, is important

[minor field]

is this a me problem?

Yes and no, yes because ultimately you should feel safe and trusting with your partner, even if they might be doing something that you think is suspicious, you should have faith that they won't go astray

No because this is also most likely a boundary issue that wasn't clearly set, I think there should be conversations about setting boundaries and what's comfortable/not comfortable for you and vice versa

should i ask her to chill out with him?

Yes, this should be part of the conversation you should have with your gf -- But don't jump the trigger and immediately ask her to draw distance with him, tell her how you feel and set/compromise on boundaries before saying that your ideal boundaries are for her to chill out with him because he's being too aggro and perverted and you're worried that he might do bad things to her etc etc

[flint edge]

And if you don't feel you can do that, that just means you should further evaluate your relationships foundation

[lethal halo]

thanks

[lethal halo]

thanks man

[silent trout]

You shouldn’t be jealous when she hangs out with dudes if that’s the case get over yourself but if she’s choosing it over you constantly then it’s a problem

Then you confront her and talk to her about it and how it makes you feel

If she doesn’t respond well then I suggest looking elsewhere

[proper pivot]

I feel and deal with this too, I’ve kinda ignored it since I don’t know what to do about it. My bf has a lot of female friends and it really does make me jealous, the way he gives them the attention I don’t get and the way he has fun around them, I can’t be like them, I’m like the opposite, I’m more shy calm and chill meanwhile his friends are all fun and loud.

Tbh it does hurt but in the end it’s me who agreed to get into this relationship, and I have to accept that not everything will go the way I want it too. I’m trying to ignore the feelings bc I’m reality he’s allowed to have fun with other ppl, it’s shouldn’t be my problem.

Well that’s how I see it maybe this gives u a head up.

[lethal halo]

thanks for sharing i understand what your going through

[lethal halo]

yeah i agree thanks

[silent trout]

Np

[serene cedar]

Okay male bestfriends r kinda like red flags but as i have a boyfriend and a bestfriend and since my bf and bsf are bestfriends too. Its kinda obvious that guy bestfriend is too close to your girlfriend. U should tell her that u get a lil insecure about it. Ask her for reassurance. And about their closeness? U cant really do anything about it like if u tell her to not be that close to him she will prolly think u r trying to ruin her friendship and that might end up ruining your relationship T-T
But if the girl is understanding she might just make a lil distance. I did made distance between me and my guy bestfriend after i got into a relationship but u know girls share everything with their bestfriends. so it's difficult to ask her to not talk to him. Thats a big no
you should not ask her to not 'chat' with him as much

And as for the guy bestfriend.
ASK HIM TO STOP BEING A PERVERT CUZ THATS NOT NORMAL 💀

[languid moss]

1 she does know she’s choosing to ignore it and pretend it’s not happening because it’s an ego boost, 2 tell her it’s making you uncomfortable and if she gets defensive there’s then ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed and you had a girl best friend who was secretly flirting with you and hitting on you and had a crush on you.

The role reverse is the best way to get others to see your pov

[lethal halo]

thanks for the help