I’m not happy anymore

[deft iris]

I’ve been thinking a lot of what my mom said and I quote that “ you are rude, arrogant,cuss and straight up mean” I thought to myself that no wonder I’m like this because I get it from her and I don’t think she gets that I’m going through hell rn while my sister getting loved and I’m sitting there feeling shitty I am the youngest of a 14 year old sister who constantly try’s blackmail me . I feel like it’s messed up how my mom recorded me when I was having a breakdown and she lied that she ain’t recording but I seen her flash light it felt pretty shitty I don’t trust her me and her don’t have an emotional connection she doesn’t tell me every time she’s tells somebody about me it’s always something negative and negative it’s nothing positive. I don’t trust anybody I guess I only trust a few people like my 2 besties and a teacher and she cares bout me but she hasn’t been at school for a week and I’ll have to wait 2 weeks till I get to see her cause of the Easter holiday.

My heart tells me to talk to the teacher well call her Miss.S but my brain says “No she’s doesn’t want to hear or see you she hates you so flipping much just never see her” I don’t know what to do and I just wanna talk bout it

[clever gust]

I think you should definitely ask the teacher if she has time for you guys to talk. If she says she has time and she's willing to hear your vent, then you know you aren't bothering her. I'd also ask if she's had students come to her before. If she hasn't, she may try to "help" and end up making things worse.

Ie sharing with people who you didn't consent to knowing that info or talking to your parent

Teachers are people and some just don't know how to handle things, I'd try to be aware of that when approaching her

[deft iris]

okay

[deft iris]

if she doesn’t have time what should i do just leave and let whateve i was gonna tell her just let it consume me?

[clever gust]

Hm.. it definitely isn't something you should hold onto. Is there other ways you could let it out if it did come to that? Like, writing it all down, or going into an open field and just saying everything out loud, or venting to someone in this server who's willing to listen

[deft iris]

no not really

[clever gust]

Well, I'm pretty sure your teacher will have time at some point. Especially if you let them know that it's something you need to talk about with someone urgently. They might just tell you to talk to the counselor if your school has one? But idk. I guess it really depends on how close they are to you, and how willing they seem to help kids.

[deft iris]

my school have one but you’ve gotta have a this letter thing and everytime i talk about it i can’t get the it’s like a fat man still sitting on my chest

[clever gust]

I'm not sure if you want to try talking to them again, but my old therapist recommended writing down what you want to say beforehand. Even if it's just bullet points of frustrations or scattered thoughts, it can help remind you when stress overloads your memory

[deft iris]

okay

[clever gust]

It could help with talking to the teacher too, so you don't get overwhelmed. And if you can't say it, you can always show them what you wrote.

[deft iris]

okay i’ll try that but if i’m talking to her about anything i always pause and can’t get the right words and i just get frustrated

[clever gust]

I get that. The therapist that told me to write stuff down did it bc I'd come in every week and never say anything. I was too afraid to speak about any real issues I was having. I knew consciously that it was a safe space to talk, that he was being payed to help me, but I couldn't do it. I eventually quit cuz it was getting too stressful, so I know exactly what you mean. You just have to be able to trust that they will make the right choices and that they'll treat you with empathy.

[deft iris]

okay

[clever gust]

I believe you can do it 💪

[deft iris]

a’ight

[clever gust]

Tell me how it goes 👍

[deft iris]

i will if she’s in

[clever gust]

Alright

I'll be off now then lol

[deft iris]

okay

[deft iris]

it went alright but she wants to see me in two weeks and i don’t think i’ll be alive by then

[clever gust]

Aw 🫂

Have you wrote down what you were going to say?

[deft iris]

not yet

[clever gust]

Would it help if we talked about how you'll write it? I could give advice too, like marking issues down in bullet points and then expanding on it

[deft iris]

yeah

[clever gust]

Hm.. I feel like the best place to start is writing down everything on your mind / listing situations that are upsetting

[deft iris]

it’s hard to explain what’s going on in my mind

[clever gust]

Maybe try listing a couple things that have been repeated problems?

Like, for me, I'd say,

• stuck on phone/couch
• exhaust myself doing things
• unable to get myself to do fun things

[deft iris]

-feeling unhappy
-stuck on phone
-suicidal thoughts
-self harm thoughts
-tried to be happy

Like that

?

[clever gust]

Yeah! That's a great start

[deft iris]

Cool

[clever gust]

Honestly, I feel like that's probably enough to talk with you to your teacher, but we could also expound on that and write about the situations

[deft iris]

Okay

I should probably get some sleep I e got a big day tmr

[clever gust]

Alright 👍 feel free to @ me here or dm me for help or support

[deft iris]

Alright good night

[clever gust]

Good night 👋