I wanna end

[modern niche]

[TW: Cuts and venting.] Life is hard, I feel empty. I've been cutting because I love dealing with the pain, but when someone/thing else give you pains, it just take away your mental health and i hate it, im all alone and i wanna have a friend who'd care. I've tried the app "I am sober" but all it is is venting and motivation, while it counts your days of soberness. It just worsens your pain when you loose your streak so I moved on, but now it's unbearable and I want privacy in my room. My parents keep my doors open and force me too keep them open. School is hard when you are yelled at for things your dont do and can't control. I've recently had an irl friend argue with me and unfriend me. It's all hell. I have so many problems I can't explain. Worse problems. My parents took my blade so I used their kitchen knife. I just hate life so much. My parents put cameras on me Incas I do suicide and I bashed it, I wanna be alone and I wanna kms. #venting-1

[modern niche]

I understand that everything is hard. Your parents simply want what is best for you, because they care about you, but honestly I think it's time you consider seeking a therapist if it's all too much.

Cutting yourself isn't going to help matters.

They won't give me anyone to help.

[modern niche]

Why not? They want to help you don't they?

[modern niche]

I don't know

Please push for that help. You need it

I've tried a helpline before

[modern niche]

They haven't found out I am still cutting i just don't know how they feel

[modern niche]

Be honest with them, tell them you need help.

[modern niche]

I would but they know me with a funny personality and I don't rely want it to change,

[modern niche]

You might seem fine, but you aren't. Any caring parent would get you the help you need.

[modern niche]

Ah its hard because they've only caught me but I've never told or asked

[modern niche]

Please tell them. I know it must be hard, but they would understand you are struggling.

I can't, I don't know what to say and its all just my mind cant think

Im overreacting of what they would say

Its like its weird

I completely understand, because I've been in this same spot.

I was afraid that I would be judged, that I would get invalidated.

But when in reality my mother completely understood.

Im scared that their personality would change and I'd leave my little sister uncared

[modern niche]

Your health comes first, you can still be the person they know you as after you get help.

Does therapy cost money?

Because my father is short on money and my mum doesn't have any

Do you have health insurance?

I dont know

Me myself or my parents?

If your parents have health insurance, then it's most likely you are under theirs

Insurance can cover the cost of therapy fully depending on your plan.

I wanna know what they would do if I told them

They could doubt me they could comfort me they could ridicule me they could do anything

Idk

Why would they do that? They don't want to you end your life. It would cause a lot of pain for them and for anybody else who cares about you.

I wasn't planned i wasn't meant to be here

Idk I just don't wanna

Idk if they do care

When im sick my mum says it will just go away

I haven't been to a doctor in years

My mum barley took me and

The only time she did I was diagnosed with throat infection

And i feel like absolute trash, I've told her and she said it would be fine

You are still their child and you deserve some help.

Please tell them you need help, I'm sure they will understand.

You may be sure but I'm not

I've never told them

And they always find me as a funny person

[modern niche]

And I get that. I wasn't sure either.

I've gone years like it and it just feels weird

To tell them

[modern niche]

This won't change who you are as a person fully, everybody needs help from time to time, but you can still be that person.

But if i told them I'd hide from my parents, I don't kniw how they'd react bc I've never seen them act sad and acting like a guide.

I cant think of my mum doing it but my dad would care

But it would be too sad knowing my dad cared when I couldn't stop crying

When I told him for no reason he told me there is a reason

Idk what they really think of me

It seems like your dad cares. I'm sure he still does now, he knows there's a reason you are feeling like this.

Maybe you should tell him.

Im just not energised and brave enough to tell anyone

I get it. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, but trust me, it will all get better if you do.

I dont have anxiety but I'm anxious about it

It's normal to feel afraid and anxious about asking for help.

My maturity keeps a secret from you aswel, I dont know if you could assume my actual age, I dont even think anyone my age would feel like this

Idk if its normal tbh

If I had to guess I'd say 14-15, but I'm sure there are plenty of people your age that have felt the same way you are now.

I dont know if you'd actually get it, ive lied about my age to seek attention for my health on discord.

I just dont think people would believe me about my age

Age doesn't matter when it comes to seeking help, no matter what everybody deserves help.

The attention seeking is only because you felt like you didn't have anybody that would help you.

My age is lower than 14.

I am being truthful

Okay, but again. Age doesn't matter, everybody deserves happiness.

I am happy when I'm near others though. I think I'm still abit happpy

Do you know why you are feeling the way you are?

Problems

Like what?

I dont know i can't explain its just a lot going on i cant act happy

[modern niche]

It's okay if you can't explain it. Sometimes things can't be explained, but sometimes others can get a sense of what you are feeling.

Just try the best you can to explain.

Id say i told my parents but I actually haven't, I have a mix of emotions and i think they would say they'd have a talk and give me an awkward conversation and I'd cry. I'm not sure

But my plan is, if I can isolate myself from them for a few days, not talk to them, they'll start finding out, and when I come back to them they'd ask and it would force me to give them a reason.

And in those days I might talk to people about it

And build confidence

Or they might talk to me early

And that would show that I am wrong and they care

That may be quite helpful for you, because I'm sure they do care. It's just that you are too afraid to tell them.

My plan seems abit rude to my parents but I think it would help

Yes I think you've said it

But please make sure you can't hurt yourself anymore.

Uh

Okay

Because isolation may lead to you thinking of hurting yourself.

I love being alone and online atleast

My device can distract that stuff

Okay. At least you have a distraction. Stick to it and you'll be just fine.

But I really hope you can get the help you need.

Okay thank you

Not a problem. If you EVER at all, need me again. Feel free to DM me and I will respond when I can.

Okay:)